He calls me a slut!

My boyfriend has serious issues with my past. But of course, he doesn't think he has a problem - I am the problem, according to him.

You see I was a virgin when we met, but that doesn't mean I was all pure and a saint. I had made out with older men, when I was just a teen, even though just a couple of guys, one who was like 10 years older and one that was like 5 years older.

Anyway, what bothers him the most is that when I was 15, I had a friend with benefits (who 3 years later introduced me to my boyfriend). And I gave that guy half a BJ (because went on for only a few seconds and he didn't cum) in my back yard.

So I was telling him now how last night I was stargazing and saw something really strange happen with a star. And all he could care about? "Were you stargazing in your back yard?" I said yes, and he went on to say "Huh, so it seems the only thing missing there was a d*** for you to suck!" I told him I didn't want to argue, so we better talk later he sayd "Bye, you f***ing slut".

I know I'm not a slut, and good God, whatever happened in the past is IN THE PAST! I've never cheated on him, I'm not a flirt. So why would he even call me a slut? I know he's the one with the problem, but he won't ever admit it. he says I'm the problem - that if I hadn't been such a slut in the past then none of this would be happening now. That no guy likes being with a slut.

I love him and I don't know why I just can't leave him. I guess it's in part because I love him and in part the challenge of proving him wrong, that I'm not a slut. Hell, sometimes I think sure if we break up it will hurt a lot, but what will hurt even more is that he will always think I am a slut when I'm not! How can I prove him that I'm NOT a slut?

Updates:
Men have such double standards. Hey kissing is not sexual. I kissed a guy who was 10 years older, yes. But the BJ, I gave to a good friend, whom I knew for over a year, who was just a couple years older...
I bet if all you guys who're judging me over what I did had received a bj at 17 from a girl who was just a close friend of yours, none of you would think that what you did was a big deal, oh, but when it comes to a woman it is. Fuck your double standards!
I was a teenager, and as a teenager people make mistakes. We all have. Some have used alcohol, some drugs, some have stolen, some have got into fights, some cheat at exams, some cheat on their partners, etc. It hardly defines people.
Obama did drugs as a teen. Does that define who he is? Huh?
It's so funny... it seems like guys can have all the fun they want, yet women can't? huh...
OK he broke up with me, I hope all you guys who sided with him are happy now. I'm heartbroken now because apparently I'm not pure enough. He said he would never be able to forgive me, so there, are you happy now, knowing that I'm completely heartbroken?
If a mod reads this, could they please delete this whole thing? I don't want to keep reading judgmental crap anymore!
To all of them saying I shouldn't ask for advice if I can't handle it: one thing is giving advice, another completely different is judging someone you don't know. And you are judging.
I contacted this site's help. They said they can't delete a post unless it's offensive, sexually explicit or irrelevant. So I'm asking you all to please refrain from posting from now on. I'm tired of this. And thank you dallascheerleader for the support.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • well in all honesty, that does make you slightly promiscuous but that doesn't make you slut. I'm guessing you had some sort of feelings for the people you did things with. whether they were strong or not is irrelevant because at least they were there. But the thing is, I have had sex with 7 guys and I am 19. One of which is 28. I had a fling with another 28 year old. I have made out with guys who are 25. When I was 15, I dated a 23 year old. When I was 17, I dated a 24 year old. And I own up to the fact that to some guys, my actions could constitute as slutty. I am not innocent but I still think that I am a good girl and I have good intentions. I have had sex with guys I don't necessarily have feelings for. But why should any of this matter when guys do it all the time? Unfortunately there is a double standard and if your guy feels that way, then he is entitled to his own opinion and you can't change how he feels. He may never stop thinking you are a slut but if you break up with him for calling you one, at least he can't say you are a pushover and a slut. Staying with a guy who is verbally abusive is just as a bad as being a slut. I think you should own up to your actions to yourself and realize that they weren't exactly innocent and were kind of "slutty" but realize that you can act slutty and not be a slut. You need to find a guy who will accept your behavior and see that you are a good person with a good heart and that is all that matters. Not to mention, your boyfriend sounds like a prude ass bitch. Find a guy who can see the kinkier side of you and be down to explore your sexuality with you not someone who condemns your sexcapades because its not like guys don't have their slutty stories. hope this helps!

    ps you aren't a slut. you have done some "slutty" things but I do NOT think you are a slut. Look at all the sh*t I've done haha You pale in comparison in terms of sluttiness. ;)

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    • Thanks, that's really helpful. I'd give you more than just one thumbs up if I could. I have told him I know I wasn't a virginal angel, that what I did wasn't all good, but that I'm not a slut, because I would never cheat on him or play him. That's what upsets me that he thinks I would do all that in a heartbeat if I had the chance, which is not true. Plus my past is none of his business, just like his is none of mine.

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    • I love this answer.

    • Thanks evangelina :)

What Guys Said 57

  • This is an old post but I definitely have some thoughts...

    Your problem was that your boundaries (the rules you have for the way others interact with you) were very weak, which is why you would allow someone to talk to you this way.

    Learn this: there is NO connection between loving him, and allowing him to hurt you continuously. I'm sure that I would LOVE cocaine, but I would never allow it into my boundaries because I respect myself too much.

    Your LOVE for him is NOT an excuse to not love yourself.

    When you heal up hopefully you'll learn that you need to love YOURSELF enough to have better boundaries. Boundaries that you DEMAND others to respect, no matter what!

    Would you let someone talk to your baby sister that way? I hope not. Then why is it okay for him to talk to you that way?

    The best thing you can do is find a powerful, mature, self confident, female mentor who can show you how easy it is to mature, heal, and love yourself. Find a woman like this and seek her counsel as often as possible. Make sure she's not jaded or angry, because she won't be of any help.

    Here is a great book on love and self healing. Read this book and you'll never be bothered by the silly judgments of others. Why? Because the only person's opinion that matters is yours!

    The Mastery of Love: link

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

    P.S. Don't fret. I've dated MANY women, and most of them have had WAY more sexual partners than I ever will... and you know what? I couldn't give two craps about it. All it tells me is that she's a woman of experience and knowledge. And as you get older you'll find many older men are FAR more mature about such things.

    Don't become jaded or cynical because of this one douchbag!

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  • I hate those righteous hypocrites. Your boyfriend is one.

    I feel disgusted by some immature reactions here.

    My wife told me she hadn't full sex before we met, and she was a virgin. She told me she did make out with a number of guys (probably guys I knew) I never asked what they did and who the guys were. I just don't want to know what happened, I don't want to know who the guys were, I don't want to know their ages: it's her life, her history, not mine. It happened before we met.

    Is she a prostitute because of that? Hell, No, she isn't and she wasn't! She just was a healthy girl enjoying life. She still is. And I love her.

    And question asker isn't either. Question asker just was a healthy girl enjoying life.

    Most (nearly all!) girls here and in America made out with guys before they went steady with their BF, gave blow jobs too.

    And you guys love that. You're right to love it.

    Some morons (or Mormons?) judge it 'slutty'. They're no better themselves.

    A present from a Bible reading apatheist:

    Matthew 7:1 link

    1Judge not, that ye be not judged.

    ___

    John 8:7 link

    When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her."

    NKJV John 8:7 link

    PS,

    Another 'dirty' little secret those 'saints' won't tell you: a lot of those guys made out with other guys, gave a blow job to other guys. More than you'd think. And they liked it. Morally they just get over it by judging and condemning others.

    I don't condemn them,not for doing that. I condemn them for 'forgetting' it and being so hypocritically righteous.

    PPS, mods can't delete questions, only admins can.

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  • You really shouldn't ask for advice if you can't handle what people are going to say to you. Life is not all fluffy bunnies and rose petals. You did some stuff as a younger teen that you are going to get judged for. The sooner you accept that and are ok with it, the sooner you'll move on past it. Trying to put your hands over your ears and say "NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH IM NOT LISTENING YOU ARE JUDGMENTAL NAH NAH NAH" isn't reality and doesn't work in the real world.

    Two lessons learned, hopefully.

    1) Think before you act and don't be in such a rush to mature so quickly.

    2) Don't ask for advice if you can't handle the heat.

    Good luck!

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  • You're right this guy has some serious problems. You can't prove to him you're not a slut. Don't even bother trying. He's already condemned you. I'm sorry to say it's fime for you to move on and find someone else who has a better outlook about girls.

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  • It sounds like your right on him having issues. perhaps he has done some stuff in his past and refusing to admit it, makes your past explode to take it off him. None the less though if he can't get over the past and see you as you are now, he isn't worth the time of day and I honestly feel the only thing that will continue to happen is the situation get worse.

    My question is, if he sees you as such a slut and "no guy would want to be one" is why he himself hasn't broken up with you. (not to be rude of course, just pointing it out)

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  • I have no idea why anybody would think you are a slut to begin with, sexual activity really isn't that bad of a thing to be involved in. Everybody experiments in some way when they're younger, just trying to figure out what their emotions mean to them.

    I have no idea what you guys were arguing about in the first place that made him say that to you. Either way I can't really think of anything that would make what he said appropriate. I would like to know as much as you feel comfortable talking about, maybe it would make things more clear.

    As for your past, everybody learns. It doesn't really matter who you used to be, people change. I dealt my whole life with anxiety disorder and nobody knew I had it so I couldn't really do anything to treat it. Now that I have mostly beat it and don't feel terrified of other people, I treat everybody in my life better. I am not the young, inconsiderate, awkward teen that I once was by any means at all. People do change. Your past doesn't define your present or your future.

    Your boyfriend should try to look into your actions and understand what you did and who you are. Rather than try to figure out why you did what you did, he is just making attributions to your character. It sounds like he is not giving you any benefit of the doubt in this one. To me, if he's going to jump to conclusions about someone that's supposed to be close to him, that's a big sign that he lacks maturity.

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  • YOU ARE NOT, AND NEVER HAVE BEEN A SL*T. You already know that. And any guy, including your now ex boyfriend who thinks that is a woman-hating jerk who doesn't DESERVE YOU.

    See this site for more: link and also this one:

    link

    And any guy who would use that term at all, doesn't deserve to EVER have a girlfriend and I hope girls and women start boycotting guys who use woman-hating terms to describe girls and women. Enough is enough, and you've paid the price because your ex-bf is a jerk, a real woman-hating jerk. Had I not read the updates I would have said LEAVE HIM RIGHT AWAY: there are MUCH nicer guys out there for you. And whenever you meet a guy from now on, ask him if he thinks ANY girl or woman is a "sl*t" or a "b*tch" and if so, wave him goodbye.

    You need to know there are lots of guys (not enough but lots) who do NOT call girls and women those disgusting names. Go to xyonline.net to see what I mean.

    You know the problem is his obsessive inability to not get over his own negative thinking about women. It has nothing to do with what you did or didn't do in the past. Ideas about "girls as pure" is ridiculous anyway, but even with that, you did nothing "impure"!

    I wish you well and am honestly glad he's out of your life. I hope you never give him any energy from now on. He doesn't deserve it; he doesn't deserve you; and I feel sorry for any girl or woman he ever dates, because he's got some serious DRAMA issues he can't yet get over.

    HIS loss, your GAIN. Go on into your life, feel GREAT about yourself, and be glad the jerk left you. There are WAY too many sexist double standards out there. Read "The Beauty Myth" by Naomi Wolf to learn more about all this. I wish you well. Sorry you had to go through all that with all those jerk guys.

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    • Wow dude, pathetic. Do you think your feeble attempt of Vaginal Sympathy is going to get you laid? You are probably a queer.

  • Let's recap:

    You were a virgin when you met your bf. He called you a slut. Now he's not your boyfriend anymore.

    Where's the problem? This boy is horrible. If he treated you like this early in the relationship, how would he treat you if you had been married for years?

    The best way forward is obvious: stop dating guys who call you a whore. There are plenty of us out there who will behave better than that. Good luck!

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  • He also might be jealous that you were willing to give it to the friend but not your boyfriend.

    Yes there is a double standard. There are double standards with women too. Nobody is perfect.

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    • Does that make it ok to call me a slut though? does it justify it?

      And so what if there are double standards with women, too? I'm not having any double standards with him, trust me.

      Plus, what I gave to my friend? A lousy, mediocre BJ? I have given my Boyfriend the best sex he's ever had. He's told me so. 'Cause guess what, he WASN'T a virgin when we started dating. I was a virgin. See? I've given him so much more.

  • If it makes any difference to you, I'm on your side where I think this thread here is being judgemental. You just gotta understand what forces are driving people's lives to figure out why they did the things they did.

    Honestly, I was pretty surprised this morning when I got a thumbs down for my post telling the topic starter why I understood her point of view. You would think that non-anonymously posting some fairly sensitive information about your own experiences with a chronic mental illness (I hate using the word "illness" to describe something about me btw) would help other people understand who you are as a person.

    Of couse for you (topic starter) and me, you can't really get worked up about when others don't understand. We live in a world where people are just thinking about themselves, trying to keep their own heads from going under. It's hard enough to keep your own head above water without constantly thinking of other people and who they are. If someone doesn't have the time in their lives to do that sort of thing, it's their problem.

    It's one of those times where you would like to say "I am who I am, there's nothing either one of us can do about it. How can I help you see the world through my eyes, to help you understand why I see things the way I do? How can I help you understand those of us who do not go through the same ups and downs as you?"

    In the end, you can't really control how another person thinks. If I'm not the type of person that they want to get to know, that's fine. We'll just learn to live without each other (shouldn't be too hard). If your boyfriend isn't the type of person that will accept you, you both will move on and find someone else.

    It can take a while to find someone who has seen the world through your eyes but those people are out there. Through all the mistakes I've made in neglecting my responsibilities, not knowing how to relate to those around me, and not being as strong of a person as I could've been, there are still people in my life who accepted me for who I am. I still have friends from when I was a second grader, I still have those I met through my sports and my music, I still have friends online, I still have my new friends from college, and I still have my family. As life moves on, I can expect to be able to stay side-by-side with those people as long as I'm there for them when they are for me. And even if your boyfriend does not want to be one of those people, it's all the same, that's one person less in your life that didn't want to be there for you in the first place.

    The way you have to look at those things is that your experience makes you a stronger person. I went through a lot of tough times in my early teen days having almost no friends to talk to, but I'm a stronger person now. All we can do in this world is be there for ourselves and see that life goes on. And if other people don't get who you are, you've still got yourself and your dear ones and no one can take that away.

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  • You asked a question, you got answers. Not all of which you wanted or liked. So then what was the point of asking the question? Just deal with it.

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    • Budphilips, that is NOT what I did, not even close, it is NOT the same.

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    • Same for most mine. :')

    • Stop answering and commenting on this question. It's a waste of time.

  • Now everyone, your all looking at this from the same point of view, maybe after learning about ya past, he can no longer be pleased with you and your a turn off due to what you done in the past. I got to say I stand by him because in his point of view maybe he's right. I'm not here to judge but if your a teenager, and your messing around with males 5-10 years older, then you got to think why wasn't there any teen love? Also what's troubling him maybe is that his friend has done sh*t with you and its driving him nuts knowing that.

    I'm taking no sides but in all honesty in his point of view what he says could be what he feels.

    But ask your self this, is it worth it? if it isn't move on and walk away with the middle finger up, or accept the fact he can't over look your past.

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  • "Obama did drugs as a teen. Does that define who he is? Huh? 16 hours ago"

    rofl

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    • The point is, it's stupid to judge someone for something that they did way before. It doesn't define anyone. It doesn't say anything about their current character. So what, just because I was supposedly a slut in the past, I will have to live with it until I'm 80, probably never marry a decent man, be labeled a bad mother because I give a bad example, etc, etc? That's sh*t, it's stupid and nonsensical. That's the point. The man was a pot head, well now he's the president of the US!

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    • Justdance

      "The past is history and history DOES define you. "

      Then justdance should be defined as (ex)junkie, once a junkie alway a junkie?

    • I think the point was "you learn from past mistakes" hence, 'drugs made me a better person'

  • Wow...what an incredible response your question got. Your VERY controversial. My response is pretty simple: Firstly, don't comment SO much to people who are trying to make you feel guilty. It makes YOU look guilty! Ignore hateful, hurtful comments, respond only to people who sound sincere, even if they disagree with you. As for your past, it is not BAD or slutty at all. If your boyfriend is gone now, then your very lucky, despite your current bad feelings. You've done nothing wrong, and I hope you enjoyed kissing the older guy, and I hope you enjoyed giving the partial bj. Everything you did was normal, and those who criticized you for it are just having fun at your expense. Don't dwell on your past (which is not a bad one anyway), and don't fall for guys who expect too much from you.

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    • Exactly right!!!

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    • The main problem is trying to prove your boyfriend wrong. What right does he have to judge your past anyway. We are all human and each past is different. He has no right calling you a slut. Him disrespecting you shouldn't make you love him more...dear Lord girl get a backbone. Let him know that you do not accept this kind of behavior from him....even if you sadly do...good luck

      -MaxPrime

    • @Feelinfrisky,

      Rather than criticising her for taking on her critics, why not call out the jerk guys for putting her down? You have the power to influence other guys around you.

  • He's a jealous douche and you deserve better.

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  • You're not a slut. Your boyfriends just insecure. Stuff that happens in the past happens and there is nothing you can do in the present to change that. Your boy needs to grow up and stop destroying you to make you feel better. Drop his ass.

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  • that dude doesn't deserve you for real ... if he don't rly forgive and forget and take you for who ur now not in the past then he's a jerk.and like the other guy said don't even bother proving that ur not a slut( ur not a slut) find another guy move on ..

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  • Just remember some of these people are just being mean and you're not a slut.

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  • I've called girls sluts well more like hoes, and they didn't run off crying, just said I was sexist and a jerk what about my feelings, maybe my feelings were hurt, lol no no I could care less, but speaking of that maybe you hurt his feelings all he wanted was a bj and you said no. I would be like why not you've done it to lots of guys in the past?

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    • Learn to read, please. Where, exactly, do I say that I denied him a bj? Gee. I have given him more bjs than I can count, and many more things than bjs that a lot of girls would flat out refuse to do!

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    • Why do you think you have the right to put down girls and women this way?

    • Well to answer you question Julian, it's because I know for a fact that if you call a chick a name, she will get over it. And it is women who think that if some guy calls them a name they should get all the sympathy in the world, and if you fall for that you will never get a girlfriend or even get laid Julian. And yes I have called a chick a slut before and no she didn't cry about it, go to therapy, she is perfectly fine she got over it. Your falling for their crap left and right, and I bet your single.

  • I would have problems with your past myself. Kissing someone 26 while your 16 just sounds creepy to me. But that would not in any way shape or form make you deserving of the word slut. In reality, no one deserves to be judged in such a way. This guy does not deserve your time, and it's only damaging to your self-esteem.

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    • It's the past.

    • Quit commenting on everyones answers and putting your opinion as if it's correctional. It's annoying, and one sided.

    • Why don't you judge the CREEPY 26 year old, and not her? Why would you blame and judge her for that? I don't get it. Why are girls made to carry the stigma of creepy guys? If a girl is raped, in many parts of the world, she is seen as the one to have committed the crime, and can be stoned to death. This is along those same lines, while far less violent and far less lethal. You're blaming her for something some guy did. Would you judge a guy of 16 for kissing a woman of 25?

  • i guess he just hates the idea of you with someone else, I'm sure if you give it time, and then maybe like talk to him when he's cooled down a bit, he might understand a bit more. you could ask him about stuff he did in the past and then tell him your ok with that stuff if he'd be ok with w/e you did, which wasn't much, but if you love him then I guess that's all you can really do. that or just carry on as if nothing happened. :P

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    • This has been going on for a couple of years already. We've been together for 3 years. We have talked about his past, but he says "it's not the same". He has kissed like 10 girls, whereas I, counting him, have kissed 5. He says it's not the same cos they were all his age, and one was a girlfriend (the one he lost his virginity to). He had a FWB, but again, he says it's different cos she only gave him a hand job, and he was 17. He says a blow job is like penetration but a hand job isn't.

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    • Well, it looks like all you can do is ramble, because even though you love this guy, he sounds really stubborn, just like a lot of guys out there, who really only see their way as being right until it get proved wrong. And that might just create more problems for you. So, I guess I would say just to tell him he's right and hope the relationship moves past it. Because there's no use ruining a long relationship with someone you love over whose right and whose wrong. Even though I agree with you :P

    • "We have talked about his past, but he says "it's not the same"."

      double standards as usual...

  • Sluts are sexually promiscuous. You gave one person head that you'd known for over a year. By definition you are not one. If your guy can't handle that you did that to one guy he needs to grow the f*** up. What's he gonna do when he hits 30 and every woman his age has been with multiple men? Young guys can be so irrational, insecure and rediculous. Don't be heartbroken over him would be my suggestion, he doesn't deserve it and it's probably just a pity party/guild trip deal he's trying to put on you anyway. You're better off without him.

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    • you said: "What's he gonna do when he hits 30 and every woman his age has been with multiple men?"
      the answer to that is relocate to an area in the world where women still wait until they marry, not hard to do actually. or become ultra selective.

  • This guy has issues dump him.

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  • hay I know you asked not to post but I just wanted to say that ur not a slut I mean wht you have done isn t even close to slutty it something most girls have done at 17 infact in Ireland I know girl who are 14 doing it I mean come on ur not a slut at all and any guy that thinks so is a thick f***

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  • ur not a slut...life is life...girls and guys can both get touchy...i will say guys can have a terrible jellas streak...seconly you can't change him...he has to change him self...not tryingto be mean but if he decides not to change he will just bring you down...i can tell ur dedicated...but he needs to just get over him self if you love him make sure he knows...and maybe he might decid to get off his high horse

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  • your boyfriend sounds like a d***, there is somebody better out there for you

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  • no you not a slut. your boyfriend is really young and needs to get over himself. maybe in 10 years...

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  • I don't think we're happy, I do think we understand that there are guys out there that are not ok with girls doing things that you've done. You're going to have to live with that. It is YOUR past and YOUR decisions. Move on and find someone who loves you and appreciates you and accepts you regardless of your sketchy past. Good luck!

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  • hahaha that's funny...for your next boyfriend I think you should just hide some of your sexual past. dating or messing around with a guy who is 10 years or older than you will definably give a boyfriend material type guy a reason to call you a slut.

    sorry that society has made it seem like girls have to be perfect angels. but that's the truth in what guys want. I'm sure girls want that too in a guy, but if you want a guy to be confident then he's going to need some experience in order to be so. sometimes the truth is best when its never told.

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    • What if he asked for it? Lying is awful, now isn't it?

      Ugh, I hope I never have to date guys like you again. Plus, I'm sure not all "boyfriend material" guys will be put off by my past.

    • Ok, so give me your expert opinion on why can guys have a lot of experience, yet a girl can't? And don't bring up pregnancy or STDs or that sh*t, since we all know how to avoid that. Please enlighten me on why guys are entitled to have experience, yet girls are supposed to be angels?

    • I never said it should that way. I have no power in the way guys think, I'm just a messenger lol.

  • You may have to directly contact customer support. I agree with you that people are judging you as something you are not.

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What Girls Said 60

  • normally I can think of some sort of way to handle a problem when the girl doesn't want to break up with her boyfriend because she's in love with him, but I honestly can't in this situation. this guy doesn't deserve your effort to prove to him you aren't a slut. he should not be calling you that. I guess the only thing I can think of is toughen up, ask him about his past and take any little thing he has ever done and blow it out of proportion. if he's ever kissed a girl or anything. see how he likes it.

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  • Kissing on the cheek is not sexual. Making out with people, totally is. and yes, people do make mistake but then have to forever live with the consequences and how others will feel about them. That's why people always tell young kids to watch themselves because they might regret it one day. I don't blame your boyfriend for getting upset, I would too. Maybe he shouldn't be so rude. And honestly? complaining about society's double standards, that were always there isn't going to help your case at all.

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    • Well, but who cares what I did before him? I mean he had his fun. I'm not complaining about that. He's no saint either.

    • It's quite obvious that he cares what you did before him.

  • Hun, if he can't let go of the past and is treating you like this he is not going to leave it go...

    he has no right to call you a slut.. if I did that my fella wudn't care all my man cares about is that I love him and he loves me.. 2 of my mates were in relationships that there guys were calling them names and treating them like crap.. this is only the start of it now.. it could get worse even tho you love him get out while you can..

    best of luck

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  • @your update- I think you're better off, honestly. there wasn't anything you could do, it was a problem he had.

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    • I know I'm just so heartbroken :(

    • I have to agree with her. You're better off without him. You will find someone better later down the road.

  • girl I'm here for you

    same thing almost happened to me but except my boyfriend has also a prob with my past which I was able to move on but his problem with my past is that he asks if my ex bf's were cuter than him and if I ever dd anything with them

    and well my boyfriend is so insecure and all he says he doesn't believe me at all

    but girl you ain't a slut and I TOTALLY think the same way as you how guys can do their sh*t but when it comes to girls "OH UR A SLUT" its like wtf

    but I know

    and hey maybe the break up was for the best I know ur hurttn and all but always think bout the future and wats best FOR You not him

    he obviously didn't make it in ur life for a reason you don't need him

    :)

    someone much better will come along that won't hate on you for ur past

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  • I have to say it is interesting how this post has received so much response and judgment when I have read some really crazy things on this site that barely get noticed. I do see that actually most of the posts are positive and people recognize that no one is perfect and what you did is just not a big deal.

    Teens have sex, what a shocker.

    I think if you are going to try and weigh-in as somehow morally superior there are way better posts on here to try and make your point, if you are in to that, lol.

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  • Your guy is very insecure, very. I hardly consider having had a sexual encounter as a teen shocking or problematic. You should not feel the need to apologize to anyone here or to him.

    Overall guys are not fans of knowing about their girl's past sexual history so it is important to not bring up your past. It is unnecessary unless you have an STD or some issue that would affect your new relationship. In your case, your guy apparently wanted a virgin so much that he cannot stand the idea of you having been with anyone in anyway and that is extreme. He has a problem and a big one and it will cause him future issues as well.

    Sorry to hear about the breakup but, really, you should have broken up with him. I would never accept a boyfriend or husband calling me such a name and neither should you.

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  • Seems to me like this guy is a lost case. He seems to have lack of empathy and respect for female sexuality in general. Considering his double standards about his hook ups I believe he may not be attacking you personally, rather he is just imposing his warped up views about how his girlfriends must be completely pure while he may engage in hookups and 'non penetrative' acts thank you very much... How do you know he didn't call his previous girlfriend who handjobbed him a slut as well?

    The men who hooked up with you knowing that you were a decade younger are definitely more accountable than you. They took advantage of your consent knowing that it would damage your social reputation ( that is that giving men bjs = slut.) You on the other hand were young and considering your situation now, you didn't realize the consequences your behavior would have upon your future relationships. :( So don't beat up yourself about your past behavior, your boyfriend should definitely let it go! ><

    Nevertheless, as much as I am on your side, there is no doubt that giving non-bf guys head, and hooking up with much older men is going to tarnish your social reputation. Though like I said, in the past you weren't aware of these implications so you are less blameworthy. However if you willingly engage in this type of behavior today, be prepared to be labeled a slut. I certainly won't be doing the labeling, but others will. Of course you could just please yourself and tell everyone to get stuffed, that is totally your choice :)

    I agree with you about the issue of "being used". I live by this quote from an ancient philosopher "It is worse to do wrong than to suffer wrong. " As for your bf, hmmmm I don't know why you want to EARN the respect of this idiot, when you could simply FIND it from another guy who has a head and a heart. Btw I think the standards are twisted! I believe that most guys love sexual acts, so you'd think they should love the woman who gives it to them as well yeah? Society says otherwise, just be aware. Good luck finding your deserved respect. :)

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  • he has no right to call you a lsut that's emotionally abusive behavior. ITs like he needs to beat you down to make what he did ok and that's not ok at all. you did nothing wrong. if he really wants to meet a slut tell him to come to my house lol I kind of am but I don't care. my fiance loves me regardless of my past and I am super happy.

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  • That's not right. He should not disrespect you by saying those things. What happened before you both got together is over, what matters is that you both are together NOW so you should focus on that and not the relationships in the past. But I don't think his mindset about you is not going to change...

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  • Your boyfriend has a serious problem, its none of his business what you did in ur past.!

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  • There are some serious red flags here. You need to take him aside and say straight up what you're saying now. Making out with older men and giving a blow job to someone does not make you a slut whatsoever. This guy needs a reality check. He seems immature and a little selfish and honestly, he is disrespecting you. If he can't get over his penis envy then you should move on, cause honey, he ain't worth your time!

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  • He did you a favor by breaking up with you. Any guy that can't deal with the thought of his girlfriend sexually experimenting (a tiny little bit) before he was on the scene isn't worth a damn. He's going to be weird and controlling in other ways too and you're really better off without him. Really, what you did isn't bad at all. It's his fault for not being able to handle being with someone who had experienced anything before he was around.

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  • break up with him definitely!

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  • Im sorry your heartbroken! I truly am! I hope you feel better soon, and know that you don't need a guy like that! you want someone to be nice to you!

    Please, try to know that this is for the better, so buck up, go shopping with your gals- and de-stress!

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  • I wouldn't take the time to mourn a man that called me variations of "whore". He was a jerk... no matter how much you think you love him, love should never involve name calling (among other things). Handle the breakup in a healthy way, but consider it a blessing. There's emotionally healthy men out there that will love the opportunity to date you, and won't feel threatened by your past.

    Best of luck!

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  • Being 15 and making mistakes like that is incredibly common. Hell, I did things I'm not proud of with a guy when I was 14, too, and I regret it a lot. What you did wasn't that slutty, especially compared to what other girls do at 15. Okay, messing around with older guys, who took advantage of an innocent, younger girl, was probably a bad idea, but first relationship experiences are generally forgiven, because people learn from them.

    In order to be a slut, you have to at least have been willing to sleep with these guys. At least. You would probably have to do a lot worse, too.

    The fact that he called you a slut and refused to listen to you says that this guy probably isn't worth it.

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  • He calls you a slut because of insecure feelings of his own and does it to break you down because as you can see...it bothered you and because he is jealous of something so small in your past. Ughhh. You sound like a wonderful girl and compared to most women that is a very decent sexual history and not to be ashamed of. Sex is a way a man and a woman get attracted. Or some gay people too I guess..ewww. but this is a start of an abusive relationship if he continues.

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  • the best thin gfor you to do is to get out of your relationship with this guy. he is obviously not with you to be with you and if he can't see that your past is staying inthe past and he is pestering you about it, he isn't good enough for you. leave him! and find someone who will like you for you and not hate you for your past. I've been there, and it ended horribly. get out while you can

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  • Honey, you may not want to break up with the guy, but any man who treats you like that is a guy you do not need to be with! Yes its a double standard and unfortunately, we women are asked to live up to them because of idiotic men. You are not a slut! A slut would have a hell of a lot more experience than you. It sounds as if he's either insecure with himself and your relationship and wants you to feel bad as well, or he's the type who likes put women down to make himself feel better. Either way, that is pyschological abuse! It's ABUSE! Psychological abuse is in many ways far worse than anything physical and should be treated seriously. Being with this guy may hurt you, but think about how it affects those around you as well, even in a secondary way (your bad mood because of him, your insecurities because of him, etc) that they have to deal with.

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  • aWw dear, break up with him! He doesn't deserve your love.What you have done in the past barely defines your identity, but he doesn't believe in that! So you're a slut because you made out with other older men, kissed them & gave a bj to a good friend of a year? Maybe if he would live back to your past he has reasons to call you a slut, but that was like hell ages ago!

    Also are you a slut for not cheating on him and not even flirting with other guys? Is he even a boyfriend? damn. He has to accept you whatever your past is.

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  • Any man you ever encounter in your life...who puts you down and calls you names or makes you feel guilty about your past...is not worth having in your life. I know you think you love him but the fact is you probably like the stress and the drama he brings a little more. I know that sounds silly but sometimes when we're in unhealthy relationships the negative attention they give us makes us feel loved. We think that if they care enough to get upset with us that means they love us. By the way, that's the same mentality that battered women use every time they return to the men who abuse them--that is of course until one day they are killed because they went back one too many times. My point is this, regardless of what you did in the past, if you're giving him no reason to think that you're cheating on him and he is behaving this way with you---you should run, fast and remember that you're running to safe who you are as a person because unless he is right and you're doing something wrong --why would you as a woman want to stick around for the abuse. You need to remember that the strong woman you learn to be today is the strong woman who is going to teach your kids, how to treat women and demand to be treated as women. How can you do that in the future if you let someone destroy who you are today based on his inability to handle a past he was not part of.

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  • i don't think there is even a reason a guy should call his girlfriend unless

    he finds you in bed with another guy.. and I don't think you should tolerate it either!

    your just low balling yourself he doesn't even take it back and says its your fault.. wow.

    sure you did things that to his eyes are bad but who hasn't and plus its your PAST not your

    present. you deserve something better for sure because you aren't a slut and seems like you

    have good feelings! give your love to someone that is going to treat you right

    and love you for you also. -good luck

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  • aww I wish we were friends lol! been dying to have a mate in a similar situation as me. I've been with my man on and off for ages. got with him at 16 (a virgin) and he also has terrible jealousy issues, anger, all sorts. I'm 23 now..so you can imagine all the drama lol! and its BEEN drama! I know deeeeep inside its wrong 2 b with him and not healthy. he comes from a different up bringing than me I guess thas y he's so harsh etc...absent dad, bit of a rough upbringing etc..where as I have total opposite etc. sometimes he's amazing but then he'l just flip off the handle over something daft. like...me hugging a FRIEND...he knows its a friend..he'l flip scream yell push me..all sorts! its impossible to leave him, I feel like I've lost apart of me. feel physically ill without him but like I'm going mad wen with him! lol

    we all do things we regret, in the past. I'm sure he's done things. difference is ur not holding them against him..or he's not being as honest as you and telling you straight (which is wot happend with me)..ma bf/ex always brings up the past when really I've done bugger all...hes been sly gone behind ma bk..but if I ever say about himmm doing something wrong..he'll just flip it round as usual..and say I caused it..i did it..i make him do it blah blah

    i say, get out of that relationship. 1 day I hope I have the strength to do the same lol x

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  • I can understand why he would be upset. Of course, calling you a slut is pushing his boundaries, but c'mon, of course he would be jealous of you and some other guy, past or present. Yes, it was in the past, and everyone makes mistakes and LEARNS from them. Since you love him, why don't you sit down with him and TELL him that, providing that you still want to be with him after the names he called you. Sit down, talk it through, tell him that you love HIM and the past is over. Past is past, and you can't change it. If you are committed and faithful to him, he should be able to get over what happened to you previously.

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  • girl...that is a tough one...You have to let him know that it is unacceptable to call you a slut. If he continues...hold out on him. Tell him you need to mend your slutty ways and you are starting by holding out on sex and everything else, thanks to his advice.

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  • well I went out with a 19 year old we stop talking when he was 21

    but yeah I realised I was wrong I'm still a virgin an all but I regret what I did I asked god to forgive me and put it in gods hands

    as for that I only told one guy what I did and he didn't take it so nicely so I let him go

    it was the past I know it was bad

    but if you can't forgive what I done

    then there is no point of me being with you

    i gave head slutty I know and I was a totally good girl till I met him

    i felt kinda used but I was glad I didn't give him my virginity I used to be so so sad about it

    but now I forgot about it put it in my past

    and I will never go out with an older guy again to much trouble

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  • omg that is exactly like me! my boyfriend did the same and whoever that chick was that called you slut you better eff off because she aint... girls make me mistakes and so do guys and we all god damn know it, hon don't dump him tho if you care about him, my boyfriend and I went out for 3 years befcause we got over it, give him sometime he probably worries you ahve feelings for him, no matter what you say, let it all blow over, itll be alirhgt :) add me if you want and we cna talk :D

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  • Yes, there's a double standard, but that's not the point here. He's insecure, and taking it out on you. HOWEVER, I wouldn't have allowed him to talk about it. Some people have very short fuses, and it seems like his is set to blow almost instantly. Next time, tell him how much you care about him, and how talking about your past gets in the way of your relationship with him- weighing you down. Stand your ground, and don't talk about the past.

    But I can see why he'd be upset. You were sexually intimate (even if only for a few seconds) with a guy he knows. I think any man who cares for his girlfriend would feel the same way. Cut him a little bit of slack. But let him know that calling you names will only get him dumped. Never allow a man to call you names... unless it's in bed, and you're into that kind of thing. But that's a different subject.

    Best of luck!

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  • he got some issues.. I had a guy similar to that like he would call me a slut because I would hang out with my guy friends and I don't even kiss them or dress slutty but yea so what's his name? does his name start with an M? Because I think I know what guy your talking about if its the guy.

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