He calls me a slut!

My boyfriend has serious issues with my past. But of course, he doesn't think he has a problem - I am the problem, according to him.


You see I was a virgin when we met, but that doesn't mean I was all pure and a saint. I had made out with older men, when I was just a teen, even though just a couple of guys, one who was like 10 years older and one that was like 5 years older.


Anyway, what bothers him the most is that when I was 15, I had a friend with benefits (who 3 years later introduced me to my boyfriend). And I gave that guy half a BJ (because went on for only a few seconds and he didn't cum) in my back yard.


So I was telling him now how last night I was stargazing and saw something really strange happen with a star. And all he could care about? "Were you stargazing in your back yard?" I said yes, and he went on to say "Huh, so it seems the only thing missing there was a d*** for you to suck!" I told him I didn't want to argue, so we better talk later he sayd "Bye, you f***ing slut".


I know I'm not a slut, and good God, whatever happened in the past is IN THE PAST! I've never cheated on him, I'm not a flirt. So why would he even call me a slut? I know he's the one with the problem, but he won't ever admit it. he says I'm the problem - that if I hadn't been such a slut in the past then none of this would be happening now. That no guy likes being with a slut.


I love him and I don't know why I just can't leave him. I guess it's in part because I love him and in part the challenge of proving him wrong, that I'm not a slut. Hell, sometimes I think sure if we break up it will hurt a lot, but what will hurt even more is that he will always think I am a slut when I'm not! How can I prove him that I'm NOT a slut?

Updates:
Men have such double standards. Hey kissing is not sexual. I kissed a guy who was 10 years older, yes. But the BJ, I gave to a good friend, whom I knew for over a year, who was just a couple years older...
I bet if all you guys who're judging me over what I did had received a bj at 17 from a girl who was just a close friend of yours, none of you would think that what you did was a big deal, oh, but when it comes to a woman it is. Fuck your double standards!
I was a teenager, and as a teenager people make mistakes. We all have. Some have used alcohol, some drugs, some have stolen, some have got into fights, some cheat at exams, some cheat on their partners, etc. It hardly defines people.
Obama did drugs as a teen. Does that define who he is? Huh?
It's so funny... it seems like guys can have all the fun they want, yet women can't? huh...
OK he broke up with me, I hope all you guys who sided with him are happy now. I'm heartbroken now because apparently I'm not pure enough. He said he would never be able to forgive me, so there, are you happy now, knowing that I'm completely heartbroken?
If a mod reads this, could they please delete this whole thing? I don't want to keep reading judgmental crap anymore!
To all of them saying I shouldn't ask for advice if I can't handle it: one thing is giving advice, another completely different is judging someone you don't know. And you are judging.
I contacted this site's help. They said they can't delete a post unless it's offensive, sexually explicit or irrelevant. So I'm asking you all to please refrain from posting from now on. I'm tired of this. And thank you dallascheerleader for the support.
 

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What Girls Said 61

What Guys Said 57

  • Selected as most helpful

    well in all honesty, that does make you slightly promiscuous but that doesn't make you slut. I'm guessing you had some sort of feelings for the people you did things with. whether they were strong or not is irrelevant because at least they were there. But the thing is, I have had sex with 7 guys and I am 19. One of which is 28. I had a fling with another 28 year old. I have made out with guys who are 25. When I was 15, I dated a 23 year old. When I was 17, I dated a 24 year old. And I own up to the fact that to some guys, my actions could constitute as slutty. I am not innocent but I still think that I am a good girl and I have good intentions. I have had sex with guys I don't necessarily have feelings for. But why should any of this matter when guys do it all the time? Unfortunately there is a double standard and if your guy feels that way, then he is entitled to his own opinion and you can't change how he feels. He may never stop thinking you are a slut but if you break up with him for calling you one, at least he can't say you are a pushover and a slut. Staying with a guy who is verbally abusive is just as a bad as being a slut. I think you should own up to your actions to yourself and realize that they weren't exactly innocent and were kind of "slutty" but realize that you can act slutty and not be a slut. You need to find a guy who will accept your behavior and see that you are a good person with a good heart and that is all that matters. Not to mention, your boyfriend sounds like a prude ass bitch. Find a guy who can see the kinkier side of you and be down to explore your sexuality with you not someone who condemns your sexcapades because its not like guys don't have their slutty stories. hope this helps!


    ps you aren't a slut. you have done some "slutty" things but I do NOT think you are a slut. Look at all the sh*t I've done haha You pale in comparison in terms of sluttiness. ;)

    • Thanks evangelina :)

    • I love this answer.

    • People disagree with you because of the huge and stupid double standards. They're just intimidated by that, I believe. Some men are secure enoguh with themselves not to let it affect them, but others are immature and think people like you are sluts. It just takes reading a few of the answers and commentsby male posters to see this difference. I could only wish there were more guys like the ones that don't see an issue with a girl's past.

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  • Its not a big deal. like yous said its in the past, nothing can change it and now the only thing you can do is move on. your boyfriend was being stupid.

  • sorry I just have to say it.

    first of all... you aren't a slut. second, you don't have to prove that to anyone. thirdly, was he "pure and clean" when he met you ? I seriously doubt that if he's past the age of 10... point is, you shouldn't be with someone like this. you may just look at someone one day while he's around and he'll tell you that you were cheating on him ...

  • he's a f***ing d***. dump him!

  • Okay, you really aren't a slut. Just think if it was the other way around...if he made out with two older girls in his past or recieved head for a few seconds. Would that make him a slut? Like honestly, he is such a f***ing moron form thinking that, I bet you anyhting if it happened to him he would argue the fact that he isn't a "slut". This is ridiculous.

  • I think the problem in Tmi. I'd break up with him, and the next time you have a boyfriend, instead of saying thst you had a friend with benefits, or gave half a blowjob, just tell him you had sex. It will be easier for them to handle because they won't have enough deatils for a mental picture.

  • hahahaa sounds pretty pure to me, get a new boyfriend the one you have now is a doucher

  • dump him he's an idiot,and possibly psychotic too

  • & he sounds like a complete JERK! YOU deserves wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy BETTER!

    Girl Power! xo

  • Move on. Live him he's very evil.

  • A guy who disrespects you in the present for something you did in the past is a complete jealous a hole. Get rid of him.

  • if he's calling you a slut and being an asshole leave him he doesn't deserve you !You're way to good for him he should be pleasing you not calling you a slut!

  • Kissing a guy is not a bad thing I kissed a guy that was 10 years older than me.

    but I never gave any one a blow job and if I did I would do it to some one I would know for years not if I just met him that would be weird.

  • That guy's an asshole, break up with him.

  • i don't think there is even a reason a guy should call his girlfriend unless

    he finds you in bed with another guy.. and I don't think you should tolerate it either!

    your just low balling yourself he doesn't even take it back and says its your fault.. wow.

    sure you did things that to his eyes are bad but who hasn't and plus its your PAST not your

    present. you deserve something better for sure because you aren't a slut and seems like you

    have good feelings! give your love to someone that is going to treat you right

    and love you for you also. -good luck

  • aww I wish we were friends lol! been dying to have a mate in a similar situation as me. I've been with my man on and off for ages. got with him at 16 (a virgin) and he also has terrible jealousy issues, anger, all sorts. I'm 23 now..so you can imagine all the drama lol! and its BEEN drama! I know deeeeep inside its wrong 2 b with him and not healthy. he comes from a different up bringing than me I guess thas y he's so harsh etc...absent dad, bit of a rough upbringing etc..where as I have total opposite etc. sometimes he's amazing but then he'l just flip off the handle over something daft. like...me hugging a FRIEND...he knows its a friend..he'l flip scream yell push me..all sorts! its impossible to leave him, I feel like I've lost apart of me. feel physically ill without him but like I'm going mad wen with him! lol

    we all do things we regret, in the past. I'm sure he's done things. difference is ur not holding them against him..or he's not being as honest as you and telling you straight (which is wot happend with me)..ma bf/ex always brings up the past when really I've done bugger all...hes been sly gone behind ma bk..but if I ever say about himmm doing something wrong..he'll just flip it round as usual..and say I caused it..i did it..i make him do it blah blah

    i say, get out of that relationship. 1 day I hope I have the strength to do the same lol x

  • I'm so sorry this happened to you! I hope that asshole finds someone just as stupid as he is because he definitely doesn't deserve an inteeligent girl like you!

  • he has jelousy issues obviously, just make it clear to him you gave ur virginity up to him not ne of the other guys, you love him and not ne of the other guys..

  • girl I'm here for you

    same thing almost happened to me but except my boyfriend has also a prob with my past which I was able to move on but his problem with my past is that he asks if my ex bf's were cuter than him and if I ever dd anything with them

    and well my boyfriend is so insecure and all he says he doesn't believe me at all

    but girl you ain't a slut and I TOTALLY think the same way as you how guys can do their sh*t but when it comes to girls "OH UR A SLUT" its like wtf

    but I know

    and hey maybe the break up was for the best I know ur hurttn and all but always think bout the future and wats best FOR You not him

    he obviously didn't make it in ur life for a reason you don't need him

    :)

    someone much better will come along that won't hate on you for ur past

  • Any man you ever encounter in your life...who puts you down and calls you names or makes you feel guilty about your past...is not worth having in your life. I know you think you love him but the fact is you probably like the stress and the drama he brings a little more. I know that sounds silly but sometimes when we're in unhealthy relationships the negative attention they give us makes us feel loved. We think that if they care enough to get upset with us that means they love us. By the way, that's the same mentality that battered women use every time they return to the men who abuse them--that is of course until one day they are killed because they went back one too many times. My point is this, regardless of what you did in the past, if you're giving him no reason to think that you're cheating on him and he is behaving this way with you---you should run, fast and remember that you're running to safe who you are as a person because unless he is right and you're doing something wrong --why would you as a woman want to stick around for the abuse. You need to remember that the strong woman you learn to be today is the strong woman who is going to teach your kids, how to treat women and demand to be treated as women. How can you do that in the future if you let someone destroy who you are today based on his inability to handle a past he was not part of.

  • You do kind of sound like a slut.. just a little but its still wrong for him to call you that

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  • If you're a virgin technically you can't be a slut. But sleeping with random men and havingfriends with benefits is slutty. Men don't like to share and sluts aren't marriage material

  • It's so funny... it seems like guys can have all the fun they want, yet women can't? huh..

    I know its kinda f***ed up to say but

    A key that opens every lock is a master key

    But a lock that opens to every key is a sh*tty lock...Not judgin just saying, But my first post is the one that ment anything.

  • Good for you he broke up with you, The douche bag didn't deserve you and he didn't treat you right f*** what every one else is saying. Keep your head up, there will be someone who comes by and he will accept you for all you are, If a man ever calls you a slut break it off with him...unless its like dirty talk or something.

  • A slut is a word that women invented to judge each other by. Men have not got a clue what a slut is ; tell him to ask your girlfriends if you are a slut?

  • Sluts are sexually promiscuous. You gave one person head that you'd known for over a year. By definition you are not one. If your guy can't handle that you did that to one guy he needs to grow the f*** up. What's he gonna do when he hits 30 and every woman his age has been with multiple men? Young guys can be so irrational, insecure and rediculous. Don't be heartbroken over him would be my suggestion, he doesn't deserve it and it's probably just a pity party/guild trip deal he's trying to put on you anyway. You're better off without him.

  • hay I know you asked not to post but I just wanted to say that ur not a slut I mean wht you have done isn t even close to slutty it something most girls have done at 17 infact in Ireland I know girl who are 14 doing it I mean come on ur not a slut at all and any guy that thinks so is a thick f***

  • well nobody want to have kids with a slut. maybe some people do but not me. its biological.

  • ho.

  • This guy has some real deep issues that would have more likely than not turned into an abusive relationship. He needs serious help. You were a virgin when you met him...wow! that's something very special that he should have relized. You've done yourself a favor to be rid of him...stick with the older men...they're treat you right.

  • yall could just report it. so she doesn't have to read it anymore

  • Forget proving him wrong, stress can take up to 12 years off your life, so just say f*** him and move on. Dump him and find somebody who makes you feel good about yourself. Again, enjoy life and do whatever makes you happy you don't have enough time to waste it on people who are judgmental or just plain douchebags.

  • your ex was a douchebag.

  • YOU ARE NOT, AND NEVER HAVE BEEN A SL*T. You already know that. And any guy, including your now ex boyfriend who thinks that is a woman-hating jerk who doesn't DESERVE YOU.


    See this site for more: link and also this one:

    link


    And any guy who would use that term at all, doesn't deserve to EVER have a girlfriend and I hope girls and women start boycotting guys who use woman-hating terms to describe girls and women. Enough is enough, and you've paid the price because your ex-bf is a jerk, a real woman-hating jerk. Had I not read the updates I would have said LEAVE HIM RIGHT AWAY: there are MUCH nicer guys out there for you. And whenever you meet a guy from now on, ask him if he thinks ANY girl or woman is a "sl*t" or a "b*tch" and if so, wave him goodbye.


    You need to know there are lots of guys (not enough but lots) who do NOT call girls and women those disgusting names. Go to xyonline.net to see what I mean.


    You know the problem is his obsessive inability to not get over his own negative thinking about women. It has nothing to do with what you did or didn't do in the past. Ideas about "girls as pure" is ridiculous anyway, but even with that, you did nothing "impure"!


    I wish you well and am honestly glad he's out of your life. I hope you never give him any energy from now on. He doesn't deserve it; he doesn't deserve you; and I feel sorry for any girl or woman he ever dates, because he's got some serious DRAMA issues he can't yet get over.


    HIS loss, your GAIN. Go on into your life, feel GREAT about yourself, and be glad the jerk left you. There are WAY too many sexist double standards out there. Read "The Beauty Myth" by Naomi Wolf to learn more about all this. I wish you well. Sorry you had to go through all that with all those jerk guys.

    • Wow dude, pathetic. Do you think your feeble attempt of Vaginal Sympathy is going to get you laid? You are probably a queer.

  • hahaha, shame. your boyfriend did the right thing. now you have sex with loads of guys like you always wanted.

    • What the f*** is wrong with you.....she was a virgin when they started dating so obviously she doesn't want to have sex with a whole bunch of guys. Get a life.

    • Nice boobs dude!

  • This is an old post but I definitely have some thoughts...


    Your problem was that your boundaries (the rules you have for the way others interact with you) were very weak, which is why you would allow someone to talk to you this way.


    Learn this: there is NO connection between loving him, and allowing him to hurt you continuously. I'm sure that I would LOVE cocaine, but I would never allow it into my boundaries because I respect myself too much.


    Your LOVE for him is NOT an excuse to not love yourself.


    When you heal up hopefully you'll learn that you need to love YOURSELF enough to have better boundaries. Boundaries that you DEMAND others to respect, no matter what!


    Would you let someone talk to your baby sister that way? I hope not. Then why is it okay for him to talk to you that way?


    The best thing you can do is find a powerful, mature, self confident, female mentor who can show you how easy it is to mature, heal, and love yourself. Find a woman like this and seek her counsel as often as possible. Make sure she's not jaded or angry, because she won't be of any help.



    Here is a great book on love and self healing. Read this book and you'll never be bothered by the silly judgments of others. Why? Because the only person's opinion that matters is yours!


    The Mastery of Love: link


    ~ Robby


    My Blog ( link )


    P.S. Don't fret. I've dated MANY women, and most of them have had WAY more sexual partners than I ever will... and you know what? I couldn't give two craps about it. All it tells me is that she's a woman of experience and knowledge. And as you get older you'll find many older men are FAR more mature about such things.


    Don't become jaded or cynical because of this one douchbag!

  • Let's recap:


    You were a virgin when you met your bf. He called you a slut. Now he's not your boyfriend anymore.


    Where's the problem? This boy is horrible. If he treated you like this early in the relationship, how would he treat you if you had been married for years?


    The best way forward is obvious: stop dating guys who call you a whore. There are plenty of us out there who will behave better than that. Good luck!

  • i don't think you were a slut... I'm glad you guys broke up though because it seems that this guy was at least on the fringe of being abusive. you sound like a morally good girl at least in this sense don't let his jealousy keep you down. he's jealous of something in the past.

  • ur not a slut...life is life...girls and guys can both get touchy...i will say guys can have a terrible jellas streak...seconly you can't change him...he has to change him self...not tryingto be mean but if he decides not to change he will just bring you down...i can tell ur dedicated...but he needs to just get over him self if you love him make sure he knows...and maybe he might decid to get off his high horse

  • You're not a slut. Your boyfriends just insecure. Stuff that happens in the past happens and there is nothing you can do in the present to change that. Your boy needs to grow up and stop destroying you to make you feel better. Drop his ass.

  • Your past is your upcoming future. I'm not saying this for making you mad however if you bother to notice doing this is in my country is being more than a slut. However if you prove that you are not with your full heart, you can change things but you need some time for this.


    Also if you reveal your past you must take responsibilities with it.

    If you share your secret, he/she will share your secret. nice proverb eh ?

    • To all the guys here: if he was the one who had had a bit of oral sex with one girl, and he "confessed" that to his girlfriend, do you think she should demean him as "a sl*t"? And dump him for doing that?

    • Where are you from synchronize? Your kind of weird, this girl is not a slut and this dude is just some punk.

    • Allright, then find people for make you comfortable for telling what you want to hear. I just said what I think and useful for you. Anyway good luck for you, I'm out.

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