He calls me a slut!

My boyfriend has serious issues with my past. But of course, he doesn't think he has a problem - I am the problem, according to him.

You see I was a virgin when we met, but that doesn't mean I was all pure and a saint. I had made out with older men, when I was just a teen, even though just a couple of guys, one who was like 10 years older and one that was like 5 years older.

Anyway, what bothers him the most is that when I was 15, I had a friend with benefits (who 3 years later introduced me to my boyfriend). And I gave that guy half a BJ (because went on for only a few seconds and he didn't cum) in my back yard.

So I was telling him now how last night I was stargazing and saw something really strange happen with a star. And all he could care about? "Were you stargazing in your back yard?" I said yes, and he went on to say "Huh, so it seems the only thing missing there was a d*** for you to suck!" I told him I didn't want to argue, so we better talk later he sayd "Bye, you f***ing slut".

I know I'm not a slut, and good God, whatever happened in the past is IN THE PAST! I've never cheated on him, I'm not a flirt. So why would he even call me a slut? I know he's the one with the problem, but he won't ever admit it. he says I'm the problem - that if I hadn't been such a slut in the past then none of this would be happening now. That no guy likes being with a slut.

I love him and I don't know why I just can't leave him. I guess it's in part because I love him and in part the challenge of proving him wrong, that I'm not a slut. Hell, sometimes I think sure if we break up it will hurt a lot, but what will hurt even more is that he will always think I am a slut when I'm not! How can I prove him that I'm NOT a slut?

Updates:
Men have such double standards. Hey kissing is not sexual. I kissed a guy who was 10 years older, yes. But the BJ, I gave to a good friend, whom I knew for over a year, who was just a couple years older...
I bet if all you guys who're judging me over what I did had received a bj at 17 from a girl who was just a close friend of yours, none of you would think that what you did was a big deal, oh, but when it comes to a woman it is. Fuck your double standards!
I was a teenager, and as a teenager people make mistakes. We all have. Some have used alcohol, some drugs, some have stolen, some have got into fights, some cheat at exams, some cheat on their partners, etc. It hardly defines people.
Obama did drugs as a teen. Does that define who he is? Huh?
It's so funny... it seems like guys can have all the fun they want, yet women can't? huh...
OK he broke up with me, I hope all you guys who sided with him are happy now. I'm heartbroken now because apparently I'm not pure enough. He said he would never be able to forgive me, so there, are you happy now, knowing that I'm completely heartbroken?
If a mod reads this, could they please delete this whole thing? I don't want to keep reading judgmental crap anymore!
To all of them saying I shouldn't ask for advice if I can't handle it: one thing is giving advice, another completely different is judging someone you don't know. And you are judging.
I contacted this site's help. They said they can't delete a post unless it's offensive, sexually explicit or irrelevant. So I'm asking you all to please refrain from posting from now on. I'm tired of this. And thank you dallascheerleader for the support.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • well in all honesty, that does make you slightly promiscuous but that doesn't make you slut. I'm guessing you had some sort of feelings for the people you did things with. whether they were strong or not is irrelevant because at least they were there. But the thing is, I have had sex with 7 guys and I am 19. One of which is 28. I had a fling with another 28 year old. I have made out with guys who are 25. When I was 15, I dated a 23 year old. When I was 17, I dated a 24 year old. And I own up to the fact that to some guys, my actions could constitute as slutty. I am not innocent but I still think that I am a good girl and I have good intentions. I have had sex with guys I don't necessarily have feelings for. But why should any of this matter when guys do it all the time? Unfortunately there is a double standard and if your guy feels that way, then he is entitled to his own opinion and you can't change how he feels. He may never stop thinking you are a slut but if you break up with him for calling you one, at least he can't say you are a pushover and a slut. Staying with a guy who is verbally abusive is just as a bad as being a slut. I think you should own up to your actions to yourself and realize that they weren't exactly innocent and were kind of "slutty" but realize that you can act slutty and not be a slut. You need to find a guy who will accept your behavior and see that you are a good person with a good heart and that is all that matters. Not to mention, your boyfriend sounds like a prude ass bitch. Find a guy who can see the kinkier side of you and be down to explore your sexuality with you not someone who condemns your sexcapades because its not like guys don't have their slutty stories. hope this helps!

    ps you aren't a slut. you have done some "slutty" things but I do NOT think you are a slut. Look at all the sh*t I've done haha You pale in comparison in terms of sluttiness. ;)

    4|1
    • Thanks, that's really helpful. I'd give you more than just one thumbs up if I could. I have told him I know I wasn't a virginal angel, that what I did wasn't all good, but that I'm not a slut, because I would never cheat on him or play him. That's what upsets me that he thinks I would do all that in a heartbeat if I had the chance, which is not true. Plus my past is none of his business, just like his is none of mine.

    • Show All
    • I love this answer.

    • Thanks evangelina :)

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10 Things Guys Wish Girls Would Stop Doing

What Guys Said 57

  • I hate those righteous hypocrites. Your boyfriend is one.

    I feel disgusted by some immature reactions here.

    My wife told me she hadn't full sex before we met, and she was a virgin. She told me she did make out with a number of guys (probably guys I knew) I never asked what they did and who the guys were. I just don't want to know what happened, I don't want to know who the guys were, I don't want to know their ages: it's her life, her history, not mine. It happened before we met.

    Is she a prostitute because of that? Hell, No, she isn't and she wasn't! She just was a healthy girl enjoying life. She still is. And I love her.

    And question asker isn't either. Question asker just was a healthy girl enjoying life.

    Most (nearly all!) girls here and in America made out with guys before they went steady with their BF, gave blow jobs too.

    And you guys love that. You're right to love it.

    Some morons (or Mormons?) judge it 'slutty'. They're no better themselves.

    A present from a Bible reading apatheist:

    Matthew 7:1 link

    1Judge not, that ye be not judged.

    ___

    John 8:7 link

    When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her."

    NKJV John 8:7 link

    PS,

    Another 'dirty' little secret those 'saints' won't tell you: a lot of those guys made out with other guys, gave a blow job to other guys. More than you'd think. And they liked it. Morally they just get over it by judging and condemning others.

    I don't condemn them,not for doing that. I condemn them for 'forgetting' it and being so hypocritically righteous.

    PPS, mods can't delete questions, only admins can.

    3|3
  • This is an old post but I definitely have some thoughts...

    Your problem was that your boundaries (the rules you have for the way others interact with you) were very weak, which is why you would allow someone to talk to you this way.

    Learn this: there is NO connection between loving him, and allowing him to hurt you continuously. I'm sure that I would LOVE cocaine, but I would never allow it into my boundaries because I respect myself too much.

    Your LOVE for him is NOT an excuse to not love yourself.

    When you heal up hopefully you'll learn that you need to love YOURSELF enough to have better boundaries. Boundaries that you DEMAND others to respect, no matter what!

    Would you let someone talk to your baby sister that way? I hope not. Then why is it okay for him to talk to you that way?

    The best thing you can do is find a powerful, mature, self confident, female mentor who can show you how easy it is to mature, heal, and love yourself. Find a woman like this and seek her counsel as often as possible. Make sure she's not jaded or angry, because she won't be of any help.

    Here is a great book on love and self healing. Read this book and you'll never be bothered by the silly judgments of others. Why? Because the only person's opinion that matters is yours!

    The Mastery of Love: link

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

    P.S. Don't fret. I've dated MANY women, and most of them have had WAY more sexual partners than I ever will... and you know what? I couldn't give two craps about it. All it tells me is that she's a woman of experience and knowledge. And as you get older you'll find many older men are FAR more mature about such things.

    Don't become jaded or cynical because of this one douchbag!

    5|3
  • If it makes any difference to you, I'm on your side where I think this thread here is being judgemental. You just gotta understand what forces are driving people's lives to figure out why they did the things they did.

    Honestly, I was pretty surprised this morning when I got a thumbs down for my post telling the topic starter why I understood her point of view. You would think that non-anonymously posting some fairly sensitive information about your own experiences with a chronic mental illness (I hate using the word "illness" to describe something about me btw) would help other people understand who you are as a person.

    Of couse for you (topic starter) and me, you can't really get worked up about when others don't understand. We live in a world where people are just thinking about themselves, trying to keep their own heads from going under. It's hard enough to keep your own head above water without constantly thinking of other people and who they are. If someone doesn't have the time in their lives to do that sort of thing, it's their problem.

    It's one of those times where you would like to say "I am who I am, there's nothing either one of us can do about it. How can I help you see the world through my eyes, to help you understand why I see things the way I do? How can I help you understand those of us who do not go through the same ups and downs as you?"

    In the end, you can't really control how another person thinks. If I'm not the type of person that they want to get to know, that's fine. We'll just learn to live without each other (shouldn't be too hard). If your boyfriend isn't the type of person that will accept you, you both will move on and find someone else.

    It can take a while to find someone who has seen the world through your eyes but those people are out there. Through all the mistakes I've made in neglecting my responsibilities, not knowing how to relate to those around me, and not being as strong of a person as I could've been, there are still people in my life who accepted me for who I am. I still have friends from when I was a second grader, I still have those I met through my sports and my music, I still have friends online, I still have my new friends from college, and I still have my family. As life moves on, I can expect to be able to stay side-by-side with those people as long as I'm there for them when they are for me. And even if your boyfriend does not want to be one of those people, it's all the same, that's one person less in your life that didn't want to be there for you in the first place.

    The way you have to look at those things is that your experience makes you a stronger person. I went through a lot of tough times in my early teen days having almost no friends to talk to, but I'm a stronger person now. All we can do in this world is be there for ourselves and see that life goes on. And if other people don't get who you are, you've still got yourself and your dear ones and no one can take that away.

    1|2
  • I have no idea why anybody would think you are a slut to begin with, sexual activity really isn't that bad of a thing to be involved in. Everybody experiments in some way when they're younger, just trying to figure out what their emotions mean to them.

    I have no idea what you guys were arguing about in the first place that made him say that to you. Either way I can't really think of anything that would make what he said appropriate. I would like to know as much as you feel comfortable talking about, maybe it would make things more clear.

    As for your past, everybody learns. It doesn't really matter who you used to be, people change. I dealt my whole life with anxiety disorder and nobody knew I had it so I couldn't really do anything to treat it. Now that I have mostly beat it and don't feel terrified of other people, I treat everybody in my life better. I am not the young, inconsiderate, awkward teen that I once was by any means at all. People do change. Your past doesn't define your present or your future.

    Your boyfriend should try to look into your actions and understand what you did and who you are. Rather than try to figure out why you did what you did, he is just making attributions to your character. It sounds like he is not giving you any benefit of the doubt in this one. To me, if he's going to jump to conclusions about someone that's supposed to be close to him, that's a big sign that he lacks maturity.

    1|2
  • hay I know you asked not to post but I just wanted to say that ur not a slut I mean wht you have done isn t even close to slutty it something most girls have done at 17 infact in Ireland I know girl who are 14 doing it I mean come on ur not a slut at all and any guy that thinks so is a thick f***

    1|0
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What Girls Said 61

  • I have to say it is interesting how this post has received so much response and judgment when I have read some really crazy things on this site that barely get noticed. I do see that actually most of the posts are positive and people recognize that no one is perfect and what you did is just not a big deal.

    Teens have sex, what a shocker.

    I think if you are going to try and weigh-in as somehow morally superior there are way better posts on here to try and make your point, if you are in to that, lol.

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  • Your guy is very insecure, very. I hardly consider having had a sexual encounter as a teen shocking or problematic. You should not feel the need to apologize to anyone here or to him.

    Overall guys are not fans of knowing about their girl's past sexual history so it is important to not bring up your past. It is unnecessary unless you have an STD or some issue that would affect your new relationship. In your case, your guy apparently wanted a virgin so much that he cannot stand the idea of you having been with anyone in anyway and that is extreme. He has a problem and a big one and it will cause him future issues as well.

    Sorry to hear about the breakup but, really, you should have broken up with him. I would never accept a boyfriend or husband calling me such a name and neither should you.

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  • There are some serious red flags here. You need to take him aside and say straight up what you're saying now. Making out with older men and giving a blow job to someone does not make you a slut whatsoever. This guy needs a reality check. He seems immature and a little selfish and honestly, he is disrespecting you. If he can't get over his penis envy then you should move on, cause honey, he ain't worth your time!

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  • @your update- I think you're better off, honestly. there wasn't anything you could do, it was a problem he had.

    2|2
    • I know I'm just so heartbroken :(

    • I have to agree with her. You're better off without him. You will find someone better later down the road.

  • normally I can think of some sort of way to handle a problem when the girl doesn't want to break up with her boyfriend because she's in love with him, but I honestly can't in this situation. this guy doesn't deserve your effort to prove to him you aren't a slut. he should not be calling you that. I guess the only thing I can think of is toughen up, ask him about his past and take any little thing he has ever done and blow it out of proportion. if he's ever kissed a girl or anything. see how he likes it.

    4|1
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