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My boyfriend and I had a threesome with a close friend of mine and now he's mad. How do I fix the relationship?

My boyfriend and I had discussed a threesome for over a year before we got serious about it. I backed out of it and said, NO WAY. We agreed not to, then this weekend I started kissing my friend in front of him and one thing led to another, He's worried that she did more for me than he does and has been distant. What do I do to fix this? Considering he asked for it and I gave him another girl for Christmas, I think that makes me a damn good girlfriend! He is questioning my feelings for him because it was easy for me to share with her. I trust her and I think it made a difference having someone that I trust be the 3rd. My questions are: What did I do wrong? Why is this bothering him? Is it OK for me to still hook up with my girlfriend?And if you could explain why he reacted badly, that'd help too! Thanks!

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • You didn't do anything wrong, but you could have done some things differently. Let's note, though, that having someone you trust to be the third was very, very smart.You could have checked in with your man asking whether he was okay with your making out with her. I'm sure that you had no reason to think he'd object, but better safe than sorry.Giveb that you had changed your mind about your openness to threesomes, you could have reopened the negotiation. Maybe he would have objected to the third then, maybe not. Again, better safe than sorry.How to fix it? Reopen the negotiation now; better late than never. It probably won't be okay to keep making out with your friend in the meantime, but you should at least make it clear that it's what you want. Also, make sure to reassure him that your relationship with him is primary. In fact, if you're going to have an open relationship, you need to be *constantly* reassuring. If you are, he'll learn to trust you, this will blow over, and then you'll have everything.Good luck.

What Guys Said 2

  • Well I guess he's just going to have to work a bit harder then isn't he? :)

  • I'm guessing by "she did more for me than he does" means she got you off more than he has. If this is the case than he should..1) Stop acting like an little insecure boy.2) Take notes on how she got you off.3) Repeat as often as necessary:)This is my prescription for happiness for both of you. Once he is secure with his sexuality he'll likely welcome back the threesomes and not be intimidated by a woman. I mean come on he has all the equipment she has to get you off and more...He just needs to know how to use it and what you need/want to get off.Best of luck!

What Girls Said 5

  • You seem very selfish to me. A 3sum can be either real successful for both partners or a total nightmare for one or the both of you. Your boyfriend is hurt and you are asking if it is ok for you to still hookup with your girlfriend? It seems to me as if you have confirmed his worst nightmare. You did not do anything wrong. You went along with what you both planned. In his fantasies he envisioned the 3sum completely different, than what he saw in reality. This is why he is hurt. He is afraud to lose you. By you saying, HEY you can have another girl. Seems to me has if you have no value in the two of you guys relationship.

    • I meant afraid.

  • Apparently, a threesome seemed like a good idea to him when it was just a fantasy, but not such a good idea once it became a reality. Reason being, he became jealous of the other girl. What I don't get though is why you have a "girlfriend" who you're hooking up with while you have a boyfriend? Is your boyfriend ok with that? If not then then the answer to your question "Is it ok for me to still hook up with my girlfriend?" is no.

  • He'll get over it. I had a 3sum with my man a month ago with another guy. And he got jealous! When your in a committed relationship and you do things like this, jealousy is only natural!

    • Also, you guys agreed to do the 3sum. Hooking up with your girlfriend w/o him is plan wrong unless he agrees that you do so.

  • threesomes never end good. that's why id never do it.

  • I think he got confused of what you thought of him because he asked you if it was ok for a threesome and you said No Way so of course he is have second thoughts if you love him or not because now it seems your more into your best friend then him.

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