Why are so many girls slutty? -or- Why is it hard to find girls who aren't?

I don't want this question to come across as accusing women of all being sluts, or saying that I disapprove of a woman being able to have the freedom to have as much casual sex as she wants in a free society.

That being said, what the f*** is going on these days? Why can't I find one, just *one* good girl who doesn't want to sleep with me on the first date and hasn't lost count of how many guys she slept with? It's like every girl I meet has a history of being abused by guys, of being tricked into sex, or otherwise allowing herself to be abused and turns around and *expects me to do the same*. Hell, I recently broke up with my girlfriend because she was unable to form a relationship that extended beyond sex. I have friends in their 30s who have this problem too. Our culture has degraded women into thinking they have to act this way and it disgusts me.

It's not the acts themselves that disgust me, I don't expect anyone I meet to be a virgin or pure or whatever, I'm totally ok with girls who've slept with their boyfriends and whatnot. What disgusts me is the weak will these girls seem to have. These "sluts" (for lack of a better term) always say overall they don't enjoy having so many partners, but I've had far too many girls who I am just friends with crying on my shoulder about how bad they feel about how they act, but week after week they repeat it: hooking up with guys because they think that'll keep them around, when really all it does it tell the guy she's an easy girl who he can f*** a few times and leave.

I don't know what I'm saying here, but it's the biggest turn off in the world when I find out the girl I'm with sleeps with guys in vain hope that somehow he'll find that attractive and stick around. It says so much about the self-esteem and world view of the girl I'm with it prevents me from having any confidence in the relationship because in my experience, that kind of girl doesn't stop that behavior and inevitably cheats.

So what's the deal ladies? I'm guessing a lot of you aren't the kind of girl I described, so why is it that it's so hard to find girls like you? I have some theories, such as the good girls are usually in a relationship while the slutty ones are bouncing around from guy to guy, and statistically, I'm likely to come across sluts. But then I think that doesn't account for the shear volume of sluts that cross my path. I feel like there are no strong women out there anymore, that in the process of liberating women from the chains of the past, modern society has exploited them (just look at almost any ad, many use sex to sell) and our sisters and daughters have fallen victim.

Forgot this one thing: A huge factor in me being turned-off girls who act like this is the self-confidence: If a girl thinks she's not worth more than a sex object, I feel too guilty to be with her because I feel I'm being used.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I hate to say this, but girls are desperate, and its not just lack of self confidence, it truly is being fed up with all the good guys out there in the world not asking them out.

    I hate to admit it, but I have even fallen victim to this concept. I am a virgin, but I was so fed up with guys not asking me out because I am not easy, so I gave away my first real physical relationship to a jerk. Mostly because he was there, and I was tired of all the other guys in the world being intimidated by me. I am pretty, and I am smart but there is something so alluring about a relationship in a girls eyes. We all want to be loved. We all want to have passionate sex, but we don't want to wait. Its hard waiting, especially when there are plenty of boys out there who would be happy to make a move. Its our choice, really. There is so much information in this world, that we can't blame it on ignorance anymore. We aren't ignorant we just make choices, to feel some fake connection for one night, that will essentially run out what ever trust we built up in the male gender.

    There is no easy way to say it but we do what we do, because we are raise in a society with subjective morals, that enables you to make mistakes by taking away the consequences. Now I know that you are for sex before marriage, I'm not mostly because you can be turned on by anyone even if you aren't attracted to you ( I know its happened). So I am a firm believer that a girl (or boy) shouldn't have sex until marriage. Not just because of emotional baggage, but all of the physical consequences that our society likes to deprive its people of. The information is out there we just choose to ignore it. For instance STDs, pregnancy these things are often covered up by people who want it to be your choice, and we should all understand what is right for you may not be what is right for me. If this is true, then why are there so many guys out there asking the exact same question you are.

    It makes no logical sense why I fell into that loop, or why people want to go around having sex with each other on a first date. I know marriage seems to be a thing of the past, but I wouldn't want to give all I have to give to a guy, just so he can leave me, give me an STD, possibly cheat on me, or compare to another girl he has slept with. Its degrading, but some girls are already just objects, so I don't think its a problem for them, because it is all they have experience in.


What Girls Said 22

  • Wow. I don't even know where to start. I've never been the type of girl to give it up easily, don't get me wrong I'm not a prude in the least, but it takes a lot to get me. (BTW- just because a girl dresses 'slutty', doesn't mean she is. Don't let it fool you, I'm known to dress provocative, yet it takes a lot to hold attention & impress) Anyway, over and over I find guys that were totally interested in me, f*** some other girl because she was a bimbo sex machine, and want to come back and get to know me more. What's up with that? I know guys'll always offer sex, and if the girl complies, he ends up not being interested because ''she probably gives it up this easily to all guys'' which I can understand, but it's messed up nonetheless.

    The problem is most guys say they want the challenge, but can't keep their promise. They find a slut, their horniness is kicking, and they just f*** them real quick then go back to trying to find a girl who's worthy of something deeper. Girls get discouraged with that because they WANT someone who loves them for them, but after repeated offenses of seeing how they treat girls, a lot of girls just give up and decide to f*** who they want and be abused, stupid, but I've seen it happen way too many times. Unfortunately, there's a lot of dumbasses out there. You just have to keep your eyes peeled for girls who are WORTHY, but you have to be willing to keep it in your pants too and calm the sexual urges if you want her to stick around. Because if you f*** it up by f***ing some hoe on the side, she'll be long gone looking for someone who can actually keep their attention focused on her.

    • I never run into the hard to get ones like you, do you know how can I spot one of the slutty girls?


  • I totally understand ya. I don't understand how some women can have even f*ck buddies and not develop feelings. I went out with a friend and his fiance a few weekends ago and one of her friends all she wanted to do was go to a different bar so she can find a goodlooking man to take back to my friends house, even though he said "you aren't taking anyone back to my house, my house is not a hotel or hostel" and she told him "hey, if I find a really good lookin man you can't stop me" he goes "yeah I can, I have my car, I can leave". LOL. Then the other friend started talking about her boyfriend she just got back with but slept with a guy right after breaking up and was telling me "you can't say that any normal 21 year old girl wouldn't break up with a guy and automatically want to go out with her friends to go hook up with a new guy" I told her "well, I guess a lot of girls would probably be that way, sure." I was never like that. Granted I did make one major mistake of a rebound and felt like shit about it the next day. But never did that again and never will. I have to have feelings for someone for sex to be good honestly. It's mainly emotional for me.

    Hey I was completely single for 2 years (I mean hadn't even kissed anyone for 1 year and 9 months type single) til I started dating my current guy a few months actually 4 months to the day! I just realized! LOL! He's been in Iraq for 3 1/2 months. It's true when they say when your not looking someone always comes into your life. We were friends first for a year and 1/2 because I wasn't ready to date. I was still obsessing over an ex all the while working on myself and figuring ME out. So just stop looking so hard, you know what you want, you'll know when you find it. Good luck. Just enjoy life first. A good girl will pop up soon enough. There are plenty of us out there.

  • At some point agree and disagree! Disagree because I have been abused by a guy - most likely molested or anally raped at the age of eight so I don't think that ever happened to you and yes there are girls who go through the same sh** and end up becoming prostitutes and porn stars so in other words its all mentally they repeat it because that was the only way that pain was NOT overpowering them but helping them - it numbed all the pain away when they actually exploited themselves through this crap that would be my only answer for all those - well some girls who like when a guy abuses them in a relationship!

    Now personally I never became a slut - I've never had sex and I definitely never want to do it of the pain and the agony of feeling the same way those 2 guys made me feel who raped me! This is also psychologically but I am at some point being helped! Now why I agree with you is because yes you are right there isn't one girl that I have met so far that doesn't take her relationship to a much better place - all she does is - ends up ruining it with best guy she ever happened to come across with and she dumps him like a last piece of leftover meal! Plus I live in New York so for a guy like you (maybe you live in NY too I wouldn't know cause your anonymous) to find the right girl will be very hard - you should know that! In NY girls are all either as you put it in a term a "slut" or she's a nun! But what can you do - so good luck with finding the right one!

  • The strong woman must be pursued. Good girls make you chase them, sometimes for one to two years before you'll go out with them. If you expect to get a girl without pursuing her,making any sacrifices, or footing the bill your bound to find a slut.

    • Um, I don't know any man that has an ounce of self respect that would allow himself to chase a girl for one or two years just to get a date. The date is to determine if she is worth considering further. If she doesn't allow him the opportunity to find out she's either not interested or hiding something. I agree that a man should show real interest in the woman he chooses though.

    • One problem with that theory she'll thinks" he is too nice I can have him anytime I want to let's be with a bad boy aka a complete jerk" where is the challenge then boom she cave in to temptation and she lusts after that jerk and after what she can't have and then they start chasing jerks.

      While he chases her and she cry about jerks but she'll go back for more like a little puppy and he is permanently friend zoned and there is no way out of friend zoned once you get friend zoned

    • HA! Chase a girl for 1 to 2 years? Who the hell is gonna do that? Any guy that does that is desperate and women aren't attracted to desperate men. No woman is worth chasing for 1 to 2 years. That's insane on so many levels.

  • Ok well, the honest truth is that now days barely any good guys ask out girl so we tend to fall for the bad boys who tend to f*** us and leave us. Its not that were are really sluts its that we tend to get used. Um I'm not a slut but I tend to turn most people down cause there all bad boys, if ur wanting a non wild girl try to find them in better places like go for cute girls who don't half dress and ones that are flirting with u, find a quite girl hanging alone, not everyones like that, it also might be the way you like girls, most really really hottt girls are sluts cause they have had so many guys, find a girl whos not hanging over guys, there not sluts or ones that hang wit guys but are there friend.

  • uhm maybe you are going for the sluts?

    try noticing the gurls who aren't wearing tight jeans and cute little shirts.

    not everyone is a slut go for a gurl that is different :)

  • Have you ever thought about the places you go and meet these girls? I know how you feel. I am waiting for marriage and I get screwed over all the time. There are many reasons why people act the way they do. It's men too. Not just women. All I can say it let God know exactly what you want, make a list of the things you want in a girl per say, then stick to it. See people these days don't set a goal for themselves, therefore, settle for the first thing that shows them a little attention. They want the easy way out. It may be good for a while, but in the end it just leads to heartache. Sweetheart if she sleeps with you on the first night, then she's sleeping with every other guy as well. I wish it was just one reason why, but there are too many to list. It could be how they were raised, who they hang out with, past influences that cause this behavior. And so on. I'm sure self-esteem is the biggest. You must love yourself in order to love someone else. And lust is NOT love. People confuse these all the time. That's why relationships that start as friends last and not ones that are based on physical attraction. ;)

  • I hate those types of slutty girls a lot. I had a problem with one a month ago also. My guy friend broke up with this girl because she was too violent and I seem to have liked my guy friend. So after a 3 days or more . I decided I wanted to try it out with him. It turned out that the girl that he dumped still likes him and she really hates my guts. She says I have a messed up lip and I'm really ugly. She was saying she's better than me. I been really nice to her and I did nothing bad to her and she continues on being a bitch to me. She's really nosy in me and my guy friends besiness too. I hope I don't run into any of these girls anymore -____-

  • it's because it is now socially acceptable to sleep with men, because if you don't, you're a prude or you're ugly. I'm a female and have been struggling with the opposite problem. Men EXPECT me to sleep with them on the first date. It sickens me... I dress casually normally ,which always effs me over. I can be having a GREAT conversation with a guy wearing my jeans and a t-shirt, but them some 'hotter' girl walks into the room (hair a mess, totally wasted) wearing a mini skirt and a low cut top, and I'm immediately put on the back burner, as she giggles relentlessly at everything this guy says... .. she doesn't even contribute to the conversation, just straight up giggles, where as I, a pretty, intelligent, modest woman, has been speaking back and flirting subtly gets shoved aside because I'm not easy. ... it has to do with society, with Katy Perry singing songs about getting raped by aliens and Miley Cirus flashing her vagina to thirteen year old girls and boys... it's sad, it hurts, it's difficult... but there's nothing anyone can do unless we all speak out together..

    • Trust me I'm a former model and sexy guy id never give the bimbo a chance over you !a classy girl is a gem and one id love to date and I agree with the original poster women now days are trashy and say past is the past ...BULLSHIT its your resume to me!

  • Girls these days have daddy issues..They unconsciusly seek for approval, attention and love but they have grown up in a society that says a womens worth is in her sexual appeal. Men pay attention to "sluts" girls that are dressed like them and act like them. Those are the ones that get attention. We want to pretend its perfectly okay for single moms to raise children alone..but its a failed experiment. Children need both a male and a female to adjust well. Girls grow up not getting male attention that does not include a sexual element, so therefore they grow up and do what they think will garner the most attention. Our society sexualizes and objectifies women.

  • If the women has been abused by men before, blame the men, not the women. What you can do is being a great role model for other men, and also react to mens bad behaviours against women.

  • Thank you for posting this. It is truly horrible how the media is constantly telling young women that they are only valued and loved for their bodies, wealth, and the men on their arms. Until society produces healthy role models of women who know that they don't need to change anything about themselves in order to be loved, I'm afraid this problem will continue.

    I am one of those "nice" girls but I have noticed the opposite trend. It seems to me that many guys in their 20's get frustrated when I don't sleep with them right away, so they give up and go for the easy girls who are willing to chase them. These young guys seem to think that freedom of youth is all about sleeping around before you're forced to settle down in your 30's, so they don't put the effort in to get to know the nice girls, since they can get what they want, which is sex, so easily elsewhere. I weed these ones out pretty quickly though.

    The question I would like to ask ladies is why do you give it up so easily? Men respect you more when you love yourself enough to value sex as an expression of your love and commitment, not a recreational activity to gain popularity, which never lasts anyway.

    If women stopped having no strings attached sex with men, we would be running the world. In general, men need sex more than women do, and in nature it's the males who do the pursuing and the female animals who are the choosey ones. So ladies of the world, please find another way of validating yourselves, and men will step up to the plate. Sometimes you have to remove yourself from what the culture dictates you should do in order to love yourself, which can be difficult.

    As for your question, where do you meet these promiscuous women? Bars and clubs are sure to attract those types of men and women. The nice ones are often the shy girls who wait for you to approach them, and generally want to be friends and get to know you for awhile before anything romantic happens. Any girl who barely knows you but is already interested in flirting and getting physical probably doesn't know how to have a sincere and long-term relationship. The best relationships are built slowly. Hope that helps answer your question.

  • you just crossed paths with the wrong girls.. i came across a lot of girls that are like this and they are just in high school so you can imagine what happens after.. but i know a lot of girls that are nice and as you said the good girls in your age i assume are already taken.. the "sluts" you said i think show something they aren't they act bitchy and they are fake and i believe that starts from the way they grew up.. just be patient and you will find the right girl for you!

  • The problem was perhaps you I'm afraid. It seems to me that you are just attracted to girls behaving like such and such. Many girls who were victims to sexual abuse are indeed weak willed, unless they have met someone able to pull them out from the constant nightmare and heal them. This someone can be you if you are the strong one out there. The secret is simply yet hard to meet, which is actually why they try out many partners like the Samarian woman at the well. The basis on solving such a problem is taking her sexual expressions towards you as a kind of body language on the constant pain after being sexually abused and helping her convert the great pain to a great level of self-esteem through so-called Platonic Sex, such as bearhugs (just hold her as long as you can), kisses on foreheads and hands (be as artistic as possible). It's vital to know you should insist not to have sex with her unless you agreed to marry each other. This definitely set you out from a crowd of her other boyfriends. Now, you also need to do a bit of talking here (perhaps wispering) as long as she keeps quite. The talk is mainly around your future with her as her personal psychologist and an engaged couple. THIS IS NOT EASY, BUT THE OUTCOME CAN BE VERY REWARDING.

  • I am not that kind of girl you described. I do see many girls are behaving that way. However, since we do not have any "statistic" on this subject, I am not sure about "most"girl are acting sluty or it is just you running into sluty girls.

    I loved my ex-fiance dearly and whole heartedly. I had no other man but him while we were together, but guess what?, he cheated on me for some sluts... and lied to his nose and even tried to blame me afterward for the breaking. Do we blame the men or the women? I guess the question is, there are such men, there are such women... Now then who, which gender should we blame then?

    I think we have to re-evaluate our society morals and the way we promote social values... Beauty is overated, lust is overated, money is overated, what about love and fidelity...

    I am a slim and attractive woman, I can tell you that there are zillion men came on to me with all kind of tatics, strategies to get me to bed with them... do you see the issue here?

    • 100% right !you on the money I'm with you its about society and morals values!

      I think men and women that act this way are nasty !so let's start not dateing them letter them date each other

  • You are so right!

  • because most girl think that's what all guys want

  • NON-SLUTTY GIRL HERE: Because that's what most guys want. I think sex is an emotional act that you should do with someone you love and trust. Do you know how many guys run when they find out they won't get some from me? I can't keep a relationship longer than 2-3 months because the guys I've dated get frustrated that I don't want to get sexual. I'm not waiting until marriage, I at least want to have deep feelings and have the guy care about me before I have sex.

    Enough talking about myself, but I'm really answering your question. A lot of girls are doing what they feel will make them accepted. And it does. Most guys do not think like you, they actually get turned OFF because girls wait too long.

    But you're in luck, good girls are not hard to find. Hint: we are not the bleach blonde party girls who show skin all the time. We might not be that outgoing but we are worthwile

  • The first thing I have to ask you is where are you looking for girls? If you are looking in a bar, of course you are going to find trashy, slutty girls. It also sounds like you are going for looks over personality. If the girl looks slutty she is, Why are you agreeing to go out with her if you don't like sluts? Seriously, its common sense. Look for an intelligent classy woman instead of going for all of the desperate trashy girls. Plus, why would you want a girl that has to reveal a lot of skin in order to feel sexy? Isn't it a lot better to find a woman who looks sexy in classy non-revealing clothes? You act like you are so innocent, but you aren't. You are the one agreeing to go out with sluts. My advice is if you don't want to date a trashy girl, then don't date one. Its that simple. Don't involve yourself with someone you don't want to be with.

  • Wow. I honestly know what you mean. Today's society is crazy. I am in high school now, so of course the whole "I had sex" thing makes you think you are above everybody else. I don't understand it. If you are just going around having sex with random guys, (in my opinion) you'll never understand the true feeling of being in love.

    Your theories are right; and I think over self-confidence in the way that you think you are the hottest girl and everyone should like you plays a role in it too. If you think this way, you are most likely going to be bouncing around from guy to guy. I don't understand it, and maybe it's because I don't believe in that, but it really is ridiculous.

    Also, I honestly think there are fewer girls that aren't sluts out there than there are sluts, but when you meet the right girl, you will know. You will go through different girls and I say just wait until you have the right one and stop worrying about the previous ones!

  • I think you should wait around a little bit and just causally date until you find some1 who meets your standards. Some girls are slutty but I'm sure if your friends first or just get to know people better you will find what your looking for.

    Most girls are slutty either because they have low self esteem or have nothing else to do :(

    Girls who are not slutty are hard to find because they don't give out vibes as freely as those who are. They are shyer and need more of a push.


What Guys Said 8

  • I'm not a lady, but after reading your post, couldn't help but add my two cents.

    The irony of it all is that My problem was that I never ran across these sluts; I always ran across the girls waiting to be "devirginized" until they got married, if you can believe that; or, I ran across the sluts (as you perfectly described), and when I met them, they had realized their "sinful" ways, and they wanted to sin no more! They had gone from sluts, to complete prudes! That was my luck and it used to piss me off!

    I always used to ask my friends----how come I never come across the goddamn easy girls? All the girls I meet are a bunch of prudes, or they don't want to have sex. Literally, I almost cried cause the lines I got were, 'oh, had you met me a couple of months ago, it would have been your lucky night, but I'm changing my ways. " WTF!

    The good news then, is that the are a few non slutty girls out there. Actually, if you attracting the sluts, that means that maybe you're also behaving like a slut? Are you going out and partying like an animal? I don't know what the case might be, but I'll tell you one thing: The moment I stopped being serious and started acting like a male slut, the more I attracted the sluts out there; basically, in order for me not to meet the prude women, I had to modify my lifestyle; and for me, that meant going out to 'wild' parties more, hanging out with the party people, meeting girls that had lower self esteems, meeting girls that had lower intellectual levels, acting like a cool party guy, etc. Once I got sick of these slutty women, then I went back to my serious mode which meant, hanging around 'cultured women'; and those I defined as women that have high intellectual levels, and their idea of fun is not going out and getting drunk every weekend; mind you, I still met some 'serious' minded nymphomaniacs, but at least they had a high self esteem, and hell, I even felt intimidated by them.

    Now, as I went on meeting all these women, I realized that those that lacked a father figure or male role model, had the lowest self esteem, and were the easiest prey to meaningless sex. The women that came from stronger family ties had actually a higher self esteem, and they didn't sleep around as those that didn't have these strong family ties.

    Maybe to to weed out the sluts,you should inquire about their family relationships, and that will get you a quick idea what you're getting yourself into. Anyway, the simple answer for you----the breakdown of the family and the worship of television has led to the decline in moral values across society. And if you do the research my friend, it ain't by accident either.

    • With 1 in 5 girls sick with chronic genital herpes

      it is best TO BE SAFE LOL

    • Show All
    • dude what the f***, are you like supergood looking, rich. I gess I'm OK looking and I have been trying hard to find a girl, I have had to go to look for street hookers, and the worst thing is having to pay.

      its ironic. you should tell me where girls like that hang out, what city? what shcool etc. wow, Id be happy if I could get just one girl like that.

      maybe there are slutty girls like that but you might be exaggerating. I will even pay you if you tell me how to spot an slutty girl.

    • Have NO respect for sluts !none...classy girls will be great partners and moms

  • Wow, where do you live and where are you meeting these women?

    Please post some clues so that men seeking casual sex can hook up with these chicks. After that, get the hell out of wherever you are. It's obviously full of people who aren't what you're looking for.

  • Um I don't know where your meeting these women but I have NEVER encountered women like this in my entire life anywhere. EVER. Did you just make this mess up or something? Women for the most part don't sleep around with multiple men at all. Most girls I know are very selective about who they bed. We must live in totally different worlds.

    • Are you serious !the original poster is right most girls now days have slept with 15 -30 guys by the time there 24 its sick !

  • Dude,

    Where are you from?? Not all girls are slutty.

    In fact most of them have self respect to them self.

    you might be with the wrong girl and group of friends.

  • Yes, it's capitalism, it's democracy, it's liberty. And liberty always means liberal moral. So girls turned into sluts. Not only in US or Europe, in Russia and Ukraine is the same.

    Those "chains of past" were nothing else as MORAL NORMS, such as chastity, purity, femininity. I am for preservation of those chains, same as for strict hierarchy and subordination instead of democraZy.

    Only in totalitarian lands, where such chains remained, such as North Korea, you could find chaste pure girl. But in USA at least since 60's to meet pure chaste girl who never smokes, never drinks, never hangs in bar is the same as meet the living dino.

  • its the cell phones and the MySpace and the texting, I know first hand what I'm talking about, these things are ruining everyhting, my sister was 16 very nice went to chuch every sunday good grdes, never had a an aittitude, then my other sister got her a cell phone, she put her cell phone number up on MySpace for the world to see then guys would text her then call her then they would trade naked pics of each other then they would have fone sex, then they would want to meet each other (which I stopped 1 time and beat the guys ass) then she had a "serious relationship" with her boyfrend she said she loved him and she would die without him in 1 minute, then the next minute she would be having internet sex and cell phone "sexting", did you know MySpace Facebook an these other sites as well as phone texting have ruined marriges and relationships, my sister use to be a super nice loving girl and was waiting for sex till she got married, but she lost it at 16 and now she is super mean and doesn't care about anything or anyone except her own pleasures

  • you know religion was a good thing to stop us being very horny or stuff like that
    but we left that...
    We all do believe God but... we wanted to have fun...
    Now if you can't find a good girl it's because that
    you said things that we'd learnt in childhood but...

  • Amen! WOW! Well said and I won't add anything it because to me it seems like girls (most! ) have lowered themselves to this level. Many without even realizing it. Like if a guy doesn't wanna f them, they think there must be something wrong with them. Soo sad! The fact is that the few that don't follow this mad culture is so far above the rest that it's too hard to even measure.