How to get my boyfriend to go down on me or finger me?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend won't go down on me or finger me.I've asked before,for either,but he won't do either,he says with going down,the taste/texture/smell are bothersome and gross,and that it is unsanitary and filled with bacteria.With fingering,he said it is just a waste of time(honestly fingering does nothing for me,but it is better than nothing).I am bare(completely) and I shower regular,and am very self conscious about my hygiene(all over).I do give him hand jobs and Bjs,so I'm not asking for my own benefit.And then,during "foreplay" if that's what you call it,i go down on him,and he cums,then I have to wait for him to "recover" and well,it's awkward,cause I just lay there with nothing to do.How can I get him to do either?

[CuriousEd]

Wow... I just read another question from a woman who asked if her guy was selfish because he won't do anything unless there is something in it for him. There, I responded that sex (or anything else in a relationship) isn't on a tit-for-tat basis.

Your boyfriend is just as selfish. He's throwing up a half dozen reasons why he doesn't want to pleasure you...

And in complete contrast to what I just told her, I suggest you use 'tit-for-tat'. If it isn't healthy enough for him to put his tongue, let alone his finger, it certainly isn't sanitary for his penis.

And since there are actually more bacteria in the mouth than your vagina, no kissing -- and you certainly wouldn't want to put them on his penis, so you better not give oral sex.

I would suggest you tell him that you can consider giving him handjobs, but only if he wears a condom. And you might want to consider wearing a glove, when you do.

Sorry... I know this is sarcastic, but this guy is unbelievable. Callous, selfish -- or can he really be so ignorant of sex that he believes the thing he tells you?

[ilovelegs]

There's one thing you can do when you're waiting for him to recover the next time. Tell him that's the last time you do anything for him until he starts pleasuring you too. If he starts up that same talk, you need to make a decision. Either stay with the guy and keep catering to his every sexual needs while you basically get nothing. Or, tell him he's not satisfying you like you want and need, you don't want him around anymore... unless you feel that the way it's been is better than nothing. You're more than clean enough. It's just him and you need to realize that. Don't cater to guys like that because you'll always end up not only getting hurt but losing your self-respect and self-esteem along the way. Those are pretty hard to regain.

[Anonymous]

I had this problem. A guy I was FWB with, wouldn't go down on me I asked him twice then after that I let it go, but if I keep giving him Bjs and hanjobs, and I'm getting nothing out of it, why stay with him? Needless to say I ended it, because with a FWB you're BOTH supposed to get something out of it, if not, it's like he's using you. You might not have to break up with him, but you should let up on the handjobs and blowjobs, til he gives in.

[kailar]

Honestly if you have asked him more then once and he is totally not into it then why not try and find a guy that is into it? There are many out there that are and would love to give you pleasure.

[socute22]

Amen.

[pineappa]

Don't go down on him until he will go down on you. It's as simple as that. It's not fair for him to be so selfish.

[ilovelegs]

I forgot to mention that if he has that attitude, you probably won't ever get him to go down on you or finger you. He's either has a huge hangup about doing that kind of stuff, (but then why does he expect you to do those things?) or he he's not as much into your relationship as you are. Like he's kinda using you because you've been pleasuring him without his having to pleasure you. That's pretty easy. Any guy will take that whether they like you or not. I wouldn't stay with him if I were you unless you're happy enough with him the way it is. I think he's making a fool out of you.

[gtskier]

Let him know that though he thinks stimulating you is a "waste of time" that it's something you desire, just as you give him Bjs. You don't necessarily get pleasure out of it, you do it for him, as it's something he desires. If his idea of foreplay is getting a Bj and then recovering so he can do intercourse, he needs to be straightened out. I could see if you were not doing oral on him that he could justify not going down on you, but fair is fair...

[Ryderx]

its a give and take thing in my mind. I'm sure giving head is not your fav activity but you do it for him... so cut him off lol

[hallowman]

if he complains about taste or smell try eating lots of fruits...pineapple and strawberries can some how improve genital taste...and cut out acidic soda...and junk foods...then hopefully taste might not be a problem...and like the other guy said...cut his bj time off I mean if ur gonna f*** a girl...the mouth is much more dirty than the genitals unless ur unclean which you said ur not

[Shadow_in_the_dark]

if there is a smell in ur vagina then you better go to a doctor...the smell is not a sign of lack of hygiene its just dead bacteria ,and it goes as soon as you take some pills the doc will give u, that is if the smell is the only reason why he doesn't finger u!.

[missriley]

wow. I wonder y? most guys seem to like the satisfaction of making their girl happy

[Anonymous]

Hmm.. sounds selfish and shallow almost. I am sure he expects you to give him head, because I've never met a girl who just enjoys doing it for fun. If you're all shaved and clean, he should have nothing to complain about. Sounds like he's either lazy, or scared (the vagina is a scary thing sometimes)