My girlfriend told me about her threesome in the past... ?

[MrSin]

My girlfriend told me last week, very casually, that she was had a threesome about 10 years ago, with her then boyfriend and another girl her boyfriend knew. Then she said her real fantasy is a threesome with 2 men. I was ok at first thinking its an old adventure from her past, and we were not even aware of each others existence back then (we live in different countries and have met about 9 months ago) but then it started really hitting me. I am feeling tons of different emotions now. I was never into threesomes, don't like them and will never try it; only watched them in porn movies. Now I keep on imagining her with all the nastiness of a threesome from the porn i have watched in the past. The worst part she says she can never do a threesome with me claiming she loves me too much. I'm not quite sure to be happy about it that she doesn't want to do it again... or just not with me. she explained her side of the story when I just couldn't deal with the emotions. She said she was drunk, didn't enjoy it, was a different person back then, and she would never do a threesome with me. I'm very confused.. not angry at her... she is a smart woman, older than me.. but I just can seem to wrap my head around this whole situation. I have been drinking for 30 hours straight just trying to desensitize my mind.. but I just can't seem to. -H

[Cmasterson]

What's in the past is in the past, she very well could've been a different person than she is today. With age you mature and hopefully gain more intelligence, you shouldn't put her on the same level as you see people in porn. It's really not all that vile- if you love her, just accept this has happened it's not like she knew she'd meet you in her future. She disclosed this to you because she feels she should tell you everything, I completely understand her when she says there's some things she has a fantasy of but not wanting to do it with you (or ever since she sees you in her future) what she did in the past she probably did to please her boyfriend, her mind set was different and bringing a third into the relationship can change the whole dynamic which she never wants with you. It's okay, you have every right to feel however you want but it's important to focus on the present and potential future

[dudeman]

the present situation is she had a threesome with some guy before and won't with the man she's say she loves. focus on that.

[Cmasterson]

Exactly it was BEFORE, there is a reason why she's no longer with that ex and it could very well be because of that and that made feelings change. NOW she loves this man and she doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize it. @dudeman

[dudeman]

before doesn't matter. the fact that she did with another man and not with him is all that matters.

[dudeman]

again before means nothing

[CheerGirl38139]

Why do my eyes still have to be exposed to this dickies douchebag's rants? Why?

[CheerGirl38139]

dickless* my bad

[Cmasterson]

You just made your argument invalid by proving "before doesn't mean nothing". Looking st all the opinions you have almost said everything against everyone no matter what opinion @dudeman

[dudeman]

well the past is the past argument is stupid. also keeping your head in the sand is stupid. this guy is asking for advice and im just helping to give him all angles.

[martyfellow]

Hang on there dude, she won't do it with him BECAUSE she knows he doesn't like the idea!!!

[CheerGirl38139]

This is typical of so many women... they over share abut their past with a man. Then the man can't handle the visual images that his imagination forces into his thoughts.

Just remember this... your what you imagine is only that. Your imagination. What really happened is like far less "out there" that what your brain is trying to tell you.

Bottom line... you didn't know each other. You weren't there. You weren't even in her thoughts at the time. She would have been better off to just leave the past in the past and NOT tell you. But now that she did, it's up to you to bury it with some of the things you did before you met her, that are irrelevant to your present relationship.

Everyone has a past. Best not to relive it. It serve no useful purpose. Good luck.

[CheerGirl38139]

apologies for the typos. My thumbs are cold. :)

[becca123]

She says her real fantasy is two men, but also says she can't do it with you? Contradiction you may want to clarify with her.

However, one time 10 + years ago doesn't define who she is now. You need to accept it or break up with her; you can't undo her past.

[MrSin]

it was more than once... she did twice. and she says she didnot enjoy it while it went on for 40 minutes.

[Bandit74]

Pandoras box has been opened. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Unlike other people, I dint think you are wrong for feeling this way. You can't choose your emotions.

I think what bothering is you're imagining the woman you love the same way you see the girls in porn. Also I think guys generally want the sluttiest most wild version of their girlfriend to be for them. You're bothered because she was more adventurous and kinkier with the men from her past. That they got to see her in a way you never will.

Maybe you could see if there's something she would like to do with you that she never did with anyone else :/

[martyfellow]

It's sillly to drink yourself into a stupor over something she experimented with 10 years ago.

I had one also, a little more than 10 years ago, and all 3 of us are happily settled down now. All we have is good memories, but I don't think either of them has told her spouse about it, because a lot of people would get upset, like you.. especiallly guys, I think.

[dudeman]

wow do you know these guys. this is so many levels of fucked up marty

[martyfellow]

I'm still in touch with the girls and have met their husbands. That's why I'm pretty sure the girls have never told about it.

[dudeman]

wow so fucked up. stuff like this is why people dont stay married these days.

[martyfellow]

hey, remember we were all single at th time, more than 10 years ago

[Bandit74]

would you be bothered if your wife had a threesome and still hung out with the men she had it with?

[martyfellow]

That's why they haven't told their husbands,,

[Bandit74]

Well don't you think it's hypocritical to tell him to just get over it if you yourself would be upset to find out your wife has had a threesome?

[martyfellow]

Nothing you can do about the past. It's a waste of energy to worry about what's over.

[martyfellow]

@dudeman Just for the record, we all think it was great and have only good memories. But we're all married now, none of us would even think of doing something like that now. Well, we might THINK about it tbh, but we'd never suggest DOING anything like that!

[dudeman]

it doesn't matter how you the people who participated feel about it. what matters is the third parties whos lives you guys are effecting by keeping it a secret. they are taking these mens choice away from them. what if they dont want to be with a women whos done this. maybe they wake up when they are fifty and realize this women just wasted twenty years of my life i won't get back.

[dudeman]

honestly stuff like this should be tried in a criminal court if the man feels deceived.

[martyfellow]

Do you suppose neither of these guys has EVER done anything they won't tell their wives about? Huh? I mean, I don't know them that well, maybe they have been angels their whole lives. Care to make a litle bet about whether these two guys have never whored around or experimented with gays or...？ YOU are being hypocritical here.

[GirlScout]

What is the big deal here? She just had a threesome, so what? Why are you acting like she fucked a dog or something?

[CheerGirl38139]

Hahahahaha

[dudeman]

some guys dont date sluts

[GirlScout]

@dudeman I swear I blocked you! Why is she a slut for having a threesome? You're such a fucking grandad...

[dudeman]

because its slut behavior.

[GirlScout]

@dudeman says you, I say calling someone who has a threesome a slut is the work of a cunt - so that makes you a cunt then? Are you a cunt dudeman?

[dudeman]

i admit i am a dick though simply because i dont sugar coat things. it doesn't change the fact that she's a slut.

[GirlScout]

@dudeman if you use the word "fact" and "slut" in the same sentence you aren't just a cunt, you're a thick cunt. Your subjective opinion is not a fact. That must be FACT because I said so! That isn't how facts work. FACT!!!

[dudeman]

well considering she's had a threesome that makes her a slut. so whats wrong with her being a slut its like you got something against it or something.

[GirlScout]

@dudeman that doesn't make her a slut, the term is subjective, that means it is based on a persons opinion. It isn't fact. Are you really that stupid that you don't know the difference between an opinion and a fact? Or are you being purposefully thick?

[dudeman]

lol she's a slut she's had a couple threesomes that makes her a slut. why do you hate the word so much. its a very good word does its job very well.

[GirlScout]

@dudeman I hate stupidity, and claiming an opinion is a fact is stupid.

[GirlScout]

Big difference between saying you think she is a slut and saying she IS a slut.

[dudeman]

well she had multiple threesomes. she IS a slut. once a slut always a slut. no such thing as a reformed whore just a women whos time is running out so she's trying a different strategy. its disingenuous and manipulative.

[GirlScout]

@dudeman you just keep repeating the same thing, please tell me how a subjective opinion is a fact. You do know what a fact is don't you? It seems you're having real trouble understanding what it is. FACT: a thing that is proved to be true. You can't 'prove' that someone is a subjective term. If you can't actually understand then just shut up and go away, all you do is relentlessly repeat yourself.

[dudeman]

she had multiple threesomes. she's a slut. moving on now.

[GirlScout]

@dudeman you're such a cunt... and that is a fact :) :) :)

[CheerGirl38139]

OMG that guy is such a colossal douche. He can't help it tho. His parents' basement gets cold this time of year.

[dudeman]

ill take it

[GirlScout]

@CheerGirl38139 yeah, he's like a dog with a boner, humping your leg while you're trying to cook dinner.

[Avneo]

@dudeman I do agree with you and @asker you are you supporting a slut, she frequently had threesome in her past, and now also she wanna have the same, I think she got this innocent guy mrsin, and taking advantage of it, she just plugged a spark in his head... Oh god... What would he do now?

[Avneo]

Are you dead... Pervert.

[OlderAndWiser]

She would never do a threesome again, or she would never do a threesome with you? That is an important distinction.

[rudedevon]

If it's not something she still wants don't get insecure. Be grateful she feels safe enough to be open with you about her fantasies. Try some role play, like blindfolding her, pretending to go to the door and let another man in to have sex with her, so she can enjoy the thought without needing it for real.

I found out my now ex girlfriend had been gangbanged... now that was a shock

[dejeson]

Ummmm why would you want to share someone you love with another guy... a threesome is letting other man have sex with her... feel all over her... if u really want. threesome probably u r not really in love with her... you have to respect her.. she is your lover... and she said the threesome made her feel bad... why would you want to put her threw that situation again... and i dont understand why u would feel bad for her not wanting for you an another guy to have sex with her at the same time

[dudeman]

honestly id dump her. if she really did love you she would give you what she gave another man no questions asked. if she's older then you she wasn't a kid when she did this so she's just trying to trap you into something. you're basically her last hope since she's near forty.

[Avneo]

I think she wanna continue her slutty things, please leave her. She already plugged a spark into your head by saying her slu**y fantasy, now you would never be happy with her.

Else ask her if she would never speak all that again, and let her past be past.

[Blueeyes81]

This is why somethings are better left unsaid. You can't dwell on the past because it messes with the now. Best just try to push it out of your mind.

[dudeman]

its always a good thing to know everything. this way you can move on with your life if you choose too. being uninformed is for children not for adults.

[Blueeyes81]

@dudeman We agree to disagree. I'd rather not be informed on my parents sex life. And I'd rather not know past sexual details of the woman I'm dating. All I need to know is that she's clean and never cheated. I don't need to know that some guy she dated 10 years ago gave her the best orgasm of her life. If you feel like discussing every blowjob you ever got. Ever dick that's been in her mouth, then go ahead. I'd rather not know.

[dudeman]

thats obviously an exaggeration dont you think? stds, threesomes, cheating, bisexuality, ganbangs just anything thats not standard should at least be touched on. you agree with me in part just not to the same degree. obviously we dont need to talk about how many loads she's swallowed, just thats she's done it is enough.

[BartBart00]

I'm so sorry for you... It was over year ago... How are you doing now buddy? I was talking to this 1 girl for a while and she told me about her threesomes she had with 2 same guys and it just broke me... haven't had love for few years and after I finally meet someone who I feel connection too I get knife in the back and its disgusting people think its something wrong with u or me... Its the pain of like she doing so much nasty and its already be done, its not exactly cheating but its so hard to just manage, like literally whole day been thinking about it and I can't stop stresing

[Anonymous]

Let's skip the bs and just say that... you are hurt and feeling disgusted to your girlfriend. It is legit and you want to feel so or not, it will be there. So... what to do? Mm.. go soul searching etc or go counseling. you'll find your answer. Good luck