Sexual Health
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I REFUSE to give blowjobs!

i REFUSE to give a blowjob to guys. I think it is absolutely repulsive and honestly makes me want to throw up at the thought of it. I've never done it so this isn't from experience-i just think it is disgusting. do guys expect it? if I say no to him when he asks or when the time comes that its "expected" will he get mad? is it a bad thing that I think its so gross? Also-how can I tell him no without hurting his feeling and telling him how disgusting I think it is?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • It's unfair for a guy to get p*ssed off at you for not wanting to give him a blowjob. I mean it's like anything else, it's just someone's preference. It doesn't necessarily even have to be sexual at all, it's just unfair in general. It'd be unfair for me to have a female friend get p*ssed off at me for not wanting to watch Gilmore Girls with her. If you don't want to do it, you don't want to do it.

    But at the same time, it's fair for the guy to find it a bit odd. I wouldn't be mad at you, but I would find it odd, since in general penises aren't actually that dirty and disgusting (our wangs really aren't that dirty).

    Also, I find it odd that you dislike it so much without giving the act (which is pretty widely accepted) a fair shot. It's sort of like when someone hates a really common food that they refuse to try.

    Mashed potatoes... gross, why would anybody eat anything so soft but chunky? It's the root of a plant, it's been covered in soil for months! Ugh.

    (not really of course)

    But I mean as far as getting p*ssed off because they took it personally that you don't like pleasuring a guy's penis in some way... nah that's still dumb on the guy's part (although he totally has the right to get frustrated still, imo).

  • I think you have every right to feel that way, I don't think every woman thinks it is A-OKAY to have a guys penis in her mouth...To tell you the truth...I have had women perform oral sex on me when I should have been embarassed for not having been in the shower first. Lets face it, male and female genatalia are not the most antiseptic parts of the human body. One girl absolutely insisted that I wash my penis THOROUGHLY after we had intercourse, because she "didn't want it in her mouth, after being inside her" !

    The sword cuts both ways, and I am certain the many guys feel the same way at some point. I can honestly say that I have been with a woman or two that I could not bring myself to put my mouth ANY WHERE NEAR her vagina...because of the concern you just registered.

    If a guy rejects you as a lover because of your feeling..."screw him" and find someone else that honors your feelings about it.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Maybe you need to come to terms with why you are so disgusted? It can be a beautiful thing when done with a loving partner. It can be an act of sexual gratification, but also a very "pure" act of trust and giving. I, for instance, feel that oral being performed on me is even more intimate than intercourse because it requires a lot of trust in your partner and a feeling of being accepted by them.

    Any guy who "expects" any kind of sexual gratification isn't a good partner. However, there is usually a desire for mutual expression of desire in adult relationships (I'm assuming you actually are 18+). Yes, its sometimes about release, especially for men who are wired to keep sex and emotion separate for the most part. But it can be about a lot more. Your partner may feel very rejected if you aren't into him enough to go down on him. Or if you don't trust him enough to let him go down on you. You've got to talk it out, though, and be honest and cooperative when it comes to sexual desires. You don't want to do it and you don't want to talk about why you don't want to do it -- so I don't see how your partner can understand the situation without hurt feelings.

    • I already know the reason why I don't want to do it. honestly-think about it for a second- its going into your MOUTH! would you lick a toilet seat? because that's what I equate it to. I don't know what's wrong with me and why I can't get over the logical part of my brain that screams "eww why the hell would you put that in your mouth? why don't you just lick the floor of a public bathroom while your at it?" thanks for your answer anyway though-gave me something to think about..

    • Lol ... oh yeah, I see where you are coming from. if you ever get someone you feel close enough where you wanna try it, just have him wash with soap and water first. they also make flavored stuff. no need to force yourself to do something you don't want, but you may want to do it someday and need to work past your associations :)

    • Take a shower with your lover. Soap each other up. Laugh. Giggle. Rinse. Repeat. Now answer this: how "dirty" is your lover's penis? Dirtier than your scalp? Your elbow? Your own nether regions? Still equate a freshly washed body part to the bathroom floor? If you do, then things get interesting: you're dealing with a ritualistic sense of cleanliness, kind of like how Indian culture sees the Dalits, better known as the "untouchables." Now it's not about biology or cleanliness, but about you.

  • Honestly, I think you should try it once before you knock it completely, it's probably not as gross as you think. Especially if you do it to someone you really care about. Before I had done it, I thought it was gross too, and I dreaded having to do it. But I was with a guy for a while, and we took it slow, and I wanted to make him feel good and happy, and I just, forgive my pun, swallowed my preconceptions, and did it. And it wasn't bad at all. Seeing his face was a huge reward as well.

    Once you find someone you want to make happy, I think you'll come around. Until then, there's no need to rush anything. Just tell him you've never done it before, and you're not ready to yet. If he's not ok with that, then forget him and go find someone who cares about you and not sex.

  • If he gets mad then he's an ass! Period!

    There's nothing wrong with you thinking it's gross...most people who haven't done it do think it's gross...trust me I was one of them

    Now I don't mind them at all and actually kinda enjoy it...I love the sounds my man makes and the pleasure I recieve from giving him that pleasure...

    I do think that all things sexual should be tried at least once (once you're comfortable with it and the partner your with)

    As far as expecting it YES in my experience they all expect it at some point in time!

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Is it a bad thing that you think it's so gross?

    No. it's bad that you'd come across so adamant, inflexible, absolute on a sexual matter that is commonplace, enjoyed by humans across the centuries/millennia...and all without even trying it. It's a prejudice, plain and simple.

    My guess is that you have other attitudes about sexuality that make it difficult for you to fully engage without feeling shame or guilt, suppressed though they may be.

    Do we guys expect it? Not fellatio, specifically, but we expect our lovers to be, as Dan Savage says, Good, Game and Giving. Open to love, intimacy and everything else intimacy calls for. Because of your tone, it sounds as though you're holding back on more than just oral sex.

  • I don't think there's any problem with you not wanting to give blowjobs. You don't want to, and any guy who tries to force it on you isn't a guy worth keeping around.

    However, it WOULD bother me if you turned it into a double standard. I wouldn't force you to go down on me, and I would want you to respect me if I chose not to do something to you that I didn't want.

  • 1st off Its 2010.. haha jk... Seriously, If that's how you feel, That's how you feel... But you could try.. showing you gave an effort and tried... Much more likely for him to understand and empathize.. But you should never feel like you Haave to do sumthing.

  • LOL @ most of these answers.

    Why does something have to be wrong with you just because you think it's disgusting.

    I also think it's disgusting. The stuff that comes out of there is GROSS.

    I wouldn't want that stuff on any part of my body much less in my mouth GROSS!

    • THANK YOU!!! :D finally someone who understands!!

    • I did it once and it was the worst part of sex. I don't make him go down on me so I'm not pulling a double standard on him or anything but it's gross. he likes it and he says it feels amazing but for me, it's pretty disgusting.

  • good luck not getting cheated on if you won't suck a d***

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