He can't stay hard?

[Anonymous]

so my boyfriend of about 2 months and I had sex the first time last night. but he couldnt stay hard. like after 2 minutes he was limp again. he also had a very hard time finishing. and it was even kida a struggle to get it up. I've never had this problem with my previous boyfriends. amd so when he was acting defeted and said that this has never happened to him before he doesn't know whats wrong. he was just looking at himslef really frustrated so i just said ''its probably not your fault its probably me. dont worry about it'' trying to take the pressure off of him. at this time we were just sitting crosslegged infront of eaxhother. he looked broken so i just pulled him into a hug because i didn't know how to make him feel better. then he suggested we take a break. so we just cuddled and talked until we fell asleep. and he left in the morning. i feel very confused. right now i dont know what to do... like outside the bedroom he is a great boyfriend. but i ended up feeling like poop afterwards. like i dont even feel like i want to go through that again if i am the issue here. i did a little bit of reasearch of what could be the issue. one is age. he is only 24 so i dont think that is it. not having confidnce.. he's really smart handsome.. and suave.. so no i dont think so. not actually wanting to engage in sex.. thats what im worried about.. and diet. he has at least 2 beers a day and eats a hamberger from mc donalds also everyday... but could that really be why? and does anyone have advice on how to combat this? im afraid if this continues of where sex is just something that causes frustration for us we won't work out

[rjroy3]

Honestly, there are several reasons it could have happened. I just turned 26 and it happened to me once last year. When I was with my ex I didn't masturbate plain and simple. We had sex frequently so I had no need to look at porn or masturbation. We went off to have sex and for whatever reason my dick wouldn't stay hard. It would get up 60% of the way then fall back. No rhyme or reason. As a guy, especially in your 20s when that happens you feel shame. Because this "shouldn't" happen to you. It makes you feel lesser. Less of a man. And part of me didn't want my girl to feel bad as if it was her fault, because it was me. That's why he left in the morning. He knows it was him. What I did in that situation, I looked my girl in the eyes and said I'm sorry I have no idea what's wrong right now. Can we take sex off the table and just makeout, cuddle and I'll eat you out for a bit?
She conceded. When there was no "stress" to perform, my dick ended up getting rock hard about 20-30 minutes later and we had sex.

It's highly likely he could have been stressing about something. The best thing to do in that situation is to just take "dick in vagina" off the table for the moment and go back to intense foreplay like when you were kids. Making out is really hot and fun : ) and it helps take the stress away.

[Asker]

thank you for the response. i will try suggesting it next time to still make out.

[summiter]

Sometimes guys have performance anxiety. Has he had a lot of sex before you? If it happens again ask if you can just jerk him off instead. Ask him if it happens when he jerks off also.

I would suggest he gets a lot of exercise and improves his diet.

Try a lot of foreplay, get him ready to blast off before he enters you, see if that works.

[Asker]

well today was the 2nd time we had sex. and it was SOOOOO good. we did quite a bit more fore play this time. because we didn't start kissing in the bedroom. i was like massaging his thigh while he was driving me home. our goodbye kiss turned into a makeout. turned into us having sex im my room. so it was a slow build. maybe that is just what he needs

[summiter]

I am so glad things worked out. Both of you deserve some great orgasms! Did you go for round two or three? Did he have any issues at all?

[Asker]

no earlier that day he helped his friend with his shop that will have a grand open on Wednesday. but here was a lot more to do so he helped from early morning until 5pm when our date started. and i worked nannying a new born and two kids from 8-5 when our date started. we went sight seeing out of the city. went to cafe went to dinner. and so after sex we were done pooped and we fell asleep haha

[redeyemindtricks]

The answer is almost certainly "He masturbates too much". Do you have any way to determine how often he rubs it out?

I first wrote "monitor", but then I erased it and wrote "determine" because it looked creepy and stalkery. lol.

[Asker]

no we have only been dating for a short while. so i dont know hos habbits

[redeyemindtricks]

Okay. The only reason I'm so sure is, you said he got hard, but didn't STAY hard. That isn't normally how performance anxiety / psychogenic ED works. But, as they say... It's complicated. Cool thing is, it's still a pleasure center, hard or not. Try taking it all into your mouth and "kissing his stomach" (you get the picture). Go for the nuts with your tongue, while it's still in there. Bonus: If/when you decide to become an expert at deepthroat, these will be special, special treats for him. Most importantly, GO RIGHT INTO DOING THESE THINGS. Just act like you don't even notice the lack of an erection. Do not acknowledge it. Nope. If you don't... he's much less likely to. Finally, you said he's hard to start with. Get on top. Then as long as he's in there, you can grind back and forth to your heart's content even if he goes limp. There'll be some angle (s) where you can get some kick-ass clitoral orgasms that way. And/or start grinding on his face and see what "comes up". (:

[redeyemindtricks]

Lastly, this: "I've never had this problem with my previous boyfriends" Really? Never? Never ever ever?

[Asker]

no never i could go 5 times a night with my last two boyfriends. with my last boyfriend just the idea of me being in his bed naked gave him a boner. but thank you so much for the tips i will try those next time i think they will help a lot

[redeyemindtricks]

"no never i could go 5 times a night with my last two boyfriends" That sounds like both at the same time. I know that's not what you mean. Let a girl have a moment. (:

[Asker]

lol im sorry. what i meant was my boyfriend that i had when i was 19 we would oftenly have sex at least 3 times the nights we were together. and my next boyfriend i had sex with when i was 22 was even more lively. i would still be out of breath trying to get my bearings (oh god when did i get onto the desk?) and he would suddenly come at me again ready to go. there were night when he had to make condom runs because we used them all already.

[redeyemindtricks]

No no, honey, I know exactly what you meant. I just saw the words, and had dirty thoughts. Because I'm a dirty girl.

[Asker]

haha i like you your cool

[redeyemindtricks]

Why, thank you! Merry Christmas. xoxoxoxo

[Asker]

haha no problem merry Christmas to you too

[meowcow]

Few reasons why this happened:

1, Nervousness for being the first time.
2. He had masturbated recently (earlier that day).
3. Stress or fatigue (was it after work, or in the evening?)
4. Poor health. Does he drink a lot? Eat poorly? Obese or otherwise unfit?
5. Some form of ED.

[Asker]

he might have been nervous i guess he did have a film shoot that morning. he eats horribly but he also works out i hope he doesn't have ed he's so young

[burlen]

I'm not an expert, but it seems his erectile problem is porn-induced. Ask him, to be truthful with you if he watches porn or masturbate to porn often.

I'd like to play the devil's advocate here: he probably masturbates to porn almost daily. if indeed he is a porn or masturbation addict, he must abstain from porn and masturbation for at least 90 days for his brain, mind and cock to reboot.

Let him check these links:
www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/
www.reddit.com/r/pornfree
www.nofap.com

[oxynous]

First of all, this is not a problem. May happen to any healthy man. The problem begins when it happens all the time (statistic sample 100+). Once, especially with a new lover is almost to be expected. Too much pressure to perform well. And it will quit surely happen again the second time. The only cure is you. Relax him (you don't need me to tell you how you will do that; use your imagination and/or your common sense) and avoid any time pressure on the act. Make him feel comfortably and let things happen naturally. Don't be discouraged if you don't achieve results quickly and try not to discuss it with him because this will mount the pressure on him. Discussion must come after several failures (10+).

[Asker]

well we had sex again last night. we just went really slow to start like i was rubbing his thigh in the car for like 10 minutes and i was giving him a slow hand job while we were making out up until we started sex. and it was all fine. but if it happens again ill be sure to use your advise thank you.

[ConsultantIsBack]

Masturbates too much and/or low testosterone/out of shape

[Asker]

maybe he had let out a load before we started kissing and having sex because i remember now he did go to the bathroom before. but we were outside for 7 hours on a date and had consumed quite a bit... i didn't think anything of him asking to use the restroom when we got to my house

[NotGuru]

He masturbated twice that day in the morning, then while kissing, he would have ejaculated, now he was stressfully thinking that how long will he last, and it's gone! Happened to me once ;) a glass of milkshake and a gap of 15 minutes helped :)

[Asker]

hmm okay its nice i have a better idea of what was going on in his mind thanks

[ArtDent]

he knows what the problem is and he knows it's not you. He's gong to try to deal with it and unless it becomes the norm, it's probably best that you drop it.

[Asker]

well im hoping there is a trick i can do to help the situation. because he seemed to not know what to do at the time. i just want to be prepaired

[ArtDent]

The trick is for you to think it to be no big deal.

[dudegrt09]

It can happen due to wide range of reasons... I injured by pelvic muscles some days back and had a lot of erectile dysfinction issues after that.. thankfully after some months the feeling returned, but still not 100% yet, and sadly no doctor could recognise my problem until I went to see my chinese medicine practitioner... he recognised the problem... I hope that I will be 100% soon

[Asker]

i hooe you get better soon too. sorry you went through that

[dudegrt09]

Don't sweat it... it's getting better now

[dudegrt09]

I meant to say *I injured my pelvic muscles some months back

[Asker]

ah okay ^^

[BackInGame]

plottwist: that's not your boyfriend.

[Asker]

what?

[jackyoyo]

it's you..

[Asker]

yeah i was worried about that x_x

[Anonymous]

I've heard of thi happening a lot actually it's a thing that happends to guys when they r really nurvice can happen a few times in the beginning same for girls first times they can't come it want u maybe u should try somthing more relaxing like somthing in the shower or low lights so he dosn't have to think as much good luck I hope u give it a few more try's

[Asker]

thank you for the support you are so nice. we ended up trying again last night and it worked well. i was really satisfied

[Opinion Owner]

Haha grate I knew it would work Good to hear ur happy :)

[Anonymous]

This has behen happening to me from 2 days... I am just not in the MOOD because I have was working late at night...

So it could be stress of any kind... also I noticed that if I don't get much time to relax or get comfy I don't get in the mood...

So don't make a big deal of it.

[Asker]

thank you for your In put