Sexual Health
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My sister has casual sex and I can't accept it, how do I become more supportive?

So my sisters sex- and dating life compared to mine is very different. Me Short described: the one that dates the most, to-tre sexual experiences (only handjobs/fingering and oral sex), never had a boyfriend. My sister short explained: never actually dated, had 6-7 sexual partners (one friends with benefits and the rest ONS), never had a boyfriend. I love her to death, but atm she has this friends with benefits relationship wit this guy and it does bother me hence me not able to fully support her, and it does bother me that i can't be there a 100%( she never says anything positive about him, and i can't feel like she is settling hard). For me a friends with benefits kinda thing is very belittling becuase i would never want to be just a place to cum in for a guy. The thought angers me, and im definitly more than my body. But on the other hand she tells me about what she has been doing, and im quick to judge and comment on it. which i know is worng. She tells me that she wants sex and that she is using them just as much as they are using her. But at the same time she tells me this is more of a temporary solution untill she find a boyfriend, and later on telling me its about the intimicy rather then the actuel sex. And i dont know what to do, on one hand i want to be supportive and give her advice, but all I can see is this insecure little girl who just wants to feel attractive, thinks the only way gives will notice or "like" her is by sex, and someone who need guidence. I have very little sexual experience, so what do i know. The only thing i do know is trying to help and listen, but i dont know if its enough
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Hun, I had lots of friends with benefits. I had just as many who were... um... just benefits.

    I like attention. In fact, I LOVE attention. (And that's a good thing, because I'm like a thousand feet tall, loud, abrupt and awkward.)

    You know what else I've always loved?
    Um, yeah, getting fucked senseless.
    For me at least, this is pretty much independent of the attention thing. If I just put on heels and walk down the damn street, I am guaranteed the undivided attention of basically everyone from age 5 to 95. Sex for even MORE attention? Pffft.

    I'm not trying to read your sister. I have no idea what your sissy is doing. (And sorry, but... all I had was brothers and a dad.)

    What I'm saying is,
    #1, I think you should love your sis and just be there for her, through thick and thin,
    #2, yes, there really are girls who see guys for reasons like "my hand is too tired tonight",
    #3, I'm now in year 14 of an impossibly fulfilling marriage, despite being a dirty, filthy little slutty-slutty slut-slut.

    Just be there.
    <3

  • Well I would start by telling you to just make sure she knows you love and support her no matter what. You don't have to agree with her decisions in order to be there for her. I would also tell her that if she does want a boyfriend or long term relationship, that having sex with multiple people is not going to help her find that. If a guy knows that she will have sex with anyone, or on the first date, then some men won't consider dating her seriously. Some girls just want love, and feel sex is the only way. But that just backfires. I would just try to build her self esteem, not be critical, love her, try to talk to her about why she wants to just have sex in a non judgmental way, and encourage her to maybe talk to a counselor if you feel she has some emotional issues. Does she have a good relationship with her Dad or a father figure? That could cause her to desire male attention if she doesn't

  • You basically in a way are supporting her by not shaming her, thats a step and I suppose she genuinely really doesn't want a boyfriend right now and feel that her friends with benefits is her type of guy she would even want to have a boyfriend with. To be honest its true she's using them as much as they are her. Not everyone wants a boyfriend, and if they did- they'd also be a place for their boyfriend to cum- not every boyfriend is genuine and can be deceitful in order to get sex, but then of course there's those awesome ones who are what boyfriends should be. Listening, is also great! The more you listen the more you will be able to understand where she's coming from. at least you're wanting to work on it x

    • She DOES want a boyfriend, that why im feeling like she shouldn't be doing it because she is settling. I mean She barely finds him attractive

    • True, well sometimes people just feel sex is more important sometimes or perhaps she isn't rushing finding one, so in the meantime she's feeding her sexual hunger.

    • She is always on the Hunt for a boyfriend and its like I mentioned, she later told me its about the intimicy rather than the actual act

    • Show All

  • The only thing you can and really should do is to be there to show support for her. It's not your place to tell her to end things with a friends with benefits with whom SHE is involved with, not you. I know it's a tough position for you to be in as I was once in a similar one with my best friend.
    Just let her be, offer support when that's what she needs.

    Hopefully things won't turn out too bad and she'll learn a lesson through this whole experience when it's all over.

    • well i hope so.. but a part of me feel like i should change my mind set because this is actually 2015, in only 5 days 2016. People do casual sex all the time, this normal nothing wrong with sex etc. I feel like i do have this fear of being used, im sure i have sabotaged several potential relationship because of it, so maybe its just me? maybe im in this outdated mind sett and need to change? I dont know.. i was raised in a vert liberated home and almost incurage to explore sexually, my friends did/do casual sex etc..

    • nah I don't think it's just you. I'm not open to casual sex for myself. I don't view it as something that's necessarily bad in theory, not something that would make the receiver little more than a 'cum bucket'. Sex is just something that means more to me than the actions... it's something I could only participate in with someone who I care for. If casual sex works for other people though, so be it. Different things work for everyone. It's not our place to interfere with that.

    • I agree, I would never do it (for now ), but I feel like I should stop being so judgmental in a way I guess

Most Helpful Guys

  • " this is more of a temporary solution untill she find a boyfriend" She doesn't want a boyfriend, she is just saying that to get you off her back, and get some sympathy. Oh poor girl, she tries so hard but can't find a boyfriend so she has to "settle" for fwbs who she despises. The truth is if she really wanted a boyfriend she would try and get one, instead of seeking a friends with benefits. As for it being about "intimacy" rather than sex, how can you be intimate with someone who you never have anything positive to say about?

    She is ruining her life right now, instead of trying to find an emotional, stable relationship she is sleeping around, going out of her way to choose friends with benefits that she despises, except for sex. If this pattern continues she will most likely end up old, alone, and unable to develop healthy emotional attachments to other people both men and women. That is why people are concerned with promiscuous behavior, and the fact that people are so damn set on encouraging it is at the very least troubling.

    • Good for you

  • A whore never exploits her lovers. The only one exploited is herself. Try to explain her that the only one with the bad reputation among your "friends" will be your sister and only. After getting enough of her, the "friends" will move on. The reputation of the "easy girl" will stick on her irrevocably. Try to explain her that.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 4

  • Guys care more about people being chill be around then fucking. Friends with benefits typically two people like eachother and enjoy fucking but bothe to nervous/awkward not wanting screw up what they got say feelings eachother.

  • You don't have to be supportive. It's obviously not good and just because she doesn't like it doesn't mean that it she's entitled to not hearing it.

  • mind your own business.

    • Well she is telling me about it and asking for advice, she is making it my business

  • She acts slutty and you are normal why should you support her slutty acts? I think at least you are not judging her

  • In reading your response to the gal below, it's very clear that this is a hypothetical situation you've created in order to advance a very different point of view than the one you present in the question.

    • And why would I do that?

    • To advance a social agenda or change a cultural norm

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