Anal without my permission?

A few nights ago my boyfriend and I were in his bed, and in the same room about 6 feet away, his best friend was on the couch. we were just going to bed, lights off, t.v. off, and my boyfriend decides he wants to have sex, which I didn't want to do cause I thought it was incredibly rude to do with our friend right there, but I just let my boyfriend do it and we had to be really really quiet. well, I was facing away from him and he was doing it from behind, then it slipped out and he put it in my butt... since we had to be really quiet I had to bite my bottom lip, I tried to deal with it, but then I had to hit him away. but he came back for more, so I made sure it went in the right hole. well the next night I told him, because I didn't think he knew, but he said he did... it didn't bother me at the time... but the past couple nights all I can think about is why would he do that to me? he knew I couldn't say anything because our friend was right there... I feel like he raped me in a way. I just got off the phone with him now, and I told him that I'm disgusted by what he did, and now he's saying that he didn't do it on purpose... so I asked, then why tell me you did? and he just replied "i don't know".

so does this sound like rape to you?

should I be mad?

is he lying about not doing it on purpose?

what should I do? I'm so mad I'm crying right now.

anal without any lube and without even knowing it's going to happen hurts really really bad.

the next night he admitted that he knew what he was doing, and that anal is so much tighter you can't get it confused with the vagina. and now he's saying that he didn't know.

Most Helpful Guy

  • He's afraid of pushing you away because he had a selfish sexual impulse. He feels guilty for taking advantage of the situation but at the same time doesn't want to lose you.

    He probably didn't know you would respond that way, and the fact that when you hit him he didn't try again suggests he did respect your intentions when you made them clear. He can't see that you bit your bottom lip, at least from what you said it doesn't seem so.

    the "I don't know" response is a typical technique to cover up his guilt/shame because he doesn't know what else to say besides being honest, which makes him selfish at the same time.

    If he seems genuinely upset at you being upset, and still is with you, talks to you about it, seems to care and isn't like "too bad it was just anal stop being so prude/bitchy" then he probably just got excited and had an impulse that night.

    I think if any guy knew that this would be the consequence, he would have asked first. I'm sure he was shocked when you hit him away.

    He's going back and forth between saying he knew and didn't for what I said above, he's going between being honest/selfish and dishonest/ignorant. Both are techniques we try as guys to get out of such situations, there's really no other solution.

    Just find out if he still respects you by how he talks to you, and also determine how he feels about it. Don't try to call him out on switching between different reasons for trying it. He will feel cornered and not know what to do besides get upset at you, which will further damage the relationship unnecessarily.

    Good luck!

    • I agree here....he tried something...cause he was selfish...he made a mistake...if you love him you can forgive him but also firmly let him know this must never happen again.

      I kinda think its hard to class as rape....

    • Any unwanted sexual penetration is considered rape