Anal without my permission?

A few nights ago my boyfriend and I were in his bed, and in the same room about 6 feet away, his best friend was on the couch. we were just going to bed, lights off, t.v. off, and my boyfriend decides he wants to have sex, which I didn't want to do cause I thought it was incredibly rude to do with our friend right there, but I just let my boyfriend do it and we had to be really really quiet. well, I was facing away from him and he was doing it from behind, then it slipped out and he put it in my butt... since we had to be really quiet I had to bite my bottom lip, I tried to deal with it, but then I had to hit him away. but he came back for more, so I made sure it went in the right hole. well the next night I told him, because I didn't think he knew, but he said he did... it didn't bother me at the time... but the past couple nights all I can think about is why would he do that to me? he knew I couldn't say anything because our friend was right there... I feel like he raped me in a way. I just got off the phone with him now, and I told him that I'm disgusted by what he did, and now he's saying that he didn't do it on purpose... so I asked, then why tell me you did? and he just replied "i don't know".

so does this sound like rape to you?

should I be mad?

is he lying about not doing it on purpose?

what should I do? I'm so mad I'm crying right now.

anal without any lube and without even knowing it's going to happen hurts really really bad.

Updates:
the next night he admitted that he knew what he was doing, and that anal is so much tighter you can't get it confused with the vagina. and now he's saying that he didn't know.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • He's afraid of pushing you away because he had a selfish sexual impulse. He feels guilty for taking advantage of the situation but at the same time doesn't want to lose you.

    He probably didn't know you would respond that way, and the fact that when you hit him he didn't try again suggests he did respect your intentions when you made them clear. He can't see that you bit your bottom lip, at least from what you said it doesn't seem so.

    the "I don't know" response is a typical technique to cover up his guilt/shame because he doesn't know what else to say besides being honest, which makes him selfish at the same time.

    If he seems genuinely upset at you being upset, and still is with you, talks to you about it, seems to care and isn't like "too bad it was just anal stop being so prude/bitchy" then he probably just got excited and had an impulse that night.

    I think if any guy knew that this would be the consequence, he would have asked first. I'm sure he was shocked when you hit him away.

    He's going back and forth between saying he knew and didn't for what I said above, he's going between being honest/selfish and dishonest/ignorant. Both are techniques we try as guys to get out of such situations, there's really no other solution.

    Just find out if he still respects you by how he talks to you, and also determine how he feels about it. Don't try to call him out on switching between different reasons for trying it. He will feel cornered and not know what to do besides get upset at you, which will further damage the relationship unnecessarily.

    Good luck!

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    • I agree here....he tried something...cause he was selfish...he made a mistake...if you love him you can forgive him but also firmly let him know this must never happen again.

      I kinda think its hard to class as rape....

    • Any unwanted sexual penetration is considered rape

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What Guys Said 14

  • It's rape no doubt.

    Only one answer to that: dump him and consider to report it to the police (but they 'll ask why you didn't call for help since someone was present.)

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  • I'm finding it hard to believe that it just slid into your ass without any lube. I mean, either you have a big anus, but he's got a small d***? Even if his d*** was lubed with your natural juices it should take some easing into. And you were an anal virgin? Man that must have hurt. Lol, what a jerk.

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    • Not an anal virgin, I've done it with him but we used lube. it didn't exactly slide in, he had to ease it in, but since the room was dead silent and his friend was just a few feet away from us, if I made the slightest bit of noise, it would have given away what we were doing, and I found that to be extremely rude.

  • He desired doing so and assumed you were ok with it until you pushed him away. He wanted to do so because he was curious about it and it turned him on but point is you are still seeking to figure it out and still talking to him which suggests the physical feeling of it was unpleasant but he was not as disrespectful as you are questioning him to be. You needed to say no and not ask a bunch of questions which is confusing to a man because it is unclear. But if you keep feeling as if it was wrong/rape then declare him to the police a.s.a.p. Stop focusing on what he thinks and focus on what you know happened !

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  • Did he at least apologize?

    It sounds like he is lying, but regardless, "I don't know." is a really crappy answer. I'd say at least tell him how much it bothers you.

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  • That's called rape. By the book. What you want to do about it, if anything, is a decision only you can make.

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What Girls Said 16

  • It's not rape in this situation. I think at first he did it on accident, but realized that it must have felt much better. But the fact that he is changing his story is kind of sketchy.

    I think the best thing to do is talk it out. Tell him you do not like it, and not to do it again. If he persists, do you really think you should be with him?

    And one more thing, NEVER EVER put him back in your vagina after he's put it in your butt. That will lead to infection. There's way too many germs in your bum and getting them in your urethra (pee ole) and vagina can cause some serious damage. (UTI's, vaginal infections, kidney infections...)

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    • It IS rape.

    • You're right concerning the risk of infection for the girl if the penis goes unwashed from anus to vagina.

      However, he too risks some infections:

      Anal penetration without condom can lead to prostatitis (prostate infection. Prostate infection can lead to orchitis -testicular infection, which can lead to male sterility)

      Without condom it can also lead to cystitis (urinary tract infection) for him.

      (a dubious pleasure :-S)

  • Wow! What he did was totally wrong! Period! The minute he slipped it in your rectum you should have taken it out. Don't ever let any man do anything to you that you don't want him to do. I'm sorry for your pain and suffering because it does hurt...real bad. Obviously, he's a liar because he told you that he didn't do it on purpose, then admitted that he did. He disrespected you, and what he did could be borderline rape. I say borderline because you said you tried to deal with it...so, it wasn't totally rape. He was insensitive to you and I think you should run from him. He's cruel. Also, don't ever let a man penetrate you anally and then re-insert his penis in your vagina. The fecal matter on the penis can infect your vagina like you wouldn't believe; and then you will be in some pain like you've never felt. I'm so sorry that this happened to you and I hope you feel better...physically and emotionally.

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  • Hes a lousy lousy ****... I'd beat him up and down the road.. that's harsh... I'd get him back, but that's just me... yeah he shudn have done dat.. I duno if I'd count it as rape.. maybe.. but, no matter what I'd dump him.. if he knew.. if he didn den it was an accident and he lied cause he wanted to sound cool..

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  • probably doesn't count as rape. and the fact the he continually changes his story means he's not to be trusted. you should probably break up with him because he's obviously an asshole you only cares about himself and not you.

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  • My partner tried to do that to me just tried sliding into the next hole. It hurt like hell I was p*ssed. You need to discuss things like that first. So yes you should be mad was it rape I would not call it that but it was defiantly a lack of respect for you. Now that he is lying about it too it only makes it worse. You need to decide if you think you can trust him to respect you and your wishes. If he still denies any wrong doing and does not say he is sorry I would let him go.

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