Should I tell my boyfriend that I was raped?

[Anonymous]

Basically its the hardiest thing for me to talk about without me wanting to do cry. And my boyfriend (of a year) has not no idea what happen and he (hes 20 and I'm 18) wants us to more sexual but I don't cause I'm worried about the flashbacks that might happen when we do have sex. I have told my ex ( of two years ago) about me being raped and he dumped me on the spot cause doesn't it want put up with a messed up chick. So I that's the main reason why I want to tell him. I do trust him and he have told me that he loves me but I'm still worried about him leaving me if I tell him what happen. I was just 6 when I was raped

[rainydaydreamaway]

Truth be told your ex taught you an important lesson - to discuss this when you feel safe enough to, because you NEED to know if they will be supportive and caring and work through it with you, otherwise be done with them. Your ex is a complete d*** and you are better off without him. Lucky for you he showed you that as soon as you told him and not further down the road after you trusted him more.

Any man that wouldn't be understanding and supportive is not worth keeping around - a relationship is supposed to be about trust and support and honesty. So it's important that you do talk about it and find out how he responds.

Any man that truly loves you will WANT you to open up about that and will WANT to be supportive and understanding towards you and will work through it with you or help you get the kind of help you need to work through it. That's what love is. It's great that he can say he loves you but it means he actually should DO just that - love you.

Also, if you are worried about a closer level of sexual intimacy causing flashbacks and bringing back the trauma you experienced, I strongly suggest you get some counseling or therapy. I know other women and some men who have experienced sexual abuse/rape during childhood or adulthood who have been able to get past those fears with professional help. I also know some who have never been able to get past a certain level of intimacy or get to a real level of love because they are haunted by these unresolved traumas and have not gotten help. You didn't deserve for that to happen to you then, and you deserve to be happy, loved and in a healthy supportive relationship now. Please get the therapy you will need to achieve that.

Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

if he is the right guy for you he will understand and not breakup with you. you need to be honest with this guy.

[Bvroon]

I would advise you to tell him, while it may not be easy to talk about, if he is worth anything to you, he will stand by your side and understand and support you. Speaking for myself I have been with a number of women who have been abused both physically and sexually, and I always appreciate being told the truth, as it is always good to know what is going on. I am understanding and supportive. I can completely understand and respect a woman who is honest with me and doesn't want to have sex because of past trauma. I'm sorry you were dumped by an ex because of something that was not your choice. I hope this fellow is a better man than that. I also hope everything works out for you.

[takemedrunkimhome]

Ok first off your ex is a complete and utter a$$hole.

Tell your current boyfriend, it's hard to hear things like that when you care about someone but if it was me I would want to know. Relationships are about working through things together, if he's a decent guy he will be understanding and you can both work through things at your own pace. If he cares about you which I'm sure he does he will want to help you and will be willing to do whatever he can to support you.

[l-hedoniste]

You should probably tell him. Otherwise, he could get the idea that your nervousness is his fault.

[cjwright79]

Good call, and I cannot add anything to this answer.

[zoeyme]

Then best of luck for the future.

[zoeyme]

You should not keep anything secret to your love interest but it's a sensitive issue and only someone who really cares for you can bear with this harsh truth by the way I would have loved and respected my girl even more in such a situation cos when you are hurt you need love even more.

[DeathDecay3000]

honestly, you might want to, I had abuse as a kid and saying something makes a bridge of sympathy and understanding as well as healing. The only thing that'll change about his view of you is he'll see you in pain, that's it. That's how I looked at my girls and when i was talking about my early abuse the same happened in return from the one worth keeping. If he sees you as worthless then he projecting himself.

[ajanes]

dont worry I was two by my older sis when I was 4 it went frim then until iws 7 when my parents split up

[cjwright79]

How do you and your sister get along now?