How to get over the fear of penis and swallowing?

[S8tr1234]

Question for the ladies. I'm not a pro at giving bjs and every time I get asked to go down on him I kinda wince and get intimidated by his penis. There isn't anything wrong with it, it's just that when I'm down there it's staring at me and I'm staring at it. I'm always finding that I have to close my eyes and picture that I'm enjoying eating a Popsicle or eating a banana just to avoid the thought that there is a penis in my mouth. My stomach always turns into knots at the thought that he's about to cum in my mouth and when it does happen I always have kleenex handy so I can spit it out. I have tried to swallow and I get nauseas every time. I don't really know how to overcome this fear, but I have tried practicing on bananas to stretch my mouth out. But as far as swallowing, the thought mortifies me and leaves me livid. Any suggestions?

[jaykay]

This is a tough one,

Though I believe when you care about someone there isn't any limits. I have *never* encountered any sexual desire my partner had that I wasn't more than glad to fulfill.

As long it was within the real of the standard norm. Really big extremes excluded of coarse, like harsh beating, pissing and other odd stuff which I do not think is normal and if people have such needs, have psychological issues.

So basically I think it should be a persons pleasure to please.

But there is a bigger questions at hand.

Does he even want that ? If not, problem solved.

If he does, well then there might be a problem as unsatisfied needs sometimes lead to issues.

I know I will get some heat yet again, but I believe there seems to be a bias towards women's needs these days over men's needs

whenever the topic comes up about women's needs, there seems to be the general vibe "HOW COULD YOU NOT DO IT"

but when it comes to men's needs, "too bad for him"

come on. all of these things tie in to all the topics I have written (the 50/50, women don't please men anymore)

, just look at the remarks I got from having to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse and that I find it distracting. I got burnt by all women about that one ! Basically I should learn to enjoy it and understand that IT IS NORMAL for most girls.

*This issue isn't any different than the issue I had about intercourse topic.

Basically there is a very normal need (if there really is one) and there is a small issue to satisfy that need.

How I would approach it is exactly what "keep indigo" says, slowly learn to be comfortable with it, maybe take showers together, make it romantic and pleasant without pressure. Take it a step at a time to get closer and closer feeling comfortable with and around it.

And baby steps to being able to enjoy well. the end result of that stimulation.

Cheers !

[S8tr1234]

We've had showers together and I've tried to get used to looking at it. I know it's just an organ with a lot of vessels and muscular tissue but when he starts moving it I just have this perplexed look on my face, like the 'what do I do know?' kinda look. he always asked for a bj and of course I'd give him one and I was mostly unsuccessful except the odd few times when we were doing the 69. I thought I was going to die being upside down. :(

[DeltaBoy1983]

In your first statements, you talk about standard norms. There is no standard norm, because what seems extreme to you and me is a norm for another. Sure we can say they are sick in the head but in reality they are insane to their routine. All I was saying in my comment to the question was that she should be having fun and not stressing over the work. Once you have fun the rest becomes natural. S8tr1234, you know he doesn't have to pick you up for 69, you can lay on the bed and not upside down

[S8tr1234]

Delta I was laying in bed and I was at the bottom but my head was hanging upside down. I didn't have much space to work with. I had to keep his balls out of my nose so I could breathe. I have small hands so that was a lot to handle.

[jaykay]

I am soo not surprised someone disagreed with my view lol :) Indeed there is a bias towards women's sexual needs vs. men's ! Sorry to disagree, there is a standard norm ! Read below. Maybe I should have elaborated that within the *realm* of norms...intercourse, oral sex, different positions, different way to turn on, foreplay, talking, verbally guiding is among the *norm* to which you claim doesn't exist You honestly can tell me this isn't viewed as normal ?? Please..... :)

[Jarett]

I agree with most of it jaykay. I mean, if you care about someone, then you should be willing to do whatever for them. But it does go both ways. If both parties are willing to go more then half way on every issue, then you will never have a problem. And in this instance, it seems like she is going more then half way, because she really is trying to do it. She's not refusing to, she's just saying she'd like to, but just can't do it. So I think that the guy should understand and be ok with it

[jaykay]

Hi Jarett, you are right, the concept of both parties meeting half way will *very* often resolve issues. I am very glad you brought this up. Not that I am saying that S8tr1234 is doing this, but some people pull the "I just can't do it" wildcard just to get out of things... I could say, well, during intercourse, I don't like stimulating you... I breaks my mood... so I just can't do it. how would the girl feel ? As I said, things that are normal should be worked on, baby steps at a time

[S8tr1234]

I didn't realize how much discussion would arise from my question but as always I appreciate the honest feedback. yes I'm willing, it's just something that I need to practice and get used to. it's funny because it's not as if it's my first time seeing a penis I just don't know how to get the technique right while at the same time telling myself that having it in my mouth isn't going to kill me. I guess the main reason I fear it so much is because 'deep throat' came up one day.

[Jarett]

Well like I said, I admire your willingness to try and your determination. That is an amazing quality and you really are a good girl. But I hope that he does the same kind of stuff where he will be more then happy to do anything and everything for you.

[jaykay]

Good point Jarett , though usually, what goes around comes aroung. Be nice to someone and it will come back. This is why I raised certain topics on this site... Her willingness will come back to her and what comes back to her will make her happy and more willing to continue making him happy... happy cycle !

[DeltaBoy1983]

I'll leave the technique for the girls, but after reading your question. I had a question of my own. Why are you feeling you need to swallow? Swallowing is personal preference to you, not him. My ex never swallowed and I never got upset about it. It would not have changed anything between us if she did or didn't. I'm glad you are working on your fear of penises, but he should be happy with that and not expect anymore.

[jaykay]

Hi Delta boy, read my response, what do you think ?

[keepindigo]

Ok this is going to sound weird. I use to have the same problem as you. Well I also really wanted to get over it because I did want to please my boyfriend. So one day I just asked him if I could just see it but not get to serious with it. So he said what the hell and let me just "play with it" So I got out a marker and drew all over it. I drew on it and around it. But I made myself comfortable with being around his penis. I it took was one time and I've never had a problem since. And as far as the swallowing goes. Just spit it out.

[Virtuales]

Haha wow

[S8tr1234]

I don't know if I could draw on his penis. I actually suggested putting some whipped cream on it so I wouldn't taste the cum as much and he kept opposing.

[keepindigo]

You could just try flavored lube.

[FlyestAngel]

Wowzerzz lol

[lostandconfused]

Have a soda near by.it helps, like a chaser.and if the guy is considerate at all, he will warn you so you don't have to take it in your mouth.

[Standingpretty]

close your eyes, don't let him come in your mouth. If it's uncomfortable, don't do it. Go with your instincts, it's as simple as that.

[Jarett]

I agree with Delta. Although your desire to try and please the guy is awesome, if you can't do it, you can't do it. Don't make such a big deal out of it, and it won't be a big deal.

[jaykay]

Hi Jarett, read my response. Thoughts? comments ?

[leonidas84]

I am in exstacy when a girl seems like she is in love with my penis and I by far prefer her to swallow. It just feels a lot better. Getting a good BJ is one of the most pleasurable and relaxing things in the world for me. Any girl who is really passionate and into doing it makes me feels good and it makes me so much more attracted to her and adoring because she could make me feel that good.

[FlyestAngel]

Okaaay?? and how does that answer her question?? lol

[Virtuales]

I Do Agree with both Delta and Jarett

you don't have to swallow if you don't want to

[Anonymous]

Practice and focus. If you spit it out cuz you can't take it but were gagging with effort and focused thats as hot as a pro taking ten in a row