Sexual Health
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Boyfriend wants me on birth control. I don't want to?

Me and my boyfriend have been together 2 + years. Out of the blue today he said he doesn't feel comfortable just him wearing a condom when we have sex, and says that he'd feel more comfortable if I was on my own birth control. However I don't want to go on birth control. Last time I took the pill it left me in a low mood, and also I don't fancy any of the other options. Just funny about putting stuff in my body. What do I do-do what he says? I'm worried that he'll stop sleeping with me altogether. by the way we don't see each other much as we live far apart-so maybe once every two weeks. So its not like we sleep together loads anyway which is why I don't want to go on birth control. Does he have the right to tell me what to do?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • so there's a story behind my opinion on this one:

    i went through this exact same issue with an ex of mine. i'd been on birth control before and wasn't a fan of what it did to my body; i gained weight, became severely depressed, and lost my sex drive completely.

    i told him this, but he insisted that i must be using him to get pregnant (as if "you love your nephew" is a reason to start popping out babies, lol) and said that he'd break up with me if i didn't do it. so i agreed, but told him that he wouldn't like the results and that this was his first and only warning.

    sure enough, things went exactly as i knew they would. i was irritable and didn't want physical contact with anyone... but, if i dared say no to sex, he would just take what he wanted, until i grew to resent him. we broke up not long after, and kicking those pills (and him) to the curb was the best thing that ever happened to me.

    yes, my case is extreme, and i'm not saying that this will definitely happen to you. but no guy has any right to tell you what to do. and, if he insists on just taking what he wants from you without asking your permission, kick him to the curb immediately.

    in the meantime, do your research and look into the different options available to you. that way, you can make the best decision for yourself.

    -von

  • As this Couple who have been in this Relationship for '2 + years,' here, dear, Sit down like Two Mature Adults and Weigh all of your Birth Control... Options.
    Many Men, I realize, Don't like to wear a Raincoat so this could be the sinking of your own Boat.
    Tell him that you will Talk to your doctor of Some other Way Today but he has to Use "Extra Protection," because it is Not only Fair, But it Adds an Extra Coat so no one Will... Float, and Come up with an Even Harder decision weeks down the road.
    Good luck. xx

  • He doesn't have any right to tell you what to do to your body. Have you told him your reasons for not wanting to go on it? Would you consider an IUD? BC pills really aren't right for every girl, it made me low also, gained weight, and my skin actually got better going off it. And I was at a higher risk of getting a stroke on it. He should respect your decision, if he doesn't, he;s a jerk and you should rethink if YOU even want to be with him.

    • Cheers

  • It's your body and if you're not comfortable with being on birth control that is your call you make. Perhaps a compromise you can make is a promise to take plan b if your condom should break or slip off.

    You could also consider other methods besides pills. I tried an IUD and unfortunately it didn't work out for me but I know a handful of other women for whom it was/is the best thing ever. I'm now on the nuva ring and I love it!

    • Thanks ! Yeh I think I'll look into other options. Not really wanting to wait until such slip up with a condom happens though!

Most Helpful Guys

  • No, he should respect your wishes, yes both accounts matters but yours is the final say being its your body. If he's willing to stop sleeping with you and or break up with you just because you won't go on the pill nor can, being it seems like you have adverse reactions to it. If he will break up over that, then your betrer off with his worthless ass. Sorry but its true, if a guy is that pathetic to break up with a girl for that reason then the girl is better off. I understand how much better with the condom is but if a girl doesn't want to be on the pill then a guy needs to respect that nor push her to go on it. I honestly do not know what your boyfriend will do, i dont know him personally so im not sure. Your best bet is to sit him down and explain to him that you dont want to go on the pill and explain why and the reactions it give your body the last time you were on it. Guys aren't to bright when it comes to women, so you may habe to explain it fully with no hidden meanings.

    • Better off without* hate this phone sometimes Better it is without the condom* You may have to*

  • No, it's your body and he doesn't have the right to tell you what to do with it. But, he's under no obligation to have sex with you if he doesn't feel comfortable using condoms as your only birth control option. This is a grownup issue and requires a grownup discussion. You have valid reasons for not wanting to go on the pill or on other birth control methods, although I think you might benefit from doing some more research and hearing from people who use those other methods. He has valid reasons for being concerned about getting you pregnant with only condoms, but he also may need to consider that condoms are 98% effective when used correctly and that you two don't have sex that often. There's no right answer here. The two of you just have to talk it out and come to some solution.

    • Yes I think research is the right answer! Cheers for taking the time to comment

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Do some research of the harms of taking pills, particularly birth control pills and show it to him. Find some better alternatives instead and try to find a good compromise. If he still insists on the pill, then you should really consider if he's the right guy for you.

  • I know what you mean. Have you guys ever considered switching to oral sex only? It's much better (at least in my opinion anyway). You can't get pregnant from oral sex, so no birth control and no condom needed (if you're in a long term monogamous relationship and he's not cheating on you).

  • I 100% understand your concerns with hormonal BC and don't take it either. I have a copper IUD. In the U. S. It goes by the brand name Paragard. Not sure the name in the UK but I know they have it.

    Your guy is right about just condoms though, it isn't reliable and if you guys have been together for that long it is more intimate to go without. The IUD is the most effective form of BC on the market.

    It does come with its own risks but they pale in comparison to that of the pill.

  • No it's YOUR body. You don't have to chemically alter you body and screw with your hormones just because he says so. Son't do it. Tell him your body doesn't tolerate it well.

  • No, I don't think you should just because he wants you to. I understand where he is coming from but if it isn't something you want to do then you shouldn't feel obligated. Maybe you guys should see a doctor together and talk about all your options.

  • No he doesn't have the right to tell you what to do. It's your body after all so you decide what you put in it.
    If he can't deal with that, it's his problem and his problem alone.

  • "I don't want to." You have answered it yourself.

  • explain exactly that. the pill and other types of medical birth control can have varying effects on women and can't or shouldn't be taken by all women

    you could explore some various methods but ultimately if you are uncomfortable with the options you just have to tell him flatly that you don't want to go on a medication birth control

    sure he has the right to tell you what to do... and you have the right to not do what he tells you to do

  • he has the right to tell you to go on the pill or he won't have sex and you have the right to not go on the pill and therefore not have sex. Just like you have the right to tell him to wear a condom or no sex. It goes both ways. You can't expect him to use protection and not you

    • also it could just be your brand of birth control you tried because mine hasn't effected me negatively at all

  • Let him know the health implications of pills

  • tell him to use a condom and pullout too. he can't tell you what to do.

    • but he's just expected to use a condom?

    • @Zendrya BC can have really bad side-effects. which a guy won't get from a condom...

    • if it has bad effects then she is using the wrong BC for her and needs to try something else. The right BC will only have benefits

    • Show All

  • You have a right not to want to go on bitth control. Maybe explain to him hoe it affects your body, as most men are too ignorant on the subject. If you do not feel comfortable being on birth vontrol and he cannot respect that, ditch the guy!

  • 2 years and he is just now complaining. too late buster. you do what you feel is right for you.

  • He has the right to request something from you as well. He obviously does not want you to get pregnant (I'm sure you don't either) but I guessing this is far more important to him as you don't want to do anything. I get none of the options are desirable but he's asking you to do something in addition to his condom (rightly so as it's not 100% effective) so if not birth control, pick the least uncomfortable thing for you and do that for him (it's really for both of you). If you ask me, he's being really considerate asking you rather than you just possibly get pregnant and him not want it.

  • There's other forms of birth control. You should discuss your options as IUDs work well but you shouldn't just be responsible. Talk it out :)

  • No he doesn't have the right to tell you what to do. He does have the right to ask for what he wants, but that's not the same thing.

    Since you only see him occasionally but you would have to take birth control pills continuously, the don't make sense for you. Tell him so.

  • Talk to him, say that, I don't feel comfortable taking that pill because it gets me moody. I know you have reasons but I do too.

  • talk to a doctor not the clowns here on G@G
    Tell him what happend last time you where on the pill and see what other options are there for you

    • Cheers though a lot of the 'clowns' on here have been v helpful :)

    • Sometimes. But you get a lot of bad advice too. Your Dr won't

  • No its your body. If he has a problem with that then he can find someone else.

  • Here's your answer: You don't want to. Discussion over.

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