Sexual Health
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Do most men think of other girls while having sex with their girlfriend? Should I break up with him?

I have been dating my boyfriend for about 10 months now and when I want to have sex he would tell me that he isn't in the mood. Eventually he started to tell me something and then stopped as if he changed his mind. I asked him what he was going to say and he then told me that while we are having sex he thinks about other girls. He also told me that he has though about my girl friends from work or a woman on a commercial while having sex with me. I have never been more angry and I told him exactly how I felt. I told him if I'm not the one turning him on or the person on his mind don't try anything sexual with me. Now every time we do anything sexual I feel dirty wondering if he is thinking about me. He can tell that I don't feel right so he tells me " I was thinking about you." or " That was all you."
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I have thought about other women whilst making love to a girl before. This has been sometimes her friends, family members, or celebrities. But I must stress I have only done this on occassion, and it certainly isn't the norm.

    I think if he doesn't generally want to have sex with you unless thinking of other women, then he doesn't really want to be with you (at least intimately). More importantly however, I don't think that you should be with someone who feels this way about making love to you.

    I for one would never ever tell a girl if I was thinking of someone else during love making, as this is relationship suicide in my opinion. You may say that is worse perhaps and that's down to opinion, but I think its natural for people to think about other members of opposite sex (during sex) every now and then perhaps, but on the whole I would generally want to make love to a girl because I thought she was hot and I loved her. Even if I was having a one night stand I'd still only want sex with someone I was into and thought was hot.

    As he told you this that suggests to me that he doesn't have a high opinion of you and I find it disrespectful that he did this. Its natural this would hurt anyones feelings if told such a thing.

    So my advice is to be honest, to get rid of him. Find someone who loves you for you and will be seriously into wanting to have sex with you, thinking of you because they love you and think you are fine as hell!

  • Wow! Okay, first off, he's an idiot, for telling you. The reason's men lie in the first place is to protect their girlfriends interest. The reason guys tell the truth, is a sense of guilt. The reasons guys admit to lying, is because we're busted. Simply as that. So now that we got that out the way.

    I would say from a statistical POV, most men have or would have had thought about someone else during a sexual experience.

    Wait what the ... it sounds like he's doing a lot of work. I mean, there you are, giving him a nice hand job and he's thinking about some girl from your job. Lmfao! I would assume he would be overwhelmed by pleasure to even go places that far. So yeah, I see why your angry. Something about you that just doesn't get him up. He tells you the truth, and then lies to you. I say you find a new partner.

    Of course you wouldn't listen to me. But in a case like this, I really don't know what to tell you. I always say it's in a mans' best interest to protect his lovers, before others. Therefore he isn't doing that for you, so you may as well find someone that will.

    • But sometimes they lie & it mess things up cause it was information that would have been helpful 2 know. Plus they walk around feeling like a martyr or an a- hole neither ends up being good in relationship. A guy once told me that 3 months after, that he did not want to do this thing I was inviting him to do & he did not tell me cause he did not want to hurt me- I DID NOT WANT TO DO IT EITHER lol I Thought he wanted to cause he did not say otherwise- I thought he not want to do it with ME.

    • Well as a female toulouse, you should understand how sob females can get. I mean, girls can ask some touchy questions. Things like, "Are you seeing other people?" how does anyone honestly answer such question. I mean, if I said no, you more than likely won't believe me, but you'd stay with me. If I said yes, you'd think I didn't care at all, why else would I be so open about it. But sometimes girls push the limits and guys just tell them what they claim they can handle.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Girl, listen, does this guy really care for you? do you love eachother? if so, then why the hell would he be thinking about other girls when you're sexual with one another? that is just REALLY stupid of him. Here he is, with a wonderful girlfriend who cares for him, and yet, he thinks of other girls? if that's the case, then I PROMISE you, that it will never work out if he keeps that up. trust me, there are PLENTY of guys out there, who would treat you the way they should. a man should ALWAYS treat a woman like a queen, and respect her dearly. if he doesn't even think of you when you do have sex, then it's saying that he's probably attracted to those other (lame-ass) women he tells you about. and if he's lying about saying that he "was" thinking of you, then that doubles the wages of breaking it off.

    Good luck though! I hope you find a man that will treat you properly. ^

  • okay for those of you telling her that she's being stupid about this situation... GTFO. I would be PISSED and I'm pretty sure you guys would be too. if you dated someone for 10 months and they admited they think about other people? WTF. okay once maybe let it slide... but me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now and I can't tell just by the way he looks at me he's thinking about just us and vice versa. that's how sex is SUPPOSED to be. if its some fling that's different. but if your DATING someone? hunny you need to talk to him. maybe not dump him but ask him what your doing wrong. it sounds to me like your not turning him on at all. something is up it's either you or him, so figure it out between the two of you and try and fix it before you resort to breaking up with him.

  • I rarely can think of my partner during sex. I need fantasies to orgasm. I love my guy, but just thinking about what we are doing at that moment does not give me an orgasm. Orgasms and love come from 2 very different places. I personally don't think of guys I know, nor do I think of anyone famous or imagine myself with another person. Never. I do think of fantasies as if I am watching a porno. It never involves me. I think it has a lot to do with how your sexuality developed in your early teens.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • i personally don't think it is a deal breaker. I think a lot of people fantasize about other people, porn , ... lots of things really. and I don't think its unhealthy because it's living out a fantasy in one's mind as opposed to acting it out in real life. maybe he wan'ts to share his fantasy with you because he loves you and trusts you, and feels a connection with you, but I can respect that you may not be open to that.

  • A best he's an idiot for telling you and not thinknig of a cover and at worst he's emotionally screwed up and an idiot.

    dump the loser.

    i'd say thinking of someone else was semi-normal, I've done it like 3 times ever though, so maybe I'm not the most qualified to answer.

    • Okay, "Blue" .............which is it...................Okay or not Okay................? Tough nut, isn't it ? Bruce

  • Every now and then guys fantasize about other women, it's pretty normal. If he's never thinking about you or always fantasizing about other women like yours friends then that's no good. It was REALLY dumb of him to tell you that because now you're going to be paranoid and insecure about it. I'm sorry girl that's really tough. If my boyfriend told me that I'd be pretty crushed. That's a f***ed up thing to say.

  • It's normal.Men do that and many women do that.The fact that he told you non chalantly is messed up

  • Every man and woman at some point fantasizes about someone else duing sex but if it was said to you it is because he wanted to hurt your feelings and nothing more. Don't let him win this powertrip of sorts though. Tell him you fantasized about Jude Law or something (lol) and watch him getthe point ...lol

  • My God I never thought girls nowadays have bcum so free minded!

    R you a bloke?sorry 2 say but a person who thnks abt sum1 else while doing sex wid his/her mate den that his/her has no feeling for dere love.Tell me one thing wen you do sex wid a loved person,wat is it called? Love Making,girl,its called LOVE MAKING,so if he loves you he'll make love wid u, think of you ,feel u,see you in his mind,in his eyes,in his heart.

    Just dump dis fellow,trust me he doent love you & take my word he'll end up doin sex wid one of d persons he thinks abt! Dump him b4 its too late!

  • jerk. If he wants to think about other women, let him do it by himself. MAYBE it's acceptable ONCE in a while, but he should never, ever have told you because that's just mean.

  • Thinking about other girls during sex with your girlfriend or partner is not a uncommon thing. It happens a lot in various types of relationships and general shouldn't be a huge issue.

    It is however an issue if the only way anyone can get interested in having sex with someone is by thinking about someone else. What they are trying to do is distract themselves from what they don't like to get through what it is they are doing. Like for example: Sometimes a guy will better an erection at the the wrong time. So he will try to think about something that is not attractive, like having sex with their grandmother or a big steaming pile of dog crap. Something that will turn them completely off.

    The opposite works just the same way. If something turns you off and you need to be turned on, you need to think about things that turn you on. AKA Thinking about other girls while you are doing your current girlfriend.

    Like I said before, many people think about others while having sex with someone. Sometimes it could be harmless and intensify the situation and other times it can be invasive to the relationship and the relationship should probably be ended.

  • what an absolute JERK! I would like slap my man if he said that! I would leave him if your not constantly on his mind and all he thinks about then your too good for him, don't waste your time on him

  • Umm. I had to think about this for a bit. If my Girlfriend and I are having 'long sex', then no, I would only think about her (or maybe if the Simpsons are on yet, what can we have for dinner, did I put the bin out).

    But, if we're having a quicker, especially doggy stule (where I can't see her face), I won't so much as think about other women, but my mind in lust mode might rapid fire a few people (be it celebrities or porn stars or that cute redhead you saw at the coffee shop).

    If he's actively fantasizing about a specific person, I find that a little creepy. But if he's just thinking about (as you wrote) some woman on a commercial... I wouldn't be too upset. It's just his lust.

    I mean, how many times have you fantasized about a hero from a romance novel or a cowboy or something? It's much the same thing.

    • Bad: I fantasied about the girl in that ad. Worse: I fantasised about your sister. Worst: I fantasised about your parent... your dad.

  • I almost have to "parrot" I-hedoniste...in that I have done the same thing...and before you become very upset over this, consider some things...

    My partner,and I, in my 20's, shared these kind of things on a regular basis, but I will tell you this:

    A. She, had fanticies that she shared, and I accepted, and it made our sex life...somewhat of a blast furnace of passion at times...

    B. She...was not as open to accepting MY fantasies about other women before/during/after our sexual encounters...

    That only leaves me one thought,...the sword has to cut both ways when it comes to these kinds of things...Please be honest with yourself and realize that YOU TOO, at times, see other men that 'light your fire" sexually, and even though you do not act on them, they are part of your psyche and your sexual desire...

    I am absolutely certain that my beautiful Susan was not unique in her feelings on the matter.

    Don't be so angry or jealous about this...

    Bruce

  • It's not abnormal, unless it's a situation where he simply can't perform without thinking of someone else. Telling you, though, was pretty insensitive. I wouldn't worry about him thinking of other women occasionally while he's doing you. I'd worry about the fact that he doesn't give a sh*t about your feelings.

  • sounds like he is not attracted sexually to you and is there for other reasons ,dump him.

  • I don't think him and I would be doing anything any longer. Would tell him to go get one of the ones he is thinking about and see how that goes.

  • A sad fact that you'll have to face: ALL men fantasize about other women. It's normal, uncontrollable, and, most of all, un. It is unrealistic--and quite selfish--to expect your partner's entire mental life to revolve around you.

    It was a mistake for him to tell you, but he probably thought honesty was the best policy. Now he knows better.

  • Next time, get really into it, then start screaming his best friend or brothers name... see what he says about that :)

    • Geese, if my partner did that I would probably have a MULTIPLE orgasm...............! A fantasy is a fantasy...........unless and until you make it real, I am a liberl as far as sex goes, and I enjoy the fantasy, and SOMETIMES the reality seems tempting, but it can be painful also. Women friends of the past, were as erotic and sexual in this area as anyone I know. Bruce

  • lol I don't blame him for thinking of the girl on an ad or in a movie but you can't blame him for that but to think of ya co worker or friend that was straight up f***ed up and you should move on.

  • Dumping a guy because he imagines other girls, is not a really good reason to drop a relationship. In the heat of it all, many images pop in our heads. Sometimes we can't help it. That doesn't mean we don't love or respect you. It's natural, to some extent. But the fact is, based on what you said, it seems he's lost his interest in you sexually and NEEDS to think about other women. That's something else entirely and a cause for alarm.

  • Dump his ass. Sooner or later he will cheat. But some guys do that---its not healthy in a relationship and that's the first step of a guy losing interest.

  • that would really bother me! I don't think its worth losing ur relationship tho

    • K if ur boyfriend do same thing wth you what ull do.........

    • I would b hurt real bad but I don't think I would leave him for it

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