Sexual Health
+1 y

I thought it was just my boyfriend, but apparently LOTS of guys DO it... Why?

^ GUYS If this applies to YOU or anyone you KNOW... ^ (& I am NOT saying woman do not do this, & feel free to ANSWER too :-) -Why do you guys move your hands SO quick & or hard? - Does it have to do with how connected you feel, or how much affection you feel, or just how turned on you are- -What feeling do you think carries more weight as far as impacting the tension of your touch? -Is it cause their skin is less sensitive, or just cause they do not care, or do they get more stimulated by quicker harder movements? -OR is I that an erection kind of makes you feel so aroused, that you are in a bit of a torrent & you need the release of energy matching the feeling of your penis? -On THAT note, is having an ERECTION feel like when a GIRL IS TOUCHED DIRECTLY ON HER CLIT? That wold explain A LOT then. -Also, what do you think- if ANY - the significance is, if m boyfriend was REALLY soft & GENTLE - no SLOW lol. ... He was ALWAYS quick with his hands , but he WAS gentle, & NOW he is harder , like more fervent.. -Is it because he does no LIKE me anymore, he just wants to get off? -I DON'T FEEL like he does NOT like me, when we are NOT PHYSICAL.. Then he is EXTREMELY ATTENTIVE & focused & gentle. -AS SOON as he starts just KISSING me, it is like something was unleashed & he is barely their anymore, I mean he is NOT FAMILIAR, as a person or he is sort of off in a world, or just transformed... -idk... I can't tell if he is not connected, or just connected DIFFERENTLY... & I am just not USED to this type of intimacy. ( I have VERY limited sexual History / Experience ) -SO I am wondering / thinking / speculating , maybe he FEELS DIFFERENTLY now, THAT IS WHY THE CHANGE IN TOUCH... -MAYBE he does not tell me this, cause he has not figured it out yet. - I don't know What do you think? :-)
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Well to us, we don't actually feel ourselves moving quickly or forcefully. We are men and we have a lot of testosterone and muscle, etc. Even if we are skinny guys, our muscle is denser and stronger than your muscle. Pretty much by default, from a female's perspective, our actions are going to appear very forceful when to us they will appear normal (especially when aroused, we will get a lot rougher lol).

    An erection is just like when you girls are wet and your vagina sort of feels like it swells up. Blood goes to the genitals and they become more sensitive. It's just the physical action of having a stiff penis, basically. You don't automatically become energetic when you get an erection because sometimes they are unwanted (in class, ugh). I mean you get them when you're aroused by something but you don't automatically start stuttering because of one ("or something" lol).

    But obviously we're going to go a bit wilder if we know something good is coming out of that erection.

    And yes, rubbing on an erection is like you rubbing on your clit. There are ways we can be touched where it's too sensitive and intense (even if it does feel a bit good) and ways we can be touched that are amazing ha.

    It's possible that as the relationship went on longer and longer, the element of foreplay was lost. Guys typically are bad about foreplay just because men get riled up much faster than females (in all ways, not just sex). I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he somehow feels differently than you. I mean it's possible of course, but it would not be my first guess. I would think that he just is less gentle because you guys have been together for longer and so it's become less about making a good impression in the bedroom and more just about being yourselves. And sometimes when it comes to guys, being ourselves is just wanting to go quick ha.

    As far as what you can do about it, obviously you can talk to him. But in some ways you can learn to enjoy it. Being rough is just the mark of being a man. If you were a bi-curious girl and you were with a girl, you could never get that kind of strength and pleasurable roughness that you could get with a man. It's just because we are men and we are strong and we are manly. Obviously we need to meet halfway because men have to know what being feminine entails and it means we need to look after your needs in the bedroom, if not that's just being inconsiderate. But you should see being intense as a mark of uninhibited masculinity (lots of times we hold it back at first because we don't know how to express it), not as a mark of someone seeing you in a negative light. If you see it positively, maybe it's something that you can enjoy (I think that being rough is better sometimes ha...)

    • Haha, thanks... Well the thing is I do not see it as BAD I'm just really used to ANYTHING. We went out a while ago breifly then I had to leave & after like 9 months of talking & t touching each other AT ALL, we just started becoming intimate recently... I was just SHOCKED at how DIFFERENT he is NOW. We do know other much more than before, but we have not actually BEEN together for very long at all.. Just seems a little soon for him to become really comfortable, unless he was feeling co

    • Comfortable BEFORE we became physical.. I mean it's only been twice, & one of the times I think he was already frustrated about something else,so it may have had an affect - unintentionally. Anyways I have no problem with guys being that way, but not ALL guys are & he was not before so I was not sure if it was ME or not. ALSO am pretty thin & very strong so it surprised me that anything should feel so strong. & What up with the quickness- is that a guy thing too? His hands are like racing-

    • They were ALWAYS like that, but now they ate quick & HARD... Are you rushing to make sure things get done before you loose an erection or something.. What about when their is NO sex, why are your hands quick THEN - HABIT? & ".... You don't automatically become energetic when you get an erection because sometimes they are unwanted " lol I guess I meant if you are already making out, does the feeling of an erection sort of catapult into physical chaos? I like certain parts like

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  • well I think I understand what ur asking...

    a lot of times guys (and some girls too) don't realize that a guy turns on like a light switch, as in right away...

    and girls are more like a volume knob, as in its more of a progressive process...

    so now if ur with someone who used to go slower and take time, then he probably felt the need to give you the most out of it and now is just being lazy and not taking the time, not that he doesn't like u... guys like beer, tv, couches, and naps... were lazy people hahaha

    so try just asking him to do it differently, shouldnt be too big of a deal... don't be too needy though

    hope this helps

    • :) What do you mean too needy?? what form would that take exactly, I have no clue. Seriously. I was just asking why he might be acting that way, I'm not complaining & I don't know what I want to do about it, I'm not asking him anything, we may not be compatible physically. I was just curious about the contrast, so I guess your theory is light switch vs. volume knob. - correct?

Most Helpful Girls

  • Have you tried talking to this to him? You're asking all of us to try and come up with reasons why YOUR boyfriend isn't touching you right? How do we know why his hands are moving this way? I mean really this doesn't mean he feels different with you maybe he just knows that he knows you're not afraid of being intimate and is getting rougher with you because he knows you can handle it? If you make it sound like you like it, than of course he's going to continue doing that to satisfy you. Next time when he's being to rough with you, grab his hand and show him the pace that works for you. The guys not going to tell you off about what pleasures you. If the guy cares, he's going to want to pleasure you and do the best he can.

    • :-) Thanks..... Actually I ask because it is two fold. I wonder why HE does it, & why NOW & not before & I am also curious about how it is with others. I am abroad now, so I'll save the talk for when I get home... but I just got to thinking. ih & it only happened twice, so he might have got the picture, cause I stopped it both times.. I am not so much worried about him doing that, I just was curious as to WHY. thanks!

  • I have noticed that guys do go really hard and fast (when they are rubbing my vagina.. I assume that's what you are talking about?)

    I think the reason is that guys need quick and hard movements when they masturbate/get off and I think for girls it's more about the pressure and getting "deeper" thrusts--- at least that's the way it is for me... it's more about the quality of the motion than the amount or pace!

  • i think he's just passionate

    you said it was like he was 'transformed'

    passion can change a man to the point where he just lets go but he would never hurt you sort of thing.

    yeah he probably does 'feel differently', he probably likes you/trusts you enough to unleash that much of him on you :)

    hope this helped (:

    • You mean he would not hurt yo on purpose right.. Cause stuff happens by accident - he has not hurt me, I just want to clarify. Because If he did hurt me by accident, I would not want to think he was evil. This thing happened since last post - cause he did not realize I have never had sex yikes that was weird lol...-but we resolved it quickly & he slept with him arm around me- I think cause he felt bad. lol -He was really sweet after that & more careful, someones lol Yeah you help MUCH :-)

    • Yeah not on purpose (: hehe no problem (:

    • Haha ok - Thanks. :-)

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 11

  • I think it makes complete sense to ASK HIM! Explain to him that he's become "rougher"? with you and you are wondering why? Don't speculate on why just ask him.

    • I am not physical with him right now. We are not supposed to be physical cause I am leaving soon & he said it would make things more difficult for him, if we stayed involved that way.... I was wondering if the fact I am leaving made it reasonable to him- even subconsciously,- to be less careful, cause he is not expecting me to come back - ANYWAYS. If I with going to be engaging in sexua activity with him I wouldmaybe ask him -i guess I would In a non obnoxious way. I am just curious :-)

  • you need to tell him to calm down and be more gentle, it isn't because he doesn't like you, and the thing with guys is we have denser muscle and we're tougher so in effect less sensitive but its not because he doesn't like you anymore, he just has a lot of pent up passion and sexual tension that gets released a little too quickly

    • Oh. well why didn't someone just say THAT... That sounds MUCH better. It isn't even that I MIND what he is doing just WHY.. You know like I said before I thought it meant he did not like me. So can you tell when energy is being released quicker rather than more gradual - I mean does anyone other than me THINK about that? lol I am wondering tho why he wouold be mre pent up now.. When we first met he had not been with anyone in a looong time & I think he was seeing someone else before me.

    • Question - Do you think a guy or girl, could be really passionate towards a particular person, cause of an absence of contact with THAT person, even tho generally, they had lots of physical contact with other people?? Sucks that there is such a disparity of intensity between men & woman- tho, I think I read it is more about masculine or feminine energy rather then GENDER per - se. Maybe we are just not sexually compatible.. I mean don't MIND what he does cause I like him& it does not hurt-

    • But the same type of energy or style or form of passion does not come to me instinctively. -I don't always want to wonder if he does not care about me cause of how fast he moves his hands lol -He probably wonders why I don't seem to be into it- him. Mu romantic energy is much more sensual & focused & intense in a slow deep way.. His is more like fire I guess haha. I mean he is REALLY passionate BUT it is hard for me to TAKE IT PERSONALLY, & in this case I WANT it to be personal. Stifle= bad

  • I have to agree with aaron11193. I have no clue what you're talking about and asking.

    • Lol Ok. When I wrote this I was disturbed cause this guy that I liked but had not seen in a few years had beciome much more agressive sexually. I decided itmust be because he didn't like & or respect me the way he used to because IF he did, he would be careful like he used to be... Passion is great, but wouldn't you try to control ourself if you REALLY liked someone (-he isn't actually rough just very different , more intense then I was used to. (which I translated into 'doesn't LIKE me')

    • It sounds like to me he's now more interested in just a f***.

    • ^ ^ Yeah, that is what I was thinking, but we have ben spending a couple of months of non touching - time together.. He said he didn't think we should have sex - he actually stopped doing anything cause he was worried about that - SUPPOSEDLY LOL can't be sure -Well I am leaving for a while so maybe that is part of it - idk, Anyways we agreed not to have sex. ( That is actually when he became a little ore intense - he didn't DO anything weird just the energy was dif. )so it is strange...

  • well I'm not rough I ALWAYS touch girls gently, slowly.

    not that I have much experience, but still.

    rough =/= good, at least one guy knows that.

    its probably cos to guy off it needs the be hard + fast

    • We are not having sex lol

  • I think because he might need some tips in how he needs to please his women. I don't it necessary has anything to do with not liking the women.

    • Thanks, I would assume that as well, except that we have been together a long time ago & I KNOW he really liked me then, but he was VERY gentle. He was not so much slower but very gentle & the fact that it is DIFFERENT ow, that makes me wonder - not because it is not perfect. I undersand he can not read my mind, but I know he knows how to be careful - he just is not being careful. :-)

  • dumb it down you are making me feel stupid,

    • Lol Ok. When I wrote this I was disturbed cause this guy that I liked but had not seen in a few years had beciome much more agressive sexually. I decided itmust be because he didn't like & or respect me the way he used to because IF he did, he would be careful like he used to be... Passion is great, but wouldn't you try to control ourself if you REALLY liked someone (He isn't actually rough just very different , more intense then I was used to. (which I translated into 'doesn't LIKE me')

  • Hard to say. Tira Banks once complained about this very thing on her show. I would imagine that it varies from one man to the next also the mood he's in. It is about passion though and women do these things to they bight, they scratch etc. Me sometimes I get in a mood to move slow and sometimes it's more desperate and primitive. Women make me have small spasms as well where I shake, briefly , they have even driven me to tears out of shear not being able to get enough fast enough and being out of my mind with lust and attraction to them both physically and emotionally. People are complex and a lot of stuff happens. I want to take a course in human sexuality when I have the time.

    Erection doesn't really effect arousal that much, only slightly it's a reaction to arousal. You have to touch the penis to get a reaction it doesn't do much by just being erect.

    • Oh. Thank you. Very helpful. :-)

    • "People are complex and a lot of stuff happens." >> Best point on this site - ever! lol "You have to touch the penis to get a reaction" hmm, I thought a guy would want you to touch it BECAUSE it is aroused, not TO arouse it. -Then it would probably stand to reason a guy would want it touched -as a prelude to sex? OR could be other reasons ? - Why would a guy move your hand thee rather than just wait? Does touching it send the message to the guy- you want sex, or it isn't that specific?

    • You don't need to touch to get an erection that happens from arousal or sometimes for no reason at all.

  • I have always been a slow, smooth toucher! Indeed for me the feel of a woman's soft feminine skin and her scent drive me wild! It is a waste if you move too quickly if you ask me!

    • Lol I def agree.....thanks ha ha

  • what should I answer for?

    either you have asked too much confusing Q using too much confusing language...OR DO I EVEN KNOW ENGLISH?.?

  • i DON'T get exactly WHAT you are TRYING TO ASK/say, but the ALTERNATING capital letters HURT my brain.

    • Ha ha . I was just thinking the same thing- ouch.... I wrote this a while ago- I was new to the site... Anyways the capital words, I presume, were for emphasis not headaches.. - Apologies ^ ^ Oh & I think I was asking about high intensity of guys during physical intimacy - not necessarily sex.. lol Just feels like a windup doll... Well that was my experience & wondered if any guyshad a theory on it. I asked because my boyfriend used 2 be very gentle & I wondered why the change- not bad tho

    • Lol Ok. When I wrote this I was disturbed cause this guy that I liked but had not seen in a few years had beciome much more agressive sexually. I decided itmust be because he didn't like & or respect me the way he used to because IF he did, he would be careful like he used to be... Passion is great, but wouldn't you try to control ourself if you REALLY liked someone (-he isn't actually rough just very different , more intense then I was used to. (which I translated into 'doesn't LIKE me')

  • Yeah my boyfriend became to rough with me and I started having to tell him to be gentle and it really opened some new doors for us you should just try telling him to be gentle but not meanly try to say it in a more sexy type wayl.

    • Haha ONce I accidentally hit him. Not on purpose I was just shocked I was not expecting it & it was like a reflex action with the force of someone who was already annoyed. lol HOw long were things too rough before you talked about it? HOw long were things gentle for you two? - He used to be VERY gentle, but then his last relationship was with someone he CARED about.... I think he has been in a bunch of non important relationships since, & is on auto pilot - my theory anyways

    • It sounds like a good theory to me and he was very very gentle at first then he got rougher for a month or 2 and then I couldn't take it anymore so he started to get rough and I just said gentle and he thought it was hot and was gentle but stuff was still could he can still be a rough sometimes but its not like over the top lol :)

    • How rough was your bf? I mean did he do rough things, like biting or something - hypothetical of course- or did he just do things rough? He is pretty much doing normal things rough.. & I can't even tell if it is rough or passionate, I am not used to being with anyone, & I am pretty light, I don't know if hat has an impact. How can you tell the difference between enthusiasm & rough.. He has not really hurt me except once, but it is just feels strange... Like too charged too quick too ^close^ 2 sex.

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  • girl what is wrong with you rough and hard is where is at. He does it rough and hard because he reaches places he does not reach when he's slow and gentle...

    • Haha, well, I guess I do't know those places cause I have never actually HAD sex. He does not go places he does not go otherwise just making out does he - sooo maybe he thinks we are going to have sex? What KIND of places? :-)

  • It can be caused by being very turned on, I've been rough in other areas because of being so ready to get it...i do it because my girl likes it more that way though, I go fast but not be rough, know what I mean?

    • Hahaha, I was just going to distinguish the question between rough or FAST.. Like can you go fast with out being rough? I guess you can... It is not that I think being more 'animated' is bad or bizarre, it just confused me cause it is different for HIM. It is true that we know each other much more but we have not actually dated since the last time we were together & he is just different NOW. If he had ALWAYS been this way, than it would make sense. Were you VERY different in the begin n

    • Yea, I was more gentle and easy in the beginning and yes, you can absolutely still be easy but fast. If you can finger on g-spot then it make you come lots when go really fast, but is definitely a turn off for the girl when you hurt her. So just give pointers, he be good at it before you know it.

    • :-) Thanks .

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  • maybe we like it a little rough

    • Haha ALL of you? Do you really - why? What does it do for you- not that it should not be more pleasurable I just wonder what the attraction is :-)

    • Rough = primal passion

    • Ah! It makes you feel like a neanderthal - I get it! :-)

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