OK so I can deal with the light smack/ nipple clamps/ spanking but she keeps bring up like painful things that just do not appeal to me at all (like putting needles through nipples, flogging etc.) My problem is I feel like a hypocrite saying we can only do the things I like and not the things she like, so should I stop our 'play dates', try to explain this to her, or just go ahead and do this stuff and not like it?
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
Well there are boundaries in every relationship whether they have to do with sex or not. In your case I would explain what you won't do. Sex is suppose to be pleasurable and sometime pleasure is a little bit of pain and not like massicist stuff. Plus if you are not into that stuff then it could mess sex up with other people too. Things could bring back certain bad sexual experiences or whatever.
So explain your boundaries and make sure she gets them. If she keeps on then she doesn't respect you are a person and is very greedy. if you know what I mean.
What Guys Said 6
Have you ever really tried it? A good spanking doesn't actually necessarily hurt since as sexual arousal increases, pain thresholds go up. Have her get you off a few times before you get started and then build into it. Read SM 101: a realistic introduction for some perspective.
You might like a lot more than you think. Most women I have slept with weren't into that kinky stuff at first but were grateful for my patience and persistence when it was all said and done.
Communication is key in a relationship. Let her know how you feel, if you don't want to do it then compromise or refuse. YOu may want things that she doesn't want to do. So have turns, can't say no. If she is happy to put needles in her self let her, but if she wants to inflict pain on you, set boundaries, safety word etc. Or she could end up raping you..
A good relationship is based on respect and understanding. You can't have that without honesty & communication.
1- It's not hypocritical to have boundaries & want them respected. Her limits are farther than yours & past your boundaries. Either she can respect that or she can't. It's not harmful to express your limits.
2- Why stop your playdates? Explain your feelings & boundaries, either she's gonna be cool with it & understand, or she'll have to find someone that is willing to go farther than you are.
3- Why the hell would you do something you're uncomfortable with for this person (or anyone else?). Either she must be one hell of a lay or you're being too submissive :P
lmao... seriously though... talk to her, be open & honest
either she will respect you & your wishes or she won't... that should make your follow up decisions a lot easier
What Girls Said 1
There are boundaries to every 'relationship'. If you are experiencing something that is not in your comfort zone then it is no longer 'play'. Let her know. If she cares about you she will understand and respect your wishes.
There are many other ways to have fun than going as far as that. Perhaps try something else to keep her interested (hot wax, ice, etc.).
Otherwise you may want to consider other partners. When you push limits like that it can easily go from play to abuse. Please don't get hurt.