I found out she had more sexual partners in the past than she have told me. It bothers me that she lied about this and I start to question our relationship as a whole. She does not know that I know about them, and I will never admit that I know because my proof is unethical on how I actually found out. She goes clubbing sometimes and I noticed one of the guy that she used to have sex with is there. I love her very much and I hope she does too, but am I just pushing it too far as to finding out or just wanting her to tell the truth? She told me that I have trust issues and I know I do, I mean if she didn't lie I wouldn't. I guess I just want to know the reason why she lied for, but don't know how to bring it up unless we're within the similar topic. I never imagined myself being that jealous or insecure type, never was towards my ex whatsoever, but then again I never really loved her like I do with my girlfriend. Is it wrong for me to stress about her past, or the fact that she lied about it..I just need some advice to go about solving this problem, thanks.
Thank you all for the responses. This is my first time using this website and I will most definitely continue using it. All of you guys/girls are helpful and I will always open for more answers. Thank!
WELL SAID EVERYONE! I too would be bothered with lies because, as you said, if she didn't lie, you would have less of an issue...Maybe you can simply start a convo ex: Who we've slept with in the past doesn't matter. It really isn't either of your business what happened prior to knowing each other existed...What matters most is that we are honest with one another, for better or worse, honesty is still best...can't build a relationship, a healthy relationship, if there is the slightest doubt that you can't rely on the other to be truthful. and most of us are like this...then offer up some information about yourself that you may not have shared with her yet...break the ice and see if she relaxes...They are all right, I think, she likely feels a bit slutty or ashamed of who she's slept with...? But that really doesn't matter does it...Best of luck.
Regardless of how many people she has been with is it going to matter to you SO much that you end the relationship? To make a strong relationship and KEEP it strong you have to pick and choose your battles. This means if its something you can get over why not come to terms that you can't change the past and get over it now to build upon it and make yourselves stronger.
I would tell her that I know but I would also make it clear that I didn't care because she was with me now. I would tell her that she should feel comfortable with me and whenever she wants to share something I will be an ungrudging ear to listen and to comfort her. Let her know that the only thing that bothers you is that you were not told the truth.
Everyone has a past. Everyone has secrets. EVERYONE has regrets.
she probably lied because she feels ashamed and because she feels that way she automatically assumes you'd love her less because of her past. she's probably not lying to hide something out but simply because she doesn't feel comfortable sharing something she's not proud of with someone she cares about
well I've done that to be honest, but only when I'm hiding something or don't want my boyfriend to find out somethinng. didn't read all of it but if she's being secretive INVESTIGATE DEFO. AND P.S you seem like a nice guy if she's playing games leave
the past is the past for a reason..focus on your future together and don't worry about things that you have no control over and she can't change :) goodluck!
Girls are suppose to be "pure" and I use that word loosely, girls with lots of partners are considered slutty and that's something that no girl wants to be associated with. She told you a smaller number because she didn't want you to think she's a whore.
Dude...ive been in your EXACT situation, and I HATE IT when girls say, you should ask, its none of your busines...EEEEERRRR YES IT IS.
Just because we're guys, doesn't mean we haven't got our ideal partner in mind, pr the fairytale ending...(not so fairy taley though). We deserve the choice in wether we want to go down that road or not...
LEARN HOW A MANS MIND WORKS! BY NATURE WE ARE DOMINENT AGGRESSIVE SEX CRAVED DOGS! OPPOSITES ATTRACT, HENCE WHY WE DONT WANT A PARTNER LIKE OURSELVES...(hobbies and intrests aside)
Its rude and highly disrespectful if she lied to you about that and if any girl thinks its cool to lie about it...you better hope he never finds out because it WILL change the way he see's you FOREVER, so you can decieve yourself for the short term...but in the long run its going to come back to bite you in the ass.
If you are ashamed of the number of guys you slept with then you should have closed your legs. simple. Don't try and play Mrs Loving Honest & Innocent and then Lie...Because all that trust you built up...will disapate instantly...
Thats If He cares about you...If a guy doesn't care that you lied to him then he ain't that in2 you.
She probably figured that telling you the truth about that was something you couldn't handle. Let me just say... why do you want to know? No matter what she says as an answer, deep down inside it will be too much for you! Plus it's in the past. Just be happy that you are with her NOW. She thought that lying to you was the easy way out, it's not a good excuse and I understand how you feel. You are never going to know EVERYTHING about a persons past. What if she asks you very personal questions about your past experiences with your ex girlfriends or even asks if you find her friends sexually attractive. Some people say that they are understanding and they want to hear the truth no matter what and sometimes that not the case at all. If she is good to you, treats you right, and you are happy with her then leave the past in the past. Women do this to men all the time and start arguments about things that's in the past. You can't change it, you are with her now, and that's all that matters.
Why would she lie? To spare your feelings and/or because she's embarrassed. Remember that in our culture guys that have a lot of sexual partners are "cool". Girls that have a lot of sexual partners are "sluts". Also, suppose she's had 10 sexual partners and you've only had 2, that leaves her not wanting to make you insecure that you're not as "good" or "experienced" as her.
shes embarassed maybe? but anyway she lied, you should of told you the truth