What is a wife to do when her husband NEVER initiates sex?

My husband and I have been married for 10 years, and I am really ready to give up on having a sex life. I am 33 y/o, but I feel 80 y/o because my husband NEVER initiates sex. Through the years, my husband has had various excuses. First, it was his job causing him stress. So I went back to work so I could financially contribute to the dream of starting his own business. Second excuse was financial, he was always whining that he didn't have enough money to do the traveling he needed to do to make the business successful. So we were blessed with a small financial windfall, the finance excuse has been out of the picture for a year now. While we were on a recent trip I brought up the fact that he had not initiated sex in years, and that his lack of interest makes no sense. He had the NERVE to say that we have a lot of sex through the years.Then he said that he was sure that the number would far exceed 1500 times.Obviously he thinks that he gets to "retire" from his sexual duties now. We have NO kids, and I have no plans on having any with him anymore! Children would give him an excuse for the next 18 years! He doesn't have to work anymore so he is ALWAYS home with me, so I know that he is not cheating. I thought it was my appearance (even though I am not heavy set), so I work out and tried the lingerie.NOTHING! He rather listen to Christian worship music all night, than have sex with me. He had a spiritual awakening last year, and is obsessed with studying theology. I live by faith, but he is non-stop, 24/7, on and on. I only wish he would put at least 1% of that enthusiasm into having sex with me. I have never had sex with any other man besides my husband, and I take my vows very seriously. I really have no idea how to deal with this situation. I do not believe in divorce, so I'm stuck. Perhaps there is a prescription drug that kills a woman's sex drive that I can take, then I could live sex free but without the frustration.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I am in the same position, except I'm a guy, and it drives me nuts. I have been married for 12 years and am 35. I have tried everything that I can think if and nothing works. It is as if she is annoyed/put off by sex. I have an over whelming sex drive and am just as frustrated as you are. My wife would lay there next to me naked for a month and say that she wants sex, yet she would never do anything to initiate it at all. The closest that she would get to foreplay is to try and cuddle with me being careful not to touch me anywhere that could be considered foreplay. She will wear lingerie if I really harp on her for having a bunch and never using it, but as soon as she puts it on she will jump into bed so I can't see her. Same with the shower, she tries to keep me from looking at her. I think she is hot and I tell her all the time but it still has no effect. For him maybe you can try some of what I found. There are a few verses in the bible I might be able to find and give to you. If he is truly has his nose in the bible and follows Gods word what can he say against it? Other than that I really don't know what else to say to you. Just a warning that this has not worked for me and I wonder if there is ever anything that will. But in the position that we are in I will try almost anything.

    • The thing with the lingerie and the shower sounds like your wife is self-conscious about her body. Has she put on weight since you've been together? It's hard to initiate things as a girl when you don't feel sexy yourself.

    • I'm sorry you are going through this as well . It really makes me resent ever getting married in the first place. If my husband dies first, I will NEVER get married again! As for the scriptures, I tried that. I brought up a couple, and he continued to bring up others and made a 2 hour bible study out of it...thank you for the suggestion though!