He's really bad at oral sex....how do I make it better?

Question

I ended up fooling around with a guy I really like and everything was going well until he went down on me.  It was perhaps the most painful experience of my life.  He yanked and sucked on my clit like a damn yo-yo.  My clit swelled up to twice its normal size and when I left I had to ice my crotch (hilarious in hindsight, pretty painful in the moment.)  We also tried having sex, but I was too tight and dry, he couldn't get it in.  I felt bad about the botched sex attempts so I didn't say anything when it started to hurt, just tried to grin and bear it.  I've never had a guy be so rough when he went down on me.  It would be the equivalent of me yanking on his balls.  My question is this. I really like this guy.  And I foresee fooling around with him again in the future.  I know I should tell him to go easy on me down there, but I don't want to make him feel bad.  Is there any way I can make him better at oral without actually having to say that he's terrible at it?  Or at least let him know to be more gentle without actually having to say it?  Like I said, I almost feel like I'm not one to criticize since I was so tight.

ilovelegs · Accepted Answer

Well obviously he's not a compatible sex partner for you. He's way to rough and has no feelings for your feelings. I mean, isn't he aware enough of what he's doing and how you're responding to realize that you're not enjoying it or that he's hurting you? He'd have to be one very insensitive, blind and deaf person with numb feelings to not notice that you weren't enjoying yourself and that you were actually hurting. OMG you need to talk with him before the next time he goes at it again like you're a stuffed or blown up doll. Don't let guys do that to you no matter how much you like them. By the way, what do you see in him that you like so much that you would tolerate him being this way with you? The very first time he started hurting you, you should have put your hand down there and kinda pulled him back and said like, take it easyyy, it's hurting me, be more gentle. Don't do anything sexual with him until you're completely healed and like new once more. Meantime, tell him you appreciate so much his intentions to pleasure you but that he needs to take it much easier and he needs to follow your movements or the pressures you put on his head with your hands as you direct him and talk with him too as to what you like or don't like. There's no reason he should feel inadequate. Tell him you're gonna show him how to go down on you the best ever and bring you an awesome orgasm every time. Tell him you want him to bring you both pleasure when he goes down on you and that it's your fault that you didn't tell him how he was doing. If you can just get him to slow down and take it easy and learn how to use his tongue more than his mouth, and learn how to lick and flick his tongue and go after your sensitive spots in the right way to just make love to you down there with his tongue and gentle sucking. He shouldn't feel bad because he does have to learn and should be grateful you're willing to guide him along until he's perfect. But yes you do have a right to what'd done to your body and if you're tight he has to respect that and not hurt you and eventually you'll both learn how to deal with or fix your limitations should that remain a problem as far as tightness. Don't try to hurry anything along because having sex is only one out of a thousand other things a couple can do that love each other. Just make sure you he knows you want him to continue doing oral on you as much as you both want it and for him to be happy that you want him down there and that you're gonna be more open with him on how he's doing so that you both can get more enjoyment.

mav0502 · Accepted Answer

i would let him know that it didn't work for you.and to show him what you like.each woman is different in what they like and what turns them on.show him how you like it done and tell him the last time."for some reason" it didn't work and this is how you like it.we need to get shown sometimes what women like and there is nothing wrong with that.

exactly.tell him to be gentle and you like it slow.also next time have some lubricant there beside you so if you do get dry you can use that to get him inside.ky stuff is very good.

Ashewark · Accepted Answer

I think it would really be a lot better for both of you if you could have more open communication. You could start out in a way that doesn't insult him though by asking what HE likes a lot, or what he would like to try. If he has any sense at all, he should also ask what YOU like and then you would have the opportunity to tell him that you like a really light touch. Clit stimulation really does not need to be hard at all. It sounds like he doesn't know much about the female anatomy and this is definitely a problem.

Don't let him keep doing something to you that is hurting you. You might be getting injured worse than you are prepared to deal with. Little cuts down there make it really easy to catch and infection or STD.

Redirecting his attentions can be done tactfully and without hurting his feelings if you turn it into a game where he has to listen to whatever instructions you give him. (He doesn't even have to know he is playing it, haha.) When he does something that hurts, just tell him to do it lighter, softer, slower- whatever you think would be better. When he does it better, make sure to reward him like crazy so he knows to keep doing it that way instead by moaning, grabbing his hair, just simply telling him, "Yes! Like that, keep doing that." Just focus on anything positive he does and make sure he knows it. It'll help build his confidence and will allow you to have a less painful experience.

As for the tightness, I recommend more foreplay and some lube to make things easier. It really sounds like you just weren't physically ready yet, but extra foreplay can take care of that. :) If you tried having sex after the oral incident, then the tightness could very well have been from being in pain, since people tend to tense up a lot when they are or have been in pain. Don't be afraid to tell him something doesn't feel right though, you can phrase it like, "It might feel even better if you did ____ instead," and then it's a tip rather than a complaint. If he cares about you, he will be eager to do what he can to make it better.

ohhmylovely · Accepted Answer

I've been in this situation before. Well not the same thing, but there's something this guy would ALWAYS do to me that I didn't like at all, and I didn't want to come straight out and tell him.

If he's being too rough and it hurts with intercourse I'd just tell him he needs to be more gentle because he's too big for me so he can't be as rough because it will hurt, or just tell him that you like everything to be more gentle. My man would always be too gentle on me and I liked it rough, so I simply just told him, but he kind of figured it out on his own eventually too.

As for the oral sex part, you might want to tell him you like being fingered better than oral. This way, he may stop giving you oral so much and he'll loosen you up a little so your other experiences aren't so painful.

You could also always take charge and let him be the one to relax while you pleasure him.

I really don't know what else you could do then simple tell him he's being too rough and you like it better gentle. You don't need to tell him he's doing a bad job, just say you're not used to it and you want to start off more gentle.

hope that helped a little.

kimberlyinspired · Accepted Answer

Let him know what you want, show him, tell him "Use your tougue to lick, and suck gently" some guys are so good they put  the whole face in, some barely give you any, but you need to tell him how you want it. Or make him watch porn, with oral sex. That might help

justthefriend · Answer

first of all being tight is never a bad thing. and I'm sure you were dry  because ur poor clit wasn't feelin the lovin. lol. you can navigate him and tell him to b gentle and to lick it nicely

B-E-N-E · Answer

Just help him out all guys want to help the girl so if you just tell him where to touch and what to do he should be fine. But when he does hit the spot make sure to tell him.

when girls have a say on what to do you will do it.

shearing is caring remember that

anonymousashley · Answer

TELL HIM. The biggest problem with sex is communication. I mean, think. If you were doing something to him that really hurt, wouldn't you want him to tell you? You have to talk about it.

xxviet · Answer

He yanked and sucked on my clit like a damn yo-yo - LMFAO THATS HILARIOUS

hetha3 · Answer

when he starts doing his thing down there .just give him some pointers .be like "baby I really love it when you do it like this".then he won't feel bad he will probably get even more turned on in fact

Anonymous · Answer

Be like Ima bout to teach you the ways! Explain that shit

Anonymous · Answer

Would lubrication help? AT least with the non-oral stuff?

He's really bad at oral sex....how do I make it better?

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