I need a better understanding of my sexually lazy boyfriend!

[Rawr888]

OK, this is my last resort, please give me your guy-opinion on this! I need answers! The main points- -My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years -Lived together for almost a year, then moved into separate places for rent reasons mostly -Our sex life sucks -We're in our mid-twenties -He's extremely affectionate, i.e. kisses, cuddling, hand holding and all that awesomeness. -In the beginning, we were wild rabbits. -6 months later, he was pushing me off him and completely disengaged. -Things are a little better now, but not by much. -He refuses to go down on me. -I shave, I make sure to shower before, etc. -I've asked him before what the problem is, and he simply replies that he just doesn't like doing it. -However, he won't have sex with me/be hard enough to have sex until I go down on him. -I love going down on him, and always have. No problem with that. I'm very open minded and well-read in matters relating to sexuality, and am happy to make sure he's pleased. -Not only does he not return the favor, but he's a little gross. -Gross means: Showering about once a week, letting his pubes grow to where I have to position my hands to hold them down so they don't rub in my face, smelling bad, jacking off and not washing off after, etc. (this builds up hand oils and filth= bad taste) -I never say anything about it at the time, because he's sensitive and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but seriously? Wtf? Wash that sh*t! -I've spoken nicely to him about these issues before, and he'll go on a streak of cleaning up maybe for a week or so, then forget and stop. -He still refuses after 2+years to go down on me. -He also never touches me or uses his hands at all during sex, except to grab my boobs. I can't remember the last time he used his hand at all for any stimulation or even for sensual caress, etc. -We have a routine he won't really stray from when we engage in sex. I'm on top, he lays there (won't even thrust towards me), and if he gets off first, he then rubs my nipples while I get myself off. This took many months of pleading and convincing in the beginning to get him to understand I might want to finish too. The only thing I could get him to agree to is providing nipple stimulation while I do the rest myself. -I've tried to have mature and focused conversations with him about all of this, and he gets frustrated and annoyed and doesn't want to talk about it. -I've dressed up for him, tried to role play, purchased couples' sex games/coupons for fun, even paid for Vegas hotel vacations for us to "get away." (In Vegas he just got wasted and we couldn't be intimate.) I've asked him what he likes and if there's something I can do to help him enjoy sex more, but he says it's just fine and he doesn't like talking about it. He gets embarrassed if I suggest doing something "exciting," and will go so far as to push me off him and say I'm embarrassing him. -Other than this he's a fabulous, normal guy! I don't get it! It's so weird! Help please...

[Stvancer]

Oh geez. Reading these things just p*ss me off to no end. I am sorry, but WHY when you are in the sexual prime of your life, would you waste your time with a smelly deadbeat who has no trouble jacking off, but has to be convinced to have sex?

I will admit, I was with him at first, sometimes going down on a girl is just straight nasty if they ate something like asparagus within the last week. But this can be combated with Pineapple. Remember, pineapples are your FRIEND. Eat them to change your ... taste. Ok I will get off this topic because that last sentence made me cringe.

But aside from that, you shower before hand, that is more than enough for me usually. Sounds like there is nothing wrong with you, and that he is just not sexually into you anymore. A selfish lover is how I would describe him in your story. It takes two to tango, and he isn't doing his part. I would die for a girlfriend to try to spice things up or to really want to have an orgasm. My last girlfriend was sooooooo intent on fulfilling my needs that she didn't care if she came or not. That in itself was a huge turnoff for me because that is half the fun!

Anyway, my advice, BREAK UP!

Seriously, you have tried more than any girl I know to spice it up, and it isn't working, so chances are it can't be fixed. Let me use a car analogy. You just dragged in a 1980's ford Tarus to the mechanic. You complain that you can't take it around the race track anymore and you tried new tires, new gas, new paint but the real problem is IT IS A TARUS. So go swap out your Tarus and get something that is at least exciting! At this point a 1995 Civic would be an upgrade.

[blah52]

If he'd always rather jack off than have sex, he's gay, unless your terribly unattractive.

[Rawr888]

Oh I'm gorgeous aside from the oozing boils and floppy fat rolls. ;) I've actually talked to him about the gay thing, and he was p*ssed, lol. Like I said, everything else about him is very "normal' except when we get alone in the bedroom. He's a hot, weight-lifting, sport-loving, beer-drinking guy who's also creative and extremely intelligent with goals and aspirations, and in every other way is extremely loving, caring, supportive, affectionate, and fun. He wants to marry me for godsakes! Wtf?

[snugglez]

My boyfriend and I was reading your issue. When I came acrooss the fact that either theirs is something going onn he don't want to tell you or not to b disrespectful he's gay...bring him around a sexy gay guy that you might know. Annd c how he acts around him try to leave them alone in some occations Alone but watchin his every move . Check how he looks and acts around him if he acts normal than he's not gay unless he's hidding it..but seriously a guy that don't get turned on when their girl is role playing has to be gay..or else sex is wack for him but not bcuz off you is he's jus too lazy to please his own girl. If that's the case and you tired move onn.

But ma boyfriend has his own opinion here it is

Hey how's going, I notice there a bit of a problem dnt worry at some point in people life it happeens so dnt give up just yet by and chance have you asked what he is in to? Maybe throw on a little porn and I cnt lie there is a thought in my head he just miight be gay I belive you 2 cz come on a guy not wanting to fck ? That's like asking if he can have some air lol just try to make him want it pay himm noo mind no mind what so ever go 3 or 2 with do ntn no signs or anything 4 to 5 try spicing it show how sexyy you can be nice sexy dress never this should and he should be all over you if not I'm sorry he GAY!

[Rawr888]

Haha- thank you for the responses! Yes I've suggested porn, yes I've dressed up (waste of time), yes I've asked him many times if there's something I can do or something he's into that we can try that would turn him on more. I've encouraged him to be open with me and share his fantasies, etc. I've asked if there's something wrong, if there's someone else, if it's medical, if it's psychological, etc. He just gets annoyed, says everything is fine and asks why I always have a problem with it. Ugh!

[snugglez]

If he says is nothing than he's preobably one of those rare types off guys that in a serious relationship they jus get bored and lazy for sex all the time they jus want it wen they feel lykk it. If you want it better btween you two get relation counseling theirs have to be something that's is stopping him and if he gerts madd ... you gta let him know you need to be sexually pleased!

[snugglez]

Hey this her boyfriend jsut act as if you dnt want. Stay busy it'll work or maybe its time to come out .

[vonasaurus]

there are a few possibilities here:

1) he's depressed~ people who are depressed or suicidal typically stop caring about their personal hygiene;

2) childhood abuse or trauma; if he was abused by a woman in a position of power, he may perceive certain acts or body parts as "dirty", in which case he needs therapy;

3) he's using drugs or alcohol regularly or is on medication that suppresses his sex drive (just because you don't know about it doesn't mean he's not doing it);

4) he's either in the closet or genuinely not into you.

at this point, you've done all you can. don't force him to talk about it, but tell him that you're concerned for his health and that you're there if he needs you (even if it's just as a friend).

[Anonymous]

I have the exact same problem. I am in my thirties and gorgeous we've also been in a relationship for 3+ years and are recently engaged. My fiancee too is a pretty all around decent guy in regards to everything else. But ask yourself is he selfish in other areas? Probably, i've noticed a pattern of serving self. He wants what is easy, comfortable and is lazy. Believe me It doesn't get better just the same or worse. Don't waste your time. If your in your 20's leave. I am leaving now... I've given two years and not a moment more.

[Nosferatu]

How about you turn him on by wearing hot clothes or doing hot stuff.Then he`ll become a crazy pussy-seeking-bull

[Summit396]

Try one last thing. Ok tie him up slap him and rape him

[Anonymous]

hahaha thats so dead. dump him. there is no cure. i hope that breakup wakes him up so he doesn't fuck up like that with the next girl

[Anonymous]

Having the same probs and its been over a year now. I'm about to fucking give up.

[Anonymous]

You need to be honest and tell him you need a man not a boy. Tell him to step up and if he can't make you feel like a woman than you need a man that can. Life is short...get rode hard.

[Anonymous]

Don't lead him and yourself on...

If he plans to keep it like this forever, then it's better for you to leave him and for him to learn the hard way to get his act together...