Guys what's with touching the genitals while kissing? Third time?

[Anonymous]

What is the BEST way to deal with that when it happens? Guys do you always have to go right for the genitals while kissing? & If I don't want to go with t what happens- does it kill the mood? What happened to just kissing? & Why do you have to do anything in Can't you wait till you know you are the same page in the first pace? why do you have to move her hand too - do you think she will forget?

[giantmothlbr]

just kissing is fine for a while. I don't know about you, but I tend to get turned on by making out, and when I get turned on I'm assuming that the girl is turned on too. part of moving your hand to our genitals is to show you just how turned on we really are. sort of saying, "you're good with your mouth, this is HOW good." and to see if you're responsive to maybe moving things on a bit from just the kissing. we reach for yours (I usually start out rubbing outside the pants/underwear) to see any response; if you spread your legs a little or start playing with yourself. sometimes I go for under the shirt first if she's not responsive to her genitals right away, and honestly it makes me feel good to know I'm making her wet. I want to know that I'm pleasing to her in that way and that I'm doing what she likes to turn her on. if you want to JUST make out without any pressure to move things further, try making out with gay guys, or other girls that just want that too. totally straight guys are just fascinated and obsessed with female genitals. I know because I am one of those guys. I will probably go to my grave wanting to play with one. hope this helps. peace.

[Asker]

Thank you. That was a very non creepy way of putting it. & Not simply because a guy did not realize what he was doing lol Well I can understand that - the way you put it & it doesn't seem evil or anything & it isn't like it was under cloths or forceful or tried again right after, so I think you are probably accurate. Thing is, With this one guy,I have been with & he never did that a year ago. I was wondering if he was TRYING to be more respectful back THEN & not worried now for some reason.

[Asker]

Umm, I don't actually have much experience,so kissing for me is pretty intense. I don't mind other stuff feeling wise it just bothered me to think it might be resulting fro lack of respect.. When you get turned on, how powerful is it, I mean how difficult is it not to continue & is it physical feeling or are you just mentally aware that you are aroused? Can you talk yourself out of it? Do you have any techniques to lessen the feeling -I mean if you WANTED to not be turned on - could you?

[Asker]

One more thing lol. If you were kissing a girl & you moved things down stairs -but outside clothing & she put her hands above your waist. What would you do? Would you get frustrated & stop altogether, would you try again later, or would you just give her time, figuring she may be ready later, & if so, what do you do mean while?

[giantmothlbr]

Glad I'm not creepy. lol. it really is a fine line to walk, for both sexes. guys do have a tendency to think too highly of themselves, you know, the "god's gift to women" type guys. especially if they've spent the better part of their adolescence as the "nice guy" and then became "the nice guy who finally got laid". the tendency is then to behave like a retarded jerk for awhile because where once they saw forbidden fruit, they now see a schmorgasboard. this may explain the respect thing.

[giantmothlbr]

I'm not going to lie, getting turned on, it's intense. listen: when it comes to respect, respect is a gift only you can give to yourself. no one else can give it to you, and no one else can take it away. respect yourself and your body first and always and realize that respect is not something that a guy can GIVE you. you must have it for yourself. HE WILL ONLY RESPECT YOU TO THE EXTENT THAT YOU RESPECT YOURSELF. this doesn't mean you CAN'T be turned on, but don't be a pushover either.

[giantmothlbr]

I have tried numerous things to 'talk myself out of it', but so far, nothing works. don't let anyone pull that 'blueballs' crap on you though, because it isn't true. we don't suffer any pain from not getting off. it's frustrating,and I'll have to masturbate when I get home, but that's it. our arousal is DEFINITELY physical. it's mental too, but MAN IS IT PHYSICAL. why would I NOT want to be turned on? I like being turned on. last, I would give her more time. at least like, 5 minutes.

[Asker]

Thaknyou. Wel as for respect I know extremely well on one can give it to - if I relied on others I would feel pathetic& I do respect myself a lot - partly why I'm still a virgin - with very little sexual experience. I don't think it is any particular thing that you do but ohw you FEEL about it - like if you WANT to have sex when you first meet then fine..If you still don't feel ok after 6 months tan it isn't appropriate. The thing is, since a guy WON'T know your comfort level, then doing some-

[Asker]

Thing like putting your hand on their crotch could be disrespectful cause they don't know- NOT because of the move. I have never let anyone talk me into blue balls. I don't expect anyone to 'take care of my needs' so I do not feel guilty not worrying about them not getting any, because they have hands, & when does a guy talk to me for 6 hours just because I would feel more comfortable - talk a lot & it is my thing & I don't expect other people to take care of that. Anyways there will ALWAYS-

[Asker]

Be a possibility that something you start will not go your way... Soooo as an adult you have to make that decision yourself - what you want to risk & what yo don;t, if blue balls are gonna kill you, don't make out with anyone unless you have it under written contract there will DEFINITELY be sex ( Joke but serious:-)) As for the giving her 5 minutes- lol why 5 minutes. And what if you spent 1 minutes kissing 1hour TALKING about not doing anything, & 3 min kiss does that count as five minutes?

[Asker]

Sorry for going on, but you are the first guy to touch on SO much of what I wanted to know... As far as nice guy turned sex machine, he did have a steady girlfriend in high school, & he was very experienced when we met but he was careful to go slow. If he had always been this way I would not be bothered, it is the contrast- he was very careful in the past.. Not hat he did anything horrible lol Just very different & it is that I KNOW THAT HE KNOWS HOW TO BE PATIEnT & he wasn't this time. & I don't know why.

[giantmothlbr]

No one can cross a boundary if they don't know it is there, yes? if you don't know the line that marks my property, you can't know if you've crossed it can you? what I meant by respecting yourself is that YOU draw your own boundary lines. whatever you decide they are, no one has a right to cross them without your permission. don't be afraid to draw the line.

[giantmothlbr]

Lol...5 minutes. I ran out of room to continue, so I was kind of joking really. you have to understand that I'm trying to give you advice on sex and what to expect in sexually charged relationships. it's a difficult thing to explain because I've had much more experience than you, so at times there may be miscommunications and the things I say may seem to mean something that I never intended. I'm trying, and I hope I'm helping you.

[giantmothlbr]

To answer your last question, sometimes people change and forget to tell each other

[giantmothlbr]

My concern is that I don't want to steer you wrong. I want to give good and helpful advice, but I also have to be honest and realistic, because otherwise I feel like I'm just selling you something. okay?

[giantmothlbr]

One of the ways you can let a guy know your comfort level is by the clothes you wear. wear something flattering, but not revealing. something comfortable but not loose. wear coordinating underwear for yourself, not for him. sexy shoes too. be casual in your behavior. concentrate on yourself. you will disappear, then reappear exactly where you are supposed to be. it may be somewhere you never imagined...believe in the magic anyway.

[giantmothlbr]

Your imagination can never be as creative as reality.

[giantmothlbr]

I could spend one second gazing into your eyes and that act alone would be more powerful than 100 billion seconds talking about what it was like NOT to look into your eyes. my point is that actions are MUCH louder than words. not to mention MUCH MUCH more powerful. the one minute you spend kissing me is all I'm thinking about. and I hope it's all YOU'RE thinking about too...:)) that's just the way we (guys) think.

[Asker]

Lol.. ok see I'm an actor so what I do to try to understand situations that have not been in or I have been I bit did not understand, I make up monolugues or speeches to put myself in or back in the situation... I am positive over the last two days I wrote in my head what yo just said - this part. " be casual in your behavior. concentrate on yourself. you will disappear, then reappear exactly where you are supposed to be. it may be somewhere you never imagined...believe in the magic anyway

[Asker]

Your imagination can never be as creative as reality. - By Answerer I could spend one second gazing into your eyes and that act alone would be more powerful than 100 billion seconds talking about what it was like NOT to look into your eyes. my point is that actions are MUCH louder than words. not to mention MUCH MUCH more powerful. the one minute you spend kissing me is all I'm thinking about. and I hope it's all YOU'RE thinking about too...:)) that's just the way we (guys) think. -

[Asker]

" " The thing is that is verry much how I think, tho I find it hard to believe GUYS think the same way in general, because that is not how people talk about them, BUT for a particular guy I like I could feel intuitively like their is a shared affect - I mean how could I not- if I didn't I would not be attracted to him, part of being attracted to someone - for me anyways is the feeling that there is something profound that is shared. A one sided infatuation is very unattractuve to, So I become-

[Asker]

My own radar for what is going on.. But things rthat are true are nt always ap[arent to those involved- sometimes ESPECIALLY BECAUSE they are involved. as fir dress lol, I knowinstinctiuvely not to dress with too many things gong on. Like if I have anshirt that is tight. my pants are not & I am not revealing any stomach or any skin if I sam wearing a shirt that exposes my stomach I do not wear anything tight. I if my pants are tight then I do not wear a tight shirt & I do ot reveal any skin

[Asker]

I never wear anything that reveals y breasts or butt, I just would not feel comfortable doing that, ^ I would not be able to have a serious discussion with anyone if I did & I spend lots of time talking about things in the world that are important to me so revealing clothing would just cut into my life style ,but also I do not want to gibe that kind of impression because I am not comfortable relating that way - so why dress that way - it would be like lie. :-)

[Asker]

My favorite thing that you said &* I TOTALLY FEEL , &&& actually captures perfectly what I am trying to sort out in this post is : "I could spend one second gazing into your eyes and that act alone would be more powerful than 100 billion seconds talking about what it was like NOT to look into your eyes." This WHY I poszted the question lol^ To me ANY a guy or girl does while in a moment like that, that MIGHT POTENTIALLY disrupt the moment is expressive of the fact they do not in fact CARE.

[Asker]

Ex. Everyone knows that everyone has different boundaries, like touching parts or especially touching someone else to a part of you they are not used to - I am not saying this SHOULD be one, but that might be one- & I am not saying what if you test this you are horrible - not at all, but they are RISKING someone stopping the moment minimally & maybe deciding they do not feel like the person is genuine. I really doont kow if I am exaggerating or ont. But f you are in a really intense moment -

[Asker]

& you had not kissed that person in 2 years & they finally were there & you really liked each other. WHY would You want to disrupt that & turn it into something else- so soon even. Like lets say you are kissing & then 5 moites later you guide a girls hand to your crotch - even id you thught she wanted to have sex, just doingithat insteadof letting her do that sort says , this is what I want & I assume you do or I don't care IF it is what you do. But to me, I would be so blown away by touching -

[Asker]

Any part of that person lol... Like a shoulder or hand or w/e. Not only would I not feel the NEED to guide his hand anywhere, but I would be cognizant of the fact that I wouldn't WANT to do that because it is delicate moment that took a tremendous amount of time to have take place, & it isn't worth it to go for a million bucks when you have not even been approved of 5 dollars... Unless you felt it did not matter too much & I feel I could just try another source. Does any of that make sense

[giantmothlbr]

Yeah, it makess sense. but you're thinking too much about it. it's hard for me to explain. you are spending so much time thinking about sex and analyzing your thoughts about thinking about sex, but sex is not something that CAN be experienced with just words and thoughts. to fully know what you're talking about requires you to act I could sit and talk all day about sky diving and how I feel about it, but no amount of words can substitute for the act itself. wisdom and experience go together

[Asker]

Oh I understand, that experience I is why I ask questions to other people who have HAD have experience. I sort of write about why^ I am asking what I ask & what I am asking someone else about as far as their experience... I am trying to look at is from a different point of view. It isn''t that I have not experienced something- it is that I have not experienced a lot of it. & Hearing peoples perspective helps me - see the okay-ness in certain things.

[Asker]

I want to understand how someone can be in a situation that is supposedly important to them,&yet act without consideration towards the other person. You might, not do something that YOU think is offensive,but do not KNOW how they feel. If you do not know wether they are bothered, then isn;t that the same thing as not caring on your part? For me some things are so important, that you instinctually CARE,you are careful because you care - you don't even have to think about being careful-You are

[giantmothlbr]

If you do not know wether they are bothered, then isn;t that the same thing as not caring on your part? answer: no, it is not the same thing. you can't hold someone responsible for something they don't know. that would be like expecting a child to just know not to walk out in front of traffic or touch a hot stove. they must be told, otherwise they won't know any better. and sometimes we only learn responsibility through consequence; that is, by touching the stove anyway and suffering a burn

[Asker]

Hmm interesting angle, but isn't a person different from a stove... I was thinking more about how it isn't really considered proper I society to just do that right away , I don't know I am fie with looking at it your way, I was just thinking if a guy knows that a girl MIGHT be bothered, then even if that girl ISN'T bothered he doesn't KNOW that, so isn't it sort of the same....but I really don't want to be hating on anyone so I'll just accept your point about responsibility. :)

[giantmothlbr]

Okay, but I still think you're making all this harder than it has to be. try not to think about it so much. think more about whether or not it feels right to you. if it doesn't then don't do it. you know more than you think you do, but you're letting words get in the way. sexual things are only in the realm of feelings, not thoughts and words. how you FEEL is the important thing, not what you THINK.

[Asker]

:) lol you just answered a lot, with your last sentence...i'm going to think about it - thanks. one thing, how do you know if it feels good if you are touching someone else & if you like that person then why should it feel wrong- cause it does I mean I'm sure at some point with everyone, but it bothers me, I feel like a jerk, if I like someone it should not bother me to touch them,I could understand not wanting to choke on a blow job :) -but just touching shouldn't be bothersome, its bizarre.

[Asker]

I was just looking over your answer cause its- clear & descriptive :) 2 things. as far as resopecting yurself no one can give itto you, well you can respect yourself, no one can make YOU dis respect ut self, but they can not act out of respect, which is morewhat I was talkng about, & as far as being a pushover, well again if you respect what you are doing then I don't thnk it applies... "... give her 5 minutes extra" - for trying to escalate things in the FIRST place or 5 minutes AFTER trying 1st.?

[giantmothlbr]

Lol...the 5 min. thing was sort of joking. in all honesty, I would probably stop, hold her face, look in her eyes and tell her it was okay to not go further. then I'd kiss her more. I'd tell her if she wants to go anywhere else, she has the lead; I want her to feel safe and wonderful around me.

[Asker]

Oh that's so sweet & really cool of you , really that sounds proper. :) :-)

[giantmothlbr]

Hey, to be honest, kissing is almost more intimate than genital contact. the flash of eye contact amidst devouring your mouth; hand to cheek to belly... fingers interlacing, fingers playing-- palm to chest and heavy breath and squirming desire; sucking tongues and heartbeats measured in miles per hour...no, the kiss has lost nothing of its power.

[giantmothlbr]

Why should it feel wrong- cause it does I mean I'm sure at some point with everyone, but it bothers me, I feel like a jerk, if I like someone it should not bother me to touch them,I could understand not wanting to choke on a blow job :) -but just touching shouldn't be bothersome, its bizarre--It does feel wrong sometimes, even when it shouldn't. you aren't alone. you have to pay attention very closely to your feelings, they will guide your actions...they will tell you when things are wrong

[giantmothlbr]

Too often the youth of today is encouraged to abandon the sense their feelings give them. they are discouraged to trust their own intuition and to act according to principle.

[Asker]

I agree about kissing being pretty inyimate & awesome. I think if I'm kissing a guy & he outs my hand on ihs crotch , it could be that for him it goes together nicely, but more often it feels like its his way if distancing himself from the intimacy.. Almost like he is proving to himself & me -tho I'm secondary- that he is just in it for physical relief. I think guys that are not comfortale with intimacy would be more likly to do that, whereas for me I'd have 2 FEEL intimacy to do that. Tho- I-

[Asker]

Have very little experience, but its all with the same guy, so it makes it easier to judge if it s an escape or just part of a whole picture. Not to mention if that us done the energy shifts fro the region closer to your consciousness to the region closer to your animal passion. However I was trying to be openminded- to see it fro a different angle I think it was like using someone,or just someone trying to get everything in,of a situation that to them is fleeting, or just overanxious lol :)

[Blackkid]

What is the BEST way to deal with that when it happens?: "No!" /slaps hand

Guys do you always have to go right for the genitals while kissing?: No, actually. A lot of girls go for my d*** though! :/

If I don't want to go with t what happens- does it kill the mood?: Do it right and no it doesn't.

What happened to just kissing?: That's so 17th century...

Why do you have to do anything in Can't you wait till you know you are the same page in the first pace?: When the human brain grows to be equivalent in hormones, drives, and telepathic abilities sure; till then I'mma try to finger that p**** until... until...!

why do ylou have to move her hand too - do you think she will forget?: "Try, try again..."

[Asker]

Thank you - informative & amusing :-)

[Ms_December]

Well I know this is addressed to guys but I just wanted to the answer the one about stopping and if it will kill the mood? In my experience the guy usually goes to my ass at first and then lower over clothes and such, but if I'm not interested right then I usually take my hand to his and slowly pull it and put it elsewhere ie my waist or something.. so its not a total mood killer.. and he didn't seem to mind. So just a suggestion!

[Asker]

Well, I just thought if he puts your hand on his p/ then moving it stops relaxation or what ever he was looking 4. Guys tend to mystify the POWER of the penis as far as dictatig their mood & patience So I assume that if a guy puts your and in his penis & you move it away, then he might be too upset to continue or offended or something. Your example makes more sense to me as not being a mood killer, the penis is a little more central to guys I think. Thnxs 4 answer- I didn't mean 4 just guys

[ANDRECOETZEE1000]

I wouldn't make sexual moves on a girl I really liked - in love with. In such a case, it will only stay at kissing - initially - 1st 3 months.

If I only would like to have a fling with the girl, I'll go all the way.

[Asker]

Wow. You would stay atkissing for 3 months ... lol I do't even now of I would want to do that 7 I like to goslow- that is pretty impressive ... I can't believe you would go all the way o the other hand lol Doesn't it feel you are going too fast -even if you are NOT in love?

[Asker]

4 The one You R I'm love with......Would you think less of her , if she was trying for more - physically, sexually? :-)