How to tell someone you're not sexually satisfied?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years, we are wonderful together and always happy, he's my best friend and we love each other like no other. I'm not going to break up with him just because I haven't been sexually satisfied. Lately I have been a lot hornier than usual and it seems like every time I'm around him I want to go off and fool around, but he just doesn't seem into it. On Monday when I was over at his house we were cuddling on the couch me in front, and him behind holding me. I reached around with one arm and began massaging and grabbing at his junk... I then turned my body to face him and he asked what had gotten into me, I told him what and how horny I was. I got him off and he didn't touch me at all... Then he said he was hungry... So we went to eat and when we came back I had to leave so I was still horny and gave him another bj before I left... I didn't get anything besides a kiss on the check and I love you let me know when you get home... On Wednesday, he texts me and tells me both his parents are working so I could come over... that usually means he wants sex so I was excited. We do some foreplay.. and begin to have sex for maybe 5 minutes at the most when his sister walks in on us. I admit I was a lilttle upset... but what made it even worse was that he didn't want to continue having sex after she left...Soon after I had to leave for work I stopped by after work to give him a bj... and still he didn't touch me at all. I feel like I'm not attractive anymore and that's why he doesn't want to touch me... used to he was the first one to make all the moves and ugh I'm so frustrated.. its Friday and I'm still horny. and I do masturbate but to me its not the same thing... At this point I really just want him to touch me so I don't feel disgusting... What do I do?

[ThoroughFred]

There are three core categories of compatibility. Moral, Spiritual, and Sexual. Sounds like you are less sexually compatible than you'd like. best way is to just bring it up in a completely NON-sexual situation. He will most likely get defensive, but just stay calm and keep a light heart about it. Explain what you feel is missing, but don't make accusations against him. Definitely don't say something like "it makes me feel like you don't like me anymore" that will just p*ss him off and most likely have the opposite effect.

Stick to the facts, and make it flirty. Tell him you like this or that, want to be spanked, whatever. He will most likely get turned on listening to you talk openly about your desires. Afterwards you'll probably have great sex. Keep with it.

Then again, if he just isn't getting the job done even after that, there are plenty of guys out there that would be perfectly happy with a No Strings Attached situation to pick up the slack and ring your bell for you anytime you like.

It's survival of the fittest, and if he can't get the job done, I'm sure someone else can. ;)

[ZenSpace]

Just tell him you want to try some new things in sex. Men love to gain experience, so they can feel they are experts in new areas, that includes sex and sexual positions. In fact being an expert at sex is probably the single biggest thing men want to be experts at.

There is no need for you to come out and say you are not satisfied, that might be true, but it also might hurt his feelings, so why mess with that powder keg?

Instead describe VERY SPECIFICALLY what kind of sex you want to try with him and what you'd like him to do. Perhaps you'd like to try doggy style? Or you want him to suck on your nipples or grab your boobs during sex? maybe you want to try spicing it up by adding something kinky like a blindfold or light bondage?

Whatever you want, just ask for it. Guys like clear, easy to understand, specifics.

One last thing, be sure you ASK for these things. Do not take the tone of voice that you are demanding them, most guys do not like being ordered around (except the ones who get turned on by it, but they are a minority).

[Anonymous]

i get how you feel. my boyrfriend is the same way. and ya I tell myself okay fine I won't give him head or put out if he won't return the favor. but that never works because I get more horny then him and then I just do it. plus I like giving him pleasure like head and stuff. basically I just starting being more assertive. if you play the mans gay, they'll play back. like if you start touching him, take his hand and put it on your p***y. my situation was EXACTLY like yours trust me. year guy might be different then mine so I don't know if it'll work but now he starts to touch me a lot more. like if I start touching him then I'm just like "ohhh that's turning me on so much" so maybe he'll catch the hint. or "i want you so bad". just drop hints and if he doesn't get it just try taking his hand and doing it. like with your hand on top of his and start rubbing yrself. get him to want to. hope this was helpful

[toulouse]

Stop giving ihm blow jobs first of all.

if he isn't getting blow jobs maybe he will see the point I sex, also if he does not worry about you - why are you so worried about him-he doesn't seem very considerate.

This isn't like him being bad in bed - He isn't even TRYING.

[Asker]

I don't want him to feel the way I do.

[toulouse]

Sometimes it is the only way to communicate - Human beings have empathy - understanding someone else pain thru your own, is one of the first modes of communication. ;-)

[nicelilsprout]

It's pretty obvious: stop offering bjs. It sounds like you're making it pretty obvious that you're aching for it, and he's not even giving it up. Why don't you guys go somewhere else to have sex instead of his place?

[dll16634]

This one seems a pretty easy answer. I doubt this guy understand what a great girl he has in you! I can tell you that I've been on the flip side of this situation with another girl I knew. The way I see it is that you have two options either confront him or get him to confront you.

1. Bringing it up has it's benefits. First off it gets this situation out in the open and it's quicker than the alternative. Tell him what you think and don't let it go until you know what's going on...or you get what you want.

2. If you don't feel comfortable bringing it up you can definitely get him too. The main obstacle is that you are going to have to calm your hormones for a little bit. From your story it appears that you pleasure him pretty damn often, chances are that he is used to it by now. If you don't do it for a while he is bound to notice and ask what's up. If you want a little laugh on the inside go ahead and play a little bit and then stop like nothing was going on.

Number two the fun way worked for me - hope these help.

[lovehelp]

Sounds like you are looking for excuses. Is there someone else on your mind? Maybe your bored?

[hunnie-bunches]

well, if you wanna know what I would do , I would just tell him in these exact words "If you don't f*** me , I will find someone who will. But, a lot of people aren't as outspoken as I am so maybe write him a note and say your feeling a bit neglected and you would appreciate some imediate attention

[Do_Biz]

I had a girl tell me that if you empty out a banana and fill it with lube it feels great to bang..haha is that even possible?

[hunnie-bunches]

I would hardly doubt it unless she froze it? I wouldn't know I get mines

[katiesmuff]

You better have a heart to heart with this boyfriend or soon your attitude will change and you will be breaking up with him and looking for some strange d**k

[MrKkibbles]

This is a mean thing to do, but it sounds like you don't want to be direct about it.

The next time you two are fooling around when he is getting close to finishing, stop and say you are hungry, get up and go make something to eat, if that doesn't get the point across you could try again a different time, or you might just have to be direct about it.

Or another thing, would be to tease him. Do something that would feel good but won't make him climax, this is trying to get him to specifically ask you to get him off, and when he would you give him a line something like "me first"

Also I don't blame him for not wanting to continue after his sister walked in, but he should have later in the day.

[Asker]

I can't do that :(

[MrKkibbles]

From all your comments it seems you don't want to withhold sex from him, if that's the case then you really don't have much choice other than being direct about how he is not pleasuring you enough.

[Asker]

How can I be direct without making him feel bad?

[MrKkibbles]

From what you say its not that he is unable to pleasure you, its just that he isn't even trying to, so don't worry about hurting his feelings. You could tell him that you want to have more regular sex, or that you wish he would go down on you once in awhile. If you wanted to hint around about it you could say something like "I like going down on you, but it doesn't feel good for me as it does for you"

[Jerseyboy84]

To me it seems like you satisfying him a lot. He gets off no matter what and your hung out to dry. You should stop blowing him for a little while and make him want you. After that if he doesn't do anything I would make sure he's not cheating. If he's not and you still want to be with him then you can either buy a dildo and get yourself off, talk to him about it, or just deal with(not the best choice).

[Littletad]

Lay off on the blow jobs. Time to let him do some of the work.

[mandingo1203]

you are giving him to much. he knows that he can get his and not worry about you. don't give him head for a week or two and make him do something to you before you start worrying about getting him off. if he knows he can get off without having to work on you he will keep doing that.

[Asker]

Blah, I don't want to do that....

[mandingo1203]

Then just realize that he is never going to worry about getting you off if he can get off and tell you to leave.

[Riksounds]

Move On! He has to be aware of your needs and make an effort or your wasting your time! Seriously!

[RipnRawhide]

I don't think he's really that in to you anymore, as well you might want to make sure he's not cheating

[DanielSan]

maybe you need to specifically tell him that you don't get off just by giving him bj and that he nees to help you out

[peter98]

u should start teasing him. give him a blow job but don't get him off. turn him on and leave him alone. he will get crazy about you soon enough :)

[stalinhornsby]

It sound like you need a large ball messager to get yourself off with a 9v Amplifier. And, even though your p**** is suffering you can bet all those loving bj's only elevate your horniness. Cheers.:)

[chiefnavarro]

set a few days a side and do nothing but have educational sex

tell him exactly how you like to be touch and just everything.

[LadyInHer20s]

Would it make you feel any better if I told you that it was probably seeing his sister, that put a stop to it? It isn't all YOUR fault. She can't stop you being with him. Next time, do it in more private places. Lol

[b0i_cr4zi3]

stop satisfyin him for a while, and let him get horny, and start tryin 2 get yu. Then yu'll probably be more happy *-P

[Anonymous]

Communication, tell him you want to try new things etc experiement make sugestions or train him up to do what you want need, by actions etc if that doesn't work maybe find someone else to take care of you on the side of find a new bf...

[Anonymous]

Maybe spice things up a bit? Outfits or lube, just to make it more exciting?

Or ask him to do stuff to you if you don't want to beat around the bush.

Or if you want to make him clock on himself, just stop doing stuff for him until he starts to show you a bit more attention.

[Asker]

We don't ever have a lot of time to do things like that...Ive dressed up for him a couple of times... but lately there just isn't time for that sort of thing.