Why do girls take it as a compliment that a guy wants to have sex with them?

[Anonymous]

I am not talking about your boyfriend or your husband, who loves you. I am talking about a guy you just met, maybe someone at a bar or a club or school, or a guy you just started dating. Some girls seem to think the attention you get when scantily clad or otherwise catching a lot of random male attention for their sexuality is a compliment. Would you rather a guy you don't know tell you that you are pretty and he'd like to get to know you, or that you are hot and he would love to have sex with you? Or, do you think those statements are the same thing? In other words, do you think a guy who wants to have sex with you wants to get to know you?

[Anonymous]

well a lot of it has to do with how you grew up

when I was 13 years old I lost my dad to cancer, and I didn't have the father daughter attention I should have had growing up as opposed to someone who grew up wtih a father in their life

so I went for that attention subconsciously for years. I think I'm a very good looking girl, I have no problem in that area... and I could have anyone I wanted but its more than that. I thought that if a guy would have sex with me it meant that he liked me and cared about me and that he was going to take care of me.. when in reality that's not what he wanted

i did this all through highschool.. I was lost and no one understood because none of my friends had to go through what I did...

i didn't do it for attention, I didn't do it because I took it as a compliment... I did it because I thought that if I did that with a guy it was going to make him want me and then I would have that comfort for once in my life.. like a guy that actually cared about me... I wanted to be loved sooo bad that I would do anything to get it..

and I think that you shouldnt be the one to judge because until you have stood in someone elses shoes you have no idea what has gone on in their life to make them do the things that they do..

i have since grown out of this and now I know what it means to really be loved..it isn't just sex.. and I had to learn it the hard way... if I could go back and change things I would but I can't

[Asker]

I am not judging. I want to educate young women and help them understand that guy's need for sex has nothing to do with the guy thinking we are special or falling in love with us. I want other girls to not have to learn the hard way, though I realize this will continue to happen. I too had no male figure in my life. I had an abusive dad until I was 13 and about the only thing he did with me was put me down or ignore me. After 13 I had no dad. Luckily I was able to avoid what you went thru

[Anonymous]

I agree with you, I don't think it's a compliment at all. Guys would like to have sex with any woman who is decently attractive. So if a guy pays attention to you in that way and obviously wants to sleep with you, it's not really a compliment because there's nothing special about you, he'd want to do it with plenty of other girls, you're just here filling the spot for the time being. It's not as if they really want to hang out with you or actually like you in some way, no they want to bend you over, hit it and then move on. I let the attention give me an ego boost because yeah, you're confirming that I am sexually attractive, but I don't get all giddy and excited if I'm not already interested in him myself.

[Asker]

You are so on target! I just feel badly for younger women who are confused and want to dress like the girls that "get all the attention". I have responded to some of those posts and try to educate young women that getting attention for dressing in very little and marketing yourself as a sexual object is not the same as getting attention from the one guy who really wants to get to know you, not just your vagina.

[bobblehead]

Oh how interesting. I can't speak for the scantily clad women of the world. Anybody can be complimented on their sexuality. Its just words. Anyone can lie through their teeth. I think its far more flattering for a guy to be interested in your personality and treat you nice. Want to talk to you and get to know you better. Because for that there is obviously some spark and he wants to know you more but he is taking the serious approach. I want to know you before this goes any further. because that is the type of guy you want in your life

[ZenSpace]

Women enjoy attention from the opposite sex, just the same as men do.

We all enjoy being objects of desire.

Whether or not people like our personalities and would want to get to know us, both men and women enjoy being reminded that we are physically attractive. It boasts our ego and confirms to our subconscious that we have lots of options.

Furthermore, and this is especially true of women, often times we don't really believe we are beautiful unless some one else tells us. The more random some one is, the more we beleive their compliment. If your mother or your husband said you were beautiful you'd feel like they "had" to say that, because they love you. But if some random guy in a bar said you were hot you'd think, "wow, that must be true" and you'd feel great about yourself. Of course it would get annoying eventually if it happened too much, but in the proper dose, women love it. And men would love it, but it does not happen to men much because women do not tend to be that assertive.

Hope that clears things up for you. :-)

Do answer your specific questions: Saying a you want to have sex with a someone and saying you want to get to know them are NOT the same thing at all. However they are both statements of desire, and most women and men enjoy being an object of desire.

[Asker]

I completely agree we want to be desired. But, if a man isn't just complimenting you but actually asking you to sleep with him, or leave the club with him, or starts touching you and trying to kiss you, why do women take that as a compliment? Wouldn't it be fair to say he would like to sleep with many women. Not all women, but not just this one girl?

[ZenSpace]

You seem to be obsessed with this idea that if you are not the only girl on the entire planet earth that a guy wants to have sex with, then his attraction means nothing.

[shf84]

Well it all boils down to sex but I can't imagine what kind of a man would just walk up to a girl and say " your hot and I want to have sex with you" only a filthy pig would say a thing like that but that's what's in bars and clubs any way so I wouldn't be surprised. The attention a girl gets from wearing something sexy should be flattering though, not every woman can pull it off, It's not like some horse faced fat slob who spends her time in church and at the fast food joint can put on a sexy outfit and get attention from hot guys. She'll get attention from drunks and thugs but not any men worth having so there's a good reason why women see it as an accomplishment to look sexy in a skimpy outfit.

[Asker]

I workout and I enjoy looking sexy but I also have enough life experience to know that a guy who is all over me in a club is highly unlikely to be interested in more than hoping for a one-night stand. I have found that it is better to dress flattering but not skimpy if you would like to avoid total douchebags from hitting on you. Of course, even then you can be the target of attention from someone who is a disaster.

[shf84]

I don't hang out in bars clubs etc their full of douche bags that's pretty much who goes there.

[Asker]

I like to go dancing so I do go to clubs, but it is cool because I don't expect to meet Mr. Right there anyways. But guys do think if you are at a club you are there for different reasons. They do think it is a compliment to demonstrate how much they would love to bag and tag you that night. It's hilarious. Sadly some young women think if they don't get enough guys hanging on them by dressing scantily, that they are missing out on something. They aren't.

[shf84]

Hard to say , clubs are full of low life and their views on things are different, sex is more of a barnyard thing with them they don't even like these girls or even dislike them they want sex the way a reptile want's sex. As to skimpy clothing I don't see any problem with a girl teasing guys etc A lot of girls in the mall wear stuff like that their just having fun.

[gravygirl]

Being desired feels good. Even if it is a shallow thing, it's far better than not being wanted.

[Asker]

I want to be desired, but not as one of many, many girls that guy wants to bone. I like feeling special and there is nothing special about most guys desire to have sex with any girl.

[gravygirl]

So you want to be the girl who is most desired then, right? Don't you think that's what most girls want?

[Asker]

I want to be the girl who is most desired for a girlfriend. Not the girl who is most desired to be f*cked. Who needs a guy to be all over your for sex and then gone when he is done? Not a compliment to me.

[gravygirl]

That's still what most girls want. You just think they are approaching it wrong.

[Asker]

I completely disagree. Most girls do not want one-night stands or booty call status from guys. When a girl has sex with a guy they believe they are special to that guy for one reason or another and they end up very hurt to find out he could care less about her. So, if you are saying that knowing a guy thinks you are sexy feels good, I agree. I only observe that too many girls act on it, have sex with the guy, and then feel awful when that is all it was.

[Asker]

I see so many posts on here where girls have sex because a guy is telling them they are hot or otherwise showing them they are sexually attracted to them, and then the girl wonders what went wrong and why he isn't calling her that much or taking her out or upping her to Girlfriend status. Women tend to believe a guy being physically attracted to them means they are special. It doesn't.

[gravygirl]

Sorry, should have been more specific. I was talking about this: "I want to be the girl who is most desired for a girlfriend." That's what most girls want. You just disagree with how they are trying to get that.

[gravygirl]

And this "Women tend to believe a guy being physically attracted to them means they are special. It doesn't." is kind of true. However if they're not physically attracted to you then you may as well be a guy. You aren't even in the game without attraction.

[Asker]

I agree. To not be attractive to a guy you are interested in is a huge problem. Without attraction towards you, he won't be asking you out. I am thinking more of the times where a guy tells a girl he just met "You're hot", and then expects by letting her know further he is physically attracted that she will want to sleep with him. Girls do sleep with guys thinking it has meaning when, without a relationship in place, it does not.

[Dragonlady]

i guess they just feel desired so they like that, I personally get disgusted and angry when men suggest pervers and sexual motions on me. Its not flattering it just makes you respect men less.

have some class guys!

[16switches]

A guy tell me I'm hot, and he would love to have sex with me would actually be more flattering.

The two scenarios you described both include dudes who have no idea about my personality, my quirks, etc... So they have no idea if they'll like me. They've only seen me physically. So yeah, it'd be a bigger compliment for a guy to tell me I sexually excite him :)

[Asker]

And how would you feel if you found out about the girl he told that to the day before, or the 10 other girls he saw that day that he wished he could tell that to? Would it be a compliment if you realized that he would like to have sex with many, many women he sees everyday and that after he had sex, it meant nothing to him? Guys see a lot of women on a regular basis that they would like to have sex with. There are only so many that they also see as deserving their respect.

[16switches]

I guess the sex one is more instant gratification. I don't know if the guy would be still into me once he got to know me, or if I'll even like him.. And how can he tell that he wants to get to know me just by looking at me? Isn't he still judging me based on my looks? He's just slicker than the guys who just come out and say it.. he still wants sex And this is not about low self esteem, everybody wants to be desired, and loves someone who thinks they're hot enough to approach & compliment.

[Asker]

What works for you is fine. I am just over guys thinking they can come on to me like this, after barely meeting me and have me be flattered. Now a guy who shows interest in me, sure, he wants sex too, but he also is trying to keep me interested longer than the guy who blurts out he thinks I am f*ckable. The second guy is seriously only interested in finding someone for sex or he would care more about having me diss him for such a comment.

[hesaysim2sexy]

depends on which guy told me told me he wants me... I gotta be attracted to him for me to feel flattered. but if its just random dude or sum1 I'm not even interested in, I brush it off. and me I don't have to wear skimpy outfits to get hit on or be wanted. I work in an office and I wear business casual. and I don't need compliments to make me feel good about myself. you still gotta take care of yourself for yourself. :)

[Asker]

Exactly, you don't need to dress in skimpy outfits to be hit on. I have noticed that some great guys don't want to approach girls who dress too revealing. Guys who actually want sex and are used to hitting up girls dressed this way, well those are the guys you will attract dressing revealing.

[angora]

sex and love cannot be blurred on the lines.

sex is fun, but not long lasting. for women you are addressing, the sex is just a compliment from a guy who loves women and not woman. given that the dude knows how to touch a girl. for guys who don't and girls who just throw themselves at them, they either don't know what they want or they do know but it's only a form of popularity contest in frats.

there's a new form of sex that's very feminist and it just like samantha in sex and the city. you just have the power to control who you want as a woman.

love can have sex, as the act of love. it's such a strong bond for both men and women and it's something that many people wanted. making love. a guy who wants to have sex with you never wants to know you, but a guy who wants to know you will wait for the sex until later. love is brewed, sex is shakened, so if a guy who wants to shake you first will not try to brew the shake afterwards.

[katiesmuff]

He only wants to know you long enough to leave his stuff in you!

[Asker]

So basically you are saying this is not a compliment, just a guy trying to get some action?

[katiesmuff]

Yes as a general rule I am, however there are always exceptions and once in awhile there is the guniune guy who just thinks you are pretty and wants to get to know you. To bad there is not more of them like that. Still the vast majority just want to spread our legs. Not all the blame goes to them either, as some of the clothes we wear or don't wear would indicate this is exactly what we are after.

[smokeadmiral]

You are a very wise lady Katie ;)

[l-hedoniste]

Because it *is* a compliment; we're saying she's attractive, as opposed to repellent, or instantly forgettable.

Should women strive to be frumpy, faceless lumps? I don't see what that achieves.

[Asker]

I don't think it is a compliment. All it means is I am one out of many, many cute or hot gals that you would want to bone. Who cares? I see so many girls on here who are in casual sexual relationships because they think it is some sort of credit to them that the guy wants to f*ck them. It isn't. He would f*ck any number of girls, she just provided the path of least resistance.

[Asker]

And I will never be a frumpy, faceless lump. I like looking good, I just don't confuse a guy saying he'd like to have sex with it meaning anything more than that.

[l-hedoniste]

"All it means is I am one out of many, many cute or hot gals that you would want to bone. Who cares?" They do. Besides, if a girl is proud of her f*ckability and wants to leverage it, why should it matter to you? "they think it is some sort of credit to them that the guy wants to f*ck them. It isn't." Why? Because you say so? What if she *wants* to be the path of least resistance? Isn't she entitled to her choice?

[l-hedoniste]

"And I will never be a frumpy, faceless lump. I like looking good, I just don't confuse a guy saying he'd like to have sex with it meaning anything more than that" So if you look good, a guy is supposed to *not* want sex with you, right?

[Asker]

The problem is that many girls mistakenly believe that when a guy thinks they are hot and f*ckable, that he is really in to her, she is special, one in a million to him, and they have sex and then she founds out that was not necessarily the case. I agree it feels great to be desired and I have no issue with that. Sadly though a lot of girls just think it means something it doesn't. A lot of younger gals can emulate dressing scantily for attention, thinking it means they will get a boyfriend.

[l-hedoniste]

Here you're right: just because I want to f*ck you, doesn't mean I want to be your boyfriend. It's a distinction some women have a problem with, often for a very long time. When a girl is f*ckable, however, it doesn't mean she's not *as* special as a girl I want for a girlfriend, it means she's special in a different way. It's common to date a girl who's not perfectly f*ckable because she's a wise partner, a trustworthy confidante, an alert householder, or a good mother. Or all of these.

[Asker]

Yes, exactly. Girls do think that if you tell them they are hot and sexy and all of that, they do believe you want them for a girlfriend. As we get older, we learn the reality. So I tell girls if they want a boyfriend, it's not about dressing the sluttiest and having guys flock all around them. Guys don't need you to expose yourself for them to figure out you have a hot body. I have found more guys like a cute more modestly dressed girl for a Girlfriend than the other.

[somedude555]

why wouldn't they take it as a compliment? I would... (if a girl wanted to that is)

[Asker]

A compliment is when someone tells you something that makes you feel special. Too many young women think being told they look f*ckable is the same as being told they are very special to that guy. They may jump into a sexual relationship with him too soon because they actually believe he wants them and them only when all he was thinking of is them naked, nothing else.

[somedude555]

I think its the same as being like hey you have nice hair, or pretty eyes... except that its obviously sexual, so less innocent I guess. jumping into a sexual relationship too quickly isn't what I'm talking about... I'm just saying that its not an unpleasant thing to say to someone... and I personally would take it as a compliment.

[Asker]

Well, guys can and do tell women they are f*ckable and it barely means anything. I read a post on here where a guy was complaining about girls at clubs not being easily accessible for sex. He commented on girls that were "not even at my level" being difficult too. So, in other words, guys do tell girls they are "hot" only to see if they will get sex, not because they actually believe it.

[somedude555]

It sounds like what bothers you is men doing and saying anything just to get their d*** wet... this is understandable since this is obviously not an acceptable behavior, but it is different from just giving a girl a compliment. for the record though, I've never told a girl that id "f*** her" or that she was "f***able" so I'm not defending this standpoint because I do it personally, I'm just saying that its not necessarily meant to be trashy when said, but complimentary.

[Asker]

I actually don't mind guys saying or doing things to try and have sex as long as they don't lie. It still doesn't mean knowing they would want sex with you is a compliment. It holds no value. Who cares if he would want to have sex with you as well as tons of other girls? And, sorry, but if a guy actually said "you are f*ckable" it would totally be trashy, lol. Only a drunk guy would say that out loud.

[Asker]

To a woman the true compliment would be "Your hot, I would like to date you" or anything that goes down the path of showing that you are interested in a relationship with her. It means we are special. It's not like you want to have a relationship with thousands of women but I bet I could find thousands of women you would want to have sex with. Special is where it is at.

[somedude555]

I really understand where you're coming from... and you're right for the most part. all I'm saying is that its a compliment, not necessarily the one that you wanted to hear, but it is a compliment. yes, you would prefer him to say that you were pretty and that you would make the perfect girlfriend, and that's what he should be saying, but still the ladder is a compliment.

[Asker]

Maybe we can meet in the middle. If a guy tells a girl she is sexy, I think that is a compliment. If a guy acts like his desire to have sex with you is a compliment, well it isn't. I suppose they could be considered one in the same. :) Thanks

[somedude555]

Yea... id consider those the same, but I guess what you're saying is that trashiness isn't a compliment. I'm saying that whether or not you find it attractive for a man to say such a thing, or act that way, it is in fact a compliment since it is meant to be as such.

[XGoddessChildX]

Well for some women. It helps them feel their attractive to the opposite sex. It makes them feel good inside. Comes down to low self esteem.

[enlightenment]

because that is a key element to our ego. you don't take it as a compliment that guys find you hot? then you must be ugly...sorry but its true

[Asker]

Actually it is the opposite. Having a guy tell me I am f*ckable is not new and novel. It's irritating, particularly when you are a women who wants a boyfriend and are tired of guys who are just trying to hit on you for sex. The compliment to me is a guy who wants to talk to you and get to know you, not a guy who just wants to hit it. I personally think girls with low self-esteem, or too young to know better, or unattractive are the ones who are more likely to take it as a compliment.

[Asker]

Once girls have experienced a guy who hits it and quits it, they tend to find being hit on for sex is not a compliment, but a headache.

[Asker]

Oh, and keep in mind, that just because a guy wants to have sex with you does NOT mean he thinks you are hot. I read all sorts of posts on here and they match what I have heard in reality. Yes, some guys are just in to sex with girls they think are hot, but there are a lot of guys who are perfectly happy to bone an average or even unattractive girl.

[enlightenment]

I'm not suggesting that you would want to sleep with them, or that you aren't looking for something more meaningful. But I'm willing to bet you'll be sad the day that guys stop wanting to hit it and quit it.

[Asker]

I am referring to guys that think their compliments will result in sex. Not just a guy telling you that you are hot. I guess the gradation between the two is the persistence involved and how irritated the guy gets if he doesn't get sex. I would rather have a guy here and there strike up a conversation than dress in a way that had guys flocking all over me because they thought I looked "easy". I think young girls should know you don't need to dress provocatively. Cute is better.

[Asker]

I saw this sexy actress on TV recently who looked great but was not dressed in a provocative way. She made a comment about not needing to dress in a way that showed everything. Her comment on showing cleavage was "You don't need to show your breasts, they will find them." It was meant to be funny and it was. Guys can tell a lot about your figure without you putting it out there. They undress you with their eyes, no need to help them, lol.

[slykid92]

I don't like taking that as a compliment to me. Its kind weird when a girl shout that out loud.

[Nyssii666]

I personally hated it when a guy said he wanted to sleep with me... But I guess some girls like a guy saying that they're physically attractive because they feel that they're not. I'd much rather have a guy I don't know tell me I'm pretty and want to get to know me.

[Yeahhbro]

Really? where are those chicks?. The only ones that I find around are the ones that get offended even if you say hi to them.

[BlackSuperman]

skin, sweat and spermies...

[BlackSuperman]

aw hell... I know you already know the answer to this one... women want, need and desire that type of attention

[Asker]

Of course we want, need and desire attention, as do men. It is just a shame that some girls get confused and think that they are special just because a guy wants to have sex with them. Those girls are the ones that get hurt when they find out later you would just as well had sex with any number of girls and they meant little to you.

[Lockjawx27]

Newsflash, beauty is common. There's no such thing as "special" girls when it comes to attraction.

The only way is if you 2 had something in common and he liked that part. But other than that, there's no way for a girl to appeal to a man other than looks. It's all sex that drives men

[Asker]

I agree initial attraction is driven by sexual desire on the part of the man. But just because a man thinks you are hot enough to have sex with doesn't mean he wants anything more to do with you than that. However, a lot of girls do not understand that.

[KillerrMike]

Because that's how the female ego works.

[Asker]

The uninformed or inexperienced female ego.

[KillerrMike]

Actually, no. Every woman's ego thrives on male attention.

[Asker]

Not this kind of attention, thankfully.

[KillerrMike]

Why are you intentionally making your comments so vague? "this kind of attention" is very ambiguous. What kind of attention are you talking about?

[KillerrMike]

And also, the relationship thing you bring up doesn't hold much water. You would be one in a million women who guys would get in a relationship as well. There are tons of other women who are attractive, are doing well in school/have a good job, have the "right" personality, are caring, would make good mothers or whatever. Why does it matter so much to you? Some men don't want relationships at all, and that's not a personal insult when they say that to you.

[Asker]

It matters only to help girls on here who don't understand why having sex with a guy means nothing. I realize you don't understand how a woman's mind works. So many women mistake sex as having meaning. Unless the guy is in love with you, it doesn't. And I completely disagree with your idea that a woman is one in a million for a relationship. When it comes to relationships, that IS where guys are more discriminating, because, as you said, some men don't want a relationship.

[KillerrMike]

Your arguments would be more convincing if you avoided ad hominem attacks and patronization. Men are not "more discriminating" when it comes to relationships. Your argument is nonsense. The number of men who don't want relationships does not affect how the men that do want relationships will pick their mates. Your point changes nothing. There are plenty of women who fit in the "wife material" category, which was the point you used to defame men who wanted to have sex.

[KillerrMike]

There's an abundance of clean water for me to drink, but that doesn't change the face value of water.

[Asker]

Yikes. Angry much. It's obvious that something is bothering you but it cannot be this conversation, considering this really is not some earth shattering discussion nor of any consequence to you or your life. I am not defaming men who want sex. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Women just need to know that sex or sexual attraction does not lead to a relationship or mean the guy sees you as anything more than a sex object.

[KillerrMike]

"sexual attraction does not lead to a relationship or mean the guy sees you as anything more than a sex object" You can't be serious. This is better than "Jack and Jill went up the hill". I don't know how you think men function, but we don't view other people as sex objects. We can go to a sex shop and buy a sex object if that's all we want. It is you who is putting a negative spin on men. You're confusing male evolutionary imperatives and physiological responses with voluntary condescension.

[Asker]

Men totally and completely objectify women as sex objects.

[KillerrMike]

Ok, if you've got that kind of stubborn mindset, we can forget about rationality here. Provide some type of evidence before you go making outlandish claims.

[Asker]

Player until you die....more likely a bitter young kid that isn't getting any and P.O.'d that girls are not dropping their panties for you.....

[joe91]

there are girls who at an early point in their lives (roughly 18 - 25 years of age) enjoy sex greatly and don't mind giving it up easily, whether its wrong or right, that's just how they are.

to these type of girls it may be a compliment.

then there are girls who view and value themselves differently, and ultimately see sex as a more exsclusive thing so they, in turn, prefer the familiarization method over the sexuality.

its simply a conditional situation and mostly relies upon the girls personaloutlook on herself and sex.

[Asker]

The reality is that many of the girls that profess they like sex at an early age are not orgasmic. They like the attention they are getting and mistake it for love or hope it will turn in to love. Men can easily stick their d*ck into almost any girl and get an orgasm. Women need a lot more to get that sensation but they enjoy the closeness and perceived affection they are getting, so they can let the lack of orgasm go.

[joe91]

My conclusion from the experience I've gathered differs slightly. everyones different I guess.

[Asker]

Faking orgasms is very easy for girls.

[joe91]

Forgive me then. i should have known better.

[Anonymous]

If she was fugly and no one was hitting on her she would complain about that to. The more attractive a person is the more attention, sex, etc they will get...

[Anonymous]

It's basically a random stranger saying, "You're hot, can I tap that"? While it's a disgusting and rude comment to some, it's also a compliment in and of itself.