Sexual Health
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My boyfriend won't go down on me or finger me?

I shower daily and get a Brazilian monthly. I smell fresh down there and have very good hygiene. I've brought it up to him a few times that I would like it if he focused on me on of these days and he says he agrees but "one of these" days never comes. I am 20 years old and very attractive...5'2 118lbs straight teeth and long dark brown hair. I am awesome in bed and enjoy pleasing him but I think it's unfair that I never get my chance to O. Uggggggggghhh. I want to have sex and he makes me feel ashamed of it. So many nights I go to bed wishing he'd touch me or go down on me or have sex with me but fall asleep disappointed. Of course I don't tell him I want him to, I give hints and open up the door for him to do it. But I don't act desperate because I know he doesn't like it when girls are sexually aggressive. We have sex only when he is up for it which is 2 or 3 times per week. In my opinion, we should be doing it at least 5 times per week. (BTW, we live together.) OK, so maybe I have a high sex drive but I am young and attractive and good at pleasuring him...so why shouldn't I get mine? What should I do? Am I wrong in how I feel?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • like you said you're 20 years old. I honestly don't understand any man that doesn't enjoy going down on a woman much less touching her there. You are right in the fact that you're young. You have needs and desires that he's not meeting. If you are always giving and then he never returns the favor then its a one sided relationship. You are now asking your self and us if you're fair in feeling this way and if you're wrong. NO! you are not wrong in how you feel. Especially if you have talked to him about this and nothing has changed. See a pattern? He gets his, has sex when "HE" wants to, and you feel guilty or confused and frustrated so your drive goes higher because you're needing more. I would ask if he's ever gone down on you or fingered you? If he has then I'd ask what's changed for him and if he hasn't ever then I'd ask what the reason is that you two moved in together? I would place it to him in the fact that you've told him how you feel and what you need before and you're telling him again because he's not hearing you. After that you have two paths. One, move on and find someone that will give you what you need sexually and has the same drive as you (that should be almost any man) or two, settle for the way things are and change your self and desires to fit him and your relationship. I sure hope you never ever settle in life...been there done that and it's miserable. Good luck

  • You're not a sex toy. If you're going to pleasure him you have a right to your pleasure too. So many women neglect their needs to focus solely on their partner. Ladies, you deserve to be pleasured. I pity women in love with sexually selfish men. I think female sexuality is such a beautiful and when a woman orgasms and feels pleasure, that makes me a happy man. I'm not the only one and there are guys who would love nothing more than to pamper your vajayjay.

    As a guy I stick up for my male brothers but there's some things that are just indefensible. For many of us - no oral is a dealbreaker. Why shouldn't it be for a woman? Sex is a big part of a relationship and sexual selfishness is still selfishness. You wouldn't stay with a guy who can't be bother to part with the change you buy a pack of gum, why would you tolerate a guy who won't give your poor clit the time of day? If he really has a problem with oral, whatever but there is no excuse for not fingering a woman.

    Tell him that until he gives your p**** a really good polishing he's cut off.

    • It should read "You wouldn't stay with a guy who can't be bothered to part with the change to buy you a pack of gum.." .Typo.

    • Going down on women or men has always been health risk. Sexually transmitted infections (STI)... that's another topic. I don't like going down. Very few times I done it only because I know where it leads too. The game at the end. Just do it to be able to bust in her. Like I said. It's a game. I don't care for it. Most times I just don't. I enjoy good make out sessions and fouling around more. As for BJ. I don't care for it. I only met one women that it was her thing. To me. I can't go down on women who had a child. It's a mental block. It Suxs. I don't have a kid. Call it lucky or not. Women I gone down on are ones who never had a child. But if she had my child. I can not answer that yet. I would like to think I would to please her. As for fingering. That's fun. It's all about the game of pleasuring your half. Maybe when or if I ever marry. My views will change.

Most Helpful Girls

  • sounds like an asshole

    i do not usually jump to conclusions- I hate it when people do,but more than that, you miss pieces of info

    this guy is making you feel ashamed- no good

    sooooo dump him

    & btw why can't you tell a guy you want sex - you want it right- so say so

    he tells you doesn't he?

    don't fall for & or don't be part of the double standard culture :)

    • Porque tan enojada lol

    • Damn right!

    • No estoy enojado, simplemente observo :)

  • Stop going down on him. If he can't please you then why bother pleasing him? he is being selfish in my opinion. I'm sorry but I don't think I could be dating a guy like that for long. It's like he doesn't even care about your sexual pleasure. Just cut him off. It's a 2 way street - give and take.

  • Simple, no more hand jobs or blow jobs for him until he goes down on or fingers you. Never go down on a guy until he goes down on you first

  • Its time to cut him off until he is ready to do his part. Sexual gradifaction should not be a one way street. Stick to your guns!

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 8

  • u need to tell him what you want cause your to young to be having a bad sex life you shouldnt have to worry about men with low sex drives to your like 42

    so tell him what you want out of him sexually if he doesn't comply or at least compromise I say move on

  • Damn what a great guy. He has high morals.

  • some guys don't like going down. Personally, I like going down on my girl more than her giving me a bj. Why?

    because when I get her excited and she gets wet it gets me even more excited. there's just some things you can do to a woman with your tongue you can't do with your penis.

    I feed off of it. When my girl gets so excited he can't even see straight turns me on so much I can't even describe. THATS when I like to put it in her. I'm probably fairly average in that I last about 15-20 minutes. I know my girl is capable of going longer. When you take 10-15 minutes to "warm the engine up" before going to town, you're both hapier.

    Regarding the libedo thing, I guess that's him. You'll have to work that out with him.

    Try showering right before sex just to make sure, and see if he feels differently.

  • ur not wrong at all... he just don't like landfish...

  • You're not wrong in how you feel. He sounds like a very selfish lover to me. If he's not willing to go down on you, he shouldn't expect to get blowjobs from you. I love going down on girls even more than receiving oral sex. I wouldn't consider it aggressive to tell him you want oral when hinting at it is not working. I would suggest telling him more directly what you want. If that doesn't get through to him, there are plenty of guys with higher sex drive who also love going down on girls.

  • That is not right ... you need a man who is going to love that p**** right ... if he's not it, find someone else more willing ... I know I would be.

  • You absolutely should get yours. I would go down on you every day of the week...

  • i don't know but I don't do go down too...

    • And it gets bored when having too much sex...

  • I just wanna know why he won't go down on me or finger me , he always says I don't know or i dont wanna hurt you with my nails... he also has adhd so maybe that has somthing to do with it? I don't know but its really bothering me ,,

  • Why don't you just ask him that ? no one knows better than him

    • when i ask my man why he either says I don't know or i dont wanna hurt you down there with my fingers or give you infections.. okay but im satarted to feel fed up and im tired of feeling like there's something wrong with my vagina.. like i shower all the time and shave.. i take great care of it but still nothing.. i swear its his ADHD cuz i know that can effect the sex drive.. I don't know sorry for ranting !!!

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