I don't want to show my boobs, why can't he respect that?

[Anonymous]

Okay,so my boyfriend and I do have sex,we have for a while,I am open to anything and everything that isn't illegal.I'm a 38D in bra size,and they sag and eh,my Areolas are pretty big.I know for a fact that they are unattractive,I don't need you or anybody else to sugarcoat and give me some crappy advice of how he'll like them,you don't know him,you don't know what my breasts look like.I don't want to take my bra off in front of him,it isn't that big of a deal,it isn't life threatening and we can still have sex,but he bugs me about it.I DO know plenty of guys who've dumped girls because they weren't attracted to the girls breasts,which means they weren't attracted to the girls sexually which means break up and I know that mine aren't attractive.He keeps bugging me I don't understand why he can't just respect my boundaries?Why?Advice or explain?

[Fourkaitlyn]

Girl you need some confidense! Lol. Confidense is a nice thing to have. If you don't like your breasts, perhaps he will. Showing him might not be what you really want to do because you think he's completely going to tell you your breasts are gross, but its a risk you should take because if you do show him and he likes them, who loses here? No one. You gain a bit of confidence and he gains being able to play with another body piece of his.

Breasts sag, it happens, its called gravity. Mine even sag a bit and true I'm a bit self consious about them but I love when my guy plays with them because I know he likes them and it makes me feel better because then there not bad or anything. A lot of women have big areolas and a lot of guys like them. Ask your guy if that's what he likes when he asks to see your breasts again and if he says no then just tell him, "well then your not going to like my breasts because I have big aerolas" end of discussion. But if he does like them say, 'well then I guess you'll love mine ;)" and show him.

Yes it'll be embarassing if your boyfriend doesn't like your breasts but embaressment is easy to get over. Me my boyfriends embaressed me with my lack of sex skills (he's the second person I've ever been with) but I got over it. I have a really bad gag reflex and I've actually puked while giving head, twice, embaressment galore! but I went on with bjs because I can move on with myself. If my boyfriend doesn't like something about me he's got to get over it because this is me and I can't change the way my body reacts or looks like. He loves me for me and that's that. If your boyfriend loves your your breasts shouldn't even matter all to much. So I suggest to just take the risk.

[Asker]

Look obviously you don't understand.Being embarrassed sexually isn't something you get over.Your boyfriend likes your breasts,trust me,you nor he know what my breasts look like.Gagging isn't embarrassing,it's only part of giving a bj.So If he tells me I'm ugly,unattractive and not as good looking as other girls,I should just get over it right?Cause it's the same thing

[Fourkaitlyn]

Obviously it is something you can get over if I've gotten over it. You don't know my boyfriend and what he likes so you can't really say that. I know that I don't know what your breasts look like. But puking because I gag a lot is embaressing obviously you don't know what its like so you can't say that its not. Yeah IF he tells you that, but if he loves you it won't matter. Yeah you should get over it. Life is too short to worry about things like this if it could go a different way.

[Asker]

You already said your boyfriend likes them. And thank you.let me go find a guy that will beat my ass tell me I'm ugly

[Fourkaitlyn]

HaHa oh yeah I did write that. Opps. Lol. What is your freaking problem?! Why would a guy beat your ass? I'm really confused here. Oh yeah and if you didn't like my adivce and no one elses because we're telling you to just give it a chance a show him, then you didn't want anyone's adivse because you've been complaining about everyone's answer that they've, and myself, have given you.

[peace-love-couture]

I think you're saying this because you aren't in her shoes,you probably have smaller perkier breasts. I do get why she's comparing it to abuse,verbal abuse lowers peoples self esteem, and much of verbal abuse is opinion like saying her breasts are ugly. A guy calling his girlfriend ugly or stupid are opinions yet are considered verbal abuse. I highly doubt you wouldve been so non chalant about the issue had your boyfriend told you he thought they were ugly

[Fourkaitlyn]

She NEVER said that her boyfriend thought she or her breasts were ugly. I've had my boyfriend tell me a few negative things about my body. My sister has a size 42D breasts, so I do understand what the negatives are abotu them because I know that she's self consious about them and what there not and such because I'm always there reasurring her and her confidence goes back. I didn't mean to come off as rude for what I said but whatever, I apologize for it.

[peace-love-couture]

I'm saying it is the same.If he tells her that her breasts are ugly,it's going to lower her self esteem,she already has low self esteem,i.e this Q,that wouldn't help her.And I don't think anyone should be pointing out the negatives of their partners body.No one is perfect and while we all have opinions,there's no need for them all to be spoken.I mean,I've never been in her situation,but I do have big breasts,and,I can tell you sagging and big or large areolas are not something guys like

[Fourkaitlyn]

Well obviously I don't understand so it doesn't matter what I say. So forget whatever I wrote, I'm wrong because I could never understand what it's like to be imperfect and to be concerned about a part of my own body that will lower my self esteem even more too.

[peace-love-couture]

Hey that's not what I'm saying.Everyone has flaws and imperfections,but whatever.

[Fourkaitlyn]

I know. Its just really frustrating about this quesitons because its not a simple "just take it off" answer. You'd have to change a persons identity with herself and you can't just wave a wand and get all the confidence and self esteem for this. Sorry for sounding like a bitch, I'm really not meaning to.

[MickeyMickey506]

I don't think you should tell her that feelings can be ignored,cause she's obviously insecure about her breasts and if he tells her they're unattractive,she'll be hurt and become more insecure.But I do agree that she could just tell him before hand that she has big areolas and then show em,he'll decide whether he likes them or not.Most guys don't even give a damn about areola size.If he's straight he won't complain

[peace-love-couture]

Sit him,talk to him and explain your reasoning and that it has nothing to do with him,but you.I don't have a boyfriend nor am I sexually active(virgin) but I know for a fact,without any doubt,that my breasts are not attractive nor do they possess the qualities that make breasts attractive,the biggest two qualities being perkiness and small areolas.If big areolas and sagging were attractive,they would be in porn more often(And I am not talking about fetish sites either,I do not want a guy with a freakin fetish).I won't show my breasts when I do become intimate with a guy.I rather not scar him mentally lol,we'll prevent that by me wearing a bra haha.

Just talk to him in a private environment that way he can actually take it seriously.Love isn't going to make him find a personal turn off a turn on.Being in love isn't going to make him find a turn off a turn on,and the girls(of courser it HAS to be girls who say so) who say so are living in a pc,utopian world.I do agree with you though on the whole comparison to abuse.Calling a girl ugly,fat,useless,worthless and degrading her is embarrassing right?and considered "abuse" telling a girl her breasts or vagina is ugly is humiliating and embarrassing,so if she can let that go,girls shouldn't cry and throw a fit when their boyfriends call them ugly(which is an opinion),call them fat(opinion) etc.Cause they're all just opinions.

Talk to him

[Anonymous]

If there is anyone who is ridiculously self-conscious about their breasts, it's me. I have the complete opposite problem that you have: mine are small, flat-ish and without any shape. I'm 20, and at this point, they're as big as they will ever get. I also initially didn't want to take off my bra around my boyfriend, but when I finally did - my boyfriend was neither shocked nor grossed out. He actually insisted that they were sexy and focused all of his attention on the nipples to make me feel beautiful regardless of the fact that I don't have much "volume". That was over a year ago and to this day he still adores my breasts the way they are. He fell in love with me, so he fell in love with my whole body - small breasts included. If your boyfriend can't be as accepting, then you're with the wrong guy.

[Asker]

I don't think that means I'm with the wrong guy.It means he's human and he if he isn't attracted to them,he can't help it."love" will not make him like them or find them attractive,neither will "being in love" Maybe yours just look nice,it's kinda hard for small breasts to be unattractive imo.I rather not hear "I find them unattractive" and just keep my bra on,it isn't worth making me feel worse about them

[sweetheart18]

I agree with anon's answer here. question asker, you have obviously never been in love with someone. once you are, you can find everything about their body even more beautiful than what you already did. he's already with you. he already finds you very attractive. and is very turned on by you. he just wants to see as much of you as he can. I used to be very nervous about showing my breasts to my guy because I always thought they were too small and not the right shape. but the first time he saw my

[Asker]

Yes I am in love,but I'm being realistic,not living in a girls fantasy world.If a guy finds something attractive,he finds them attractive,love doesn't fix that

[sweetheart18]

My entire body, breasts included, he went crazy. actually, the second after taking off my bra, he couldn't stop admiring them and his mouth went straight on them :) i can guarantee you that he is not gonna stop and say, ew wth is wrong with your breasts? he's gonna be so happy and relieved he's finally getting to see and touch them. don't be so hard on yourself girl. why don't you try with the lights off first. then dim lights. and work your way from there til you're more comfortable

[HumphreyT]

It's not going to go away he is going to want to see them because you turn him on and he wants to see everything you have.

I understand that you are sensitive about them and I'm sure he thinks he does too, but to him it's just some part of you that is off limits.

So, basically you're just fueling the fire and he isn't going to give up.

Maybe tell him in depth (I'm sure you already have, but do it again) how you feel about them and that it will only make you feel unattractive and unwanted.

Or perhaps just make a deal with him. If you can anally penetrate him whenever you want then you will show him your breasts.

I don't know about him, but I'd let you wear your bra.

[islands7]

Baby, you NEED to keep showing them off, otherwise you'll NEVER find The Guy that loves their aesthetics? Get it?
Does everyone love to live in a Colonial house? What about Craftsman style, Ranch style... think about it... beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

An idea: find on line a photo of breast damn close to yours, then post ANONYMOUSLY one of those GAG questions w/poll:
Please be honest, rate these breasts (not mine)
YEAH
NAY
SO-SO
Makes me horny (optional)
Just want to see results (to head off don't care votes)

Message me when posted?

[wildfire5288]

If I had D cup boobs I'd let them hang out all the time. Guys like big boobs way more than small boobs you have nothing to worry about, I'd kill to have a guy blatantly rudely ogle my boobs

[peace-love-couture]

Lol,I wear a 36D and have guys ogle at my breasts,it isn't all that.I would love to have some nice perky A's or B's(even better)

[halo11]

We like breasts!! We ogle yours too!!

[wildfire5288]

No you don't, I think I'd notice a guy drooling over my boobs...it's never happened

[Asker]

But big boobs aren't all that,I promise,the sagging isn't cool.

[1MysteryMan]

I honestly have never seen unattractive breast ... You know guy's that have broken up with women for unattractive breast !? These guys are f***ing gay ... Listen, I've been with plenty of women shy and unshy, some scared to take their clothes off in front of me and what not ... If I ever had a female not want to give herself and body to me completely then yes, I will leave her ... So far he is respecting your boundaries ... I would understand if you were some random chick but your his girlfriend ... Careful he might leave you for some random girl who will, that's just the way it works ...

[Asker]

So,it makes a guy gay if he leaves her because she has unattractive breasts?But it doesn't make a guy wrong to leave a girl because she won't show them?I've heard plenty of guys talk about "ugly" breasts,maybe you haven't seen any,but they are out there

[1MysteryMan]

Im not saying its right for a guy to leave a girl for not showing them, but I would like to think we're far past this in our relationship where we trust each other ... meaning if there's one person who won't judge you or leave you or even disapoint you at any time is your boyfriend... I think you maybe underestimating him, give him more credit and accept your relationship together ... sometimes in the best of relationships, you may not get exactly what you want but something what like it ...

[Asker]

It has nothing to do with him,I know they are not attractive.I do trust him and I do love him and I am committed to him,and there's plenty of guys who leave and disappoint

[1MysteryMan]

Exactly ! so, since you love and trust him, don't put him under the same category as everyother guy thinking he will also leave and dissapoint... think of it, what if he said you were just like every other girl he's come across ... give it a shot I would say, its worth a try ...

[l-hedoniste]

"I know for a fact that they are unattractive..."

Rants like this always confuse me. I get that you don't find your breasts attractive. Fine. That's for you to say. I get that some other dude doesn't find your breasts attractive. Fine. That's for him to say.

But doesn't your boyfriend get to say whether HE finds your boobs attractive? On the wild chance that he does, he might be hurt and concerned that you don't feel safe with him.

[Asker]

So why would I want to be told again that they're ugly? That'll hurt my feelings more and I've already said it has nothing to do with him

[l-hedoniste]

Have you tried simply telling him that you're insecure about your boobs?

[Asker]

Of course I have,i think I already said that

[MickeyMickey506]

I think this is dumb.You are you,we are our worst critics,so you don't like them ok.That guy you asked didn't love you and wasn't in a relationship with you,so he didn't like them.But a guy you're in a relationship with who you love and loves you should get a chance to decide for himself.boobs are boobs,I highly doubt he's gonna tell you "your boobs are saggy and not perky and you have big areolas,I just can't do this,I can't be with you or have sex with you"

[l-hedoniste]

Mickey, I thought this would be obvious. Shows what we know.

[Andyrawr]

The fact that he finds you sexually attractive without seeing them shows that whether they are really bad or not won't matter. Show him - if he finds it attractive then yay! If not then back to keeping bra on. He keeps bugging you because...guess what? Guys like boobs, and its odd not to have boobs with sex. Have you explained WHY you don't want to show him? That might make him understand better.

[Asker]

Yes I have explained,and I understand guys like boobs,but why should I risk being embarrassed by him telling me "I find your breast unattractive or ugly?" That's pointless and will cause more hurt than good

[Andyrawr]

Would you rather be embarrased once by him saying that yeah, keep the bra on or have him keep asking? That's effectively the decision you've got to make - he isn't going to stop asking. The fact that he finds you sexually attractive without boobs being a part of it shows he isn't as shallow as some of the guys who you heard of :)

[Asker]

Maybe you're insensitive and don't understand how embarrassing and humiliating it is for a girl to be told her breasts or female body parts are ugly,but it's pretty hurtful,regardless if it's one time.That's like saying I should be happy and smile if he tells me I'm ugly and worthless.And being in a bra and out of a bra are two different things

[Andyrawr]

You yourself have acknowledged they are ugly, and if he likes them then its good, if not then nothings changed. He WILL want to see them and will ask. That's a fact. You have the given solution, so its up to you now to get over any embarresment. Might seem insensitive, but that's the choice.

[Asker]

Ok,and you think it won't hurt for my boyfriend to tell me he's not attracted to them or that they're ugly.That doesn't make it any less hurtful.Whatever,you're a guy,I wouldn't expect you to understand

[Andyrawr]

1, Personal pet peeve - assuming I don't understand something. I just logically break something down into its possible outcomes. 2, Don't put words in my mouth. Of course it would hurt to be told he isn't attracted to them, but you need to balance that against your dislike of him asking. Because he will do until he sees them.

[Asker]

Logic doesn't mean you would understand,you're saying what you think you should say. And I rather he ask than be told that,look again,you may not understand.The only thing that would offend guys is "your penis is small" and that's about it

[Andyrawr]

Bullsh*t that's the only thing guys get offended by physically. Look, I tried to help you out and offer my thoughts but after the comments? Just friggin grow up and get over it, or quit with the complaining about him wanting to see them. You have an option to sort it out, embarrasment is just a feeling and feelings can be ignored.

[Asker]

Mmmh,my point taken."feelings can be ignored" Of course,like a guy.whatever

[Fourkaitlyn]

Feelings can be ignored to a level, a girls answer. I think the guy was telling you that you can move on from what your guy says if you show him your breasts and he says something negative.

[Asker]

So should I go find a guy who will beat the crap out of me and tell me I'm ugly and to cover up completely when having sex?Cause I should just ignore it right?

[link55]

To be honest, I don't think it is reasonable to be in a sexual relationship and never show your breasts. Sorry. What if you two get married? Are you thinking you will live your whole lives an d never once will he see your breats.

The other thing is, maybe they aren't the breasts you'd see in a lingerie ad, but who cares. Right now at your age they are the best they are ever going to look. So show em off now, things aren't going to get any better.

[Asker]

Saying they're the best they are ever going to look doesn't help because they don't look good to begin with

[link55]

What I mean is - if you think they look bad now, wait until 30 years pass. You will look back and think "hey, actually they weren't that bad after all".

[AcidPlacebo]

I don't know if this is an old topic, but I have to tell you this:

After reading the responders and your reaction to it, the only thing i can tell you is: There's no help for you.

It's something cruel to say, I know. But the thing is, you are so caged in your fears and self-doubts, that nothing we tell you will help you. You don't wan't help. You want to hear: That's right, girl, your BF is wrong, you are right. But that isn't honest.

You heared it from the guys, you heared it from the girls. What you do - it's your choice. Either you work for yourself to get over the boundaries of selfloeathing you built up and talk with your BF, showing him your boobs and "get yourself out there" - trusting him not to hurt you.
Or you build your walls higher and live in a relationship that is full of fear and anxiety and will - in my opinion - shatter faster than you can say boobs at all.

[Anonymous]

i wouldn't care. that kinda hot

[Anonymous]

If your boobs look anything like these: link show him this site,and he will without a doubt never ask you to take your bra off lol

[ActingOnInstinct]

Lol. How many boobs have you seen in real life? Dude, that's what they actually look like.

[HumphreyT]

Which ones?

[Asker]

HumphreyT,what do you mean?

[ActingOnInstinct]

I think especially on the second page: row 3 and row 9 are pretty average.

[Asker]

Well my breasts don't look anything like those so there goes my reasoning.Thanks

[goose]

I actually looked at those rows, and those are the 'nicer' of the breasts. LOL. A lot of them DON'T look like that, especially if you're over a C cup!

[Asker]

Ok thanks,I think you have all established the breasts are ugly.THANK YOU ALL.gosh

[phoenixgoddess27]

The answer of a douche lord

[HumphreyT]

On your link there were several sets of breasts to look at which ones did you frown upon?