Why does anal sex hurt so bad? Why is it painful? Why blood?

[Anonymous]

Whenever my boyfriend and I try having anal sex,it is so painful for me.We use a load of lube,it's called Astroglide and it still hurts.I've heard you're supposed to start with fingers first,but he doesn't want to put his fingers anywhere near my anus so I try it on my own,and it feels ok,but when we have anal,it hurts terribly.Sometimes after anal,I go to wipe and there's be blood smeared,and it's even starting to really hurt to go to the bathroom(ahem,poop :P) cause it feels like the skin is ripping apart.Why does it hurt?What can he and I do? I do always stick my fingers in there beforehand since he doesn't want to,and I'm not gonna lie, I don't even know the point of doing that...

[selfishstars]

Really? You agreed to have anal sex with a guy who 1) won't put his fingers near your anus, and 2) is the type that would get frustrated because you stop when you're in pain?

Here is my advice.

1. Buy a large strap-on.

2. Tell him that he can have anal sex with you, but only after he's had a chance on the receiving end too.

Personally, I wouldn't have anal sex (well, to be honest, I wouldn't even be with a guy like this, he sounds like a d***) with this guy. But, if you really want to, here's some more advice.

1. Sit down with your boyfriend and talk to him about it. Explain to him that it hurts, and while you know how much he wants to do this, you will not do it if its very painful and so he needs to take his time with you, help you to 'prepare', and not get frustrated if you need to stop. If he cannot do these things, you will not have anal sex with him.

2. You're likely bleeding because he's scratched or torn something inside you. The blood should slowly decrease, but going to the bathroom may irritate the tear and cause more bleeding. If after a couple days you're still bleeding and in pain, go see your doctor. Don't attempt to have anal sex again for awhile, because you want to make sure you're fully healed, otherwise he may irritate the tear and cause more pain and bleeding.

3. You might consider trying a different type of lube, such as Anal-Eeze. Some lubes are thicker than others and it may help.

4. You've got the right idea with working your way up to a penis by doing some fingering first. Hopefully you can convince your boyfriend not to be such a p**** and do it for you, especially since he's the one who wants to put his penis in there. If he's worried about hygiene, he could always wear a well-lubricated latex glove.

5. Position plays a big role in comfort. Personally, I find doggystyle very uncomfortable for anal sex because the angle makes my anus tighter and it's more difficult to relax. I find that laying flat on my stomach and him entering me from behind works best.

6. Try to relax as much as possible. Take some deep breaths as he enters you. Ask him to enter you slowly, and to continue going slow until you want him to go faster.

Lastly, if you don't enjoy it, then don't feel like you have to do it. It is completely within your right to say, "no thank you."

[WitchVine]

Damn, I might not know much about anal sex, having never done it, but I do know rape when I hear it. He's not willing to do what's necessary to make you comfortable, gets frustrated that you have to stop because you're in so much pain. He's in it only for his own pleasure. This is a rapist, maybe not the kind you hear about in the news, but a rapist nonetheless. Sex must involve active, uncoerced consent from all partners. One partner should never insist on doing something another partner finds painful (with some exceptions in BDSM), especially if the first partner isn't willing to do absolutely everything possible to make it pleasurable. I'm sure you care about this guy, so I understand it's hard, but I can only hope you get out of this relationship as quickly as possible. Anal sex can be pleasurable for both partners, but not if the inserting partner doesn't care about the receiving partner.

[azicr]

because it's unnatural--you're not suppose to put it in that hole...tthere's a vagina for a reason

see everything that's happening to you is not working out for you becasue you're going against nature

-- sorry I'm not having a go at you or anything--i just really don't like anal because it's so unnatural--it's seems so greedy when there is a perfectly functioning organ for that job.

and it suck that he gets frustrated because you're in darn pain, how thoughfull of him...

[G-Daz]

Agreed, the vagina is easily good enough, I really don't see the appeal I'm sure most guys would think twice if they knew how much it can damage the girl. rectal prolapse seems a pretty big consequence for a small amount of pleasure that I don't see being any better than a vagina can be

[sa230e]

The point of starting with fingers is to gently stretch the orifice so that a penis can comfortably penetrate it. If it's too tight for the penis penetration will be painful. In fact it can even be harmful. Rectal tissue is very fragile and breaking, tearing or fissuring that tissue is not fun from what I've read. Fingering also acclimatizes the rectum to the odd sensation of having something in there.

Stretching it out and getting comfortable could take months of long and slow work. It's NOT something you do just before hand. Doing anal properly requires LOTS of time, dedication and love and your man sounds like he is willing to give you none of those.

Any man who insists on doing something sexual with a woman that hurts her or makes her bleed doesn't deserve to have sex in the first place. If he's not even willing to put a finger in your ass he should not be allowed to insert his penis. A woman isn't a sex toy, she's a human being and that is just wrong.

So first of all STOP doing anal. You're going to injure yourself if keep doing this. You need lots of time (at least a couple months) for this to heal properly.

Second of all I would think about dumping your guy. Selfish lovers don't deserve love. You can do better. If he's willing to rip apart your anus for his pleasure and then get on your case for it is he really such a nice sweet guy? I think not.

[peace-love-couture]

I agree.I think he is causing hemorrhages,and he could be weakening your sphincter,which could lead to a rectal prolapse or anal prolapse:/

[Travesty]

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Whoa.

He doesn't want to put his fingers "anywhere near your anus," but he's ok putting his penis inside it?

Is he retarded?

First of all, stop doing this immediately. You're causing physical trauma to a very sensitive part of your body. Rectal bleeding is pretty much always a serious issue.

Secondly, dump the asshole boyfriend. HE'S HURTING YOU TO THE POINT THAT YOU'RE BLEEDING FROM THE ASS, AND HE'S GETTING FRUSTRATED WITH YOU ABOUT THAT. Seriously, how much clearer does it have to be that he doesn't give a damn about you?

[sa230e]

Exactly

[edgar334]

Wow dude chill out, your acting like he just raped your ass hole.

[micgirl]

I kind agree. It seems like ur boyfriend is being selfish and is not taking into account how the pain affects you. Maybe he's not doing it right or is being to rough-perhaps you could ask him to slow down.

[wagsingle]

OMFG! Some of you ladies need to learn to stand up for yourselves! You are a valuable human being, not a toy for some prick's selfish pleasure! My boyfriend refuses to wear a condom... My boyfriend gets upset because I can't do anal... and the list goes on! Dump these assholes!

[Philyouup]

state of mind ans lots
of patients. get
dilator training toys. they work.

[Jessie199]

I love having my fiancés penis in my ass but he would never make me bleed, he puts his fingers in my ass even when his penis is in my vagina. He'd never get frustrated if it hurts he stops and he always feels guilty if he has hurt me even a little a bit. He loves playing with my anus and I love it to feels so great if it's done right but you shouldn't have to go through with it if you don't feel comfortable with it hope this helped.

[JonJames]

Did you ever use butt plugs or other toys to help? If so, did you start on your own -- or he had them?

[aaabbbbbbbcccc]

because in general mother nature always finds a way to screw us up the ass haha in this case litterally but I don't know why it would hurt so bad its probably because its dry try getting a lubricant see if that helps if not then just don't do it you probably are just not ment to!

[Asker]

I already said I use a lube

[wagsingle]

Asker: Regular Astroglide is water based. A silicone based lube is better. They do cost more though. However, a big part of the problem is his attitude. If he pushes in without letting you loosen up your body probably responds by tensing up.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't want to touch you there with his fingers, just wants to stick it in you? Gets frustrated because you're in pain so your pain interferes with his pleasure? Are you satisfied with that state of things really? Wouldn't you want to ask for more consideration and understanding on his part? I can't answer your question because I know nothing about it, but he sounds nasty, really. I hope you don't tolerate this for much longer, as your health literally is in danger.

[Anonymous]

Just stop being so damn with it and cool.

Say HELLN-A. :)