Can't get an erection due to anxiety? HELP?

[Jimmmmmm]

The story goes like this.. One day my girlfriend was giving me oral.. and everything was going great until she stopped and asked ''it takes you a long time to finish huh?''.. I asked her why did she say that and she said that other guys took like 1 or two minutes to finish (she was doing it for like 5 minutes).. and from that point i got stressed because i'm a virgin and i don't understand how is that actually possible (the only thing i can think about is the fact that i'm circumcised but still).
After she told me that, a few minutes passed and she started doing it again.. problem is she told me she was not feeling it hard and she stopped. The reason why this happened is because I was nervous about the thing she told me.. and from that day I was stressed out that something is wrong with me and that maybe when we have sex I won't be able to finish and turn her off.. After that day we met up a few more times.. The last time we met up she gave me oral again but problem is I lost the erection completely.. and that is the point that I freaked out.. I mean yeah I was nervous about the fact if I could finish or not but this... completely unexpected.. At that point I was dissapointed and sad about that.. my girlfriend was like ''hey it's ok it happens to everyone'' but that couldn't help me at all.. and the most stressing thing is that 10 minutes later after that happened we started making out and I just couldn't have an erection.
And now this is the messed up part.. How is is it possible that I couldn't get an erection? What is wrong with me? I'm really scared that there might be something wrong with me.. I'm 90% sure that the problem is the anxiety but I can't help it.. I don't know what to do.. I'm afraid that the next time we meet I won't be able to have an erection again.. And if this happens again she might get turned off.. and I don't want to lose her because of this thing.. I need to fix it... What do you think?

[Anonymous]

You are freaking out because you're freaking out.
You couldn't get hard because you are freaking out.

It's panic. Plain and simple. Instead of just relaxing, and enjoying yourself and not thinking about it, you obsessed over it. And you're still doing it. Probably because you're a nervous virgin, partly because of what she said, and a little bit because you're just someone who over thinks things.

Next time instead of her blowing you, make her the centre of attention. Focus the foreplay on her. Learn to relax. Maybe you can give each other massages. And for the love of god, if you don't get hard it's not the end of the world. Learn how to please her without a cock. Use your fingers, your mouth, a toy, whatever. She'll be happy. You'll get more confidence that you know what to do if the little guy falls asleep on the job.

[Jimmmmmm]

Well you are right.. But I can't stop thinking about it.. we met today for a bit and I didn't get an erection at all.. what is this?

[Opinion Owner]

It's called anxiety - specifically performance anxiety. Your erection will return when you stop thinking about it.

[DubstepRaver]

Literally the exact same situation I’m in right now lol. I’m a virgin 22 and my girlfriend was giving me oral but I lost my erection as soon as we were about to have sex. Now it’s just in my head and everytime we bring up sex again I lose my erection. I’ve looked it up a bunch and I’m 90% sure it’s performance anxiety. It’s easier said than done but we just gotta get over it and relax more. Once we have a sex a couple times then we’ll prob be fine but it’s annoying af lol

[GuyWannaHelp]

It's crazy how similar our situations are. I'm also a virgin, 24, and the girl I'm dating gave me oral too, but I never was hard enough when we were about to have sex. It happened the third time last night, and while she is very understanding about it, it is still frustrating like hell. I'm even starting to doubt my sexual attraction to her, since it feels so weird to me that it just won't work right. Also, while she is very understanding, she obviously is also a bit frustrated about it, because she just wants to have sex.

[GuyWannaHelp]

It seems that things are going better for you now fromlooking at your past questions. Do you mind sharing how you eventually got over this problem?

[DubstepRaver]

@GuyWannaHelp yea man, the problem lasted about a month but she was very supporting and we just progressively got better and better. I remember asking her if I could just jerk off with her in the room which helped me get past the whole “oh I can cum with a girl in the room.” Then eventually got more comfortable with her which lead to less anxiety. We used lube as well which seemed to really help. The first time we had sex it was like 5 seconds lol. But it was progress because then the next time is was a minute, then 3 minutes then 5 then it finally turned into actual sex where I could finish. Like it took a month to build up to it but now I’m fine and don’t have the issue anymore. Hope you get the monkey off your back cuz that’s the only thing holding you back. Once it’s gone then you’re golden. :)

[GuyWannaHelp]

Thanks for the reply! It's good to know I'm not the only one dealing with this. And like you said, it'll probably get better in time.

[DubstepRaver]

@GuyWannaHelp randomly checking in, but curious haha. Were you able to get over the anxiety?

[GuyWannaHelp]

@dubstepRaver I stopped dating her a few days after posting the comment here. While she really is great, and we'd be a good match on paper, I realized there was something missing. I'm still not really sure what it is that was missing, but I do think I made the right call to stop dating her. I do think this was part of the reason why I had this problem, but it certainly wasn't the sole reason. My problem was (and likely still is) that I tend to overthink everything. As soon as I realize we may have sex, I start worrying about losing my erection. I haven't been sexually active with someone else after that girl, so I can't say I'm past the anxiety. Yet I can say that I am sure it will go away after a few times. It's a matter of getting used to the situation and thus learning to just relax when you get intimate.

[DubstepRaver]

@GuyWannaHelp exactly man. Just gotta get used to it then become calm and comfortable and you’ll be alright. Best of luck!

[yellowbear]

the problem is probably her more than anything. every guy different from my experience and i probably prefer the ones that last slight longer as i enjoy giving bjs as well.

[reptocarl]

Sure it isn't because of porn?

[Jimmmmmm]

What do you mean?

[reptocarl]

Porn is so addictive it can make it so a guy can't perform with a normal woman at all. It's called porn creep or porn induced erectile dysfunction

[Jimmmmmm]

Well I watch porn but I'm not addicted to it..

[reptocarl]

No addict will ever say they're addicted. Your problem is porn not anxiety

[Jimmmmmm]

I haven't watched porn in weeks :)

[reptocarl]

You been jerking it a lot? I've never heard of a guy your age in good health and not watching porn having this problem. Are you sure your not a fag?

[Jimmmmmm]

I jerk off way too much..(usually two times in one day).. I only stopped when my girlfriend told me that I can't finish fast.. so yeah two days without masturbation and it got worse :P.. and no I'm not a fag.. Jesus man...

[YourLucifer]

its not you its the shitty blowjob

[Jimmmmmm]

Nope unfortunately it's not.. she is doing a great job

[Enochian]

Are you sure you virgin?

[Jimmmmmm]

Pretty sure yeah :P

[Enochian]

Do u get an erection when you watch porn?

[Jimmmmmm]

Yeah why? I always get an erection.. well not now that'm i'm stressed about it but in general yeah I do

[TheFlak38]

How can you be a virgin and still going after 5 minutes of oral?

[Jimmmmmm]

Messed up right? I don't know.. maybe it's because I'm circumcised

[chuy10]

I think I would've been more nervous that she told you she blows other guys

[Jimmmmmm]

she meant other guys before me

[chuy10]

oh OK just checking you should had told her to keep going

[Anonymous]

nobody can help u here u need to see a doctor