I can't stand it, this practice is mutilation! I have a sensitive part of my body removed that I will never get back...I hate my mom for allowing it... Show More
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I wish every day that I wasn't circumcised. I would give up everything I have to have a whole and complete body. What mother would take a knife to her own son? Who would hurt their own child? Whenever my mom said something like "I would die for you, never let anyone harm you," I just couldn't believe her. My glans rubs against my clothing all day and causes me constant pain. Sex will never be as pleasurable for me, and women prefer uncirced men because it gives them more pleasure too. I am jealous of dogs. Maybe in heaven I will have my foreskin? I just wish I had been given the choice of which body parts I got to keep and which were thrown in the dumpster. I was a beautiful baby boy and my own mother couldn't accept all of me. Minutes after birth I had to be butchered. Even though I know she thought it was best, never intended any harm, and wasn't even the one who wanted it (Dad did), I can't trust her. I could never get close to her, and I'm in my twenties and living on my own now. No matter how I consciously think, I feel deep down that my mother didn't save me from harm the one chance she had.
I feel terrible knowing any man, no matter how average, could please my girlfriend more than I can.
I feel like a woman who had one breast amputated so that "you would have a 50% less chance of breast cancer". Any woman in that state would be breast-obsessed and feel inferior to every woman on the street. She would feel unsexy and incomplete. That is how I feel. All men have an invisible competition with each other and I am always the loser because I'm not really a man. I am what is left over of what could have been a man.
I have a good job, a girlfriend who loves me and I plan on marrying, and many friends. I still feel incomplete because despite all that I have, I don't have my own body. I never got used to it, I just learned to endure it. I am disgusted with my own penis - it is scarred and repulsive. I was denied my sexuality, and sexual pleasure, the beautiful union that joins two souls.
Why did my parents do this to me? Why couldn't they love me for who I was? Did the 9 months in my mother mean anything? I know they didn't think it would cause me pain, but I've never healed from the scars they left on my soul. No matter what I think, deep down I don't trust them, don't want to be near them, and am scared of what they are capable of. I know these are irrational thoughts but I can't get them out of my head and it has poisoned my relationship with them. I never told them how I felt, because it would break their heart to know I hate and resent them, but I never bonded with my own parents because of my own one-sided anger, and that hurts just as much as being incomplete.