First weekend away. Does he just want sex?

[Anonymous]

I need help. I have been dating a man for 3 months. He texts everyday to say good morning and ask how my day is going and we text back and forth during the day. We see each other once a week. He always initiates the date. Last weekend he asked if I wanted to go to this place in the city and he planned and paid for everything. We have been sexually active, after the city we had sex and he stayed over. The following week he said “lets hang out” on a weekday. He came over, we watched TV, talked, had sex, and then he went home. I'm ok with him leaving, we both have work the next day and its just nice to sleep in your own bed, but I also know that if a man is really into you he's not going to want to leave after. Anyway, he asked me over a month ago to go away with him for the weekend for a friends wedding (I will be his date). I haven't met his friends yet. I am nervous, because although we have been having sex for a while, I am just now developing more serious feelings for him. I feel like he is just interested in the sexual relationship. We haven't talked about anything. I'm feeling uncomfortable because I don't want to ruin the weekend by having “a talk” and I do just want him to have fun, but I don't want to have sex. I am hurt that I don't feel that he’s into me. Its sort of a let down. I can accept this, but what do I do about this weekend away? I'm so confused.

[Tamikaze]

If you only want to have sex with a man who is really in to you, then you need to wait until you are in a relationship and have started to feel more serious feelings and see he does too, before you have sex.

And, if you have sex with a guy and then feel that you need to avoid having sex until something more comes from him, well, you might as well just stop seeing him because he won't understand that. Once you have sex with a guy and then tell them you want to hold off of sex, well they will think you either don't care for them in bed or are withholding sex to get what you want, and neither situation will inspire them to want more with you.

I personally get what you are saying and I feel for you. He does sound like he solidly likes you and he is not just seeing you for sex. He sounds a bit more like he enjoys what you two have but he isn't dazzling you with affection. You cannot go backwards on having sex but you could go to the wedding with a positive outlook. Weddings can be pretty romantic, speaking from experience and it may bring out feelings in both of you that will improve your feelings. If not, you can reconsider this when you return home. You may decide to avoid the home "hangout" dates and communicate to him that you do not feel good when he has sex and then heads home. See what he has to say.

[Asker]

Thankyou. I know the withholding sex idea is a bad one. I don't want to withhold because I think it will get me what I want, I think I'm scared that he won't want to see me after the wedding and I wanted to prevent myself from further hurt. I guess what I need to do is let go of the worrying and just see what happens.

[Tamikaze]

If he was going to ditch you after the wedding, frankly he would just come up with an excuse to not take you at all. A guy going stag to a wedding isn't awful.

[archn]

I think you're reading way too much into this. If he can just come over for sex why would he invite you to a wedding as a date if all he wanted was something he could get easily. I think it sounds like he wants more out of a relationship. Just go and enjoy yourself and if something happens, it does.

[ladycharms]

Maybe you shouldn't go just talk.