Why isn't my boyfriend sexually attracted to me?

[Anonymous]

I know I'm not ugly because I can get any guy I know to sleep with me if I wanted. But I can't seem to get my boyfriend hard, except with oral witch is great so I know I'm good at oral. But with out oral he can't seem to get hard at all. and he says I'm beautiful and sexy and all that but then he also said that he never had this problem with any other girl he's slept with. he says that when we get in bed and we start teasing and playing he's completely turned on but his penis is soft. And I've done tons of research and its not normal for us to have sex less than once a month after only being together for a year. and its not like we're old I mean he's only 21and I'm only 20. He says to start out slow and I did and nothing then he said to let him come to me so I did and guess what we haven't had sex in two months. the first month we were together was great but even then it wasn't and everyday thing or even an every other day thing more like 2 a week at most and he can never go more than once, but I didn't no that men could he told me that was just movies and make believe but come to find out most men can with a break in between. He says I'm good in bed I mean when we do things he always cums and he seems to enjoy it. but I don't really know if he is. I've tried dressing up and dressing down, stripping, dancing, kissing licking in every spot I can think of. I've tried dying my hair and doing my makeup and shaving down there, wearing special perfumes, talking dirty and I've tried talking to him, and I've tried being spontaneous and doing things in places other than the bed and at other times than at night, I've tried chocolate and whipped cream I've tried lotions and lubricants and everything I can think of but truth is I'm so inexperienced that I'm out of ideas, and I'm sorry I just don't look like Meghan fox. And at first he just made up excuses like its because of the heat, and then it was because of the cold, he told me he didn't want to do things all the time because he didn't want to get board with me, so okay understandable and he said he's not the verbal kind of guy but I know he is because when he was with the whore of an ex that he had who was cheating on him with who knows how many guys they had sex every night, and I could hear him all they way in the living room. so I know that's a lie. but then I find out that he masturbates in the mornings before work and all I can think is what is wrong with me, is it because I'm bad in bed, but he says no. is it because now that he knows who I am as a person then I'm subtractive now. but he says now he's very attracted to me. I just don't know what's wrong with me anyone please tell me what I'm doing wrong or what I can do differently to fix this. ill try anything at all... please

[johnny_vegas]

Maybe it's totally something to do with his psychology? Hell what goes on in a person's head has ALOT to do with issues such as not orgasming, premature ejaculation etc. Look I'm totally speculating, but it could be on some scale that he could have some anxiety when it comes to sex - could be his own belief in giving your pleasure/orgasms etc. Does he have a very religious upbringing? Does he have a positive outlook towards sex or does he shy away/avoid the topic?

I'm just throwing out assumptions, but maybe he suffers from a low libido due to stress, fatique, a poor diet, low levels of testosterone etc.

The fact that you've tried a range of things from dress, dirty talk is awesome - and shows you've made the effort to see how you can improve this issue. From your post I wouldn't say it sounds like its because you are bad in bed - however, would you say he feels pressured by the importance you place on this issue?

Overall I think there needs to be more communication from his end to figure the root of the problem, as I think its possible something mentally that stopping him from totally engaging.

Aside from the sex, how is the rest of the relationship? Could be a totally non-sexually related issue too...

x Johnny

[Asker]

Thank you for you for ansureing and you may be right, And if you are how do I fix the issue. He's not one for talking but I've got him to talk to me somewhat and open up to me. Sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship but it is important I mean if we're not having sex now what happens in two or three years from now? Out side of sex we don't have many problems we get along fine. And things are good for the most part I mean we have our problems but our biggest thing is communication

[johnny_vegas]

I wish I could tell you how to fix it, but I don't know - it would be up to your boyfriend to talk about with you. My best advice would be to try and not make it a big deal and slowly see if you can open up the channels of communication between the two of you

[Asker]

Thanks I'll try that.

[Anonymous]

Its not you its him, he may not be over the ex, on the rebound perhaps, used you to get over her, and he is still not over her emotionally. Clearly it is psychological if he can perfom physically ie no medical reason, he's not into you for what ever reason...

[Asker]

You may be right but I'm not sure see if that were the case it would be his first serous relationship with sammy. But he's dated two other girls since her one of them I met before me and him got together. And he says that he never loved her that he was with her mainly so he wasn't alone. Plus she cheated on him with 2 guys that I know for sure of and was constantly using him for money, sex, and to have a good guy to support her wile she screwed everyone else. So maybe but I'm not quite so sure.

[bBop345]

I think he could be homosexual.

[Asker]

Thanks but I don't believe that's the case. If he were gay than all his other girlfriends wold have had the same problem I'm having.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter how good looking you are, guys are going to get bored of your body. Just look at all the celebrity guys cheating on their hot wife with someone who you'd think is much uglyer.

[Asker]

Okay so if its only been a year and he's already bored with my body than should I stay with him? I mean what's ganna happen in two or three years from now. is he ganna start cheated on me because he's board. And if that's it then what can I do to get him interested in my body again?

[Opinion Owner]

A long term relationship needs to be about personality, hitting the gym is not a bad idea either but for the most part its personality that will hold the relationship together as well as the effort you both put in to have fun