How to ask a guy if he's gay and it not be awkward later?

[Anonymous]

As a gay guy, I'm pretty careful about asking guys if they prefer men or women since some have been pretty defensive about it. I tend to like the guys that are considered more "straight"-acting than other gay guys but that often yields me nothing. I like a guy at my work (professional workplace) and I'm not sure whether he's straight or not. What is the best kind of question to ask to get enough information to figure it out? I want to still be friends if he isn't but asking directly would probably be pretty awkward. What do the straight guys think? Is it awkward to be asked?

[selfishstars]

It's definitely a hard situation. I'm interested in other girls, but I find it difficult to approach the subject too (though I imagine it's even more difficult for guys, since straight guys tend to be more uncomfortable with it than straight girls). I think for a lot of straight guys, it is very awkward to be asked because they are either homophobic, or it makes them feel like they're sending off vibes that they like men (which they see as a bad thing because they don't want people to think that they're gay when they're not).

I guess one of the easiest questions to start off with is probably to ask him if he has a girlfriend.

I mean, there's probably a lot of other questions you could ask, but if he is gay but isn't open about it and/or doesn't want to be seen as gay (particularly by his coworkers), he may hold back with his answers in order to not lead on that he's gay. If, however, you're open about being gay to your coworkers, he might be more likely to be honest with you (for example, if you asked him what his favourite bar to go to was and it was a local gay bar, he may or may not answer truthfully, depending on whether or not he was okay with you knowing that he is gay).

My only other suggestion would be to just try to become friends with him (i.e. hang out outside of work). That way, you'll be able to get to know him better, and you might find out along the way what his sexual orientation is, and if it turns out he's straight or just not interested, at least you've made a new friend.

[hannah_es94]

im not a guy and I'm not a gay one at that:P

but maybe you could ask anybody that knows him well

(and won't gonna runnin to him tellin him)

then if he isn't it won't be awkward.

and if he is you can make your move

:]

idk if I helped

but I hope so

good luck:]

[antonio2704]

ive been asked if I was gay before and it was a bit awkward but not very. if he isn't gay just be ready for a why. I know when I was asked it was unexpected and I said "no, why?". I didn't even think about it it just sort of came out. asking around wouldn't be a bad idea before asking him personally though.

[Anonymous]

yeah don't ask maybe try inviting him over to watch brokback mountain and a spa if you must...