What do I do if my boyfriend watches porn after I leave, even after we've had sex?

[Anonymous]

Some days he even watches porn INSTEAD of having sex with me, but we have sex at least 3 times a week, sometimes more, but sometimes it'll be a week or two with no sex. We've talked, but he lies and says he's not watching it. I've told him it hurts me, but that if that's what he wants, I won't judge him, and we can see other people. but he says he can give it up. I've begged for us to go to sex therapy, and he refuses to go. he went with me to a regular therapist once, and won't go back. He looks at girls on Facebook and Myspace too, but doesn't contact them. I suggested that as a compromise, we could watch porn together, instead of him watching without me. we've done that twice, but both times it seemed to make him watch it more by himself afterward. Why is he so committed to be my boyfriend, but yet would rather do porn than have sex with me? Maybe it's because he has trouble getting hard and staying hard, but I've been very accepting and supportive, which he appreciates, since all his ex's were not. I tell him we can just masturbate together instead of sex, or I go down on him, so there's no pressure on him, but he usually turns it into sex. still, he's not ever able to orgasm unless he uses his hand(that's the way he always finishes every time we have sex). but even though he finishes with me, it really hurts that sometimes he'll watch porn AGAIN by himself after I've left(even though he KNOWS I'm always up for it), and that sometimes he leaves me hanging without any sex for days or weeks, while he's taking care of himself watching whores on the internet. Help!

[canadatravelmeister]

he has a porno addiction. he is in love with it and feels more confident with it. I don't see him giving it up soon, so its your choice if you can handle it or not.

ALSO

more radical but you can try this if you want...tell him you don't care, and that you support his porn, tell his to stop deleting the history too. Tell him every time, he wants to jack off to some big tittied fox sucking on some girls bean, you´ll happily hop on his member whenever he wants and ride him. It may start to drift into a great way to get himself in the mood for sex and not porno all the time. but once again, I don't think it won't cure his addiction. that's up to you if you can handle it and to what degree

[blueyaa]

All you can do is ask him to either stop or let it be a couple activity seriously, don't beg because then it makes it seem like he has power and a choice. If he doesn't then give him some more separation, maybe he'll finally realize how much it is hurting you.

[Asker]

Thank you! how do I do that if he doesn't know that I know he's still watching porn? he lies that he doesn't watch it anymore except with me, and expects that I believe him. he's such a great guy in other ways, so I don't want to just break up(yet). I'm just wondering if the things I mentioned are big red flags that he's going to hurt me or do something worse in the future,or if he's worth holding on to.

[blueyaa]

It doesn't necessarily mean he will hurt you, for some people porn is an addiction that is difficult to get off even when they have a girlfriend, at the same time though it can be embarrassing for them because guys don't talk about porn, its usually just understood. Don't be afraid to mention it, girls know things that guys will never understand how they found out. Offer your help, but if he isn't willing to accept it then your choice has been made for you.

[Kymroi]

Tell him if he doesn't stop now you will probably leave

Thats pretty much the truth right?

Hes got a girlfriend

And he'd rather watch girls he will never meet in his entire life

Than actually have real sex with you

Sound completely idiotic

[Asker]

SO TRUE!!!!!! I'm afraid its an addiction, and that he may not be able to quit cold turkey :-/ he seems to be making efforts (not watching as often....even though he doesn't realize I know that).