Will anal sex ruin regular sex for us?

[Anonymous]

OK, not sure if this is too graphic for this site but here goes anyway. Is it possible that a guy would like anal sex so much that he wouldn't want to go back to vaginal (obviously not during the same act, but a different time)? We've been considering trying anal sex (FWIW I'm in a stable long term relationship). I've read quite a bit about the "Do's and Don'ts", but my main concern is that I might not like it, he might like it, and it will become an issue in our relationship. So anyway, more to the point, is there some advantage to vaginal that isn't there during anal that the "giver" might miss during anal?

[Anonymous]

Your concern is valid. If you're worried that you won't ever like it, you should think very carefully about doing it in the first place. The phrase "acquired taste" comes to mind, in the same way that most people don't initially like coffee or alcohol. Neither are essential to live, but people can become dependent on one or the other.

However, this is sort of a different case, because for the guy, the feeling is basically the same versus vaginal sex. The difference is that anal sex will be tighter and will require a lot of additional lubrication. The advantage to vaginal sex is that for many women, your own internal lubrication is enough, and it's a turn-on for a guy to feel like he's causing that lubrication. If you're trying to have children, vaginal sex has an advantage for obvious reasons.

I don't think that a guy would completely give up vaginal sex for anal sex, but one or both of you might develop a taste for it that the other may not appreciate. Just something to think about.

[lefthand]

Might I strong suggest holding a vibrator to you clit while this is going on? Anal sex with some clitoral stimulation gives some of the most powerful orgasms I have ever seen.

Second, I have learned in long term relationships, it is unwise to avoid sexual expression because your partner might like it too much. The problem is far more frequent that your partner feels stagnant and unstimulated.

[Asker]

"Second, I have learned in long term relationships, it is unwise to avoid sexual expression because your partner might like it too much." Generally that would be a great rule of thumb- most of the time I try to maximize his pleasure and certainly not worry about him having too much fun. But we have a good thing going on- 9 times out of 10 we both orgasm and sex has been very mutual for us- and I guess I'm just worried about ruining that.

[lefthand]

In my experience, what happens is that people do less and less sexually. Not because they don't like sex, just because there isn't enough time for it. That's the biggest risk. In your case, I appreciate your position. You don't want to get involved in something that you can't sustain happily. I don't know what will happen in the future if you try. What I can tell you is that I don't expect my partners to do things they don't enjoy. It ruins the sex because they eventually resent me for it.

[JonJames]

I'd say it usually goes the other way. When a couple has a sex life like that, it's a lot easier to incorporate anything into the repertoire. There is a study that says women who have anal sex have more orgasms more of the time -- by far -- even compared to oral. How can that be? Some say it is the woman -- and no the act. If you have a mature woman in touch with her own body and open to sexual expression who orgasms a lot anally -- maybe THAT is the type of woman who successfully adds anal to her bedroom. It is not just the act it self. Hmmm...

[grace86]

I am yet to experience anal sex but I will tell you what my friend said about the guy she was with. She asked him if he had to pick either anal or vaginal sex for the rest of his life what would he pick. He chose vaginal. I think anal sex is seen as like an occasional treat!

[JonJames]

It sounds as if you're very eager to find out for yourself. It CAN be a treat -- or it can be the staple of a sexual life for years. It all depends on the couple.

[NormaTavish]

I don't think so no, and I've never had anyone not want to do vaginal sex because anal sex great. Its more likely after the initial fascination with it wears off that its just something else you will do along with "normal" sex.. and whatever else you try in future.

[lara26]

It's also possible that you might like anal so much that you give up vaginal :) Some girls have bigger orgasms from it, and crave it a lot more than up front.

[JonJames]

Ha! You took the words right out of my mouth. My reply says about the same. They have done studies that say women who have anal have more and better orgasms. But is that only because of the act -- or are these women more in touch with their bodies and their partner and are ready to get the most out of anal? It is in interesting question. I will say I have never heard the highest notes -- or the lowest notes -- come from a woman during vag. It was always anal. Everything from a near-singing voice-- "eeeeeeee" to "Chuh... CHUH.. CHUGH... UGHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Loved every second.

[involved6]

That is largely improbable. Anal is good for an occasional taboo thrill, but for 99.9% of men, there is just no beating conventional sex. I wouldn't be worried. Follow your do's and don'ts, relax, and you'll have a good time.

[Asker]

Good to know, thanks.

[lara26]

Lol my guy wouldn't agree, he only mounts me back there :) Luckily I love it!

[JonJames]

Well, believe it or not, I have heard it go the other way plenty of times. She ends up loving anal -- and he can take it or leave it.

The point for me is -- if you both try it and love it -- why WOULDN'T you do it a lot?

BESIDES all the great pleasure, you save money on condoms. If you learn to take his semen deep -- there is not even clean up involved like with vag -- no wet spot. And NO babies running around.

I'd say there is nothing to "miss" either way. If you both do it and enjoy it, who cares how it stacks up to others? If you are shaking and his penis is jumping in your butt during simultaneous orgasm -- who cares what vaginal does? I would say -- be prepared for him to like it. Also -- try to orgasm when he is inside you before you make up your mind. Even just rubbing off while he is in your ass. Who know? You get used to the waves of pleasure with your ass sucking on his penis like a mouth -- YOU might be the one to say honey -- let's skip vag tonite!

[kevin-camron]

you might like it,my gfs liked it,it just hurts the first time,then girls normally go crazy for it!

[always-ballin]

when your in bed you turn on your side and let him do you vaginal.thats the best way for both of you if you don't want it in the ass.lol.try it let me know how it goes later

[Asker]

I'm not worried about vaginal, we have plenty of positions in our arsenal, but maybe we'll try that. My favorite, though, is backwards cowgirl because I have plenty of space to stimulate myself further, and he loves the view!