When does a guy know?

[Anonymous]

How early in a relationship does a guy know whether he can get serious with you? My mother wants me to break up with my current boyfriend because he did not propose to me at his graduation. But we'd only been together for 4 months. But she says that guys propose at graduation to make sure they stay together, no matter how short a time. She says that he knows already and that since he didn't propose he's just dragging me along for sex. Do guys really know that early in a relationship? I mean, I never withheld sex from him and its been really good, but he can get other girls if he wanted. If he had asked me at 4 months, I would have said no because that's too early, but I do really like him and want to see if it does get serious. Is he just keeping me around for sex? Does he know already that he doesn't want to get serious with me?

[hisangel]

I'm not sure what your mom means by that cause I've never heard that before in my life.

I'm not sure whether you mean high school graduation or college graduation but either way he didn't propose cause he isn't ready to get married. Regardless of whether he thinks you are the one he wants to be with for the rest of his life. He isn't rejecting you, he is just not ready to get married. Whether because it's too soon in your relationship or because he wants to either go to college or establish a little bit of his career before he gets married.

Sometimes guys see marriage as more of a stage in life. If he isn't ready for that stage it shouldn't reflect on you. There are a lot of people who rush into marriage for love but a good chunk also run into it because they aren't having sex and want it or because they just are really desperate to get to that stage in life period, so they marry anyone as quick as possible. So not everyone who takes years to get married are staling and not everyone who jumps in are pure in motives.

4 months is not a long time to decide if you want to spend 60 years with another person. Let him have the time he needs to decide and if you really think he cares for you don't worry about what you mom is saying. Sometimes the people around us can be great advisors and sometimes they can make something more difficult. She may have her beliefs on what is right and wrong but that doesn't mean she understands where your boyfriend is coming from. If he feels like a good man, then don't let someone else tell you definitely.

And regarding how early a guy knows, you have to look at the guy individually. Some guys will swear on date 1 they know the person is their future wife. Another guy wants some time to think it over. And some know they want to marry you but don't want to rush it. You have to look at a lot of things. His personality, his background, what he might have seen growing up and then decide. If a guy saw his mother throw things at his father and his father cheat on his mother and had a handful of girls break his heart, he is going to be much more cautious jumping in. As opposed to a guy who has parents who are still married and who has been pretty lucky in love. So look at the person more than his gender in this case.

[hisangel]

Sorry it is "tell you differently' not definitely.

[Asker]

He just graduated from University. I'm a year behind him. That's what I had thought at first, but my mom was so adamant, I thought I must be wrong about something. Thank you so much.

[hisangel]

Your welcome.

[eithyy]

I doubt he's just keeping you around for sex. Four months is just too short a time to be thinking about marriage in my opinion. Personally, I think your mom is a bit wackadoo, no offense. xD

[Reginelli]

Nothing against your mom but that is not a good reason to break up with someone, especially after just 4 months. Its no certain time frame of when we know how serious we can be but that is too early to propose unless he was just REAL SURE. I don't think 4 months is just keeping you around for sex. If you are feeling him and you have no reason to think that he is not feeling you anymore I think you should just stay with it for a while and see how it goes.

[Asker]

Thank you. From his actions, I'm pretty sure he's still interested in me as a person, despite what he says. He likes to talk big, but his actions are very thoughtful. I wasn't expecting a proposal and wasn't phased at all until my mother started up. I'm going to try and stick with it. Thanks.

[Reginelli]

You're welcome and hope it works out. Yea just go with what you feel and don't let people put other thoughts in your head.