He called me someone else's name during sex...

He said it didn't mean anything... And I really don't think he's cheating on me. He said the name he called me isn't someone he knows in his life, or... Show More

Most Helpful Guy

  • After reading all the responses, I don't think anyone really got to the heart of the issue. There are 3 reasons why anyone would call out another name, lets look at those and figure out which one by his reaction.

    1. Accident - had a total brain fart, was preoccupied with something random and made a sincere mistake. (most likely NOT what happened, but you can tell if he laughed sincerely at himself afterward instead of getting defensive and made a light joke of it.)

    2. Was fantasizing about someone he doesn't actually know - This could be a p*rn star, a famous person, a model, TV personality, whoever (If this is the case he would have been mildly defensive, but still light hearted about it until you reacted and it made him feel guilty about it - after which he was super apologetic.)

    3. Was thinking of someone else - an actual person. (this doesn't mean that he is necessarily cheating on you, just thinking of someone he does know. Most likely he was very defensive and after trying to dismiss it as nothing got physically angry if you questioned him further)



    Now then, what to do about it:

    if #1, let it go. By being upset over nothing you are showing him that you are not stable in your security in the relationship and that any little thing is going to be a big issue and cause problems. The more you dwell on it the more it's going to become a sticking point for other arguments and issues in your relationship and ultimately ruin any chances of being happy together - and all over a pointless suspicion.

    if #2, also let it go. Men fantasize. They all do it and they will ALL do it whether they tell you or not. There really is no harm in it as fantasies are just that. If he is the type to cheat on you, whether or not he thinks about it is irrelevant to actually doing it. Making him think it's not OK to fantasize is basically telling him you are too scared to let him be himself. Again it will be a rift in your relationship as he will start to build resentment towards you for trying to hold control over him. We each own our own minds and you can't tell someone what to think.

    if #3, accept it first. Sit down and imagine the worst. Most likely it's NOT the worst, but if you can accept the worst than anything else will be easier to deal with. Then confront him and find out. Don't bring it up in a fight, just talk to him calmly. You've already accepted the worst, so even if he admits he is cheating on you will be prepared for it and then you can just leave him once and for all. Otherwise it's probably an old ex-girlfriend or someone he works with or whatever - just tell him it's OK to be honest about it because you want to work it out and honesty is the only way for things to be settled between you. If you can get him to open up to you, then you can make your decision based on what he tells you. If you encourage his honesty and tell him you won't hate him for it than that is the only way to get the truth.

    This can be tricky and upsetting. good luck.

    Asker upvoted