My boyfriend wants me to be more dominate in the bedroom, I am not sure how to do that, I tie him up I make him feel like a bad boy but from there I don't know what to do, I don't want to take things to far although we do have a safe word. But the thing is I am not sure how to be the dominate one,... Show More
Most Helpful Guy
No worries. Often times when guys say thing like "i want you to take more control" or "be more dominant" they are really saying they wish you had more confidence.
Confidence is a tough thing to explain to someone who doesn't have a lot, so let me start by saying why confidence is the answer. If you had sheer confidence, you would not second guess what you were saying and things would just roll off your tongue. You would feel free to act sexually and not worry if it's going to be right or enjoyable. You would know what to do to please your man because you would know that whatever you were doing was enjoyable.
That being said, the key to building confidence is to remember only one thing. You simply cannot do anything "wrong". Sex is an amazing thing, and unless it hurts (too much) it will be great. Even if you don't do things exactly right, with a little practice you will get better and better and he will get happier and happier. So let go of that fear and treat everything you do as exploration and adventure.
Sex is basically trial and error for most people anyway, so don't fear the error part. Especially if he is encouraging you to test the waters. Just say at the beginning of the session "I'm gonna just try a few things, so don't tease me about it and just tell me after which things you liked and which things you didn't". That way you are free to experiment and try whatever comes to mind. He will tell you which things really turned him on, and then you just know what to do in the future.