What to do after sex in a dorm?

[Anonymous]

I'll be living in a dorm room for the next year, and I'm aware of getting things sorted out with my roommate regarding bringing a girl over (giving a heads up and such). However, let's say this is not a one night stand we're talking about and a relationship, a roommate can't just call the room for the night for him and his girlfriend to spend the night together. What is the typical etiquette for a situation like this? Simply close off the night and promise to call each other later?

[Aarien]

Dorms are hard to schedule time in, and roommates are often difficult to work with -- especially regarding time in the room, and who's going to get what when. Of course you should try setting up a system with your roommate, but you're probably going to step on his toes and have yours stepped on sooner or later.

My boyfriend and I have had the worst luck with roommates. Last year my boyfriend roomed with one of his best friends. (Or, at least, so he thought.) They adopted the rule you mentioned in your post: giving heads up. Well, it quickly became very one sided, with the roommate and his new girlfriend requesting time in the room for hours at a time, and some times more than once a day. My boyfriend didn't want to c*ck block his friend, but at the same time, it was getting a little ridiculous. Especially since whenever we asked for some time in the room, the roommate acted like a pr*ck. Ultimately, the situation became so bad that it ruined their friendship. (And I'm not even going to get into my past roommates... those situations were just ugly.)

I suggest that you try and work around your roommate's schedule, if at all possible. (I mean, if he's off at a class or a party I doubt he's going to mind you using the room.) Just make sure that you post a note up on the door so in case he comes back early he's not going to get a surprise when he opens the door. Also, I really suggest you put down ground rules for 'entire night' dibs. Having the room to yourself for an entire night is unrealistic, unless a roommate is going away for the weekend or something. Because most of the time, someone’s either going to be stuck on the floor or a couch for the night unless you can find a girl to bunk with. (And even then, there’s always her roommate you have to deal with too.)

I guess the main thing to keep in mind is balance. Make sure you're not hogging the room, make sure your roommate doesn't hog the room either, and everything should work out.

I wish you luck for this whole roommate situation. It’s usually not easy.

[haleyb]

Usually the other roommate can just spend the night in someone else's dorm- happens all the time where I go to school. just make sure they have warning and are OK with it. My roommate had a boyfriend first quarter and she just would ask if it was OK, and I'd ask my friend down the hall if I could crash in her dorm. don't overuse it, and be considerate, but it should be fine.

[ecologist]

I have travelled a lot and stayed in youth hostels and strangers don't seem to have a problem bringing partners back to the hostel to f*** them in the bunk above you, but you don't have to see those people again like you do your roommate.

I think you have a couple of options and I think being in the room at the same time as they are f***ing should be an absolute last resort. As other posters have suggested, have a bed time where fun and games have to be finished by a certain time, yet while f***ing you loose track of time so I don't know how that would work. Suggest that they go to her place or to use the shower is are some other options for you too I guess. I know people who have shared a room in college and the ettiquette seemed to be being quiet or visiting elsewhere in the college (such as the bathroom or the kitchen). I don't know how you guys manage to share a room together, I take my hat off to anyone that can live long term with no personal space.

[IAmAnon123]

What Scott said: modestly often does not apply in dorms. I remember sitting in my friend's dorm watching him play Fallout 3 while his roommate and some girl had shamelessly loud sex literally no more than four feet behind us.

I'm a bit confused, though. Why is a one night sand easier to arrange than some time alone with a girlfriend? I would think it'd be harder to kick roommates out for a one night stand considering most of them are really spur of the moment.

[Asker]

It's the issue of having a room for the whole night that's easier to deal with regarding a one night stand. Those are usually for fun and purely physical, meaning no need to cuddle and they can just leave. With a relationship it's different.

[scott63a]

You and your roommate will have separate beds. You're going to learn real fast that modesty doesn't have a place in the dorms. You'll be in your bed with your girl, your roommate will be in his bed alone, or with his girl. What you do is your business. If you want some privacy, just make arrangements ahead of time, but don't expect more than a couple of hours. You'll get use to it.

[Vendrix]

Dorms are tricky, I say if your girl wants to sleep over, sex before bed and then be quiet during the night. That's how my roomie and I had it.

If my Girlfriend came over, when it was bed time we went to sleep. (ok well maybe some quiet stuff..) But no full blown sex when he was in the room.

See if he has objections to that. As long as you aren't being distracting (moving around, giggles, moans, etc) then he shouldn't mind.

[Craig69]

Not a big deal at all. Well, maybe a big deal if the girl you are screwing is a screamer or a very loud moaner. Room mates usually will tend to try and ignore you when you are fcuking - after all he will expect the same from you. If possible try to not have a bunk bed setup in the room. It's disconcerting when your roomie is trying to sleep on the bottom bunk and you and your girl are going at it vigorously in the top bunk. Tends to cause a bit of sea sickness. Also, it's not a good idea to blatantly screw your girl in front of your room mate, like having her bend over your desk and go at it doggie style. Try to keep it in the bed and maybe under covers if possible. All in all, don't worry about it, things usually tend to work themselves out between room mates. You might attempt to ascertain whether your roomie objects to having girlfriends over for fcuk sessions and sleep overs during the first couple of days into the term. It's usually possible to change roomies at that point.

[d1732]

I find having sex in front of a roomate completely gross and disrespectful. You are the reason most of these situations don't work out. Who wants to try and sleep or study when you know your roomate is rocking and doing who knows what under the sheets with his girlfriend.