Is the number of guys a girl has slept with important to you?

[Anonymous]

I'm dealing with a problem here...my boyfriend and I have been with each other for almost 2 years, and having sex for the past 8 months. I waited with him for a while before having sex (well we had lots of oral sex though) but I'm usually not like that. I Have slept with a lot of guys - 37 to be exact. So he randomly started talking about his ex gfs and how he loves me more than he's ever loved anyone, how beautiful he thinks I am (loves my teeth and gums as well apparently lol), and talking about our future together. I made a joke about me being the best he's ever had in bed. He laughed but then said yeah as a matter of fact I am pretty amazing but he only has 4 other his to compare it to. Only 4! I didn't say anything and he asked how many guys I have been with. I said I didn't want to say but he really wanted to know. So I just said more than he has had. It got kind of quiet. He isn't a jerk or anything but I can tell he really wanted to know because he asked a while later. I keep stressing that its a lot but I don't want to give him a number. I've heard of guys breaking up with girls over this. So my question is guys do you care if a girl has slept with a lot of guys and would you break up over it? Also should I tell him?

[ThoroughFred]

Well, this can be tricky. On one hand you should never feel like whatever number you have been with is an issue. You are who you are, and you were who you where before you met this guy. If he can't accept you for that than it's his issue not yours.

On the other hand, you don't want to lie, because it will make you feel guilty inside and he will most likely eventually find out and be extremely p*ssed off about it because you lied in the first place.

In addition, some people may consider that number high for your age, but honestly it doesn't matter. If you said 137 I think we'd all be concerned, but our teenage years are a time of sexual exploration and some of us explore more than others.

Now the bigger issue is his own security with himself. A lot of guys feel like they need to always be "the best" and when comparing 4 to 37 he might feel like your greater experience means he isn't good enough or there was definitely better. That's really his own insecurity issue and has nothing to do with you. But if he is intimidated by it, he could certainly get upset over it or even break up with you.

So what's a girl to do?

I suggest you take the middle road and when he asks just tell him A) you don't feel that your past should matter to your future and you are who you are regardless of what happened prior. That's my standard answer to anyone who asks "I don't kiss and tell". B) if he persists be honest that you don't want him to judge you for what you did before you ever knew him.

If he simply one let it go and gets all angry over it, just try to stay calm and not make a big deal out of it. He is most likely going to act dissapointed or angry when you tell him no matter what because of the difference in experience. Just stay calm and collected about it and try to reassure him that you are with him because he is what you want. If you wanted better you would have been gone already.

If that doesn't work and you need to resort to it you can always try to stroke his ego and just convince him that out of 37 guys he really is the "best". There is lying and there is fibbing. Just like every girl who asks me looks "fantastic" in their outfit, even when they don't ;)

[sinful1620]

I have zero interest in a girl's sexual history. I don't ask, and I don't want to know. All I care about is who she's committed to NOW.

I would specifically tell a girl that I never want to know any number of how many guys she's done whatever with. No matter how I feel, any number she tells me will make me feel extremely jealous and insecure. She could tell me one, or two, or whatever the exact same number mine was, and all I'd be able to think about is the other guys she's been with.

So if she were then to tell me the number anyway, it'd be her showing me that she doesn't care about how I feel. Because of that, I'd likely end the relationship.

[katiesmuff]

Well if you have been only with him for the past 2yrs that pretty much indicates you are clean or he also would have some std symtoms by now. So with not being an issue, what happened before you two were together basically is none of his business. Just tell him to drop it if he brings it up again.

[chiefnavarro]

It is his business that retarded thinking

[katiesmuff]

NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING she did before they were together is any of his or anyone elses business if it is not a health issue! The same would go for her regarding what her boyfriend did before her. It is totally f**king retarded to think you have the right to know everything about a boyfriend or girlfriend before you were a couple.

[chiefnavarro]

Well it is and lying is the wort thing to do. id walk away from a women that wouldn't tell of I felt was lying. its not my loose I'm the one thatthey need to impress not the other way around. they are the lucky ones in this transaction.

[Asker]

I agree with you Katie. That's common sense.

[Anonymous]

I think there's a double-standard for girls. . .but it is important to be honest.

Guys seem to care a lot. . .from my experience.

[DirtyMindedInnocence]

Get tested . If your clean don't tell him. If your not tell him he has a right to know

[chiefnavarro]

I hope you get hit by a bus to get rid of that attitude from the world

[Asker]

My Mom is a doctor. I was raised pretty much learning about how to take care of my body. I've been getting tested for years and I'm like best friends with my gynecologist. Lol I have never gotten an STD before.

[chiefnavarro]

So. he has the right to know. its ridiculous to believe otherwise.

[Asker]

I don't think he has a "right" to know anything about my body unless it will harm him somehow. That I know for sure. This is an issue about comfort and communication. Not about rights and entitlement.

[DirtyMindedInnocence]

I said he has a right to know if you have one. Because like you said only if it would affect him

[chiefnavarro]

Listen you want to be a part of his life has a right to know what he's getting into

[Asker]

And what is he getting into exactly If there are no health issues? What does he need to worry about? I'm curious because clearly you know something about my life that I don't. We have been dating for almost two years. He's pretty much "into" my life already. My sexual past isn't going to change anything at this point.

[Anon707]

If he's only slept with four women and you give him 37, it'll come as a shock. Considering you also made him wait over a year, he'll feel like your treating him with kiddy gloves.

If you matter to him, he might stop asking if you sincerely talk to him about it. Otherwise, you're going to have to tell him. If he can't handle not knowing, and he can't handle knowing, he's probably not worth it.

[chiefnavarro]

Lol you mean she's not worth it he's asking for honesty in a relationship and she's not giving it many your got you sh*t backwards

[Anon707]

You're rather closed minded, aren't you? Do you feel threatened by a woman getting so much more action than you? She's keeping it from him to spare his feelings. I believe that's a natural. If he persists, he deserves an answer, of course. If he can't handle that answer, then he really isn't going to work.

[SugaryxSweet]

I think he's totally right, actually.

[SugaryxSweet]

I meant Anon707, if that wasn't clear ^^

[chiefnavarro]

I don't feel threatened by anybody.

[noctum]

whatever you do don't say you slep with that many guys.. lets be honest nobody wnats to date the village bike..since you already told you u dated more say you dated like 6 or 7,just liek a girl guys like girls with value.. 37 gusy pretty much says you have no value cos anyone can sleep with u..

dont take this offesively your life your choices.. it doenst make you a bad person or either a bad..

but if you tell him you slep with 37 guys your relkation will go down the drain pretty quick

[Asker]

I don't think sleeping with 37 guys means anyone can sleep with me. I'm very choosy with the types I go for. There are a hell of a lot of guys in the world that I would never sleep with! village bike? lol I don't want to lie though. One thing I'm not is a liar. I will either tell him I 'm not comfortable with saying the number or tell him the number. I wouldn't lie to him.

[BambilicousBubblez]

So let me ask you a question Question Asker. If the shoe was on the other foot how would you react? I mean would you be kinda grossed out the 37 other lady parts have been on his business?

[noctum]

Then don't tell him..

[Asker]

No I don't care. I didn't even need to know about the four girls! Lol I focus on him as a person and here and now. I can't change who he slept with so why would I care? I'm insecure though because it seems like he might care.

[noctum]

Well you have your asnwer.. I'm pretty sure as soon you say how any guys you can say bye bye to your relation..even if he says he understand and its alright he will never trust ya and wll be always asking himself when you will move to the next guy.. doenst matter how much you tell him you love him and that wanna be with him.. Somethings should remains unsaid.. this is one of the things.

[l-hedoniste]

*I* don't care; I've seriously lost count, so I'm no person to judge.

BUT, some guys do care, and guys do break up over a girls number. (These same guys would cry if girls were dumping them over their number. Hypocrites.)

Theoretically, honesty is the best policy; he doesn't care about your number because he cares about you. In practice, girls should probably halve their number, then round down to what their guy will believe. I wouldn't blame you for fudging it, or stonewalling.

[ManAmongBoys]

P.S. If you want to discuss this in a more mature forum, send me a message for friend me up. Unlike many here, I not only know what I'm talking about, but I enjoy helping.

[soccerrun1]

Ego

[ManAmongBoys]

I have two points of views on this but first: it would not matter to me how many a girl has slept with. I honestly don't know my wife's number and couldn't care less. She knows my 13.

Thought 1: Don't tell him the real number. He will feel threatened and inadequate. He will find it impossible to believe that you can enjoy him. Impossible. Even if he makes your toes curl to the point of cutting the soles of your feet, he will not believe that he is the best you ever had. Ever. And no matter what you tell him about his skills, he will think you're lying out of pity.

Thought 2: Tell him the real number. If he can't deal with it like a man, then he's a p*ssy and really isn't worth your time anyway.

[chiefnavarro]

Dude your an idiot.

[katherrrrine545]

No he's a f***ing idiot.

[ManAmongBoys]

Wow. Color me embarassed. I've been shamed by a 23-year-old and a 16-year-old. Whatever will I do with myself now?

[chiefnavarro]

Yeah but I'm sure ill have accomplished mor in my 23 years and will run circles around you when I'm your age. and my d*** is probably twice the size at least

[Asker]

Wow. Lmao. Anyway @ manamongboys I think my boyfriend is very much like you. He didn't push it he was just curious. This is about my own concern about his feelings and being comfortable with him knowing I guess but I think he's probably more mature about this than I give him credit for. I'm gonna have a chat with him. Anyway thanks for not being a narrow minded prick. Refreshing. Lol

[chiefnavarro]

Just becasue people don't agree with you doesn't make them narrow minded or a prick

[Asker]

To say that you absolutely won't accept something in this case in someone you date means you have a narrow set of ideals, opinions, or tolerance range when it comes to a topic (here being sex). Thus "narrow minded." Yeah... I think anyone who judges someones worth by sex is a prick but that's a personal opinion.

[soccerrun1]

Im sorry but I really do care how many a girl has slept with, I get jealous and that's why, plus it would bother me to think about forever. So I find out first thing how many a girl has slept with before I get too attached, that was his f*** up to not do. So either he will be really hurt or he will deal with it, depends on the type of guy he is. I've got a really good friend whos dating a girl that has had sex with 20 guys and he doesn't seem to care at all, I couldn't date a girl who has had sex with more than two at this point in my life because I haven't had sex with very many. It all depends on how he views the situation and his personality

[soccerrun1]

He will most likely be upset if you made him wait for that long, as you probably haven't had the time to wait that long with others because you are younger than 24 and have slept with 37 people

[chiefnavarro]

I agree with everything this young man said

[ManAmongBoys]

Wow... how very limiting for you. I have known a lot of awesome women who liked to sleep around. They enjoyed sex. Think of the possible friends and lovers (and potential wife) you may miss out on knowing because of the judgement. How you feel is how you feel. But I find it sad.

[BambilicousBubblez]

ManAmong Boys I don't mean to sound rude but that statement your friend made about just loving sex being the reason she sleeps around is stupid. I know a few women who love sex so they keep their boyfriends ever so busy. The real reason your friend sleeps around might be because she love sex with different people not just sex in general. And usually the women who love sex with different people typically don't want to be someones girlfriend or someones wife.

[ManAmongBoys]

If you say so, Bambi. If you say so.

[soccerrun1]

I don't find it limiting to me, that's just not the person I want to be with. So if a girl has had a lot of sex that's great for her, I don't demean her in any way, but I would not want to be with her just because of my reasons stated above. If that's the type of woman you want than that's fine by me, I wouldn't feel like I was missing out

[chiefnavarro]

I feel the same way soccer run I don't think this makes her a bad person but I'm not interested in a women like this. I'm sure she is cool and doesn't harm people but I wouldn't want her to have my kids or to kiss me lol.

[frognzl]

There's two sides of the coin and both sides have a fair amount but I believe per capita more men do care than don't, not going to state why it's kind of obvious with me having to say anything that's going to set someone with a different opinion off. Personally I do care and more men should. I am currently going through a battle in my head weather to break up with my partner or not because she's had an extraneous sexual past. For the other men reading this is you have any dignity or self respect you'll never be happy and end it like I am going to..

[chiefnavarro]

you most likely will have cervical cancer when your older due to hpv and how common it is.

[Asker]

That's why we girls have the gynecologist. Regular pap smears and check ups. I also got the hpv vaccine a while ago which helps prevent a couple types of hpv. So I probably won't but thanks for the info anyway.

[chiefnavarro]

Well you should tell him. these are choices you made and he should get to decided if your worthy or not

[Dominique_7]

Worthy, seriously? If he's half decent he won't care. If a girl is sweet, intelligent, has a sense of humour, etc. no sane guy would break up with her over her number.

[Asker]

Some men are narrow minded assholes. They would break up over numbers. Its OK though because they aren't the types for me. I agree judging worth by sexual habits is a bit archaic for my taste and just not a quality I like in people.

[chiefnavarro]

its very important to me. I ask this question before the sex starts and to be honest I would be insulted that you gave it to so many men and made me wait. what kind of sh*t is that. I think he has the right to know. you want to be a part of his life. now I don't thin you should feel ashamed of you actions but you should defiantly live with the consequences. I would break up with you over this its just to much I'm a very prideful man and feel I deserve a great women that all mine. I do hope you tell him about this. I know for myself if you lied then came out with it later I would be even more mad.

[arain1978]

I dated a 27 year old girl that I absolutely adored. we had amazing chemistry and I wanted a future with her. we were apt hunting together. however, that all changed when I learned about her past how she had slept with 70 - 100 men before meeting me. no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't look at her in the same light. I started asking questions and learning about how she had multiple partners in 24 hour periods, many, many one night stands, 2 on 1s, etc. the point is - in my mind - this knowledge killed it for me. those types of girls are great to mess around with for a week or 2, but not to settle down with. I wish I had a different point of view, but I don't. sleeping with so many people takes a toll on you and it changes your perspective on intimacy and I don't want to be with a person who can be so casual about something like that. I want the woman I am with to give me something she cherishes and holds dear, not something that she would let anyone who buys her a drink have.

[frognzl]

Spot on mate. Like you said you to couldn't look at her in the same light. The fact of the matter is no guy wants to settle and raise a family with a whore.

[natebog]

Ok, I have read though like half these replies and felt I would give you my point of view. I have been dating a girl for about 1 year, she is 25 and I am 21. I have had sex with 2 people in my life, now she has had a lot of experience in the past, we came across this and she would not tell me a number, she said "definately more than 5!" laughing like 5 was a joke number compared to how many it was, I feel bad enough even if it was 5. My view is that 5 guys out there know what her naked body looks like and have had a chance to take control of it. She has told me a lot of crazy things she tired and told me a variety of guys that she had screwed around with. Honestly, I hate it. It eats me up knowing that she will give sex to any guy easy.

She had needs I see that, but it just kills me KILLS me to know that I am not much better than them. Dont get me wrong the sex is amazing, it shows that she has a lot of experience, but it hurts to know that something so loving has no value to her. I feel like when I am at work she can be "having fun" with other guys because she has a sexual urge and I would not know it.

I dont care about diseases, I know she was tested but to think that guys may have grabbed her and done some crazy nasty stuff to her just hurts to think about it. It comes to my mind a lot and to know that something that valuble has no value to her, hurts me. I won't be able to be her first time to do a lot of things, or maybe nothing because she has been around town and tried it all out, I am in the process of moving on because of her past experience.

Lets flip the table, so lets say I had sex with 37+ women and she had sex with 37+ men, then yea I would be wayyyyyy more comfortable, because I can't feel any more guiltily than her. That would be the only way I can get over her sexual past. This is my view, I would lie to him and say like 6-7, it will eat you up moretho knowing you lied, but either way you go nobody really wins.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely not be with you knowing you have bedded that many people. People calling that close minded? No, it's called a moral compass. I'm very open sexually but still. I'm a firm believer that the past makes a person who they are, if you murdered someone 45 years ago, guess what? You're still a murderer.

Anyways, you make it sound like 4 is a small number, here's a little knowledge. Average sexual partners for a man in his entire life is 6, for women the average is 4.

[Asker]

I don't care about averages honestly. I focus on the person. and killing someone is a huge leap from having sex. if that's the comparison your morality leads you to make then that's you. we all have different morals and takes on life.

[Anonymous]

If my girl slept with just 10 guys, I'd be worried that she might go back to at least one of them at some point.. but 37? Sorry, I wouldn't accept that at all. I mean it's just not possible for a guy to fight off 37 other guys that you've been that close too. Even if you had no intentions of cheating on him, it's not logistically possible.

[Anonymous]

I would dump your STD ridden vagina, butthole, and mouth. DAMN 37? I thought you were only supposed to have sex with the love of your life. at what point did your dumb ass figure out you were doing something wrong?

Did you not see a problem with it after the 15..16..17th time? I mean jesus christ! 37?

did you not once thing when there was a d*** in you for the 37th time "What will my husband think if he knew that my cooch was a DICK MAGNET?"

WTF!

[ManAmongBoys]

"I thought you were only supposed to have sex with the love of your life." Wow... judge much? Don't listen to him, OP. Clearly this one has some issues.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry that I didn't sugar coat it for her, she's mature enough to have sex with 37 people. I think she's mature enough to know what people really think about it. You're the one messed up, trying to comfort her so you can get in her pants probably. lmfao I have issues? that's what is wrong with this world now a days. The guy who does what is morally acceptable gets judged for telling the chick what she is doing is so completely wrong it's not even funny. just so you can get some. sad

[ManAmongBoys]

Which, of course, is why you spout your sh*t anonymously, right? Because you're proud of being so judgemental? I would much rather form an opinion about someone based on their ability to treat others with respect, their ability to help others and interact with compassion, rather than something as trivial as sex.

[Anna19]

Oh come on, there plenty of guys and girls too that get laid by a diffrent guy/girl literally every week end. I'm just gonna assume you don't have any STDs and so you did nothing wrong. Yes there are people who only have sex with one or very few persons and others don't. Whatever you chose it doesn't make you a better or worse person.He might be shocked bout that number,I'd be too,but I don't think he's gonna throw a two year relationship away because of this.

[chiefnavarro]

Well she not doing anything wrong by sleeping with so many people, first off. its just unacceptable to many men and she should have told him when he asked.

[Asker]

I'm so glad you know me well enough to know that I have or have had an STD at some point (or multiple ones for that matter), that I have had anal sex, that I am a "dumb ass," and that I think I have done something "wrong." Thanks. I can tell you're a great guy.

[Opinion Owner]

I am a great guy. I have enough respect and moral standards to not stick my d*** in anything with two legs. Or let one in me, for a term you can relate to.

[Asker]

Well not everyone has the same morals. And not being promiscuous doesn't make you a good person by my own personal moral standards, let alone a "great" one. And certainly doesn't mean you respect yourself. To each is own.

[Anonymous]

Lets say you started are 16 and are now 24 and been solo since 22. That's a new lover on the average of every 70 days. I would think the odds of a stable long term relationship with you are grim. So is the likelihood of an STD at some point.

[soccerrun1]

This is pretty understandable