My boyfriend calls me a whore during sex!! WHY?!?

My boyfriend and I have a great, loving relationship. He is respectful and sweet to me all the time and we talk about a future together ... In short, I think we could go the distance.

The question is: WHY, if he respects and cares for me, would he call me a whore in bed?! I like to be talked to in bed and a while back, we would experiment with talking to each other. One night he said, "You're my little whore aren't you? You love d***, don't you? You love d*** and you belong to me."

I have NEVER been talked to that way before and I admit... it turned me on... A LOT.

However, since then, he has taken to talking dirty like that to me a lot more often. He says, "Please don't take it personally, its all part of the fantasy... when we are finished, all that stops."

I know men want a lady in the street and a whore in the bedroom, but I am afraid that a man who thinks about a girlfriend as a whore in ANY context, would never want to be with them long term. You can't think about the mother of your children as a whore... right?

Any input?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • He does it because it's hot and you know you like it. Don't get confused with sex talk and real emotions. Every guy has a whore/slut fantasy, and every girl gets turned on by the thought of being one too. Just roll with it and don't read into it too much. If we didn't live in "society" you would have to embrace your inner slut just to survive and procreate, so the programming is there whether you own it or ignore it.

    I treat my wife like gold and would never disrespect her in any way. I think she will be an amazing mother and long term partner and lover. BUT when the clothes come off I call her all sorts of unsavory names, and she loves it when I choke her a little and grab and tug hard on her hair and be all sorts of nasty to her. It turns her on A LOT so I do it and enjoy myself while doing it. No harm done. And in every case after we kiss tenderly and tell each other how much we love each other. So it basically wipes the slate clean every time (no matter how wrong I was to her for the last hour even when the neighbors call the cops) and life goes on with flowers and kittens and white picket fences.

    You are too worried about this.

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    • Agreed 100% with this guy, it's just him having a little role play fun, it has no bearing on what he actually thinks of you. It just adds a little spice. You even admit that it turns you on a bit. Role playing and what he actually thinks/feels about you are two different things. Try to just let loose and have some fun :)

    • LOL. I love the way you put that..."you would have to embrace your inner slut just to survive". You are right, it DOES turn me on. The bottom line is that I have never been a relationship where this kind of thing was an option or even thought of. It takes a level of trust and vulnerability that I am open to, but is just a bit foreign to me.

      I really appreciate your taking the time though and I think you are right... I will just go with it probably have a lot of fun on the way. Thank you. =)

    • I love talking dirty with my husband during sex. Unfortunately, 8 years into our marriage we both had an affair. That was two years ago now. And during our road to recovery, he decides to start calling me whore during sex. It's not sometimes. It's all the time. I no longer feel special because of it. I still love to get nasty and dirty. But referring to me as a whore makes me feel beat down. I've told him and he gets mad at me and says its for his pleasure. Ok that's fine, but what about me? Our marriage is very loving and we have come a long long way since the affair issue. We love each other and have fully forgiven each other. But this is a new feddish that I just don't understand. I used to feel sexy in bed. Now I just feel like a useless not so special woman. Because all he sees me as is his whore. Well, that's how it feels anyway

What Guys Said 7

  • You've gotten some great feedback here and a lot of good advice, in particular from ThoroughFred, but the more people who tell you this is normal the more you'll realize it is, and trust me it's normal as hell.

    I would *never* use language like that when hooking up with a girl I've known but am not in a relationship with, ever. That's ugly and vulgar and mean and would not be received well and shouldn't be.

    Dirty talk in a relationship with someone you know and trust deeply is very fun and exciting though, precisely because it's so taboo otherwise. That person is the *only* person you would let call you those things, that you would *be* those things for (if you fuck him on demand because you desire to please him and keep him satisfied, in a way you really are his whore, even if you're not one in general, and of course you are not) and he knows that, I assure you. There's a very special, carnal excitement that comes from experiencing sex in that way. Being his dirty little whore should excite you, he's your man. It's normal as hell, it's very thrilling, and I assure you that letting him use the girl that he loves and adores like a dirty, filthy little whore that he can yank around by the hair, talk down to and physically dominate (whatever you do together, it's normal, I promise) is going to make him feel SO much closer to after its all done. When he says "don't take it personally.. when we're finished, all that stops" he means it. The only caution is that he should never use those words outside of the bedroom. If he calls you a whore in an argument in the kitchen for example, that's a massive red flag. But I bet that isn't gonna be the case, and as long as it isn't, and you enjoy the treatment in the bedroom, and he's sweet to you afterwards, congratulations. That's called having a damn good sex life right there so just enjoy it ;) it's perfectly, perfectly normal

    Make sure you keep it fresh, don't let him only do it that way all the time and never in any other way. Sometimes sex should be sweet and sensual, too. If he only wants to bang you like a whore when you have sex and there's never a sensual connection you have a problem, but if you're fulfilling his fantasies of dominance and masculinity and on occasion you're also having very sensual sex that's passionate and connected, you've got it made in the shade

    Hope that helps, and best of luck to both of you ;)

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  • Sounds like life imitating p0rn.

    I don't think sexual excitement should justify neurotic behavior.

    If her were saying: " You have lovely, delicious breasts!" or "Your pvssy feels like hot silk!"...or even stuff like "Open the door, sweetie, I'm coming in!", that's love talk. What he is doing sounds mentally ill. Maybe its time to look for a better class of guy.

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    • Thanks for your response... I really appreciate it. =) I have to say... I think those statements are too far to the other side... I would laugh at a man that said anything about my breasts being "delicious" ...lol... but it does worry me a bit that man who talks to me that way in bed is not really thinking of me in the right way in the world... you know?

    • OK so I am old fashioned. Old Money artifact of my upbringing, Paris Hilton not withstanding.

      The right way? I emphatically agree with you.

    • I have to agree with Jackflynn. I found when a guy starts to talk to me this way he starts to treat me as a whore in every day life. It gets gradually worse until he is taking advantage of me through out our entire relationship. During sex it is degrading and after this, he expects me to be his sex toy any time he wants it, even if I am at work. All men I have been with see me as their sex toy only after I allow this behavior.

  • Sometimes I feel compelled to say stuff like that. I don't know why at all, I guess it's just exciting.

    Actually, maybe it's because we want you to say stuff like that yourself, and when you don't we come up with it? I spend like 80% of my time thinking about whether or not I'm any good and whether she really enjoys it, and most importantly, if everything is OK. If a girl were to yell those things to me (I'm a whore, do me!) or something, it might take the edge off, it's so honest, because otherwise I feel guilty sometimes for just wanting sex rather than "focusing on her" all the time. it goes both ways I guess. Either way though, I don't think he sees you that way at all just because he's said it. It's just stimulating. I wouldn't mean it, it's just awesome to hear it for whatever reason.

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    • Thank you so much for taking the time! Yeah, after we are done he always does the sweet cuddling thing and there is no other place where I feel even remotely like he may not respect me... Its good to know that other men think like that though and that it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with me. =) Thanks!

    • Show All
    • Just the same as it turns you on in the moment, it probably turns him on too. I think he would be fortunate to have a wife that seems so open and into sex. It's a really important part of a man's life, and to be with a woman who is just as adventurous is a real pleasure. I'm an honest man, I mean that in the most sincere way possible.

    • By the way I like how you said that you're different in real life, I am too. :) I am a pretty principled and decent guy, but I don't believe that anyone should feel bad about sex. What works for you works, and the sooner you give in the better you will feel and the better your partner will feel. =)

  • He said it's a fantasy and you said it turned you on . . . so there's really no problem. If he starts to get carried away and you don't enjoy it, you can just kindly mention to him that you'd like to try some other fantasies and ways of talking to each other in bed as well. But that kind of talk has no real connection to long term, settling down, etc . . . it's just fun in the bedroom. And there are a LOT of couples with kids, in long term relationships that do this in the bedroom as well.

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  • I don't know about him, but I can absolutely think a woman is my little slutty whore, and worship and adore her.

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  • I am a guy 30 years old..very quite and never loose my call..in relationships I am always the one who keeps quite durin an argument..but I don't know what happens to me durin sex..i start slappin the face, pullin her hair,callin her a whore, a slut, I even ask her things like so who she's gonna blow after me, and how sometimes throw money at her while f***in her .. Normally when I am banging I need to be in a soung proof room cos I am one noisy person in bed. now if you ask me why I say things like that..the answer is I really do not know..the first time a woman has sex with me she gets so freaked out she thinks I am a phsycho..cos they are so used to seeing me as the sweet,cute, quite,shy person...but this dirty trashy talk really gets me goin. I remember my girl once felt really offended the first time we had sex and I tried not to call her names the second times but I could not help it even the second time..i don't know if it turns the woman on or not..but it definitely turns me on...you know we look at woman in two ways..to be a saint and a stripper, a librarian and a hooker and I love to treat woman as whores in bed but in life outside bed I am normally the one whose the little whore :)) Don't be bothered by it...i love my girl but still have to treat her as a whore in bed...

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    • jason29.. what do you want to her to respond when you say those things to her or you ask her questions like "who you going to blow after me" type things.. i never know what to respond! Can you help?

    • @sassy_soo

      Just tell him you love sucking cock, you can't help yourself ;) play right into his fantasy and he'll blow his load sooner than you think

    • 12d

      @sassy_soo build his Ego... things like I don't want anybodys cock but yours.. it's so good to me. It's makes my pussy throb for it. Act like your soo hungry for it like you can't wait to put it in your mouth.

  • Everyone has there things that they like to do while they are having sex from calling names like whore or having their neck sucked and licked I'm pretty sure he is just saying it because that's his sex turn on, there is no need to worry that because he says that when you are having sex that he won't want a long term relationship

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What Girls Said 2

  • My boyfriend does the same thing sometimes. I don't mind, it's just a game we play that turns us on. For a while though he ALWAYS did it so I got a little bored with it and asked him to stop. Don't worry about it. Like I said, it's just a game, but if one of you doesn't enjoy the game, it has to stop. Give it a try though, it may be a turn-on for you too if you give it a chance.

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  • It seems harmless if he's keeping it in the bedroom. Kindof like role playing. If it really bothers/concerns you, you should talk to him about it and make sure you both know where the boundaries are. It seems that he understands what happens in the bedroom will stay in the bedroom.

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