Is it wrong to end a relationship because of lack of sex?

Alright this question mostly pertains to the female point of view though guys are more then welcome to put there to sense in.

I've been dating this girl for over a year now. and over the past four or five months our sexual activities has greatly decrease to... almost nothing.. she says its because she's tired, and because she's depressed a lot. and its not like I haven't been trying and understanding, and yes we've talked about it. what I'm really asking is would it be wrong for me to dump her over lack of sex

Alright good I'm not crazy, in my thinking.


Most Helpful Guy

  • regardless of the moral issues, it happens all the time, so don't feel guilty about it. The other concern is your girl. Typically there are only a few reasons a girl gets like that.

    1. She is depressed and miserable about some aspect of her life.

    If that has to do with you or your relationship, fix that and sex returns. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you, but cheering her up can = booty time.

    2. You guys aren't compatible and it took you some time to figure it out.

    This happens all the time in younger couples because they don't realize that what they think they are looking for isn't what they want and now that they are stuck in something they hate it. If this is the case for either of you, save yourselves both the trouble and end it as fast as possible. The reason doesn't matter, but wasting time on something that isn't going to work is always better than the aftermath of forcing a square peg in a round hole.

    3. She doesn't feel good enough.

    This is a self esteem/confidence issue for her and you are a reminder of things that make her feel bad about herself. Could be through no fault of your own. Breaking up with her will be devastating, but putting up with doing everything right and still not being able to please her is even more agonizing (been there). Better to separate yourself until she grows up a little and gains some self esteem.

    4. No longer interested in you but too chicken to break it off.

    A LOT more girls do this than will admit. If you have even the slightest sense of it, she is just waiting for you do to end it, so do it and get it over with.

    If you are pretty sure #1 is the situation, just talk to her. Often times expressing your frustrations can make the other person realize they don't have to do much to make things happy again. She may not even realize it. However, if she doesn't feel any sense of wrong doing for ignoring you sexually, she most likely falls into options 2-4.


What Girls Said 6

  • This is a touchy subject for some women... but for me its cut and dry.

    No, it is not wrong.

    Sex is a very important part of the health of a relationship. If you are sexually frustrated more often than not, it is going to take a negative toll on your relationship. If you have spoken to her about it and it still hasn't changed, I have to say, though it may sound callous... Perhaps you need to find a woman that wants sex a bit more often than your girlfriend.

    Now, I know this is complicated by the fact that she is depressed. You never want to leave someone when they need you. With that said, if you aren't getting what you need, it may be time to move on before you stray or become resentful. Its better to be honest than to just hang on in a relationship basically to be polite.

  • I think that if you're considering breaking up with her because of this, you should. It's normal to have dry spells in a relationship, but if it's a good relationship, you get through them and you stick together. If it makes you consider breaking up with her, the relationship just isn't good enough, so go for it.

  • yes I think that is a good enough reason to leave someone over. I mean yes sex isn't everything in a relationship but it should be there its part of the glue that hold a relationship together. an her lack of interest to me says she just lost all interest in you or has someone on the side because something. unless she on some meds that cause less of a sex drive

  • Communication is the key to any healthy relationship or to any healthy aspect of a relationship.If you've tried communicating with her how you feel,then perhaps it is time to break up.You've become sexually incompatible and there's nothing that can fix that.Wanting sex is only another desire as a human being and if she lacks interest in sex,then you two have no business together.Lack of sexual intimacy can lead to lack of emotional intimacy,which in turn will cause more problems.

  • Sex is a very important part of a relationship once it's been established in the relationship. Personally I used to get a little miffed if we didn't have sex every night haha. I know that if it went on for a prolonged amount of time and after talking to him about it, the situation wouldn't change, I would definitely consider ending things.

    • I don't know...every single night can become a routine eventually - I dated a girl last year and we had sex at least once a day for a bout 5 months or so, and all of the sudden, we sort of realized that we were just doing the same thing a lot and the sex got boring.

      I think that it's important to both be satisfied in terms of how much sex is being had...but sometimes that means finding some middle ground, yaknow? and I don't think every day should be the middle ground. that's my 2 cents, anyway.

    • I read this answer a while ago, and it's actually been incredibly helpful to me. Once it has been established, it is then expected. Some girls don't get that, and so they want to have sex once, and wait a few weeks and then maybe again... and they wonder why the guy only seems to want it.

  • Well, I'm going through the exact same problem. Just the other way around. Well sort of. My boyfriend and I are both clinically depressed. He's not emotionally supportive to me and my problems including my high libido. He rarely wants sex and I always want sex. It's tearing us apart. I've been asking myself the same question you were brave enough to ask online. I respect that. And the answers your question brought forth are eye opening. I'm still not sure I can leave my mate because of lack of sex either. I've been pondering it for awhile and have become rather resentful of him. It's unfortunate and it breaks my heart. I never thought id be in this position, but I am. It's a relief to know I'm not alone. Thank you for your question and all the peoples great answers. It will possibly help me and I'm crossing my fingers that it will help you too. Best of luck in your endeavors comrade!


What Guys Said 7

  • You are entitled to a happy sex life. If a partner insists that you having an unhappy sex life, that is a complete and correct reason to end that relationship.

    She has to own her issues--*her* depression cannot become the end of *your* sex life. That doesn't make sense.

  • This isn't an answer, but I'm glad so many people were realistic about this question. I especially like starbucksaddict14's answer. "It's important once it has been established". That is so true. So often I hear of women having sex once, then being surprised that their boyfriend wants it all the time after that. Of course he does, why wouldn't she?

  • Any indication as to why she's depressed? Just out of curiosity.

  • you can't see it as black and white as lack of sex... it might be a lack of interest, it could be that she doesn't feel comfortable either around you or with her body try and communicate but you have to bottom line it that she doesn't want you so why waste your time

  • "Dump" is an extreme act. Deciding to part because your relationship is not fulfilling (has become a net emotional deficit) is not. If you done what you can to not be part of her tiredness or depression, other than mentioning wanting (but not receiving) sex, it is time to go. You are not a therapist (which she may need) or philanthropist. You are a man.

  • it's not wrong at all, sex for men is like emotion for women, if women don't feel any emotion and are bored they wouldn't think twice about cheating on you so if a woman ever tells you that your male desires are wrong tell her that. and tell her to f*** off