Does she think I'm gay?

[Anonymous]

Was talking to this girl at work, and she asked how this party I was at was. I told her it must have been awesome because I don't remember anything. She said, "be careful someone might try to take advantage of you". She meant take advantage as in sexually, although she was joking...like playfully teasing me. She then kinda reversed it by saying, "because Will might slip you some ruffies" making it sound all gay since I'm a guy. So I don't know how to take it...does she think I'm gay? That aside, I catch her staring and glancing at me a lot. She also compliments me sometimes. Also, she's commented on my Facebook page 3 times this last week, which is rare for her. Asking because I like her, I thought we were flirting, but comments like this make me think otherwise.

[nermalinda]

That's flirting to a girl. To a guy it sounds like she's calling you gay, but to a girl it's flirting. She might be wonder IF you're gay, probably because she likes you. Try saying something about a girl like "i used to have a crush on such and such celeb" or something about a date you once went on or something innocent like that so she knows you're into girls.

I always meet guys I like, but only SOME guys are obviously gay, a lot of gay guys are really masculine and I just can't tell, so fill her in subtly, but she's probably just flirting with you and actually it sounds a lot more like she's trying to make fun of "Will" by saying he's gay than you.

[Asker]

Yeah, it's confusing. She knows all about my ex girlfriend, we've talked about that stuff before (past relationship things). I also once told her that I like her, so I was wondering if maybe she was trying to scare me off by telling me she thinks I'm gay. I don't know, maybe I'm paranoid. I just really like her and want her to like me back.

[nermalinda]

Hahahaha NO! then she does NOT think you're gay, and she wasn't trying to say you were. She was teasing you and flirting with you. Guys sometimes get all weirded out by possible "gay" remarks, but girls, esp this girl does NOT care about that, she's just hinting that people are gonna find you hot enough to bang, thereby hinting that SHE finds you hot enough to bang. xD

[Asker]

Thanks for the feedback. I'd really like to believe that she likes me like that, BUT when we first met, I asked her out and she turned me down. She said she wasn't ready to date. She's complicated because she's a single mom now. Then she goes and becomes friends with me and says stuff like this. I also feel I get mixed signals sometimes because sometimes she seems very nervous or uncomfortable, like maybe I creep her out. I'm just SO confused.

[nermalinda]

Oh, then she's probably friend zoned you. :/ She doesn't want to date you for a variety of reasons. It could be she's not attracted, but doesn't want to hurt your feelings, she could be too busy with her kid, she could want to be single, she could be interested in other guys... Stop any hints of liking her or hitting on her and act totally platonic and see if that helps. She has to work with you so she wants things to be normal, not weird.

[Asker]

See, now I'm more confused because she once hugged me very tight, like an embrace. She has purposefully rubbed up on my arm as she stood next to me, and she once ran her hand across my back after she hugged me goodbye. And what's with her always looking at me? Sometimes she looks at me and bites her lip. See why I'm confused?

[Asker]

BTW, when I asked her out, I was heavy, like 70 lbs heavier. I'm like a completely different person now. That part also confuses me because I can't tell if she is attracted. I don't even resemble the way I did when I asked her out.

[nermalinda]

HAHAHA this is the most complicated question ever! You just keep giving more info. OK, what you need to do is have a talk with this girl. Tell her you're not going to make things weird at work no matter what, but you like her and wanna know if she'd give you a chance by like hanging out a little or something.

[Asker]

Sorry for all the comments, but one more thing. I was ignoring her for a while...well, just not talking to her as much. Trying not to make myself look like a stalker. But she was the one that started trying to get my attention again...like she really wanted to get to know me better. Otherwise I wouldn't know her like I do today. Isn't this all so strange?

[nermalinda]

Yeah you gotta talk to her because the fact that you work together may be complicating things. She doesn't want things to be weird, just assure her that you're going to act nice and normal no matter what she says, then ask her about it.

[nermalinda]

Oops this was supposed to be another comment lol. no worries on the comments, I just thought it was funny how much stuff was behind this! lol trust, me you're going to save yourself a LOT of time and energy by just being more straightforward in a nice way instead of trying to guess what's going on.

[Asker]

Thanks so much for your patience. That's not the half of it though, there is so much more. I actually did try to find out how she felt because her actions indicated she was becoming interested. That's when I asked her how she felt about me. I then told her she didn't have to answer if she didn't want to and she just said, "OK". No matter what I do, I still don't know for sure.

[nermalinda]

Ok. then I suggest you let this girl go because she's being weird to you. She's not being straightforward and that's weird if not cruel if not dumb! I mean she works with you and you like her, you at least deserve to know the truth. Personally I would never want to date someone like this who is so wishy washy and doesn't know enough to tell you what's really up.

[Anonymous]

I don't think she thinks you're gay, I think she meant it in a teasing way. But make sure you fb page says you're interested in women not men

[l-hedoniste]

She's pulling your chain, putting you off-balance, seeing if you can be rattled.

Nothing fatal, but you could have been smoother: "If you were there, we could all have had roofies and had the most forgettable threesome ever!"

[Anonymous]

Its possible that she thinks you are gay. I haven't read anything that would make her seem like you're not gay. Maybe ask her out?

[jimmydean72]

You are her gay friend. She wants you to come out to her.

[straycat99]

Do you think you're gay?

[Asker]

No, I'm not gay. Straight as an arrow...