Sex on the 1st date v. sex on the 1st meeting. I'm smart pretty etc did I mess it up with having sex with him?

I am 21 years old and have never been in a serious relationship. I have dated tons and tons of guys either A because I get bored to quick or they get bored too quick. I am firm believer of waiting till the time is right. But we as women have to pick that time. How do I know when is too soon or too late?I recently met this guy that I think is amazing. He is nice looking. older, and established. He's 31 years old and I like older men. But sometimes I think that my problem is because I am younger they don't take me seriously. With that I usually resort to holding out to show him I'm serious and he eventually looses interest. Or If I really like him I dive in. I mean we both are adults women like sex just as men. I don't want to sit around and play miss goody for months, and find out I'm not sexually attracted to you, then I wound up with someone else. I'm kind or picky about who I have sex with so If you are one of the slim slim slim few you should feel lucky. I'm just scared. This happened (the sex) on our first date, but not our first meeting. I went to a couple of his baseball games and have been talking on the phone with him for weeks, prior to our first date. I really feel comfortable with this dude he is exactly what I am looking for. But on our first official date I decided to have sex with him. I was really feeling him, now I'm feeling him sexually and in a more serious way like I want him to be the one (my first real man). Do you think he will take me seriously, or will he look at me as some young jump off? I need help, Is there a time limit for men? If I ask him serious questions about a relationship do you think I will scare him off. Is there a difference to men on having sex on the first date or having sex on the first meeting? do guys really care?

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • Generally, I would say guys don't care when the sex came (first meeting or first date or second date, etc..), as long as it comes (no pun intended). If he's really interested in you, sex on the first date isn't going to turn him off. Besides, it takes two or more willing people to have sex (not to be confused with rape), so I would assume he wanted it.Whether the relationship lasts, does not depend on the past, but rather how things are going now. So if you love him, and want to be in a more permanent relationship.. let him know.Tell him you're interested in a serious relationship, and if he thinks you're just a sex toy, then you want nothing to do with him. He should respond with an answer that he's either 1.) not interested in a long term relationship with you or 2.) he is interested in a long term relationship with you.And ultimately, that's what you want to know... so ultimately that's what you have to ask him.When it comes to guys, you just got to ask them questions straight. And they'll tell you straight. If you beat around the bush and try to hint the question, he'll probably just get annoyed that you can't ask him straight (and moreover, probably refuse to acknowledge the hints). In other words, asking him serious questions is fine-- as long as you don't beat around the bush cause then it's just irritating. Guys don't like girls who play games to get answers out of them (I'm sure the same goes for girls).I'm sorry I'm not aware of any accurate methods of "just watch what he does, when you do this" type moves to figure out his feelings. <--- dumb-asses make assumptions on those type of things.. and a lot of the time they're wrong.Conclusively, just ask him straight.I hope that helps. And best of luck.Sincerely,NotJustAnotherGuy

    • Thaks, I know were not in love. LOL, we haven't talked but two weeks. but I'll watch and see where it goes!

    • You are such an ass kisser....

    • No I just try to be helpful to the best of my ability.. not an asshole. It is apparent that is all you try to do on this site, because you have 0% best answers.. which is almost impossible with approx 150 answers. But you managed it! I'm not saying best answers, mean a lot... But it just goes to show how much people value your opinion.

What Guys Said 7

  • well you go with your feeling the guy shud be grateful and patience and it depends on the man he might think the first night is soon but if does u shud be like take it as a good sing of faith and if he takes it for granted then its his fault women do decide you can always just treat him how you please and he can take it or leave it but its the grown up thing to just go with what you feel

  • This is the exact reason why I as a guy have sex with girls on the first date if the opportunity is there. When I don't, I always end up losing the girl or spending months to see her again. When I do sleep with her, it's a lot easier to see her more and more. I'm almost convinced that by not sleeping with a woman when she wants it is an insult to her. I learned this the hard way.

    • Ya I agree totally with this dude

  • 23h

    Depends on the guy, really. If he does care and judges you badly for it you're probably better off looking for someone else aanyway.

    Don't start talking of a serious relationship on your second date tho.

  • I had sex with my girlfriend the 1st time we meet . We werent drunk or somthing we were our selfs we had sex and after that we were thogeder for 10 months :) so it depends on the guy you ar sleeping with

    • Its been a couple of days since and we've been hitting it off pretty well I am actually surprised but then again I'll see how long this will last!

  • 23h

    Don't ask questions. If the time comes all will fine. Don't feel insecure. don't think or talk anything in negative. This is secret in relationship.

  • If you are "Boring" you will be bored, first of all. If you are boring, he will get bored with you as well.It is true, The older men only look at you as a child... They will not take you seriously. They like you because of your naievity... But you are correct, when you get serious, because you said you get bored, and only boring people get bored, he will leave your boring ass behind!Now to the point of selling yourself for cheap... Having sex with a person upon first meeting or dating you, you devalue yourself. Giving your boring disposition, the only good thing about you is that you are an easy piece of ass. Then when your personality presents itself, it would be better for the guy to tear his ass away from you. Any man will not take you seriously if you pass your p*ssy around like candy to children.If you want to be taken seriously, stop throwing your little twat all over the place... As Lois griffin said to meg on family guy, "Dont give it up too fast, make him work for it!" Your actions are indicative of self esteem issues. I feel sorry for you, and it is not often I feel sorry for anyone.Before you worry about throwing your ass around, work on your grammar... I had a headache trying to understand what you were trying to mesh together as a statement.When you are ready for a real man, that don't want to play with children, you will be too used up for him.

    • You are not a real man, to talk to a girl like she's beneath you. And if I were the question asker, I would completely ignore this guy.

    • Show Older
    • This would probably bother me but A) I don't know you and B) you're sBasing your opinion on what. It delights me that you can actually make a general assumption of my character as a human being from a 3000 character blog. Maybe your so smart that it actually didn't click in your head that you didn't know me. So grow up if you're so mature stop going back and forth about this bull. It only makes me laugh. Anywho we're on vacation. I'll ask they guy that matters for his opinion prior to our leave

    • I hate false believers. You reply with the simple means to belittle a woman for your entertainment. Then you defend yourself, as if it's God's purpose and you are the moral authority of the world (I've read some of your other idiotic answers). I am a Baptist Christian myself, but insulting someone is not by any means moral (especially if you're insulting to point out the morality of their actions-- because in doing so you are being immoral). With that said, you don't define what is moral.

  • Some guys are OK with pursuing a relationship with a girl who has sex on the first date, at least youknow he likes you and wasn't just interested in sex some arent, that's the risk you take. If you have a relationship discussion, trying to confirm what he wants, comitement, all a turn off, makes you look clingy, controlling etc could push him away, and he doesn't know the answer to the question because he doesn't know you, that takes time to figure you out, what you are really like, how you deal with stress, jealousy, friends, out look on life etc...

What Girls Said 4

  • nah honestly he may be wondering the same thing about him ahahhaa

  • well my advice is by havin sex with him on the first day don't make you easy a whore etc. but he won't respect you as much as he should because of it and if you keep havin sex with him he will soon see you as a booty call and tell you w.e. you want to hear so change it while you can before its too late and nxt time make him wait a mon. etc.

  • YOU MADE YOURSELF LOOK LIKE A WHORE! xD

    • Lol naw I don't think so. We as women like to think that we know what men are thinking but they are a lot more complex then what we think they are. I post this the day afterward to see what other thought. But now I know it depends on the guy we have been having an amazing time the past few days and he has told my older sister that he really truly cares for me. Now I'm just waiting he may change his mind but for now we've been really hitting it off well!

  • Yeah I think you messed it up. Guys can get sex anywhere, there are a lot of pretty and smart girls out there. I never recommend giving it up so early if you want more.I'm sorry but people say "oh it doesn't matter when you have sex" bullsh*t! If you give it up easily then the mystery is gone. you look like a girl who does this all the time, aka fast. What was so special about him that made you have sex with him? Nothing because you didn't know him like that. I'm not trying to be mean but I do have to be honest. If you give it up soon then the majority of guys you run into will NOT take you seriously. IT DOES MATTER WHEN YOU HAVE SEX. I really think guys who say that are like trying to give bad advice out on purpose so they can convince girls to put out early lolBut seriously if you WAIT and GET TO KNOW A MAN you will see what he's like. that gives you time to tell whether you really like him or if you're just infatuated/blinded by looks and charm. it will give you time to test his character to see what kind of guy he is. is he just out for fun? is he an asshole that wants to use you? or is he open to a relationship? when you have sex the first time you date/meet him you don't know anything. you pretty much showed all your cards and gave him all the power. if you wanted a 1 night stand then that's different, but if you like a guy and want a relationship you play yourself every time you give it up early.you didn't let this guy WOO AND CHASE YOU. if a man is really interested he will have no problem doing so. what do you know about him? what does he know about you? establish a bond firstjimmetsu_ratsetsu was really harsh with his answer but there was a lot of truth in that statement. women who give it up easily do get devalued. why do you think they call girls "sluts" and "whores"? men like a challenge, they might have fun and play around with easy sex but when it comes to getting his HEART he's not gonna go for a girl who gives it up easily, who likely has self esteem and dependency issues. sorry.

    • I understand yet there are diff. Situations..I'm a black woman not that that means anything but my opinion is that although most men are the same in some ways black men date a little diff then white men. My sister has been with her husband for three years and they hit it off quick. What makes him diff. Nothing much but I have been knowing him for a short period of time and I've gotten closer to him then other men I've known longer. I've been to work with himmet his child friends and mom.

    • Oh yea and to any spelling errors etc I am on my blackberry. As far as self esteem that's not an issue if I like you we will go there it doesn't have much to do with dependency because I have dated several several guys and never even took it far. If this messed up him being in a relationship with me it's fine I'll try again. I just fill as though love just happens it's not about a game of who wins who lose who did what. Anywho he's been calling all day and wants. Me to go with him and the fam

    • (By fam I mean his two brother and his sister in law) out of town to his best friend's house this weekend. I guess we'll talk about it this weekend one on one. Thanks very much for the advice!

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