Non-religious technical virgin?

[Anonymous]

OK. I know its an old question but I'd still really love an answer. Would guys want to date a non-religious virgin if they were edging into their 30's? What if the girl was reasonably sexual, not looking for marriage but didn't want to give it up in a relationship until she knew it was a loving, 'safe' relationship? By 'technical virgin' I mean has done everything but vaginal (and anal, which is never going to be done) sex, including fingering and oral for both. Can you also please let me know if it changes your opinion if you are a virgin and can you give me a heads up if you are religious? Any comments would be awesome guys (and girls)! :D

[yengesi]

If I met a 30 year old woman I wanted to date, whether or not she's a virgin would not be one of the criteria I would consider, and I wouldn't even consider it any of my business until our relationship got to the point of physical intimacy. Once we reached that point I would be surprised to learn that she was a virgin, but that would not automatically kill the relationship. We would definitely need to talk about it. If she said she's open to everything but f***ing until she feels secure that the relationship is long term, I wouldn't necessarily be thrilled, but I could live with that as long as it seemed like a rational decision and not some badge of honor or token act that served as the foundation of her self worth. We would eventually need to talk about what it means to her to be in a "loving safe relationship" and what she thought was a sensible timeframe for deciding that. If I'm envisioning 6 months and she's envisioning 6 years, we might have a problem.

I guess the bottom line for me is that it wouldn't be a deal breaker as long as it didn't seem unhealthy and we were able to talk about it, and everything but f***ing could keep me around longer than nothing at all, but I wouldn't stick around with a vague promise of "some day in the far distant future it might happen."

Oh, and I am definitely not religious. In many respects I am the opposite of religious. People dictating morality to other people is one of the most horrendous evils that human commit in my view.

[Asker]

Well...just to clarify (cos I feel maybe I need to defend me lol?) I'm not yet 30 and there is NO WAY I want to wait 6 years to have sex. I might be pushing 6 months, but it would depend on whether I trusted the guy and liked him enough. That related to the 'loving safe relationship'. Mostly that is internal and depends on essentially my perspective of whether I will regret it when (maybe if. I mean you never know. Unlikely, but its a possibility I suppose) we break up. Make sense?

[yengesi]

Clarification is good, but no defense needed. Sorry if I made you feel it was. I would never expect someone to put a date on a calendar and say "by then I will decide whether I'm in love or not," but I would expect them to have a serious conversation about general time frames - months or years - they thought of when they thought of reaching that point. As long as there is meaningful, adult discussion about it, anything is possible, but if it's just "accept these terms" it would be difficult.

[Asker]

Oh lol I wasn't really defending myself cos I was upset; I just feel like there are a whole heap of people on here that see virginity as something to hold over a guy, and I wanted to make sure it came across that I wasn't one of those kinds of girls. And yeah I can totally accept that an adult conversation is needed about it...

[sinful1620]

(24) My opinion is that people who choose to wait til marriage for sex who aren't religious are generally people who are deathly afraid of sex and are subconsciously using the "purity/loving relationship" bunk as an excuse to avoid confronting and coming to terms with their sexuality.

[Asker]

Ok, fair point. Only I want to just say that I'm not even remotely afraid of sex, I have enjoyed myself doing everything but and I have no problems with my sexuality. I just know from pretty much everything everyone has said that no matter what you will always remember your first time and I don't want to have any regrets. Or I want to minimise the regrets. But thanks for your opinion; its always nice to get both sides.

[l-hedoniste]

"Reasonably sexual" virgins are great. The anti-sexual virgins are the undateable ones.

[buzzard]

Definitely. I'm 27 and a complete virgin myself and I hate religion, it's the source of all evil in the world. So I would love to start something with you if it were possible. And since I'm not confident about sex myself I wouldn't mind waiting as long as I could take you in my arms now and then because that's much more important than sex. Don't really think about sex anymore after so many years but I often cry myself to sleep, longing for someone to hold.

[buzzard]

Thx for the thumbs down. let me guess, both arrogant assholes who had love, affection and sex? if you had to do your whole life without you'd understand. I know I'm a pathetic mess but I still would like to get some respect. Or maybe some pedophile catholics?

[Anonymous]

So long as you were enthusiastic up to the line you have drawn, ("everything but"), that could work out fine.

Not a virgin

Close to a fundamentalist Evangelical Christian who reads and discerns the book and not necessarily how the pastor interprets it. A "technical virgin" is a Virgin. Everything else is erotic play and young love. "Fornication" is fvcking. Have a look at Song Of Solomon. It is not an "allegory of G0d's love for the church. It is about young love between betrothed teens.