HELP! Is My Boyfriend Bi?

[Anonymous]

I'm freaking out here. I'm in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend of over one year. It's not that far away and we visit every one-two months (he will be moving back in April). His best friend away from home is this guy B. and they used to do everything together. They lived in the same apartment complex for a while, go to the same school, used to work in the same place, and just basically hang out all the time. I've met B and I like him a lot. He is an Iraq war vet and is very tough, attractive, and masculine. Well recently, my boyfriend told me B is bi. I was *shocked.* I mean, really floored... and my boyfriend was not surprised at all. He told me he'd known for a while. So B. is forced to move out of the apartment complex for one reason or another and my boyfriend and B. stop hanging out so much. B. gets another guy friend (who I think is straight) and he and my boyfriend don't hang as much as they used to. Today, my boyfriend called me in very high spirits saying he was going to go on bike adventures with B. It was his day off and he and B. hung out all evening. I call him to say goodnight and he's camping out under a tree outside B.'s house in a cemetery. Okay, that's not weird for my boyfriend - he loves the outdoors, misses living by the woods, and this was the first cool day after a brutally hot summer. The strange part was, his friend came to give my boyfriend a blanket while we were on the phone and my boyfriend makes a joke about how B just showed up to get a kiss on the cheek from my boyfriend and that he (my boyfriend) kissed him on the mouth. I was sure he was joking so I told him to shut up, but apparently he actually did kiss him. Other evidence prior to this: 1) Finds other guys attractive. Even commented that my gay friend was the "Most handsome man" he's even seen. 2) Really wants to have sex with another couple 3) Likes anal play (me on him) 4) very sexual person in general God, I'm so freaked out and I'm going to ask him tomorrow straight out... I just can't talk to him now because he had to go to sleep (school early in the morning tomorrow). He has all straight male friends back home, and has had a handful of previous relationships. I've dated a bi guy before and my boyfriend now is nowhere near as feminine as my ex. IN fact, he is very masculine, amazing in bed, and loves me very much. Is this normal for a straight guy? PLEASE HELP! I'll let you know what happens tomorrow, as well.

[selfishstars]

The only issue I see here is that your boyfriend kissed someone else (apparently), and I'm assuming it's not okay in your relationship for either of you to kiss other people. I probably wouldn't make a huge deal about it though, it sounds like they were just joking around and not having a full-on makeout fest. If it bothers, just let him know and ask him not to do it again.

As far as him being bisexual, none of those things really point to someone being bisexual. There are a lot of straight guys out there who can admit that another man is attractive. Wanting to have sex with another couple is a common fantasy and not limited to bisexual people. There are a lot of straight men who enjoy anal play---it feels good. Lastly, being bisexual doesn't make someone more sexual than if they were straight. There are bisexuals who aren't very sexual, and straight people who are very sexual. Also, you can't judge someone's sexual preferences based on how feminine or masculine they are.

I'm not saying that he is or isn't bisexual, just that I wouldn't consider any of that as "evidence" one way or another. The only way you can really know is by simply asking him.

The thing is, if he is bisexual, who cares? Does it change the way he feels about you? No. Does it change the way you feel about him? I hope not---he's still the same person he always has been, you just know a little bit more about him. I don't understand what the problem is?

[Fourkaitlyn]

Your "other evidence prior to this" doesn't point to being gay or bisexual. But you could always just ASK him about it.

[l-hedoniste]

Having a bi best friend doesn't make you bi. (Are the bi guys with straight best friends turning straight? No.)

Finding guys attractive means he can tell a good-looking guy from an average or ugly guy. I don't know where the straight=slob idea came from, but seriously, girls--raise your standards.

Wanting to have sex with another couple makes him a swinger, not bi.

Anal play doesn't make a guy bi. I can't even think of why it would.

Being sexual doesn't make one bi. (So straight men are celibates with low sex drives? Really?)

The make-out session with the dude, *if it happened* would point to a queer streak. The rest? Utter nonsense.

[wisegee]

Ugh yeah.. Questionable behavior indeed. Definitely not something I've ever seen or heard any of my friends do.

[subguywiscosonbi]

Ask him already

[Anonymous]

did you find out if he's bi or not?