My boyfriend doesn't seem to care about my orgasm? Guys and ladies, help!

[Anonymous]

I've been dating a great guy officially for 2 months (been seeing each other for over a year). I'm 23 and he is 29. He is an all-around good dude, but just seems to be a little selfish in bed. At first, I just thought that he was having a hard time controlling himself since he was orgasming fairly quickly, but he's made it apparent that he only seems to be concerned about HIS orgasm and not mine! The last time we slept together, after cumming (maybe only 7 minutes into sex), he immediately got off of me and tucked himself under the sheets. I said something along the lines of "Hey, hey, you're not done!" He seemed confused. I told him he could do a few different things in order to get me mine since he "stole the show." He complied by touching me for a few minutes (I responded by showing my enjoyment!), but he quickly gave up out of frustration that the moment wasn't happening right away. He hasn't many girlfriends. Is it possible he is THAT clueless? I don't have the ability to orgasm in a mere few minutes. I even explained this to him to no avail. I'm shocked that he hasn't tried to get me off without me having to ask him... it seems so bizarre to me. Every other guy I've ever been with has put my orgasm first. Does this spell disaster for our relationship? -- Is it likely that his selfishness will start to appear in other aspects of our relationship sooner or later? Has anyone (girl or guy) dealt with this before? Should I abort ship? Or hang on hoping it'll get better? He's 29, so likely set in his ways... The rest of our relationship is great, but I'm not going to pretend that good sex isn't crucial to me... because it is. Any tips would be VERY much appreciated!

[selfishstars]

I would sit down with him and talk to him about it (not before, during, or after sex, but at a different time). I would say, "I really enjoy having sex with you, but I don't think it's fair that you get to orgasm and I don't. I don't care if you help me orgasm before you do, or if after you orgasm, you take the time to finger me or go down on me until get mine, but something has to change." See how he responds and go from there.

An ultimatum would be my last resort. I think people should be able to work through stuff like this through good communication, but I realize that it's not always the case. If he continues to not make any efforts to bring you to orgasm, I would say, "I've tried to talk to you about the way I feel about this, but I think you're being very selfish in not caring whether or not I acheive orgasm as well. If you're not willing to put any effort into this, then it makes me not want to have sex with you because it's all about you." or something.

Like you said, good sex is important to you in a relationship (and there's no reason why it shouldn't be). If he isn't willing to give a little, then it might be time to re-evaluate your relationship and "abort ship", as you say.

[RoguePrincess81]

OMG, you just described my exact situation minus the ages. I'm so scared for my relationship right now. I'm absolutely blown away by him having such absent interest in my pleasure, it's truly only about him. Never in my life have I ever imagined this could even be a thing! I went from the most intense amazing lover with mind blowing sex (with other issues) to the absolute worst & emotionally painful and damaging one in the bedroom. It's a huge swing and I'm left speechless. I'm trying to find the words to even start talking about it. I'm really scared it will be a one time fix. I'm glad I'm not alone. But then again my heart is breaking because I'm not alone! I can't believe so many men can be this way! I just don't understand! If only they felt what it's like when both people focused 100% on the other person's pleasure! I don't want to abort ship just like you. but if he can't change this thought process. I can't feel this hurt all the time. It effects everything & wanting sex period.

[HelenTheWolfy]

@RoguePrincess81 Same here. And I'm way too scared to talk about it. My official boyfriend of 2 years who I now live with, has always instantly fallen asleep or taken out his phone right after his orgasm. He knows that I'm often in actual pain, I've told him why by showing him an article. (It's basically lower stomach pain from abruptly rising and falling blood flow in genitals. Happens when a man/woman is let down on the edge of their orgasm.) Every single time I tell him I might hurt afterwards, he just frowns and says "sorry" while checking his phone, half asleep. I guess he just gets tired easily from the sleep hormones released during the male orgasm? Anyway I bought myself a tiny vibrator. He laughs at me for it, though, so I lock myself in the bathroom to cry and use my vibrator to finally orgasm, relieveving my physical pain but not my mental disappointment. It truly breaks my heart and I feel sad and worthless after sex.

[jujujings]

Clueless.I would approach the subject matter with clothes on in a non attacking way. I mean you don't know if girls in the past told him he was great when it wasn't true to protect his ego. Maybe you could lead his hand to where you'd like it to go.Maybe grab his ass while inside and motion for him to slow down or speed up. If you find truly that this guy is not getting it or doesn't care and you don't want to end this relationship. Do yourself a favor and get a clit buzzer or touch yourself while he's inside of you. Charge them batteries and when it's go time and he's inside place it ontop of her region. If he says WTF tell him you don't care or don't know how so I'm taking care of my own business. Well, either he'll be p*ssed, pleased or want to take action to correct things.

[Cartiphilus]

When I was younger than him, I was much the same and very 'orgasmic' selfish. I lost a very nice girlfriend because of it. I learned my lesson and ever since have made it a priority not to have mine before I was sure she had hers. He's a fool. The most effective thing you can do to is stop sleeping with him. When he gets upset, tell him he's sexually selfish and he's not getting into bed with you until he's ready to give you foreplay and the first orgasm. When he gets is second chance and fails to comply, that's it. It's over between you and him.

[ladyybug]

Amen

[coolbreeze]

I think you should break up with him because he is not compromising and he is being selfish. He should try harder to satisfy you in bed. I guess the problem is because you let him slide so long without getting you off that he thinks it's okay now. Part of it is because he hasn't been with to many girls but that shouldn't be no reason for him not to make you happy because it's not fair and right that he got off.

[l-hedoniste]

"Women come first." Whatever happened to that? I learned that in junior high.

Your mistake was giving him a choice. If you make it mandatory that your orgasms are part of your sex life, he'll fall in line.

[Littletad]

He's pretty set in his ways. Not much you can do. If he's this selfish, eventually he will start to be in other areas besides the bedroom.

[GIntrovert]

No sex till he gets you off next time...

[Asker]

I'm thinking about starting to have sex with him, waiting a few minutes, faking an orgasm, thanking him and immediately getting up and tucking myself under the sheets. Maybe if he gets to experience what I have to deal with first hand, he'll see the light. Thanks for your response!

[ladyybug]

You should. I am on the same boat as you are and am so close to cheating on him.

[Aras1984]

@ladyybug ladyybug this is killing me... I always end up with the emotionally unavailable one... To top that he doesn't mind going a while without sex (never met a guy like that before...) I've been trying for the past two days to have sex with Him.. Like really what girl needs to try that hard... And his response is 'i am tired'(he sleeps a lot so don't see how that is possible) or 'later' (which never ends up happening) the best response yet is 'ill think about it"... Anyway... Long story short he woke up in the mood.. not even foreplay.. nothing just jumped right into it... I asked him the usual "don't finish... Slow down... I need to get there... Once..(hez never gotten me there...)" So he of course orgasmed and got off of me right away... "Shower time" I was so mad... He was like well it's not like I can control it and I tried... And he walked away..

[aamir]

i think he is not enough able to do that. He should learn how to give a orgasm to a sweet girl like u. Because you a very crazy for him, but he does nt care abt u.

[laxchick20141]

you really need to sit him down and talk to him!

[Amhall87]

Send him this link. That's what I just did :).

[laxchick20141]

omg you have beautiful hair!!