Boyfriend wants me to stop stripping - Guys would you leave your girlfriend over this?

It's pretty random how he is suddenly kicking this into high gear. We've been dating a year and half now (I was stripping before we met btw) and he has never been okay with the idea of me stripping, but it went from "I'm really not into this, but it's your decision" to this new "okay look, you need to quit stripping. I'm not okay with this at all." I expected this to get easier but it feels like we are regressing when it comes to my job. I don't want to demean his education or anything because he is a pretty intelligent guy and his school is a good school, but he goes to a state school that is much less expensive than mine is. He commutes and he only has to pay like around 12 thousand plus misc. fees. He shares an apartment with three others guys so his rent is pretty cheap. My school is around 46 thousand a year plus fees. My apartment is about 1500 a month for my half. Luckily, I have a pretty great scholarship that pays for a huge chunk of my tuition, plus some grants and loans. My parents give me a bit of money here and there but only enough for food basically. I have a lot to cover. My scholarship helps me a lot but it doesn't pay for everything, and I would rather continue stripping and saving up the way I have been so that when I graduate I'm well prepared to pay off my loans. I already have a lot of money saved up. Stripping seriously is an amazing job and its a lot of money coming at you very quickly which is rare in this economy. He says I should get a respectable job. I'm just like careful you're slipping into line with those conservatives you claim to hate so much. I just can't believe he would ask me to struggle like hell working at some retail job that I'll hate instead of one that I actually like and that pays amazingly well. This kind of makes me think he cares more about his insecurities than my well being or my ability to take care of myself. I'm planning on stripping for a while until I get my career set. I need money after school as well for school after college and traveling. Stripping has helped me a lot. It helped me pay for my study abroad trip, traveling with my friends to different places in the summer instead of being stuck in some job I hate all three months, buying things I want, etc. I just don't see a down side to this. Anyway his attitude...he hasn't actually said he's going to breakup with me but his tone of voice is very challenging when he makes side comments about it. It's a very "keep on doing this and see what happens" tone of voice. I'm not a f***ing child and he's not my father so I don't appreciate threats or threatening tones of voice and if he has something to say he needs to just say it. Guys can you give me some perspective on what's going on in his head? How would you feel if you were him? I need to just sit down and talk to him about this. :(
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Guys can be a little possessive. I can't imagine that he LIKES the idea of you going to be oogled at by other men all of the time. And considering part of your job is to play into it and flirt with these men, he's probably a little jealous. However, as someone said.. he knew what your job was before he entered the relationship with you. If it's something you truly love to do, you should continue to do it. Would he rather start a life with you when you finish school with you up to your eyeballs in debt because you got an average paying job? That puts a lot of stress on a relationship as well.

    And for those of you calling her gross because she's a stripper, just stop. She's not a damned hooker. Can you really blame her for doing something she obviously likes to do, and gets paid well for it? Honestly, if I weren't so chicken sh*t, I'd love to take my shirt off and get 20s thrown at me lol. Stop judging her for what she does. It doesn't define her. I've met a lot of girls that are strippers, and most of them are the most down to earth, coolest and most intellectual people you'd ever have the pleasure of knowing.

    • Aw you are sweet and smart. thanks girl!

    • It's all good. Ignore the ignorance a lot of people seem to have. They're no where close to being in your shoes, and they can't stop and think for a second what it's like. You seem like a strong girl, and very smart. Goodluck to you and your boyfriend. I hope he can sort his issues out with this.

  • Honestly? I'd see how he likes a taste of his own medicine. He's threatening to break up with you but I bet he doesn't REALLY mean it. I'd love to see the look on his face if YOU break up with him! I know I know that's super spiteful haha, it's just he knew what he was getting into when he entered this relationship and if he can't respect you then he doesn't deserve you!!! Good on you for earning money and doing a job you enjoy. It's not his choice, he doesn't control you, and you're not disrespecting him! Don't change for people or you'll lose yourself. I'm all for compromise and communication but this is just ridiculous and I think he's being childish and possessive and that's not a good sign for the future of your relationship

  • Yesterday someone said to me this doesn't happen that its only "sluts" that do it. Bullshit. Personally, i think what you're doing is great. you're probably going to a great school and you take care of yourself by doing something you actually like. Whats wrong with being in touch with your sexuality? Whats wrong with making good money? I understand that your boyfriend doesn't approve but its really easy for someone who isn't in the same situation to judge. You need to do what you need to do and honestly i think you're really smart for doing it. The only thing that matter is if you're okay with it or not. Follow your dreams and dont let anyone interferre with it.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Honestly I feel as if it's his personal issues that he has to deal with when it comes to your decisions. Let me ask you this, were you feeling this down about yourself and what you were doing before he came to the picture? And now that he's in your life how do you feel about your wellbeing and independence?

    When we enter relationships with people, we can't change what's making them happy and benefitting them. You were a stripper and he's always known this about you. It sounds like he got in this relationship believing he could change you over this false idea he has with you.

    I know it's not easy to just disregard how he feels because you care about him, but is it right for him to have this false idea about you from the get go? It's not right to love someone for who they aren't, that's not love. So I know you care about him, but would you be happy if you were brought down to a level that could depress you? My advice, stay strong and keep doing what you're doing, if he can't accept you, maybe this isn't a good relationship for you.

  • The way I see it, if I were the guy that gets to hold you at night and be with you in a relationship, I should not be complaining at all. I'd be jealous, yes, but every night should be a reminder how lucky I would be, and how lucky I should be.

    He needs to understand this. He's only thinking of his selfishness. He's gone from the guy who didn't care, to someone who now wants to judge and control. That's the hard bit about stripping, every guy is going to see you as a stripper first and more of an object. If he keeps pushing you are challenging you, I'd suggest taking a hard look at the worthiness of the whole relationship. Perhaps you need someone a little more mature.

    • To the Christian monger giving a plus down to everyone that sides with the girl, grow up please. Or make a comment instead. I'd love to see that.

    • >>Assuming all downs are from Christians.

    • I'm Christian myself, but at least I'm realistic. And judging by the only ones that were downrated, yes I'd say it was.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 14
  • There’s a very fine line between being a stripper and hooker, most girls who strip also diddle the boss, the biker game bouncers, and any guy offering enough $$$$$

    it’s an immoral disgusting way to make money. I respect woman working at Walmart way more than those in the sleaze industry

  • Yeah, the idea of being with a stripper is a big turn off to me as well. I could see where a guy would get into a relationship and as it got serious, start having more and more issue with your job. If you're OK with stripping, you probably need to find a guy who's more in line with your train of thought, because I doubt your guy's gonna change his mind anytime soon.

  • You are stripping naked for complete strangers, grinding on complete strangers, and allowing them to view you in a sexual way all of which is a rather inimate and traditionally meant for the boyfriend/husband not any one who has money. Its perfecetly understandable why he dislikes it. Its obvious that he wants you to be exlusive to him in all respects just as its obvious that stripping is more important to you then he is, so really it doesn't matter who is wrong or right in this situation. He doesn't want you to do it and you won't stop (from the sound of it you won't stop until you absolutely have to) so break up with him. He can't come to terms with it and you don't care enough to change so the only logical conclusion is that you two are incompatable and you need to break up.

  • It's not like you're a prostitute, and he's not your husband. Definitely stay with your job right now, and enjoy life. Would I recommend stripping as a career forever? Obviously not. You gotta do what you gotta do right now though, and except for your dude, you seem happy and it should stay that way. Anyone who's on the, "Bible says this, Bible says that, I must blindly obey because I'm a p*ssy ass loser" boat can...go die? Hahaha. I never doubt for a second there's a God above. I don't formally follow a religion, but so what? If He asks me on Judgment Day why I didn't follow 'His religion' I'm gonna say: "I used the intelligence and free will you gave me to make my own conclusions. Send me to Hell." Back to the point, do what you want. It's your life, just don't hurt anyone and you'll be good.

    • Lol well I don't believe in a god but its nice to see your brain works. that's always nice. :) yeah not trying to hurt anyone and I could have lied to him about it but I didn't because I don't feel like I have anything to be ashamed of. I've got years more of schooling and most of my peers will be stuck in debt. What I'm doing now is smart for my financial future. Lots of people use their bodies to get money. body builders, athletes, models, pageant girls, etc. I don't see why stripping is an issue

    • My take is the more serious men get, the more they object to their girlfriend being a stripper. You should accept that you probably won't have a serious long term relationship until after you stop stripping, because very few men want a girlfriend that is a stripper. I'm not saying that is fair, but it's reality. If you are OK with not having a serious relationship until a couple of years after you quit stripping, then don't stop stripping. Accept that you will probably be going to your girlfriends wedding without a serious relationship and maybe alone. Even after you stop stripping there will be a good percentage of men that aren't interested in former strippers as marriage material. Yes you are making great money. Yes you will graduate with much less debt than other students. And you will have seriously decreased the percentage of men that are willing to marry you. There is no free lunch. Yes you make lots of money but you seriously reduce the number of men that are willing to marry. Find a website and take a poll asking men if they would take a stripper or former stripper home to meet their mother.

  • Oh your boyfriend doesn't want you grinding on a multitude of other cocks all day naked?

  • If you can't understand his problem with it then you are f***ing stupid.

    Also, you're gross.

    • Thanks.

    • Your ignorant for thinking this guy has a problem. And calling her gross only points out that you have issues with intimacy and sexuality. Go watch some porn and get educated.

  • Be your own woman. Nothing wrong with stripping.

  • Your boyfriend should see you for the person you are & nothing else. I may not be dating a stripper but i scored the number of one at a club whilst she was working. I originally thought i ve got a chance to get with her and brag about it to my mates. But i grew to know her as an international student just trying to pay the bills for her uni & more importantly the opportunity to settle down in the country i take for granted. I now am conflicted on wether to try to get with her or not, but i see the opportunity is there. My point is your boyfriend should look at the the lighter side of things such as the person you are just trying to make a wonderful life for yourself instead of the darkside which has sleaze. Also like the girl i know this is not gonna be your life for ever but rather the chance to create the path to where you want to one day be.

  • Well he does want a relationship with the view of marriage and having a family?
    You can’t have it both ways.
    If you want to keep stripping then you have to ditch the guy.

    Imagine his mates saying “yeah saw your missus last night” ?

    Imagine if the tables were turned and he was the stripper and you wanted him to stop?

    You’re going to have to choose between the two I’m afraid.

  • I think financially it's a good thing but morally not so. I don't care how my girlfriend makes her money. Just don't tell me about what you do on a daily basis. Like the only thing I'd say is I want a time frame in which you'll strip after 4yrs I want you to stop or something similar. Because I understand she's doing it for money but once your need for that money is gone because you no longer have debt then I want u to quit because it then doesn't become about the money but male attention.

  • Every partner and relationship is different. If it's something you like and want to do, then it is. If the two of you can't sit down and have an honest conversation to see each others side of things, then that's your first problem. It is your life first, and maybe the relationship is worth some compromise, maybe not. I'm somewhat biased as I myself am a male doing the same job on the side, but at the same time I understand why some people like the job. I do haha. Just because your taking their cash, doesn't mean your a whore or your doing anything other than being a flirt. Who you come home to is what matters. If he is insecure about it, yes he is allowed to be. It's his choice if he wants to be with you. Talk it out. See each others side, see if you can compromise. Maybe he just needs a little reassurance. If he is completely not ok with even the idea of you doing it.. well maybe it's worth thinking about if you two are compatible. In 5 years is he just going to throw it in your face even if you stop now? Maybe you two have different values and ideas. Even my ex's who I stupidly stopped for later made it apparent I'm much more ok with my sexuality and looks and much more open minded than they were. And surprise, it didn't work out. End of the day, which do you like more? Are you compatible? Can you two compromise? You need to talk, and accept that maybe you two just won't work out.

  • I'm in a very similar situation. My girlfriend and I had been dating for a year then took a year off and when we got back together in our Junior year she had become a stripper and also became openly bisexual. The bisexual thing didn't bother me really unless she flirted with girls and told me I wasn't allowed to because I was a guy.

    It's been about 4 months that we have been together and the entire time she has been stripping. I didn't like the idea of her stripping but I felt that I would get over it eventually and with time. She has to come up with at least $1,000 a week for various expenses. And she has nobody to help her financially and for about a month I was living off of her financially due to pledging a frat.

    I understand stand stripping helps her a lot in life and she likes to do it. However being in a relationship I have a problem with it. I will never be okay with dating a stripper and I feel she doesn't see things they way I see them.

    to make a long story short I feel that she needs to make a commitment to me to stop one day soon so I can be happy. if my happiness makes her happy. I love this girl.

  • Get a real job lol...

    and then women bitch and whine about being treated like objects hahahahaha

    • What on earth are you talking about? I'm not women. I'm one woman. don't try to apply my experience to women who aren't involved. not all women are strippers so I'm not following where you're trying to go with this. a "real job" would leave me in debt up to my knees that id still be paying off into my 40s. no thanks.

    • W/e, I have no respect for strippers because they take advantage of their body and men's sexuality to make a lot of money, while a father for a family of 3 is working his ass off in a labor job TRYING to make ends meet. You disgust me.

    • Arent men taking advantage of a girls need for money to get horny behind their gfs backs? what about the guys running the strip clubs? does my boss disgust you too because he is running the show and using us girls and our bodies for profit? everyone gets something from this. the guys get to stare at hot chicks which they love to do, my boss gets business from me stripping and the customers I bring in as regulars and I get my tuition paid. yet we are the only ones who disgust you? issues.

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  • Well it isn't really fair because you were stripping when he met you and he knew what he was getting into,but he can't change the way he feels about you stripping whether rational or not so I'm guessing you're going to have to choose between your job or your man.

  • I'm in the boat with your dude, so I'll do my best to give you some tips on what's going on. First of all, there's a LOT of stuff in the Bible against stripping, and if he's a Christian (which I am), that could be part of it. But my main beef with the idea of dating a stripper is my desire to have a relationship that is authentic. For a lot of guys, the sexual life has to be authentic, and it just makes my skin crawl to imagine another guy seeing my girl naked and getting pleasure from it.

    I hope that helps give you some insight.

    • Yeah I definitely don't date christians or religious people so you can be sure that he's an atheist. Authentic sex life? Okay.

    • Wait correct me if I'm wrong but aren't you like not supposed to have pre-marital sex as a christian?so wouldn't your "sex life" in itself be a great sin?Arent you supposed to avoid thoughts of temptation like that in general actually?im sure stripping isn't smiled upon but I'm pretty sure that the bible judges sex outside of marriage more harshly than showing skin.thats like a pretty big part of being a "good christian" I thought...i got at least that from all those years of christian school lol

    • Don't judge or throw off Christians question asker, we are all not alike. Is sex before marriage a sin? Yes it is, but forgiveness is not refuted. We are not robots, not mind controlled, and are not text book examples others make us out to be. Yes stripping isn't smiled upon, but no one person earth should have the authority to look down on that, since we all sin.