It's very rare that "it feels right" on the first date.
The second date is a different story, but do you see what I mean? You don't even know each other yet! You don't have to know each other perfectly in order to have sex. In fact, you'll never really know each other 100% completely. You'll only know each other generally.
The first date is where you get to know 70% of who this person is. Do you like him or her? Do you not like him or her? Those are important things you want to know. You want to know if you like who this person "essentially" is.
If it takes you weeks to know if you like who this person "essentially" is before you have sex, then you're just slow; and by just slow, I mean there's something wrong with you. But if you think that you know who this person "essentially" is on the first date, there's also something wrong with you.
If a girl isn't ready to have sex after some time of going out, or if a girl is ready to have sex on the first date; then to me, she's just communicated that there's something wrong with her.
I'm a guy, and even "I" don't feel comfortable having sex with a girl on the first date. That's not to say that I don't "want" to have sex with her on the first date. It just means that I'm not "comfortable" having sex on the first date. I'm really not ready!
I need to know her! She needs to know me! We need to accept each other. We both need to feel accepted, desired, wanted, appreciated, understood! All of that makes us both feel comfortable enough to have sex with each other. I just don't think those things can take place on the first date.
So what would I think about a girl who is okay and ready to have sex on the first date? Slutty? Even though I voted for the first choice, I don't exactly agree with it (I just agree with it more than the second).
She's not really slutty, because like you said, it's not like she sleeps around with any and every old, ugly, fat, broke, stupid loser that talks to her. She's a girl who has standards in men, and once those standards are met, what else is there left to wait for? Great, and that's the strait-forward thinking that every man wants in a woman. The only problem is, that men themselves don't exactly have that kind of strait-forward thinking.
I would personally feel intimidated. I would wonder how on earth she (a woman) was able to reach that conclusion about having sex with me so fast (before I was able to reach it). It would make me feel slow; mentally, and sexually.
I would start to wonder if she really likes me, if she just wants me for sex (and this great sex we're going to have is going to be for the first and last time), or how she's able to see so clearly inside me and understand me so well, that she's able to feel so comfortable having sex with me, before I'm able to feel that comfortable having sex with her! It would just make me feel like she understands me more than I understand her; on the first date, which is scary.
If they hit it off very well right away and both of them know it, why should either the guy or the girl deprive themselves and the other person of what both know they want just to satisfy some outdated notion of propriety... Maybe if they're into the whole erotic teasing thing I can get it, but outside of that, I don't see a need to hold back.
To me a slut is someone who lets others use their own body to make themselves feel better about themselves. A whore does it for material gain, a slut for the (false and short term) self-esteem boost. If a girl sleeps with any number of guys because she wants the sex rather than purely the attention, she's not a slut, just very horny.
Agreed!
I wouldn't call it "slutty." I hate that word as it was basically invented to keep women from being sexual. It's very possible that a woman decides on the first date that she wants to have sex, and she's never had sex with a guy outside of a relationship before. It's very impossible to tell early on whether a girl is promiscuous or not.
That being said, I typically think it's a smart idea to wait past the first date for a few reasons. 1) The physical complicates relationships. When you should be getting to know who the guy is with a clear head, now you're focused on the sex, how it went, what he thinks about you sleeping with him on the first date, whether he's going to want something now, whether you want something now. The list goes on! You almost become more invested in his opinion now that you've put yourself out there than you would have otherwise. This can lead to coming across as insecure and also make you develop feelings for him that might not have been there.
2) Like it or not, if a relationship is what you're looking for, men and women alike are looking for the best possible catch they can find. Similar to calling too much and acting clingy/desperate (which can cause us to lose interest in them), having sex on the first date sends the message that he already satisfies all of your criteria. You're already that smitten with him and you barely know him. This leads him to believe you might be slightly below him on the totem pole, and that he might be able to hook someone higher up, a better catch. This is all in a relationship sense of course.
You don't want to be high maintenance, but you want to be the girl that isn't so easily won over. This gives you the air of being a "catch." Now if you're not looking for a relationship then by all means, girls have needs too. But if you're hoping to make a relationship out of it, you've got to make a first impression that shows quality.
Me and my guy went for ice cream and I paid for both of our ice creams. I think it really depends on who wants to pay, not whether you're male or female. Plus, he paid for me on two other dates and I wanted to treat him :)
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!I think that if a woman is willing to sleep with me on a first date that she probably would allow another man sleep with her on a first date as well. So automatically, I find that this sort of behavior is very risky as you really don't know what your getting into. I don't peg her as a slut, I just find that there will probably be trust issues and possibly even infidelity within the relationship itself. It doesn't mean she's a whore. Just that she may have conflicting interests.
I have had several one night stands, I have had two long term serious relationships, one which I had fallen out of love months before we broke up, I have never cheated on any of my partners, so I totally disagree with your answer linking one night stands with infidelity
If they want to sleep together they should sleep together. So many people seem to think that "waiting" somehow increases the odds of dating turning into a long-term relationship but it doesn't; common interests - not how long you waited to have sex - are what make a relationship work.
I absolutely agree! I'm not the kind of girl to f*** every guy I'm remotely interested in, but if I really click with I guy and want to sleep with him, I'm going to do it. That may make me a "slut," but so be it. I don't believe in playing mind games (i.e. stringing a guy along waiting for sex in the hopes that it'll guarantee a relationship).
Some people are really weird about this subject - buddy of mine met this girl at a bar and had sex with her, then said he didn't want to go out with her because she's a "slut". I didn't know whether to laugh or punch him.
i think it basically says "i'm easy" which will keep the guy around for a little while because it will give them instant gratification but it won't give you a long term relationship.
I've had unprotected sex on the first date a few years ago. Everything felt right. The chemistry was there: great conversation, flirtation with plenty of sexual tension. She invited me back to her place and had multiple rounds of sex.
We had a two year relationship until she moved back home to look after her sick father.
No man or woman is a whore or slut for sleeping together on the first date!
I had a 3 year relationship and slept with her the first time. You either like a person or you don,t. If that makes her a slut, then I guess I am one too.
"If that makes her a slut, then I guess I am one too." hahahaha! My feelings exactly. Well said! : )
None of my guy friends has ever had a long term relationship with a girl they've slept with on the first date
None of my friends has ever contracted an STD or caused a pregnancy from having unprotected sex. (do we mean to imply that NOBODY will contract an STD or get pregnant if they have unprotected sex, simply because a small sample size like my friends haven't?) Just highlighting the flaw in the argument. I'm sure there are people out there, who are married or in long-term relationships and had sex on the first date; but those people are rare!
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