I love foreplay but my wife doesn't
My wife and I have been together for almost nine years, married for 2, no kids, no stress at work. We are both almost 30 now. In college, when we met, we had sex like 3 times a day. It tapered off to like 4 or 5 times a week, and then to 2 or 3. That's to be expected. But the last few months its dwindled to almost nothing. Sex has always been amazing between us. It's like our body parts fit together perfectly. 10 years have been plenty of time to perfect what we love to do in bed.
My issue is that she has never really liked foreplay. Weird enough, I love it. I love to be teased and to take our time. I love to give back. I love going down on her and she seems to enjoy it when I do. 7 or 8 times out of 10 she has an orgasm when I give oral. I've just learned to tell and she wouldn't lie. She knows I don't get petty about it. When we do have foreplay, it's all me. I light candles, incense, put on music, give her a 30 minute back rub, kiss her all over, and go down on her, then she will go down on me for like 45 seconds unenthusiastically and go back to the regular routine. Which is of course great sex, but sometimes I can't help but think I got cheated somewhere. I used to be content in just giving, but now it bothers me that she doesn't want to give me any special attention. If I stop doing extra for her she just doesn't seem to care. She is content with efficient sex.
I don't understand how first of all, we can have amazing sex so that we are both laying exhausted on the bed giggling, and she goes on and on about how great it was and she is kissing me all over like worshiping me for our sex romp, but then she is slow anymore to initiate or to want to have sex to begin with. Even though when we do have sex she loves it. Second, she also prefers to skip foreplay, go right for each others fun parts and have the sex. It's like we get into bed naked, get each other ready and do it. It's always good but has become too mechanical. I miss the days of undressing each other, kissing, back rubs, oral, teasing and fun.
More than that, I just need it once in a while. Just like I need sex more than once a week. When I approach her on the subject of foreplay she says she doesn't know and doesn't understand. When I ask about having sex she just says the same and she feels bad and that she knows we should do it more, but we don't. We have had these conversations like literally a hundred times. I always end up feeling guilty like I'm pushing sex on her or something. I believe her that she doesn't understand but it doesn't help me any. I've tried all sorts of things like being spontaneous, romantic, trying new things, etc. All the time. Its fun while it lasts but no lasting effect. I am trying so damn hard here. Everything else about our relationship is great. I'm not looking for much, sex a few times a week, foreplay a few times a month. Please help, what can I do ladies? Any advice would be great.
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