I love foreplay but my wife doesn't

My wife and I have been together for almost nine years, married for 2, no kids, no stress at work. We are both almost 30 now. In college, when we met, we had sex like 3 times a day. It tapered off to like 4 or 5 times a week, and then to 2 or 3. That's to be expected. But the last few months... Show More

Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm similar to your wife in that I like "efficient sex." I prefer quickies rather than 60 minute + marathons. I think it's because I have other, more productive, things to do. I own my own business so every moment I spend away from work, I lose money.

    At any rate, I know what it's like to want to get straight to the point. Afterwards, I feel exhausted in a wonderful way and, more importantly, I feel like I've satisfied my boyfriend so I feel like a "good" girlfriend, like I've done my job. However, I'm usually only willing to invest about 20-30 minutes into it otherwise I get annoyed. Again, because I have other things to do.

    I've always been this way and it has nothing to do with who I'm sleeping with.

    One reason that may play into it that could actually be "fixed" (where the "I have work to do" attitude can't really be fixed) is that as I get more settled into the relationship, I don't feel as sexy as I used to. Sometimes I'll try to dress up and present myself the best way possible, but he barely seems to notice what I look like, he just wants to touch. So, I don't feel pretty or sexy.

    So, the only advice I really have is that if you are not giving her verbal or emotional "foreplay" such as complimenting her, holding her close (clothes on) for a slow dance or some other means to make her feel sexy before the clothes come off, you could try that. She may just be super busy and not feel as attractive as she used to. So she's in a hurry to get it over with.

    I hope that helps!!!

    • My girlfriend has he same mindset as you and the original poster. The problem lies in the fact that sex seems like a job or task when it needs to be efficient, fast what not. The fact that you get annoyed if sex goes too long and that you have better things to do does not make us feel loved and apprecaited but more like a bad job or chore. Just as you need to feel attractive and sexy so do we. When the relationship starts there is still some thrill of the chase, as we settle down the chase dies.