My girl says sex really HURTS?

[Anonymous]

To be honest it was my ex-girlfriend a long time ago. She kept saying how it hurt her and that I was too big. However, she didn't even like fingers inside or anything (even one finger was uncomfortable and it wasn't at all tight!). She just despised anything being put inside her vagina for pleasure... She liked clitoral, however. At that time it really bothered me, because the times that I enjoyed it, it hurt her the most. Sometimes she even cried. At the time I rather resorted to reading books and following the advice written there. The advise in the books made things better (it was basically positive reinforcement, building up trust, etc.) but it did not fix the problem to the full extend. She didn't know... but I mostly put just like 1/3 of my penis in her. I'm quite certain my penis isn't too big. Girls say it's big (maybe just being polite ;) but they can all take it and enjoy it, they try hard to cover the whole length and stop only when it doesn't go further. Nonetheless... we broke up before it actually really got normal. I told her the sex was great and stuff like it was written in the books, but really. I never even put the whole thing inside and I tried for a good two years or so. My question is have any of you had experience with this? Did any of you overcome such a problem? Btw... yes I did try a vibrating egg... and told her to explore by herself but she refused saying it would be too weird and the egg didn't deliver it for her.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she is not aroused enough or you start off going too hard and fast. Start slow. Also, some positions can be painful depending on how her thing is shaped inside. If you insert your thing straight, it might penetrate one side or one part of it, and that part could be responsible for the pain. Try different positions. Set the mood right too. Make sure that she wants it.

[Asker]

Thanks, but that wasn't it. I always did foreplay and believe me... there was nothing 'hard' about the thrust I used with her :) Yeah... the mood thing. Looking back and comparing it with the other girls I doubt she was ever in the mood. Thanks.

[KERMlT]

Working with the problem currently. When a woman gets closer to ovulation her cervix will rotate. Some positions are painful when they were fine a week before. You could have tried positions that did not penetrate as much like Jockey link .

We are looking into something to offer a buffer like Come Close link

[nicelilsprout]

Usually, when it hurts me, it's because I'm just not into it at that moment and that's because it's too dry. She sounds like she's just not a sexual person, especially when she doesn't even want to please herself...is she human?

[Asker]

And does it hurt if you use lube? Even if you're not aroused? Also... it didn't really matter even if she was naturally wet... she just could not take it. :) she was nice but yes... she really did not enjoy sex very much. I just can't help but wonder... it has been so easy since and I just can't put my finger on what the problem was. Maybe it was just all in her head.

[nicelilsprout]

I've never tried any good lube, so I wouldn't know, but if she's just not aroused, there's no point in trying...she seems like that kind of a girl. If I'm not aroused, I warm up fairly quickly. It's my husbands magic, I guess. I think it was all in her head. I've been with guys with bigger ones, and, yeah, it hurt, but, just like any size, she would have gotten used to it.

[nicelilsprout]

Something just came to my attention: it's possible that she could have been suffering from a yeast infection. Yeast infections can make sex HURT.

[Asker]

Could it last for so long? I mean it was like 2 years.

[nicelilsprout]

It's very possible to have a yeast infection for a year or more, especially when the girl isn't paying attention to her body. If she didn't get the right treatment, eat foods that help prevent it. Seriously, if sex hurt every time, you'd think that there would be something wrong with her. Sex should not hurt ever time!!!!!!!! I think your ex is stupid, she could have made the sex better or at least figured out what the fuk is wrong.

[Asker]

:) Maybe it might even be this... but I'm not sure... I mean she did get checked quite a few times. She did have a yeast infection at one point, but we treated it so I'm not sure. I would not go with the yeast infection especially because it rather seemed like a mental block. Even considering all the stuff we did prior to having sex. We had fun before without sex and then we suddenly didn't have with even with sex.

[nicelilsprout]

That's possible...I don't know, some girls are just not into sex. Weird as it may be. Of my past experiences, a yeast infection does cause that kind of discomfort, the kind where you have to cry cause it hurts too much. I hope she gets over it, because this is such self-torture.

[Asker]

I do too... She was a rather nice person.

[beans]

She has vaginismus. It's actually a common medical condition, it's estimated around 15% of women experience it to some degree in their lives.

[Asker]

That's what I though and I read a few things about it... but she wouldn't admit it or work on it claiming that it wasn't the case and that it will just go away by itself. I followed the instructions without her knowing though. They worked but very slowly... it was like trying to give a child medicine in a sandwich. Have you experienced it? Did you get throught it?

[beans]

Well, not trying to be nasty or anything, but if your ex won't accept that she has the condition and try to work on it, she will never be able to have enjoyable sex - vaginismus doesn't go away on its own. My best friend suffered from this - but her case was that severe, she couldn't experience penetration AT ALL. It took her 6 months to be able to have sex without discomfort. But obviously, she was particapating in therapy and stuff.

[Asker]

Thanks... I just wanted to spread the info on this site and make people aware the fact that there are women like this. I also wanted to confirm whether I was wrong or not. It was kinda hard on me then and I definitely think this is one of the things that isn't talked about often enough.

[beans]

Yeah it's not well known at all...her doctor was very ignorant and insensitive too at first, she kept saying stuff about how it's just 'not the right time' and her body can't relax because he's not the right guy or some other bullsh*t.