My boyfriend doesn't please me in bed :(
don't get me wrong, I very much enjoy having sex with him, so I do feel some sort of ecstasy afterward.
the problem is he doesn't last very long maybe like 5 minutes, he knows I wish he would last longer and we had a fight about if once, not really about the issue but it lead to other problems in the relationship.
i told him he is yet to please me, I know that is a major blow to his ego, but I want to be pleased and I have tried telling him subtly before but he doesn't get it. he is also very tired lately and I think stressed a bit about work and saving for a new car. so he hasn't been into sex much lately.
he doesn't go down on me either, at the very beginning of our relationship I didn't like him going down on me becuase he wasn't very good at it, the thing is I told him but I didn't want him to stop I just wanted him to try something different
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
Honestly, I can see why he's stopping everything so much and why there are so many fights - your guys' whole relationship is based about negativity.. He's probably wondering when you're gonna quit bitching, and your wondering when you will get the same "attention to detail" that he receives..
Both of you need to relax and just have fun with it - sex isn't a chore - it's a blast.. pun intended! ;) ;)
Tips for getting to the magical point:
1) Stop critizing him and start directing him.. Saying what doesn't work will only shorten the time that he already has to work with.. Tell him what feels great and what you like: "Oh wow it feels great when your ___ is there" then show him and guide his hands / mouth / penis.
2) Work on the emotions part of it, give him a back massage and otherwise make up for your comment - there's no sense to throw away the relationship just yet. Then after you both have sorted things out - head down to the store and buy some male-enhancement products. I can tell you from personal experience that over time they do help for me, don't know why they wouldn't for him. *caution* - he may take this as another ego strike..
3) Tell him that you wanna have some fun with him, be all cutsy-flirty and go to the local adult shop to buy a dildo/vibrator.. I recommend the ones for the clit - you'll start gushing ;)
What Guys Said 3
Stressed is might be the reason for not being last longer. He must know what you feel and do something about it because its normal that you also must be satisfied not just only him. Does he already come out an idea of using some male enhancement and even you or the natural way like Yohimbe tree herbs which some of this information is written on MensHealthInstitute.org. Have a give a shot to read because it might be really helpful.
Figure out what you want before you start telling him to do things would be a great start, I'd be confused if I where your guy with you changing your mind, telling me something and meaning something completely different. I mean, guys can feel if somethings wrong but there's limits and such!
On the "he doesn't last very long" issue; I'd recommend kegels for men exercises.(just google it and you'll find several)I'll admit I was rather fast in the past myself and that this really made a difference and I really noticed I could last a whole lot longer after a few weeks.
As far as "pleasing" you goes, have you actually told him what you want or have you let him "figure it out"? If its the later, your like most women and quite frankly its troublesome to please, not every girl is pleased with the same thing, if your not willing to communicate you'll have a bad sex life, its that simple.
Tell him what you want, how you want it and convince him to do kegel exercises and offer something in return, a sexual fantasy of his choice of some sort to make him want to work on it despite you being rather harsh on him from what I can tell thusfar.
What Girls Said 3
Communicate with him, & show him what you like. Be encouraging & not degrating. Men can't read womens' minds. If he can only last so long, make up for it in other areas. Ask him to caress you, finger you, or maybe even use a toy. Try to be ready to come right before intercourse. Then you both won't be able to last that long. You know your body, help him out. Maybe take some chocolate syrup & put it in the places you like to be licked, so he can learn more about your body. Make sure to tell him when you do like something. Don't put so much pressure on yourself & him, have fun, that's what is all about.
If you gently pull on a man's balls, he can last a little little. But try not to make him feel bad because he probably feels worse about his inability to last long than you do. Instead, ask for more foreplay to make up for his not lasting longer. Or maybe after having sex with him, give him 10 minutes & do it again. He may be able to last longer the 2nd time because he just had it.
Its all about how you say it to him. Don't just come out and say you don't please me or your not good and bed. Its the way you say things is what makes things easier but yeah this is a problem and in oreder for him to listen to you better and not get so hurt by it, you have to tell him what you do like first when you are about to tell her what you like. Don't focus on saying, "You dont...' say 'I would like for you to..." or baby you know I love this or that but I also like this. Smile and ask him babe is there somethin I can improve on? Don't make it be about him all the time like you are Ms. perfect, ok? this will make him feel better and know that you too care that you'd get better too even if you know you are, hon, just ask anyways. However, if you aren't seein any changes, what more can you do? Is your love for him stronger than havin a great sex life? I mean, sex is very important in a relationship and if you don't se him tryin to please you or maybe takin stamina pills to prolong himself. Are you tellin him how you want oral like teach him, you know? The more and more he does it ny you tellin him what you like in the process the better he will get. If he doest want to do it or bein difficult about it or trippin, its clear that he is not tryin to make the effort of keepin you happy. Yes pills may upset him but if he loves you enough and knows he can't do it on his own, he will do that for you. So, really think about this. T him all this during the sex not after or before. Trust me cause he will be in the mood and all hot and then you say babe I like when you...or I wann feel them lips down there...then you instruct him what to do. Again, if he refuses, this relationship is not going to last.