Guys: do you mind if your girlfriend denies you sex once in a while?

[Anonymous]

I've been really busy with school and working lately so I haven't been in the mood. Usually when I hangout with my boyfriend we have sex for an hour+...last time we hung out we only had sex for 15 minutes. I feel like I'm being a bad girlfriend if I deny him sex... since I'm usually the one who initiates sex. Is there a way I can deny him that wouldn't create a problem? How would you like to be denied by your girlfriend?

[superdudeman]

No I don't mind. ill just have sex with someone else.

I just tell her to let me know when she's ready. But in the mean time, I'm going to get it somewhere else.

Its not right to deny sex from someone, if they want it. Look, men have a built in evolutionary drive to have sex with more than one woman. Men don't "have" to do that, but that drive is going to be there and if the woman is not at least giving the man enough sex to satiate that desire, then its not only bad for a relationship, the woman is not doing her part to keep him around.

Men have different levels of sex drives, but they ALL have that built in. Meaning if you don't do something to calm the savage beast as it were, then he's going to want to leave.

The reason why you feel like a bad girlfriend? is because your instincts are not lying to you.

A good girlfriend does those things.

Trust your instincts they are right more often than not.

Its easy for a woman to not want the sex as bad, and be fine with not having sex. That drive is not there for them. So you can't possibly understand.

Honestly if a woman who was out with me hated sex so much that 15 minutes felt like a chore, just because she wasn't "in the mood" I would dump her. Or not see her exclusively and date other people and get it elsewhere.

There are 2 things. either

1. he's not good in bed.

or

2. You just don't like sex.

Because from all the people I deal with and know, a man who gives a woman toe curling, screaming orgasms, is not going to say "oh I'm just not in the mood."

Or you are incapable of having those, because of some health, or mental reasons, like not liking sex.

In which case, good luck with keeping a boyfriend if you deny him sex because you don't "feel like it"

And good luck in keeping a husband happy too.

[peace-love-couture]

"Its not right to deny sex from someone, if they want it" Not calling you a rapist or chester,but that's like every sexual predators battle cry

[Asker]

My boyfriend isn't going to have sex with someone else if I don't have sex with him for two days. Guys who cheat, cheat. They don't have respect for their partner. It is not wrong to deny someone sex... I love sex. I have a high sex drive. You are a douche.

[superdudeman]

Put words in my mouth all you want. Both sex's cheat. Quote me and take me out of context all you want. You know that's not what that means, or what I meant. A relationship is about making each other happy. And it just so happens, being sexually satisfied is one of men's basic evolutionary needs. You know its wrong otherwise you wouldn't feel guilty. Insults are people who are both being reactive because that person struck a nerve, and for people who are childish. You are a doody head.

[superdudeman]

Read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" by Dr Laura. This not only applies to men who are married, it applies to men who are in relationships.

[superdudeman]

Women want to be in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Yet disrespect for men and disregard for the value, feelings, and needs of husbands and boyfriends has fast become the standard for male-female relations in America. Those two attitudes clash in unfortunate ways to create struggle and strife in what could be a beautiful relationship. It just so happens one of men's basic needs is sex. To deny your partner his/or HER basic needs is not right.. Like I said its not right.

[thrustinapower]

You're a bitch. He's right. Truth hurts. I feel guilty about not giving sex to my boyfriend when he wants it. So I just let him. He's really happy about it. He knows I do it when I don't feel in the mood and the fact that I tell him that I do it anyways makes him love me even more.

[Asker]

I sincerely think that you are a douche bag. You didn't strike a nerve... I don't appreciate your perspective. It doesn't make sense to me that you wrote all of that crap when I stated that we usually have sex at least an hour.... 5 out of 7 days the week. I doubt that my boyfriend is going to say: "...ill just have sex with someone else. But in the mean time, I'm going to get it somewhere else." If I tell him I am too tired to have sex one night a month.

[superdudeman]

Evey one here disagrees with you, And everyone here agrees with me. "but a guy is a guy, I could not hold out forever." "I like that answer. I know plenty of girls who will spread their legs for me if she doesn't" "He's right. Truth hurts" "you'll make it up to him later." "I hate getting denied sex, " "I myself would try not to deny my hubby " "13seth's response seems reasonable for your situation" And even dr laura. We all agree that men Maybe that should tell you something.

[superdudeman]

So next time you justify your guilty feelings and feel like a bad girlfriend and deny him sex anyways, and he responds negatively, don't be suprised. I'm sure he's not going to do anything, but secretly he's going to hold some resentment towards you. You will think nothings wrong because everything you do is right, you can't possibly be wrong. And ill be here happy and "the douche" that I am, but at least I'm happy and my girlfriend is happy and not resentful.

[Asker]

I don't care if a bunch of douches agree with your douchery. I've never denied him sex. And if I did and he had a problem with it he could f*** off. Just like you. To me sex is supposed to be fun & pleasureful, I'm not going to take part in sex I'm not interested in. If that means my boyfriend has to pleasure himself once in a while so be it. He's still getting more fulfilled than you will in your life time, douchebag.

[superdudeman]

I don't care if some woman disagrees with me. You see, that's why I'm writing this right now. I really don't care. And by writing this you believe I don't care, I'm sure that you do. Just like when you call me a douche, I believe that you don't care too. I love how that works. Anyways the better word to say in that sentence is "douchebagotry" Its funnier.

[superdudeman]

ANd its not that a few douches disagree with you. everyone on here does. Including 13seth.- which you named best answer. quote: "I hate getting denied sex," Birds of prey also disagrees with you. Dr. Laura also disagrees with you. But both of them are douchebags as well, I forgot. Im sure you are a great girlfriend doing something to your boyfriend that he "hates". I'm sure he loves it.

[Asker]

Douchery is one of my favorite nonexistent words. My boyfriend doesn't hate what he hasn't experienced. I don't disagree that boys don't like being denied sex. I didn't say they didn't. None of what you are saying will have any part of my life after I signout of this website so... I don't care. I won't remember this tonight when I go to work, after when I go to my boyfriends house,come home and go to sleep, when I get up for school in the morning, etc. I don't care. Thanks for your response.

[superdudeman]

Methinks she protests to much. If you don't disagree that men hate being denied sex, and you do it anyways, you know what that makes you? Its like if your boyfriend knows that you hate being treated like crap but he does it anyways, you know what that makes him? IF anyone does anything even though they know the other person hates it, you know what that makes them? I rest my case.

[superdudeman]

The reason why you feel like a horrible girlfriend if you do that, is because you ARE a horrible girlfriend if you do that. Go ahead and ignore you very own feelings, and your instincts, and ignore the fact that you know he's not going to like you doing that. Just so you can be a "__" You fill in the blank.

[Asker]

IVE NEVER DENIED HIM SEX.

[Asker]

PS I'm done with you. f*** off.

[13seth]

You should tell him that your really busy, but give him something to look foreward too in the future. By that I mean an exact date, if you have a test tommorrow and are stressing over it tell him you want to do something on Thursday.

I hate getting denied sex, especially when I don't know when I'll get it again, if I have an exact date It is much easier for me to wait and not think somethings wrong.

[thrustinapower]

You hate getting denied sex? Why? shouldn't you love it? I'm surprised that she put you as the best answer.

[Asker]

Because I understand that most people hate being denied sex. He answered my actual question... what would be an easy way to be denied that wouldn't make is so horrible.

[superdudeman]

Thats like saying, how can I punch a man in the face, and not have it break his nose... I just want to make sure it only leaves a bruise.

[thrustinapower]

I like how NOWHERE in her question did she ask "what would be an easy way to be denied that wouldn't make is so horrible." That is not in her question at all. "Is there a way I can deny him that wouldn't create a problem?" A problem for her, not a problem for him.

[Asker]

Did I say a problem for me? No! It would be a problem in our relationship. You should stop making assumptions.

[thrustinapower]

Exactly, so why do it. You are on here talking anon to a bunch of other anon people trying to justify something you already feel guilty about and already know is wrong. And you expect people on here to say its ok? That's why everyone thinks your stupid.

[13seth]

Wow thrustinapower, you mad at someone? Or everyone? Your getting all p*ssy at someone for asking a question on a site designed for people to ask questions? I figured out what she was trying to ask and how to answer quite easily, sorryb you had a problem with it. Anyway, everygirl will deny their partner sex at some point, I think its a very nice act to figure out the least hurtful way to do it.

[Asker]

Thanks 13seth! I wasn't asking people to justify it. I was asking how to do it. & if the answer was "never do it" that's all anyone had to say... not insult me and make up stuff like they know me at all.

[thrustinapower]

No not EVERY girl will deny her man sex. She even admitted she hasn't done it yet. Maybe you have been dating the wrong women. It strikes a cord with me because I have girlfriends that have lost relationships over this subject. Asking how do it that wouldn't create a problem is asking how to justify it. That's what that says. I know that 1. she's thinking about denying sex from her man. 2. She feels guilty about that. But I know nothing about her.

[Birdsofprey]

Well, honestly I think men are used to being told no sometimes. But, I myself would try not to deny my hubby because I think sex is important to a man. But if you are tired, I think the guy understands. Sometimes men say no too, they can get tired. Just explain it is not him, you're just a little tired at the time & that you deffiently want to do it later.

[superdudeman]

Very good. Some men are used to being told no sometimes, just like some women are used to be used for sex. They might be used to it, it doesn't mean they like it. But I agree how you are trying to handle it. The fact that you try not to deny him, speaks volumes about your character. I'm sure he's pretty happy with you as a wife.

[Birdsofprey]

Thank you

[thrustinapower]

Guys hate being denied sex. Does it take a genius to figure that out? This must be your first boyfriend you have ever had, or you would know that.

As you see from mens responses on here, they don't like it either.

If you really loved your boyfriend you would suck it up and stop being a whiny bitch.

[Asker]

Have you ever had a boyfriend or a friend? Does anyone love you? You're the bitch.

[thrustinapower]

Go to hell you unoriginal ****. Now go cry yourself to sleep on your mountain of cats. But I'm sure they hate you too.

[Asker]

Tool.

[thrustinapower]

Slut.

[Asker]

Shampoo.

[thrustinapower]

Toilet brush.

[Asker]

Hot ear wax.

[Anonymous]

You know the best way to make it not so horrible?

Don't deny him at all. Is 15 minutes of sex so horrible for you, just to please your man and make him happy?

It must be.

I never deny my boyfriend sex, and women that do are horrible people.

You should be ashamed.

[Anonymous]

I know where you are coming from, sometimes I feel like I want to deny my husband sex. And sometimes I do. But I can tell he hates it when I do it. But sometimes I just don't feel like it.

I think if we weren't old and married he might cheat on me with someone else.

[JohnGPL]

I don't know that you could deny him in a way that he would like, but what you could do is explain why you don't want to do it right now and say you'll make it up to him later.

[thrustinapower]

Shes not going to make it up to him later. We both know that.

[JohnGPL]

I don't presume to know her that well.

[Asker]

Thank you JohnGPL!

[thrustinapower]

I don't know her at all, no one does. she's on the internet. But I know her type. I used to think that way, when I was 17. It used be all about me me me. I know girls just like her. I asked my boyfriend if he would ever hold resentment against his past girlfriends for "holding out" and if they could ever make it up to him and he said no.

[superdudeman]

I agree. Its like catching up on sleep. You never really catch up. You've lost that sleep, its never coming back. You hurt the relationship when you do something like that, the other person builds up resentment. Having a sex party of non stop sex for 20 days straight is not going to make up for 2 years of holding out. Something is wrong with your head if you think a man is not going to hold resentment, and feel fine about it later.

[JohnGPL]

If you build resentment every time your partner doesn't feel like having sex when you do, then your best bet for a good long term relationship would be an inflatable doll. Good relationships are built on empathy, and anyone who can't even empathize with their partner's stress and fatigue enough to contain their own libido for a few days has A LOT of growing up to do. I pity anyone whose relationship is held together by nothing more than sex on demand.

[Asker]

You don't know me, my type, or how I think Trustinapower. Not having sex for one or two nights wouldn't be holding out. I'm not 17. & I don't think it is "all about me" You don't know girls like me because you don't know me! You don't know me at all! You know yourself! Quit MAKING ASSUMPTIONS about me. Don't you get what anonymous means. It means you know nothing about me!

[thrustinapower]

Not having sex for two nights is not holding out? LOL @ U.

[thrustinapower]

Hey babe, can we have sex tonight? NO. day 1. Hey babe, can we have sex tonight? NO. Day 2. Boy I sure love my girlfriend. Day 3. LOL

[JohnGPL]

It must be hard to know that your boyfriend only values you because you have a vagina you let him use whenever he wants. Just keep your fingers crossed that he never gets a Fleshlight.

[thrustinapower]

You mean to tell me that when a girlfriend gives you sex whenever you want, you come to the conclusion that he only wants her for sex?

[superdudeman]

Dude you have a screwed up sense of logic. My girlfriend of 3 years never denies me sex, and I can get it whenever I want. And no I don't think of her as a sex doll that I can just throw away. If you look at women like sex things, you have issues man.

[JohnGPL]

Well, your last comment rather clearly implies that you think denying sex now and then will eventually make a man stop loving you, and if that ends then why should the relationship continue? You also agreed with the guy who more or less said if his girlfriend denied him he'd go to somebody else. What you think about denying sex seems pretty obvious.

[JohnGPL]

ROFL! I'm screwed up? You said you'd go sleep with somebody else if you girlfriend didn't feel like having sex. And I'm screwed up. HAHAHA. That's f***in' classic dude :). Don't ever change.

[billme1070]

13seth's response seems reasonable for your situation. I know what you mean about not liking to deny him but there are times when you need to do it.

[shadley12345]

if he understands you at all, it should be no problem. if it is gonna be a while, maybe a uickie once in a while or a BJ. Make a time in the future where he knows he will get it and make it worth his while. then he will be anticipating the days going by instead of dreading them.

but to answer question...overall I don't mind. but a guy is a guy, I could not hold out forever.

[jangomaxwell]

it depends on their reasons
but it is good when both having same feelings
its sometimes boring if one doesn't enjoy the game

[Anonymous]

You know what's funny about all of this?

The fact that if her boyfriend denies sex from HER, she would think "oh he's cheating on me with someone else!"

Shed be PISSED.

But its fine if SHE does it.

I think that's what we call a hypocrite.

[Asker]

You don't know what I would think. Are you a mind reader? No you are not. Quit making stuff up.

[Opinion Owner]

If any man never ever ever slept with his girlfriend, ever, she would assume that. It doesn't take a mind reader to know that. It's common sense.

[Asker]

That's not true. You can't assume anyone thinks how you think. You could say if you were a woman that is what you would think but to assume you know how everyone else thinks is ignorant. & it has nothing to do with my question.

[Opinion Owner]

Thats right I'm sure you would be perfectly fine if your boyfriend deined you sex, I'm sure you would give him a candy bar as a reward.

[Anonymous]

The problem is obviously with you.

[Anonymous]

Im going to tell her what she wants to hear:

"No, you are being a great girlfriend by denying your boyfriend sex."

In fact you should deny him more often. He's just a sex crazed a-hole and should care for nothing but your needs. If he doesn't understand that you don't want to be treated like a piece of meat then you should dump him.

He should understand that your needs come first.

You should only have sex when YOU want to. ONLY when you want to.

If he can't control himself than you don't need him. Or any man that can't control himself.

Feel better?

[Asker]

Do you? I feel great that I have a great boyfriend... it is hard to find a decent guy with so many tools in this world.

[Opinion Owner]

That was sarcasm. I just read what you wrote.. My god I hope in an attempt to call 911 you get hit by a bus, after being thrown down a flight of stairs onto a table of broken glass.

[Asker]

Forget to go to anger management today or you just feel like a big boy when you say stuff like that on the internet?

[Anonymous]

Denying sex from your man is wrong. She's wrong.

[Anonymous]

"No I don't mind. ill just have sex with someone else." I like that answer. I know plenty of girls who will spread their legs for me if she doesn't.

[superdudeman]

I believe the poster is a troll. It has no life. weighs 500 lbs, and is bitter at men.